topic Our own worse enemy in Staying well

Our own worse enemy

white knight — Sun, 22 Oct 2017 06:23:23 GMT

Your worse enemy by simply being ourselves.

One of the symptoms you can experience with ADHD is talking before thinking things through and when talking (especially with anxiety)we screw up words.

"Foot in mouth"

With anxiety added into the mix we can appear totally different when explaining our thoughts to what we intended. This is even worse when tired, stressed or upset.

If some of us think about our lives overall we look back at a "train wreck". Seems its full of basic errors and also seems these basic errors are not errors others make but I question that. Id suggest the errors those without any mental illness are diffetent errors and different conflicts. Eg

I dont know the statistics but I'd assume those with mental illness are less likely to enter into operating their own business due to stress, commitment and disruption issues. If 1 in 3 small businesses collapse then those errors are felt more often by the mentally healthy.

The mentally ill restrict their social circle. We cant tolerate toxic relationships. The mentally well can, maybe 10 fold more contacts so it would be safe to assume they have greater numbers of conflicts but they can tolerate such wars as a daily event....water off a ducks back.

The difference between us and them is that we absorb our errors, stew them, dwell on them and store them in sight of our memory. The year it happened and the error we made.

The mentally unwell are mostly permitted to operate as everyday people, we can work, spend, buy, move house, have partners, drive etc. We are functional in society however there are many normal activities we carry out that, due to our illnesses we should have guidence like financial commitments and social events...but thats hard to give up, freedom of choice. Carers can intervene but not often successful unless a spouse.

The first steps forward in this regard is to know your limitations and errors you're prone to make and to have a confidant to confide in. Eg with financial matters and a reputation of poor choices research patience and consulation before purchasing that nrw car.

In summary we make as many mistakes in our lives as so called normal people but we dwell on ours more and time is our only digestive mechanism for errors. Even time is hard because??? It takes time!. We need to get advise/opinions more often and work on throwing those past rocks in the river.

We have enough difficulty with the present without carrying those rocks of the past.

Tony WK

Our own worse enemy

demonblaster — Sun, 22 Oct 2017 12:09:18 GMT

Very true White, we chew over stuff, bloody yrs ago stuff too, so hard to throw those rocks in the river.

I'm finding as time gets on I'm thinking less often but still do about stuff yrs ago, a comment that hurt, god move on already aye lol.

Thx 🙂

Our own worse enemy

white knight — Sun, 22 Oct 2017 20:54:51 GMT

Hi DB

Youre right, so hard to shake off the old stuff

When my therapist said "when are you going to throw those rocks in the river" it hit home. I dont know about others but straight direvt comment do have an effect on me.

Tony WK

Our own worse enemy

quirkywords — Sun, 22 Oct 2017 21:09:11 GMT

Tony,

What a great thread and I can relate to it .

Foot in mouth is what I suffere from a lot and even when I think clearly it sometimes comes out in a way it can upset others in a way I never imagined. Also when I write emails, because there are no emotions and tones, my emails are sometimes misunderstood.

I can throw some rocks in the river but I always seem to keep some in my backpack.

I find comments that hav a concrete analogy rather than an abstract one are easier to understand.

Quirky

Our own worse enemy

white knight — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 00:04:46 GMT

Quirky, you are spot on

Twenty years ago working in security 72 hours a week I'd finushed building my house by myself. No floor coverings and very tired I thought I could get a young person in town that was unemployed to do some house cleaning, prepare meals I could take to work etc.

A co worker at worked asked me if there was any jobs around for his 18yo daughter. "I'll give her a job" was my reply. He refused to talk to me and held the grudge permanently. Eventually a meeting was held to sort it. When I gave my account of the exchange he added a sexual bit, a grunt prior to my statement that I'll give her a job. Total lie. He insinuated I had sexual intent.

I saved my job, indeed later others also found him over reactive and twisting words!

This type of twisting of meaning of words is infuriating and pushes our faith back further and further.

However we cant change our nature of giving trust.

A friend of mine is a policeman. He told me I'm too trusting. He said his policy is trusting no more than the fingers on one hand. I think we can have good relationships without having to judge if they are trustworthy or not however. We can leave trust until they prove it.

As for foot in mouth it does drop with age aka wisdom. So there's hope quirky

Tony WK

Our own worse enemy

demonblaster — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 00:27:50 GMT

I didn't see any harm whatsoever in you saying I'll give her a job. That's right too, it's not always us saying the wrong thing, others perceive things differently too.

yeah good analogy, I've still got a fair few rocks in the backpack. Hate that my head keeps bringing up crap from yrs ago, just wants to continuously hurt but not as much as it use too. Daghhhh it's the beast, not us, not how we wanna feel

Our own worse enemy

quirkywords — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 01:35:28 GMT

Tony,

thanks for your story.

I am only a year or so younger than you, so am hoping this wisdom that comes with age kicks in very soon!

DB, being misunderstood is the story of my life , but people who know me know I have good intentions.

I find stuff I have not given a thought occurs to me when I try to sleep, so I end up dwelling on it instead of turning it off.

Quirkyxx

Our own worse enemy

demonblaster — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 07:45:40 GMT

That's right Q, when people know us and know there's no intentional harm aye

Know exactly what you mean about when you wanna sleep lol, swine aye 😄 We need a switch to turn brain on/off, fascinates me it never stops.

Our own worse enemy

white knight — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 09:41:23 GMT

I used to have trouble sleeping. Then took my phone to bed, did some replies on this site and get tired then sleep. Its a routine that works. If I just try to sleep the mind wanders.

Tony WK

Our own worse enemy

demonblaster — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 09:55:17 GMT

Yeah we need to be doing something all the time, everything we do involves the mind.

Was waiting for bus other day and realised I was flipping coins in hand and moving foot back and forth on seat I was on, made me aware ALL the time we're doing stuff, eating, watching, drinking, moving, breathing, thinking

I'm learning from thinking and here White, when I was confirmed BP I said I'm gunna beat it, psych said it can't be done, I reckon cause maybe it hasn't, doesn't mean it can't be. Getting there.
It's about emotiional control, we've all got mental strength.

Gotta choof

Go easy 🙂

Our own worse enemy

white knight — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 12:00:44 GMT

Hi DB,

Love your tenacity

Re:
"I'm learning from thinking and here White, when I was confirmed BP I said I'm gunna beat it, psych said it can't be done, I reckon cause maybe it hasn't, doesn't mean it can't be. Getting there.
It's about emotiional control, we've all got mental strength"

I wish you well in your quest, kowever if a psych says curing your bipolar cant be done what are the ramifications of trying to the enth degree?

For me and my bipolar I gound it far easier to accept it like I have my depression, my warts, my impatience my nature. Then that results in spending my energies on what is achievable. ..which might not include cure but enough improvements to allow me to survive better in society, make me feel better and learn to live with the punishment bipolar dishes out.

Bipolar feels like, to me, like another version of my charactor, a suppressed version takes over. Its very much like hot water flowing through my brain for up to two weeks at a time.

I cant see how you'll beat that yet I'll eagerly wait for your tactics.

Regards.

Tony WK

Our own worse enemy

blondguy — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 12:32:12 GMT

Hi Tony

Another great thread. Besides quoting your whole post you really rang some bells with "The mentally ill restrict their social circle. We cant tolerate toxic relationships"

I do that...a lot. I usually see that as a sign of a tired mind as I am not as good dealing with 'toxic' people when I am mentally tired compared to when I am doing reasonably okay....if that made any sense.

My Best as always

Paul

Our own worse enemy

white knight — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 16:42:33 GMT

Yes Paul, my wife knows when I need sleep..."you're crabby, go to bed"

When not tired I let things slide more.

Your own tenacity Paul is a reflection of your inner spirit. You're doing well. I admire those that reflect, examine and simply try. Good stuff.

That quote book would be getting full.

Tony WK

Our own worse enemy

blondguy — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 19:34:57 GMT

Thankyou Tony

and yes my 'coping folder' is getting larger. I was thinking about my relationships with acquaintances if and sometimes when it becomes toxic.

My own younger brother called me yesterday and said..."umm Paul...since your're not working can you help out with xyz shrub removal and build a 20' retaining wall at mums?" He knows that I am a volunteer on the forums but keeps forgetting as I dont pull a salary & company car anymore....He is 55 and thinks volunteering is somewhat 'invisible/irrelevant' unfortunately.

Thankyou for understanding Tony

Paul

Our own worse enemy

demonblaster — Mon, 23 Oct 2017 23:32:52 GMT

Thx White Hey all 🙂

Yeah I don't find it difficult to tackle, the hardest as you well put it like hot water going through your brain, I can handle everything except the crippling depression, this last one was a long cycle and a gooden, in mania hard self talked saying I'm not gunna have the downs, Really matter of fact, they came in spurts but could handle em, nothing like the intensity of usual hell. Got through relatively unscathed. Happies, we'll see if I can keep that up, over the yrs got the mania down to a dull ROAR though lol, went from type 1 to 2.

Gunna soothe the beast budz, it's happenin slowly. Would LOVE to hold on to the mania though 😄 that's what they pay big $ for in the drug trade, we get it free, trouble is a devils pricetag aye

Hope your days are good all 🙂