topic Tolerating people in Staying well

Tolerating people

white knight — Tue, 04 Jul 2017 10:46:01 GMT

It is kind of selfish that subject heading but we do often worry about others tolerating us.

If you guys ever want to avoid people then drive a bland car, dont take a dog with you and cross the street when others approach. Seriously, I dont do any of that, I drive an attractive vintage car and we tow our unique and also attractive homemade caravan. This, when on holidays means bees to honey. So whats my problem?

Small talk. I dont drive our rig to get attention, we drive it because we love driving it and staying in our van. So trying to relax for an afternoon nap is nye impossible. Knock knock. Same questions..."Is it an MG"? "What engine's in it...does it tow alright?...a mate of mine has a....well I forget what it is but. .."

So, Ive tried parking/camping in the most away position, put a car cover on but the shape you cant hide. Every second visitor rambles on for 20-45 minutes...same questions, same answers.

I accept my bipolar tolerance/moods is the problem, no running away from that. But Ive run out of ideas and being an ideas man that doesnt sit right.

Its also the case with meeting anyone that talks small talk. If a fellow talks engineering with engines or say aircraft development I'm glued with interest as I find it stimulating...I like learning. If however a he is talking about his grandchilds birthday party how he couldnt blow out all the candles...I'm itching to run away.

My dear wife isnt a social creature preferring our own quiet company so its not like I've got her as a distraction for these chatterboxes.

So self aware of this problem I have, when I approach someone about there own car or motorhome I only do so to ask specific questions and limit them to say 5-10 minutes. But that's the considerate Tony and that doesnt mean I'm better or more correct than others.

Finally, some people use a talking point to actually tell you their life story. The last thing I'd do is be rude however, so I just fume inside.

I just cant tolerate small talk for longer than a minute or two. Anyone else feel the same?. What do you do about it? I feel its a case of "been there done that". In my 61 years Ive jammed in 90 jobs and 15 professions. Etc etc

Tony WK

Tolerating people

BballJ — Tue, 04 Jul 2017 13:37:47 GMT

Hi white knight,

Another interesting post from yourself. I always enjoy reading your new posts.

This one made me think and how I react in certain situations like this... I don't mind small talk I guess but can't get over conversations pretty quickly and sometimes find myself very distracted and not even listening to the person and then they will ask me a question and I will have no idea what they said. Like most people if it is a conversation that interests me, then of course I will pay 100% attention but I guess with small talk, yeah you can get distracted and lose interest easy. I would of thought you'd like talking about your car but I can imagine it would get very repetitive and having to repeat your answers all the time.

My best for you,

Jay

Tolerating people

white knight — Tue, 04 Jul 2017 23:21:10 GMT

Hi Jay

Thankyou for replying

Inability to remain focussed is definitely part of my problem to. And yes, if its not a stimulating topic, my mind wanders or I'm thinking "oh boy, how long will this go on for".

There is an element of guilt associated with it because what people talk about is important to them.

As for my car, some people have great conversations about their mechanical knowledge or racing car days etc and I'm riveted. But those same questions of "gee what's it go like"? I want to run a mile.

It isnt fair on them really. My layest idea is give them 2 minutes them ask them questions about where they live etc. That helps

Tony WK

Tolerating people

JD1994 — Sun, 13 Aug 2017 12:57:57 GMT

I don't really have an answer but I can say I suffer from the same thing and you're not alone. Small talk has become so unbearable that Iv become lonely because I don't want to have to endure the chit chat of the boring people around me. I even dread catching up with my best mates that Iv had for years. It's probably a little delusional but I just think everyone else is stupid.

Tolerating people

white knight — Sun, 13 Aug 2017 13:15:14 GMT

Hi JD, welcome

I recently read that being easily bored with life or impatient can be a trait of bipolar. But thats too general

some illnesses result in being impulsive.

Short spurts are a good idea JD.

Hope you enjoy the dite.

Google

Topi: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Tony WK

Tolerating people

Sad_Mushroom — Mon, 20 Nov 2017 10:50:17 GMT

Oh Boy, that was so good!

I constantly cross the street to avoid people. Especially old friends from high school etc as all they want to do is tell you about their grandkids and show you photo's on their phones. Then photo's of their new car and how much it costs and blah blah blah....

Strangers are worse. A lady stopped and asked me where a shop was and I gave her directions but then she went on and on about what she was going to buy and how much of a shame it was that they didn't have that shop where she lived, down the coast near the blah blah blah.....

I generally walk around with dark sunglasses and headphones. People tend to look past me and target someone else.

Tolerating people

blondguy — Mon, 20 Nov 2017 11:16:14 GMT

Hi TonyWK

Another great post...you always create them. Im sorry that I have missed this one...Its a beauty

I agree with what you said about impatience in life and I seem to have a woeful intolerance of people that are judgemental and continually misunderstand where I am coming from even though I am trying to do my best. I just find it so overly frustrating I guess.

Its probably the left overs of my chronic anxiety but it still seems to bug me a lot.

This is far from a selfish thread topic. Its a very important one that can help us help eachother in our seemingly never ending internal conflict of the brain....(just my thoughts of course..)

Thankyou Tony

My Kindest

Paul

Tolerating people

white knight — Mon, 20 Nov 2017 13:43:10 GMT

Hi sad mushy

Im glad you felt you arent alone in the habit of crossing the street

21 years ago living in a caravan park you couldvpick them lonely ones going from resident to resident chatting away. I kept my curtains closed.

The old ladies that hold up the other customers at chevk outs talking to the cadhiet about how long it "takes the young ones to key in their PIN "is classical. Im getting more intolerant of this and ask them to continue that conversation some other time....as they jiggle into their purse...there's a five cent coin in hete, I saw it last week, I was going to give it to my grandson...etc etc"

Paul,

As I had anxiety for most of my life I think you are right, the residue effects us daily. Burnout I think is brain damage and we have individual negative results from that. Unfortunately in your case (and sometimes mine) people dont look at intent. They look at the flaws in the written word.

You can be as apologetic as you can be but they look down at people that do. If you dont apologize they judge you as arrogant. Go figure.

At the end of the day we are left with our dignity and the support of close friends with empathy.

Ive also observed in the modern world the trend of lack of forgiveness. It could be the reason of less and less religious people or less family structure. 40years ago you didnt disown your family now some do so easily...there are no ramifications.

So its a harsher world in most respects. Work, cost of living, reliance on two incomes and the list goes on. Its a survival race now so people are less tolerant.

I have always related to thise that shut themselves away..peering through the curtains. I fight that urge. My sensitivity is chronic and the cause. I always seem to stuff up, say the wrong thing.

THE CUPBOARD

They point the finger they do

Her, him and you know who

And declare you have a

"Skeleton in your cupboard"

You sigh you know its true

Like every other true blue

They get dressed for another judging day

Clothes covering their own skeleton they walk around with

All the damn time....

Tony WK

Tolerating people

blondguy — Mon, 20 Nov 2017 14:08:18 GMT

Thankyou Tony....I have been really stuck on this for a long time and you have just given me the clarity and understanding I really needed especially after having a rough morning too

You seem to understand this so well. I just saved a copy of your post as it will help me out in the future too...I only had to read it once (and then a few times) and I felt better..

Thankyou so much TonyWK for your experience on this..

Sincerely..Paul

Tolerating people

Sad_Mushroom — Mon, 20 Nov 2017 22:05:12 GMT

Hi Tony,

I find it's not only boring it's also tiring. I understand there's a lot of people out there that feel a need to connect with everyone but it leaves me feeling worn out, tired and drained. I began avoiding people because I didn't feel I had enough energy to 'fight my fight' as well as come up with solutions for other people's problems while smiling and making 'polite' comments when all I really wanted to do was yell in their face to go away.

I'm afraid I don't have much tolerance.

Tolerating people

blondguy — Wed, 22 Nov 2017 13:54:55 GMT

Sorry TonyWK for hijacking your thread...

Sad_Mushroom...I have a 'tired' mind and also have a skinny tolerance too.....I understand you. Paul

Tolerating people

white knight — Sun, 26 Nov 2017 10:57:05 GMT

Paul,

No problems, you add to the topic. A toted mind is burnout imo

Topic: burnout, the turtle and the hare- beyondblue

Topic: advice please, my bucket is full- beyondblue

Hi Sad Mushy

Im contantly after stimulating chat. Then I can withdraw into my shed till the next time.

Tony WK

Tolerating people

Sad_Mushroom — Mon, 27 Nov 2017 00:34:34 GMT

Hi Tony and all,

Tolerating people! We shop on Sunday's as it is usually quiet and the supermarket almost empty compared to say a Thursday. Yesterday was different. It's Christmas again and it's not hard to tell. Not only was the parking lot packed and people getting impatient trying to find a park but the supermarket was jam-packed and the line at checkouts was awful.

What I found intolerable, was the number of people, obviously bumping into each other after a long break, who were quite happy to stand in the middle of the aisles and have a long chat. Not moving to the side to allow a pathway but smack bang in the middle, blocking everyone trying to get passed.

Saying 'excuse me' wasn't working and finally blurting out "would you mind getting out of the road" apparently wasn't appreciated but had results. Looks like I'll have to prepare better for shopping days until Christmas is over and done with.

Tolerating people

velvetfaerie — Mon, 27 Nov 2017 06:32:32 GMT

Gold. Sheer. Gold. You always have the best ideas Tony !

I have zero tolerance for stupid shallow conversation. Probably why I don't do social media. I also in recent times cannot be bothered with peoples small time first world issues. My friends in real life. PEH !

I am also very easily bored and impatient. Ask those closest to me 😄 It has been a life long issue with me as well. Mum can attest.

Sad shroom - I hate HATE HATE shopping. Most peoples IQ drops about 20 points when they set foot into a shopping centre. No brains. No self awareness.

Tony and Paul rock !

Tolerating people

blondguy — Mon, 27 Nov 2017 07:44:29 GMT

Thanks TonyWK for the great thread topics re/burnout....greatly appreciated 🙂

(thankyou Velvet for the super kind compliment too!)

Paul

Tolerating people

white knight — Tue, 28 Nov 2017 11:08:08 GMT

Hi all

While in Security amd knocking iff at midmight I used to do my supermarket shopping then.

"Security check aisle 7"

And I was the only customer there! Lol.

People.

Younger ones looking at their mobile phone when walking expecting everyone to move around them. Nope, I dont deviate.

We stayed with frienfs on the Sunshine Coast. They told us that older people will push in at cashiers. We didnt believe it. A few days later it happened at a take away shop. The guy about 72-75yo just walked in and tried to order before me and another customer.

Odd, very odd. Of course I stopped him ordering before us.

Anyone had this before?

Tony WK

Tolerating people

velvetfaerie — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 00:43:58 GMT

Absolutely, and witnessed it.

Sense of entitlement isn't generation, gender, etc specific.

Sometimes the older folk get annoyed at the younger folks shenanigans and so forth. Monkey see monkey do GUYS !

Sorry. Bad mood. Exhausted. Misanthrope.

Tolerating people

velvetfaerie — Wed, 29 Nov 2017 00:47:15 GMT

Ah you might want an example. 😄

i was on the train, as i do... and enjoy mostly when there were two gents opposite me, very tall and cuddly lads. A lady who thought a whole lot of herself huffed and puffed at them until she could fit her own rather substantial buttocks on the seat between them. No words actually came from this woman's mouth. No, manners or anything. One gent got up and moved away from her LOL.

Like these guys owed her something for being a female??? GET OUT of my gender you cow !

I glared at her. I really did.

Tolerating people

Sad_Mushroom — Sat, 02 Dec 2017 08:58:23 GMT

Hi velvetfaerie,

Love it love it love it! Your post had me giggling away...Thank you!

Tolerating people

quirkywords — Sat, 02 Dec 2017 21:47:29 GMT

Tony,and everyone for their great posts and everyone reading

I can't believe I just found this thread.

As I deal with the public everyday in my shop I must be very tolerant but sometimes even my patience is tested!!

I have items that children like so I don't mind if they play with things then put them back.

One day this child maybe 3 was throwing acrylic wands around and his mother said nothing. I was worried he would hurt someone , he hit me on the shins a few times as I came up and said nicely, I will put them away now. Well, the mother picked the child up who was now crying and said "dont worry about the mean lady!!" The mean lady with bruised shins!!

I have another story this time against myself. I had a lady who was choosing some cloth butterfly on a stick, and she was taking a long time. I was wondering why it would take so long to choose some butterflies. The lady told me her grand daughter who was 21 had died recently and before she died had been to a butterfly farm so she wanted to pick the butterflies to put in a garden. I felt so bad at for being so impatient and intolerant that I gave her as many as she wanted.

No one knows what people's stories are so we need to be tolerant with everyone.

Quirky

Thanks Tony