topic Cut the rope that binds you in Staying well

Cut the rope that binds you

Luke_4_you — Wed, 03 May 2017 03:28:23 GMT

I thought about my life & when I was young, I often focussed on the trials of life. I didn’t understand that so often a fear or doubt was “tied”, like an invisible rope, back to hurts or “bad times” of the past. This “rope” would control my life. Conscious efforts to overcome it would not work. A few years ago I realised that what controlled me were lies or deceptions that drew my focus to the “ropes”, and that the “ropes” could be cut.
I was able to understand that the hurts, lies, mis-use, manipulation, etc. throughout life often resulted in resentments against the people responsible. Often, old hurts, etc. were hidden and I no longer consciously thought about them.
Quite a few years ago I was given a Christian brochure. "Forgiveness is the power that heals!" ... very simply, if you put your trust in God to accept your forgiveness of those who have wronged you, He will help you with many other benefits. A few days later I opened the brochure and home alone, I decided, "I will give this a go!" I took a large pad and pen and looked up and said, "God, I think I have forgiven everyone, but please reveal to me the names of anyone I need to forgive!"

Almost immediately "Your grandparents", came into my thoughts. My reply was, "What do I have to forgive them for, they died before I was born?" Immediately I "heard", "Because you were cranky at them dying, because you didn't have grandparents like other children!" ... I thought, "Correct!" and started the list.
Over the next hour or so I listed about 30 names (including myself a few times) ... I was amazed how I could recall the names and the circumstances. I then "pictured (as best as I could recall)" each person coming to me. I advised them that I forgave them and told them of the incident(s) that caused me to be hurt. I then directed them to Jesus, Who was sitting on a seat nearby, “He will forgive you as well.”
It took over 2 hours to go through the list. The result, from that day, not a headache, a cold nor a twinge from a previous crippling backache, nor any other illness.
I gave it “a go” and I received amazing results. The brochure I read is available off the internet. Simply key in "Forgiveness the power that
heals".(it was created by Dick Innes, an Australian now living in California). I believed it was going to work and I received! All those ropes/ties holding me back were cut . I didn’t look back, I just keep giving thanks and forgiving anyone else that does me wrong.

Cut the rope that binds you

Ken1 — Wed, 03 May 2017 06:20:31 GMT

What an amazing story and so thrilled that you were able to forgive so many with such a simple act! The power of forgiveness, hey - and the power of Jesus too (if that's what you believe)!

Thank you for sharing this story with us, Luke 4 you. It's incredible to hear of something like this and I think faith and religion can be a scary place to turn to when you've struggled with mental illness but it's not to say that you won't find answers there.

In keeping with the tone of the site and allowing any other readers to feel free to develop their own opinions, can I ask if you've come across anything else since that has helped you? Whether related to this brochure or not? Would love to know more and encourage others to give things a "go" like you describe!

Cut the rope that binds you

CMF — Wed, 03 May 2017 06:29:38 GMT

Hi Luke,

What a beautiful story, thank you for sharing. I am not a very forgiving person, i really struggle with it as i feel it means 'they win' especially if they cannot acknowledge their wrong doings.

I will be googling the site you suggested, thank you.

cmf

Cut the rope that binds you

JessF — Wed, 03 May 2017 06:37:07 GMT

Hello Luke, that is a powerful story, although I am not religious myself. What I take from your post is that a big part of that forgiveness is 'letting go' of the hurt, as you realised that it no longer serves any purpose for you.

I have a slighttly differnet take on the use of 'forgiveness' itself, though. Sometimes I think it's important for reflection that if we are upset about something, from a relationship breakdown through to the example you used about being angry over a loved one being deceased and not there for you, is forgiveness always the right path? Forgiveness suggests blame, and wrongdoing, and in some cases a situation is nobody's fault, or we are equally culpable ourselves.

For me, I have found a two-stage process of 'ownership' - recognising that these feelings are mine, and mine alone, and may or not be valid...and then 'letting go' has had the same outcome.

Cut the rope that binds you

White_Rose — Wed, 03 May 2017 11:52:07 GMT

Dear Luke

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. You have written a powerful post and in a situation that many people would have shied away from. Congratulations.

I think the concept of forgiveness is a tricky one to explain. I hope I can give you a clear explanation of how I see it.

Forgiveness is not a get out of jail free card. The person or persons who have harmed you in some way are not let off the hook. In fact they do not even need to know you have forgiven them. Sometimes a person(s) has done nothing wrong in the conventional sense, such as your grandparents dying before you had a chance to know them. I'm sure they would have like to live longer and see you grow up.

JessF has summed it up when she says, For me, I have found a two-stage process of 'ownership' - recognising that these feelings are mine, and mine alone, which you have done by acknowledging the people you want to forgive, and then consciously forgiving them. It is not for the sake of of the people who are being forgiven, it is for your sake, for your peace of mind.

CMF has said she is not a forgiving person, as i feel it means 'they win' especially if they cannot acknowledge their wrong doings. Forgiveness does not need the other person to acknowledge their wrong doing or ask for forgiveness, and in some the person has died and so cannot ask. It is about you recognising the harm and hurt being done to you by hanging on to these feelings. We hoard them around ourselves and bring them out to brood over at times. It is no help to us to stay in that place and can make us very bitter about our lives.

You have done the right thing here by listing and acknowledging your hurts and the people who caused them, whether deliberately or not. And that is a massive step to take. It is really fantastic and will serve you well in the future. Yes people hurt us but we have the power to refuse that hurt. We are in control of our own lives in that respect.

You have a great insight into how we drag our pains around with us and blame others for 'making' us do it. Thank you for your post. I consider myself a Christian and I still struggle with forgiveness even though I know it is the way I think and the way I allow hurts into my life. Thanks for the reminder.

Please continue posting here if you would like to do this. Love to continue chatting with you.

Mary

Cut the rope that binds you

geoff — Wed, 03 May 2017 22:02:36 GMT

hi Luke, an interesting post, but as I'm a non believer we could spend hours debating this topic, which I have done with my ex-wife many times, but all we do is go around in circles, both believing that we are correct.
I will never blame or criticise anybody who believes in any faith or religion, that's not my objective, as each and everyone of us are entitled to have a faith in what they have either been brought up in or who have learned along the way to need a religion for support and comfort, but I refuse to talk to anybody who comes knocking on my door, I take this as an intrusion to my privacy.
Forgiveness to me means an entirely different approach, and even if someone has rectified their wrong, I still don't accept their forgiveness, simply because that's something they knew was wrong and should never have done, who else have they done wrong by and whether they have also rectified these problems, or do they wait until they are caught.
No offense in any way, and hope I haven't offended you or anyone else. Geoff.

Cut the rope that binds you

Starwolf — Thu, 04 May 2017 01:16:07 GMT

Hi Luke 4 you, good to meet you.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

I am not a religious person at all but what leapt at me from your post was your view on the healing power of forgiveness. I totally agree that it is a key factor in recovery.

This power became real to me when I forgave those responsible for a childhood and youth of abuse allsorts. What brought on forgiveness was the understanding that those people's actions had been caused by their own tumultuous inner world and their inability to acknowledge and/or process their own "demons". They just didn't have the inner resources to do so.

Just like it took me time and a lot of mind work to acknowledge and process the damage I suffered at their hands. Struggling with my issues made me understand that theirs. Which means I forgave myself first. As you so rightly pointed out, I too found it liberating.

So my experience of forgiveness came about in a different way than yours. But no matter how it did, the same positive result was healing via compassion.

Cut the rope that binds you

Guest_1055 — Thu, 04 May 2017 02:35:37 GMT

Hello Luke,

Thankyou so much for your kindness that you gave in wanting to share this, probably in hope that it will help someone else.

I have done a similar thing to you in the past. It definitely does something to our own hearts. It is not like one is excusing the person who has wronged you. Or like saying they did nothing wrong. But for me choosing to forgive sort of sets you free. Free from resentment or bitterness. Bitterness feels like a poison to me inside my very soul. I find if I choose not to forgive so and so, my very being can easily fall into the trap of self pity, the bitterness can even grow into anger towards that person.

So for choosing to forgive you are doing it for yourself really. So yes it does bring healing.

Last night somebody hurt me in an emotional type way. Not only that I could feel the stirrings of not a nice feeling towards them. I slammed the door even. Anyway I was going out somewhere, so whilst driving along feeling hurt and a bit of angry feelings as well. I drove for a bit stewing in my angry feelings and crying. After a bit, I just cried out "it hurts, it hurts". So admitting and acknowledging that you feel hurt, angry or whatever at the wrong done do you, is the first step. Then you choose to forgive the person, this is not saying they did no wrong at all to you. Because they did. Anyway as soon as I spoke out I forgive this person, the hurt and anger in me went away pretty much straight away this time. Though other times it has taken a while for the painfully hurt heart to heal.

Thanks again Luke....

Cut the rope that binds you

CMF — Thu, 04 May 2017 06:50:32 GMT

This topic of forgiveness has got me thinking. I've realised i do forgive and move on i am also able to move on without forgiving and have done so many times. Forgiveness is ok in a one of situation which is done and finished and you move forward. The problem is, when person sees their hurtful actions as 'normal' behaviour and they inflict ot on others also, then forgiving that behaviour can mean allowing them to do it over and over. I do believe in moving on but i don't think you always need to forgive to do that, unless of course the behaviour is totally out of their control. If it is blatant disrespect, then no.

Cut the rope that binds you

Doolhof — Thu, 04 May 2017 08:21:32 GMT

Hi Luke,

Welcome to the community here. I would like to thank you for your post. It reminded me I need to be more active in letting go of the hurts I have inside, to allow love to enter in and to let go of bitterness and hurt.

You have received many replies here. Forgiveness can mean something different to us all, as can faith/believing/choosing what we feel drives the universe/our own power and so on.

As a Christian I appreciate the title of the brochure you were given " Forgiveness is the power that heals". The Bible does explain God's forgiveness in a very beautiful way.

I know many people here are not Christians, and that is fine. I have family members who believe in witches and warlocks, who find solace in alcohol and drugs, who believe in aliens and so on. I do not judge any of them.

God works for me as does forgiveness. For others that may well not be the case. We don't all have to believe the same thing.

I just want to thank you for your post!

Cheers to you from Mrs. D.

Cut the rope that binds you

Luke_4_you — Sat, 06 May 2017 01:00:36 GMT

Hi CMF, Yes, sometimes hurt people say, "I will never forgive that person, they hurt me so much!" but, while you resist forgiveness of them it is you who keeps hurting. As mentioned, forgiveness works like a pair of scissors & cuts the rope tying you to the old hurt & the person who hurt you .... simply make the list, as you quietly ask for help, then one by one forgive ... even picture seeing the rope being cut & disappearing.

With new hurts, the sooner the "rope" is cut, the sooner you are free... resentment only causes you hurt.

Cut the rope that binds you

Luke_4_you — Sat, 06 May 2017 01:58:57 GMT

Hi Geoff, No offense taken. Please read the replies I have submitted to the others who have responded to my post.

As I see it, holding onto resentment about "hurts" (actual or perceived) of the past is like suffering hurt your heel every time you take a step. You keep putting up with it & living a miserable life. Then one day after taking your shoe off you looked in a saw a small pebble ..... the realisation suddenly comes, "Ah, that was the cause of the pain all these years!" You take the pebble & throw it away. Immediately, "No more pain!"

Geoff, I remember as a boy about 15 when my mother almost died from a strangulated hernia & was operated on & took months to fully recover. She was a "strong believer ... but in a quiet way, often alone in her room", She also walked about 1.5km up mostly hills to go to a "mainline" church most weeks. BUT, when she couldn't attend church during her recovery time, not one person from the church contacted her. When she returned to the church, some said, "Oh we haven't seen you for a couple of weeks!" I told my mother, "If that is Christianity, I don't want it!" I was guilty of judging all, because of the non-actions of a few. Yes, may "church attenders" have not found out about the power of belief .... but likely because my mother deeply loved me, she kept on "interceding" for me (never said "You must go to church") & over 30 years later I, when I was crippled with back pain, called out "Help me!" (the doctors were contemplating an operation that would either cure me or cripple me) ... & within 3 days, yes 3 days, I was provided with "information" that rid me of backache ... reflecting back, I could almost hear "words" ..."Ah!, I finally have your attention." ... a year later I again followed directions given to me & did "my forgiveness thing".

Every person has free choice. After many years, in desperation, I made my choice & gained so much benefit.

I still go through "trials", but now I focus on the Solution ... not the trial!

Cut the rope that binds you

Luke_4_you — Sat, 06 May 2017 02:25:30 GMT

Thank you Starwolf.

Yes, we all are travelling our separate paths & as I have contributed in replies to others so far, it takes "trials", often over many years, before we reach a point where "a light turns on" & we realise what the solution is ... in the vast majority of people it is "forgiveness" ... letting go of the things that have (often unconsciously) caused us hurt.

Oh how I would like to see more & more realise the power of forgiveness ... letting go of hurts, resentments ... cutting the rope that has controlled us (again, often unconsciously) .... THEN, share that with others, friends, strangers, family (especially young children & teenagers) .... the result, millions of people being set free ... good heath, happy, productive, friendly, etc., etc. As mentioned previously, please tell your doctors, so, hopefully, they can realise that 60-100% of sickness is a consequence of holding onto resentments & un-forgiveness (as I read way back in 1991 & decided to "give it a go!")

What happens when “The Good News” is kept being told?

Say 5 tells 5 others plus the original 5 = 30 now know

then those 30 tell 5 others, & so on, if everyone keeps telling 5 more, within 10 days, or 10 weeks, or 10 months or 10 years the people who now know equals over 302 million ... Yes that is 302 million & so the
multiplication goes on .... when people forgive others, think of how happy the world will be plus how healthy they will all be .... but of course each person has a choice ... to tell or not to tell!

I want to see all people free of hurts & sickness ... so I tell many people each week. Come join me!
... & today, because there are so many sick people, it is easy to get their attention! ...... & when they get well, they too start telling others!

Cut the rope that binds you

Luke_4_you — Sat, 06 May 2017 02:50:31 GMT

As I have shared in the other replies, un-forgiveness is hurting you so the sooner it is genuinely given, you have cut off, or separated you from the hurt. As mentioned, "Hurting people hurt people", so hopefully the person who hurt or wronged you may see you happy & healthy & ask, "How come you are so happy & healthy?" So tell them that you forgave them & then explain the benefits of forgiveness ... hopefully, if they choose to adopt what you do, that "previous enemy" of your can become a friend who joins in helping others.

Cut the rope that binds you

White_Rose — Sat, 06 May 2017 03:46:09 GMT

Luke

I see in your reply to Geoff that you said you had replied to everyone who replied to you. Have you realised your replies are not on this thread? If they have been held up by the moderators you should have received an email about it.

Take care of yourself.

Mary

Cut the rope that binds you

Luke_4_you — Sat, 06 May 2017 08:42:16 GMT

Hi Mary,

As I mentioned, I replied to each post that I read. To date there are no e mails from the moderators .. but I notice that the reply to Geoff is shown above.

I know from my own experience plus by talking to many others that forgiveness does cut the harmful ties that "links" us to the hurts/wrongs in our past ... whether actual or perceived by us (example - my grandparents not being alive for me to benefit from ... like I heard other children did) .... I, as a very young child, "missed out" & I took it as a "wrong" .... by forgiving them for dying, it was not blaming them but enabling me to "cut off" the "wrong" that I perceived I suffered.

If there was an actual "hurt" - say someone cheated you of money, the same "freeing" is obtained when any discontent or anger is "cut off" by forgiveness (or letting it go) ... there is no benefit to be gained by continuing to feel anger or resentment about the loss or the person's dishonesty ... my peace of mind & good health are worth much more me.

Cut the rope that binds you

Luke_4_you — Sun, 07 May 2017 06:59:18 GMT

Hi Ken 1,

I did reply to you but it appears to be held up in the system .. hopefully it will appear soon.

Cut the rope that binds you

Luke_4_you — Sun, 07 May 2017 07:00:15 GMT

Hi Jess F

I did reply to you but it appears to be held up in the system .. hopefully it will appear soon.

Cut the rope that binds you

Doolhof — Sun, 07 May 2017 23:25:23 GMT

Hi Luke,

I see that some of your replies have not made it through for one reason or another. A little while back, I thought I had sent replies, but it seems I pushed the wrong buttons or something as nothing showed up on the screen.

Yes, the moderators would let you know if there was some content they did not accept due to the forum rules. For me it was my error. Hopefully you will not be distracted from chatting here due to the "missing" posts". It happens to me as well.

The idea of forgiveness or letting go can be very powerful and certainly does help to release us from the hurt and bitterness we can sometimes feel towards other people or ourselves.

I'm sure there are times when people don't even realise how much they have hurt us.

A man at Church says well meaning words to people when they are hurting. I know he cares deeply, sometimes his words are just not appropriate, but he is trying at least and means no harm to anyone. It would be very easy to take offence to some of what he says though.

I tell myself he means well and he is not purposely being awful or dismissive of the issues I have.

Sometimes it can be a matter of perspective.

Hopefully those posts will show up, if not then I will be looking forward to hearing from you and reading more of your insights.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

Cut the rope that binds you

Luke_4_you — Sun, 07 May 2017 23:43:25 GMT

Hi
Ken1, For many years I have chosen to forgive anyone that has wronged me or attempted to encourage me to adopt ways that are contrary to my values.

If circumstances present themselves, and I see them suffering due to un-forgiveness and resentment, I offer guidance on how they too can forgive.

Hangingon to un-forgiveness only hurts us as the person who has wronged us is usually gone out of our life.

As mentioned, forgiveness "cuts the cord" that is tying us to the person that hurt us ... therefore we are free.

There are times we have to also forgive ourselves for something that may have hurt someone ... again, this frees us. Maybe an opportunity will arise when we are able to say to that person, "I am sorry!"

Almost every day I meet people that are evidencing the effects of holding on to un-forgiveness.

Two days ago I met an 86 year old woman and offered up a seat I was on and helped her to sit. I shared a bit about "my story". Her immediate reply was, "I have cancer in my spine!” I suggested to her, simply ask for help when making your list ... then forgive each one. I found that once I decided to forgive, making the list was quite easy.

Her reply, as she thanked me was, "The list will be very long!" I nodded, and thought, "Yes, so many have
long lists and a lot of sickness and suffering!"