topic FIGHT IT!! but how? in Staying well

FIGHT IT!! but how?

white knight — Mon, 04 Dec 2017 03:24:07 GMT

Fighting against anything has its limitations. An Army could blast its way through enemy lines but a wise commander might find a more peaceful way to achieve agreement and save many lives.

With depression its isn't that much different. When you are in that low zone it is pointless forcing yourself to "fight it". You can push hard to do the shopping and find yourself a mess in your car unable to move. What have you achieved then?

So as a sequel to my thread (google Topic: depression, the timing of motivation- beyondblue) I'd like to list some ideas of how to "fight it" in a wise way. To tame that black dog.

Patience- if you don't have any don't feel bad (google Topic: supermarket shelves- beyondblue. Cure is rare with depression so try finding a little patience to at least allow medication and therapy to work.

Withdraw- Pulling back from social events a little. Not fully but ask yourself "do I have the option of staying home"? "Do I have the option of not being a committee member of my club"?

Back to basics- (google Topic: back to basics- beyondblue)

Medications- take them, don't fall into the mind trap of thinking they are not needed. Work with your GP (google Topic: medication is a whirlpool- beyondblue)

Lifestyle- A change is as good as a ??? And if a few days/weeks away on a holiday works for you consider moving to such an environment

Family and friends- You have the decision making as to who stays in your life. You can determine if they are toxic or unhelpful. Find the tact to let them go or drift away. Remember, we are talking about your mental health.

Intrusive thoughts- Like everything else try to pull back moderately. Elimination of them is an unwise expectation. Reduce them by distraction. (Topic: distraction and variety- beyondblue)

Faith- whatever your religious persuasion is embrace it. Also have an open mind as to your journey to your inner heart. (Google Maharaji sunset youtube)

Feel lucky- this state of mind, positivity, your ability to get moving but....you need to be mentally well enough. Wait for that cycle to pick up then implement. (Google Maharaji the perfect instrument youtube)

Team effort- If you have a carer then rely on him/her to gauge how you are behaving, where you're at. Don't forget to care for them (Topic: who cares for the carer- beyondblue)

Disconnect- The burdens of the past, make peace with them. Write them on a pebble and throw them in the river.

Fighting it, is to be wise by not fighting it.

Tony WK

FIGHT IT!! but how?

white knight — Tue, 05 Dec 2017 01:20:05 GMT

I met up with a friend yesterday. He has depression. When we first met he was really down and we connected. That was 8 years ago.

Yesterday he was bubbly and talkative. We talked for so long we decided to share a coffee at a café. I asked him what has changed in his life to bring him to a better place.

"Well I've got 3 part time jobs now" he replied.

He now is a bus driver for school children mornings and afternoons, lunch times at the café we were at preparing meals and an evening cleaning job. "I haven't got time to be depressed" he laughed. "I needed to get busy"

This sort of struck a cord with me. Is "getting busy" a way of bringing out the fighter in us?

Your thoughts welcome.

Tony WK

FIGHT IT!! but how?

JessF — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 03:26:47 GMT

Hello Tony, I think distraction can be a way of avoiding your problems sometimes if it is the only technique you employ. But I think meaningful work, feeling like you are valued and needed, is such an important part of fighting depression. It sounds like your friend has found himself three jobs that are very purposeful and helpful, and also absorbing because you need to concentrate on what you're doing. I do worry whether he has left any time in there to relax for himself, though. Do you think he might be working a bit too much now?

FIGHT IT!! but how?

white knight — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 04:36:20 GMT

Hi JessF,

Those 3 jobs are all part time. It works well for him because in total he works 6 hours a day.

Service station cashier 3 hours, waiter one one in a busy lunch period and 2 hours cleaner late in the evening.. .the cleaning job actually helps him get tired and sleep better.

All collectively better than being bored in a 8 hour stretch.

Tony WK

FIGHT IT!! but how?

Elizabeth CP — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 04:39:23 GMT

This thread made me think & I'd like to share a few thoughts.

Fighting"" is good if it means standing up for ourselves & our needs & not giving in but as Tony stated 'fighting smart is important. Tony's list of suggested ways to fight smart is good. I just need to learn to follow these suggestions.

Regarding the 3 part time jobs. My son who also has MI started working 3 jobs while recovering. They were part time/casual which meant he could work as much as he was able at the time but could cut down if required. Since they were different jobs he found it easier as he was never bored & using different skills meant he didn't tire as quickly. His recovery sped up at this time.

Keeping busy is helpful as long as it is doing something which is meaningful to you & providing you are experiencing a balanced lifestyle. By this I mean allowing you time to do all the things which are important to you including relaxing, socializing carrying out essential domestic & personal tasks with sufficient physical activity & rest times to suit your individual needs. Keeping busy for the sake of it doing meaningless activities is not helpful even if it provides some distraction short term. Being too busy so you feel like you are struggling to get everything done which you need to do is VERY UNHELPFUL speaking from personal experience. I crash badly when I try to do too much & become very inefficient which then drags down my mood. This is my problem at the moment.

FIGHT IT!! but how?

Ulysses — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 04:56:24 GMT

I agree with the being busy to keep depression at bay. I am trying to find a job and I really notice that being employed keeps me out of bed. You don’t realise how important it is to feel wanted in a job until you lose it. Every time I get hopeful about a job my mood lifts right up. Then when I get the rejection I plunge into depression. It’s as if my brain and body know I need to work. They seem to Work together to psyche me up. They can’t cope when I have no prospects of a meaningful day ahead of me.

FIGHT IT!! but how?

white knight — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 21:59:23 GMT

Thanks Elizabeth, it gives me a good feeling when my thoughts are confirmed with actual examples like how your son has benefitted with part time work.

Ulysses, I think you confirm the positives of some people having a job or career. Just as important is how we with MI need to be needed, valued and appreciated because I believe we, more so than those without MI have greater sensitivities, quirkiness and we dont think the same.

Place us in a boring job without praise and acknowledgement and we fall

This knowledge help us identify triggers.

Tony WK

FIGHT IT!! but how?

Elizabeth CP — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 03:15:30 GMT

I think being busy is not so important as it can be positive or negative depending on circumstances. The test is how you feel the end of the day. Pleasantly tired & satisfied after being productive is good. Feeling frazzled & the mind whirling with lists of what didn't get done or so exhausted you can't think is negative.

Engaging in meaningful activity which makes you feel a worthwhile member of the community should be the aim. Suitable paid work gives many people a sense of purpose & being valued (plus it eliminates the negative aspects of interacting with Centerlink including the stigma). If paid work is not available or suitable volunteer work whether formal or just helping others on your own bat is an effective way of helping yourelf feel worthwhile while helping others.

FIGHT IT!! but how?

Sad_Mushroom — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 04:39:28 GMT

Hi all,

I think the thing is....looking for something that makes us feel good rather than thinking we need to impress others.

There's a fine line between 'doing' something because it makes us feel good and 'doing' something because others will see us as valuable.

Working (whether paid or volunteer) is good for many reasons but we need to be 'ready' for it rather than do it because we think others will see us as 'valuable' if we do it.

Not sure if I am making much sense to anyone. I know what I am trying to say but I'm not sure if the words are coming out right.

I tried for years, busting my gut to work hard and all I got was the crap jobs and no thanks. I kept going! I kept going because I was sure that was how I would become 'valuable'. That once others saw I was 'worthy' that I would then see myself as 'worthy'.

It wasn't until I began volunteering that others saw me as 'worthy'. I was buttering bread for heaven's sake!

I had a high IQ, could play most instruments by the time I was 12yo, had managed businesses by 21yo and all the time butting my head against a wall and feeling 'lost' and smiling to try and make people see me as valuable. It didn't happen until I volunteered one day to butter bread at a food relief centre!

Before I was 21yo I had re-opened a crashed business (cafe) and had it running like gold. All the owners wanted to do was make me cut meal sizes and charge more. Every day they made me feel like I should be doing better and was not trying hard enough. No matter what I did it was never good enough. I was always failing. (Their business had been closed for almost a year and they sold it for top dollar after I reopened it. They wouldn't even pay me a wage to reopen it, just offered me a % of what it made while I was running it...so if I made nothing I got a bill for my % share of expenses)

YET, years later I go butter bread and I was a winner. Not only the staff thanked me but also the clients. (I must be good at buttering bread. I think it's cause I butter right to the crust and cover all the corners)

NOW, it seems silly and I can joke about it but to be honest, that was my "break the cycle" point. Buttering bread is when I found I was 'worthy' and 'valuable'.

Does any of that make sense?

FIGHT IT!! but how?

Ggrand — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 05:40:01 GMT

Hello SM,

What a inspirational story, thank you..It made perfect sense, I think it's the little things we can do to help those in need, that puts value in our lives.

Caring thoughts,

GG.

FIGHT IT!! but how?

Elizabeth CP — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 05:43:30 GMT

Maybe we need to develop selective hearing!!! By this I mean we need to be selective on who we listen to particularly when measuring how good we are. SM you knew you were successful in turning around a failed business If the owners were too blind /stupid to appreciate you that's their problem not yours. I know their treatment towards you was unfair but as far as showing how worthwhile you were the results proved you were successful. That needs to be the focus not the owners opinion. As far as buttering bread most people can do it but what made you special is you did it to help others. You gave your time & efforts for people who needed them. That is special.

FIGHT IT!! but how?

white knight — Thu, 21 Dec 2017 08:06:19 GMT

Yes it made sense to me also Sad Mushroom

And it doesnt surprise me, the commonality of people capitalising on willing horses, to beat them...as the saying goes.

Wherever Ive worked, being manic, I'd physically work hard, si who got the jobs that needed a hard fast worker? Me. The bludger was never thought of. Now at 61yo my jounts are worn out, I bet theirs arent. Its nive to be proud about it but in all seriousness you dont get the recognition you deserve.

Another aspect of this already mentioned by sad mushy is the quality of person you work for. There are toxic workplaces, bosses that wont simply praise a worker, etc. Then you get appreciation for buttering bread...and when you get that, you feel like hugging them!

So "fighting it" takes on a whole new meaning when we acknowledge many adpects of our lives we can change. A toxic workplace is one. Keep going from job to job until you find a workplace you are looking forward to attending.

Tony WK

FIGHT IT!! but how?

Sad_Mushroom — Fri, 05 Jan 2018 06:55:45 GMT

Tony,

From 2014 to early 2015 I volunteered at a charity. I volunteered over 50 hours a week as a volunteer even though the manager only worked 28 hours per week.

I was always made feel special and worthy until I noticed staff were stealing and began reporting it. Once I began reporting the theft things went downhill. One of the 'thieves' told me he had been friends with the manager for over 30 years and they had been stealing for at least 5 years (from the charity) and the manager would ignore my reports and if the directors ever caught on, the manager would act dumb and blame everything on me, as I was in charge of stock.

I began keeping a diary, day by day. When the poop hit the fan I gave the directors the diary. I thought that would be it. BUT the directors thought it would look bad for the charity so decided to shut me up and keep the whole theft a secret.

I posted the diary online. THEN, and only then was action taken. The charity made sure I felt guilty and bad for posting the diary. I volunteered over 50 hours a week for a year, had keys to the shop and opened/closed the shop and they will not even give me a reference.

Sometimes doing the right thing is not looked on as right by the people concerned. Fighting it is knowing yourself that you did the RIGHT thing.