topic Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say! in Staying well

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

blondguy — Wed, 24 May 2017 17:21:28 GMT

Hi Everybody

Without a doubt Facebook is one of the best social media sites. I have been on FB for a long time and found it invaluable yet very stressful at times whilst having anxiety and/or depression or even just checking it every day.

Your views on FB, its impact on your mental health, well being, whether good or not so good are more than welcome.

Thankyou for reading my thread topic!

my kind thoughts

Paul

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

geoff — Wed, 24 May 2017 17:28:21 GMT

hi Paul, I've also been on it for a long time, sometimes it can be very useful, while other times when people say 'brushing my teeth and then off to bed', that's when I wonder why I'm still on it. Geoff.

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

blondguy — Wed, 24 May 2017 20:05:14 GMT

Hi Geoff and thanks for your view. It can be a useful tool for sure...no worries there. Maybe I was over checking at the time but before 'smart' phones existed I used to check my FB account everyday to see how much activity I had. Maybe I needed to get a life. Best. Paul

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

CMF — Wed, 24 May 2017 20:56:35 GMT

Morning Paul and Geoff,

i started using FB again a few years ago after getting rid of it. I had gotten rid of it because 'he' didn't like it, thought it was for people to hook up like a dating site. I was my choice to get rid of it as I didn't want him to think I would use it that way. Over the years I felt disconnected from family whom I don't see much. I started up again just to keep in touch with my family as my sister went overseas as did my nephew. I have a few people who are not family and only accepted their requests as I felt a little obligated. This can cause anxiety for some. I find it depressing when I see what a good time everyone is having, going out for dinner with partners, on holidays etc. I used to check it all the time, now I have stopped only checking now and then. Sometimes things that pop up in news feed cause anxiety too. I used to post on it more often but stopped cos why does everyone need to know every little thing? Maybe cos I was lonely, maybe for attention?

i keep my FB circle very small and add people only if they mean something to me. When I had it years ago I had ex work colleagues on there. People I didn't work with anymore and didn't socialise with. They weren't friends in the real world so why would I wNt them to see everything I do?

I now chose to spend time on the forums before FB. If not controlled FB can cause anxiety and depression IMO, especially if feeling a little lonely or down.

cmf x

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

Questo — Wed, 24 May 2017 21:16:16 GMT

Dear Paul,

I deleted my Facebook account and I have to tell you, I have not missed it.

Facebook used to make me more anxious and insecure. I like to at least feel some of the moment and space I am in and I felt Facebook disconnected me from that.

I don't think Facebook is bad in general, it was just bad for me.

I miss absent friends but that feeling is based on my actual interaction with them in real life. Their online avatars made me confused and yes there is too much information.

I have to admit, during the worst phase of my breakdown it was a godsend as I had no other forms of interaction. When I started to recover I realised that real social interactions were much more satisfying.

I found myself a bit addicted to Facebook towards the end and it became more of a hindrance than a help.

Thank you for you post:)

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

MickeyM — Wed, 24 May 2017 21:58:06 GMT

Hi Paul

I find Facebook a great distraction, but it can lead me to getting caught up on things that I probably shouldn't. There's a couple of comedy posts that I like to follow, but apart from that, I find that I really need to sift through content.

I hardly post anything about myself, certainly not that I'm brushing my teeth! But I did post when I washed my car, as that was an unusual event!

I think I'd rather connect with the guys here at the moment!

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

CMF — Wed, 24 May 2017 22:24:04 GMT

Just to add on to what Questo and MickeyM have said, yes when we feel we have no one it does help to have that interaction . Sometimes i will post something just because i have no one else to tell.

I do like that i get birthday messages from everyone rather than just 1 phone call from my sister. The previous owner of my local coffee shop sent me a friend request which i felt obligated to accept, he has over 2000 friends, very 'out there' sport of person. I felt obligated to accept because he suggested i put my terrariums in his shop to try and sell. When it was my bday last year i went in there as per usual and the staff wished me a happy birthday, as he had told them it was my bday, and the breakfast i had was on the house. It was really nice as i was feeling pretty crap and was not expecting anything.

Earlier this year a long lost cousin who now lives in the UK was out here for 6 months. we reconnected on FB, caught up a few times and because of him i also reconnected with other cousins i have not seen for quite a while, some i haven't heard from for 40 years due to a family rift but now we message each other when we want to and it is really nice.

I too would rather connect with the people on here atm. I log into FB a few times a week, have a quick look and log out.

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

Banjoman — Thu, 25 May 2017 04:47:43 GMT

Hello Everyone,

Personally I found FB overwhelming at times. Watching people I know progress through life with personal achievements, happy marriages, career advancements etc. I know this sounds petty but I could not help comparing myself to them. They say the grass is greener on the other side. Well it seemed my own grass would be on fire in comparison. I would end up getting upset about my own circumstances and this in turn would exasperate my negative intrusive thoughts cycles.

Although I am better now and I don't compare myself to other so anymore, I have recently stopped using it because I found myself using Imgur (an online image sharing community] and listening to Podcasts more.

My partner still uses it to upload photos, socialize and keep me informed.

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

mw18 — Thu, 25 May 2017 06:32:15 GMT

I had to get away from Facebook after certain people used it as a way to make me feel left out and crappy. I was also getting anxious watching (what I didn't know where just) the best bits of other peoples lives unfold in front of me and feeling more than inadequate.

I still have my account, but now only really use it once every 2 or 3 weeks for about 5 minutes to see different photos etc.

It's the best decision I've ever made

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

Doolhof — Thu, 25 May 2017 06:40:07 GMT

HI All,

FB can certainly mean different things to a variety of people. I mainly use it to keep in touch with family and friends. I love to see the photos of the children growing up. Mostly I just look at the pictures and don't read everything.

I can well understand the negatives people feel with FB and the content. Some of us humans can be darn nasty no matter what kind of communication we are using.

If people need to tell me something, I ask them to use email or the phone. I don't want the whole world knowing my business.

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

white knight — Thu, 25 May 2017 07:12:17 GMT

Hi all. Good topic Paul.

The internet forum (not this one) has been a very steep learning curve for some including me. Saying something misinterpreted, spilling emotions and bullying. All this occured with motoring clubs.

Then facebook arrived. Another learning curve. To defend against the nasty types one can block others or turn off notifications. But the best defence is to think carefully before you accept their friendship and limit your number of friends to an amount you are comfortable with, with the less acquaintances the better IMO.

Now, with those conditions implemented I enjoy fb many times a day. The amount of knowledge in general and in particular with things like repairing my vintage car and gardening is simply not possible even with books.

But you must be in control and that isnt easy at times. As for keeping in touch with family and sharing photos its irreplaceable.

Tony WK

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

Coffeebean — Thu, 25 May 2017 08:27:59 GMT

I pretty much gave up on Facebook almost 2 years ago, I was finding it all a bit overwhelming, and fake.

I've started to realise that leaving it was probably also a symptom of depression- wanting to isolate myself socially.

That said, I don't miss it, I just check it maybe once a month just to see who got married, who had a baby. Unfortunately some in my family only ever communicate via Facebook.

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

MickeyM — Thu, 25 May 2017 10:38:50 GMT

You're right about the birthday wishes, that's awesome!

i get frustrated when I was getting tagged for places I didn't go-apparently I had a great holiday at Queensland a few years back...except I wasn't there!

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

star76 — Thu, 25 May 2017 11:53:06 GMT

hmmm....facebook.

I'll do my best to be polite about this social media stuff. I am not a supporter of facebook and never have been. I don't have an account and I don't see myself ever having one. many of my friends have pleaded with me over the years, but for me the thing that sticks in my head is the destruction of people's private lives and the misery it has brung these unfortunate people. I know my statement is very one sided. I know I can't stop others. I just hope my children really think hard before having any involvement with them. I have talked to both of them about my feelings around social media and the pros , cons ,cyber safety and Imonitor their internet use ,I feel this is the best I can do for them. to tell you the truth I even found it hard to join here initially but I'm glad I did.

just my two cents worth

Star 76

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

Guest_128 — Thu, 25 May 2017 22:12:26 GMT

Facebook to me is the biggest worst distraction of man kind! And all that other self crap as well!

Never had it and never will.

I really don't give a bleep about who is doing what,where or when.

I may of distanced myself with people but for my health it is better for me to stay of it.

These days if I do talk to anyone, they already know everything through my three children's Facebook.

It is an offical site for people that have big heads and bull their way through life.

I think it is the worst cause of relationship breakdown and our poor kids don't know how to have a normal conversation.

worst kind of addiction.

Thats my opinion,you sure did get my heart pumping today.

Later

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

blondguy — Thu, 25 May 2017 23:12:47 GMT

Hey everybody

Thanks all for the great posts!

Questo..Welcome to you! You said "Facebook used to make me more anxious and insecure. I like to at least
feel some of the moment and space I am in and I felt Facebook disconnected me from that"

Ditto here Questo. I also found FB the same and because free speech is encouraged we are leaving ourselves open to blatant judgment and criticism which a person with anxiety or depression can be super sensitive to

mw18 Hi and Welcome to the forums too!

mw18 said: "I had to get away from Facebook after certain people used it as a way to make me feel left out and crappy" I agree with you mw18 as when we are feeling low or fragile this can be one of the drawbacks of FB. It can be counter productive to our mental health due to the nature of the site as well.

Banjoman..Thanks...I love what you wrote.." I would end up getting upset about my own circumstances and this in
turn would exasperate my negative intrusive thoughts cycles" Thanks for speaking from the heart. It can definitely be overwhelming and re engage negative thought patterns for sure.

MickeyM...Hi..I Love this "I think I'd rather connect with the guys here at the moment!" Good1 to be proactive with your health and the super compliment too!

Paul

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

geoff — Thu, 25 May 2017 23:32:56 GMT

hi All, one thing that's good is that if you have FB you can quite easily block someone or 'not have them follow you'. Geoff.

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

white knight — Fri, 26 May 2017 01:13:37 GMT

Hi all

Geoff is correct. Control is the key factor. If you visualise facebook as a negative tool it will always be one. Yet in many ways its a modern tool that, like it ir not, without it you'll be left behind. That is an individuals choice but you will be left out in face to face conversations when everyone present knows news of someone and you dont. As I said its your choice.

Some if these people that choose not to have facebook see us users as "bigheads" as if its an evil ego driven place. It is only evil if you have the wrong "friends". Those that have hundreds of friends have more chance of conflict. Contain your friends to family and close friends and you rarely have a problem, you'll have daily updates on family changes etc. A friend of mine sees his kids every fortnight. The mother wont allow him to ring them between visits. So he communicates every second night on fb for 20 minutes. How "gold" is that?

To be a "friend" to you, you have to approve their application. If your friendship turns sour you can block them.

Yes it can be an ego trip for some. When has anything in life not included negatives?. When has any group not had its anti social, nasty or abrasive person?.

For me the benefits outweigh the negatives. One example-

When I was a toddler my parents disowned 4 of my dads siblings. 59 years later I got a message on fb from a person I didnt know, a cousin, a daughter of one of those aunties. Since then we've become close. Our last surviving auntie died 5 weeks ago at 92 years old. My sister and I attended her funeral some 9 hours drive away where we met around 12 cousins and countless children of theirs. Another "gold" example.

Highly unlikely that would have happened without evil facebook.

I respect anyone that chooses not to have facebook but it seems to me that those that judge users in a negative light usually have the problem with it.

Tony WK

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

Just Sara — Fri, 26 May 2017 01:18:47 GMT

Hi Paul; great thread!

FB for me is like being in a crowded room of people talking over the top of each other. Family photo's etc are nice to view, but basically, it disturbs my concentration. I'd rather be on here doing/being something substantive.

I check my account/messages about once every couple of months to see if there's anything of importance, otherwise I rarely give it a thought. The regulars on my list of friends enjoy the connection and are loving people.

One thing I do love are the many humourous pic's etc being passed around. It's probably the only enjoyment I get from FB.

Cheers to all and welcome to our newbies!

Sara

Facebook...The Good or the Bad...Your Say!

Starwolf — Fri, 26 May 2017 02:04:15 GMT

Hi Paul,

My answer...I don't do social media, FB or other (I think of it as Fake Book). But like any other tool, it is how and why people use it that is significant.

I'd rather communication happen face to face. I want to see for myself who people really are. There are way too many people out there wearing mask over mask... including those we are "familiar" with. Face to face communication allows me to read people through and beyond their words which so often run opposite to their thoughts. Online communication makes lying easier. I want to catch that first, split second, uncontrolled reaction to what I'm saying, observe body language, tone of voice, silences between words, eye movements, general countenance and interaction with surroundings etc...Observing those tells me more about people than words.

All the above has helped me survive an abusive, violent childhood, watching for hidden signs of falsehood and imminent danger. Mindfulness is part of my everyday life, a necessity in my work with animals often deemed dangerous. I have lived at the edge of jungles and interacted at a deep level with people whose language I didn't speak.That's when inner truth prevails.

You could say I still live on the wild side and treat the human world as a jungle ! But this is what I know and how I function best.

I'm not saying FB doesn't have its advantages. There are times when keeping in touch long distance is a necessity, when it is the only place we can quickly access needed info.

It's just that remote communication is not my thing. It is the greatest challenge I face interacting around these forums, though members are generally more open because of inner suffering. Here at BB, people are exploring and sharing more than hiding their inner world. It is people's inner world I'm interested in and FB is an ideal means of keeping it under wrap.