topic Want to be a hermit? in Staying well

Want to be a hermit?

white knight — Mon, 16 Jan 2017 14:52:34 GMT

I suspect not many members will read this thread. Reason being, even people with mental illness commonly maintain their regular contact with others.. .including me.

However, all my life when depression hits ive been tempted to withdraw fully from people...with the exception of my close family members.Why?

Sensitivity plays a huge part. Without it a thick skin would shield me against those that hurt. Ok, thats my reason for me being tempted to become a recluse so what stopped me?

After a few attempts to run away from humans i realised that it wasnt practical even though l was desperate . I still needed health care so a current medicare card (nowadays), supplies for hygiene, utensils, tools, even hair cutting implements..and if something breaks? What about shelter?

I'd suspect these are the reasons hermits are homeless in cities where they can access services.

So if you have a burning desire to withdraw from society, what is an alternative?

A comfort safe zone might be your answer.

Firstly as people with mental illness we should not feel guilty for not contributing towards society. We are often only capable of focussing on our own survival.

Find an environment that suits you in housing you can afford. Many of us cant afford much. Consider a caravan...if you are single you are mobile and can park it in someones back yard for low rent..or be a drifter of caravan parks with some roadside or free camping.

The concept should be to maintain just enough contact with society to enable you to reap the benefits of it. I call it "swanning". I swan into town for my supplies, have a coffee at our fav cafe if it isnt busy and im feeling well, then swan out.

Over time you will perfect the regulation needed of home and away from home to remain in your best possible mental health.

A friend of mine a single guy with ptsd rents a cottage in our small town (pop 200). He drives a hiace campervan. His rent is very low here and he can tour around as he likes. He has many friends in Melbourne so when he wants he drives down, stays overnight then leaves the next day. He swans in and swans out.

If you are so depressed and can no longer tolerate people for whatever reason, resist the feelings of total withdrawal

In 1983 l expressed to my GP my need to live in the bush alone and with no contact. He said "you'll last about 3 months then you will be very unwell".

If you have just survived society, take care of yourself and find a safe place on society's fringe.

Tony WK

Want to be a hermit?

blondguy — Mon, 16 Jan 2017 21:38:46 GMT

Hi TonyWK

I wholeheartedly agree with your post.

Mental illness leaves us vulnerable and somewhat 'naked' in society without the necessary 'peace of mind' we require to function effectively.

Being on the fringe I find the hustle and bustle (the general pace of life) greatly reduced therefore provides me to dedicate my limited 'mental horsepower' towards self nurturing and rebuilding the foundations of my health.

Thankyou TonyWK for another great method of living our lives in relative peace so we can bolster our coping mechanisms.

kind thoughts

Paul

Want to be a hermit?

white knight — Tue, 17 Jan 2017 00:18:17 GMT

Hi Paul

"Naked in society"

"Limited mental hotsepower"

Great phrases.

Cheers

Tony WK

Want to be a hermit?

Resillence — Tue, 24 Jan 2017 12:10:20 GMT

Hello White Night,

You and Geoff kindly welcomed me last night in the 'introduction forum" thank you. I'd like to contribute to all forums, but your post grabbed me first. Hope it's okay that I write here. If not for my children I'd definately be on a continual roadtrip. Showing my age here, but Simon and Garfunkal " I am a rock", describe my sentiments the best. I am definately a recluse, rarely leave the house. I make sure there's no neighbours around before I check my letterbox or water the garden. I only feel 'safe' when my kids are with me. It's almost like I use them as an excuse to be part of society. With all due respect to those who do actually 'live on the fringe' I totally understand the desire to withdraw in order to survive.

Want to be a hermit?

white knight — Tue, 24 Jan 2017 13:35:56 GMT

Hi R,

Yes, post, comment any thread you like. Being safe and anonymous it might suit you here.

I totally understand yet it seems im not as reclusive as you.

My barrier has been born from hurt from others. So my fear is l will say something inappropriate.

I cant see anything wrong in your avoidance of people or your need to enter public places with your children as a "tool" to help you mix. As i said, we have to find our "safe zone" where we can survive there rather than subjecting ourselves to the pain of normal modern living.

Can i ask R, do you have hobbies. How do you fill in your time?

Tony WK

Want to be a hermit?

Resillence — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 14:11:04 GMT

Hi white night,

Sorry for not replying to you sooner. I have posted in 2 other threads meantime so have met wonderful Kaz.

Thank you for understanding my need/desire to be a hermit.

My barrier is that everyone eventually disappoints, betrays you, or just leaves your life for their own reasons. I've given so much, I just don't have faith anymore that anyone ever sticks around. Hence no trust or willingness to try, yet again.

Please understand that my kids don't feel burdened, who can do an Aldi shop for five on their own? But I suspect they see the look in my eyes when they go to their friends places instead of inviting them here.

My 'safe zone" is being amongst their teenage friends. I only feel comfortable chatting with our youth. I have nothing in common with other mums, well except for my fellow cancer parents, who I've lost contact with.

As for hobbies, none whatsoever. Nothing interests me, major lack of desire to even try. I imagine the next question might be, what did I used to like to do, and my only reply would be looking after my kids well. Need to rediscover/ reinvent myself.

Exactly why I took the brave step of joining this forum. Thank you.

Want to be a hermit?

white knight — Sat, 28 Jan 2017 04:28:49 GMT

What comes to mind is to get involved in activities with teens. Basketball, volleyball, badminton, theatre,?

Perhaps as an assistant organiser?

Good luck with that

Tony WK

Want to be a hermit?

Vorbis — Fri, 03 Feb 2017 10:58:07 GMT

I remember reading once about Buddhist monks, who would sometimes decide to enter true hermitage and contemplation.

They would work together in pairs, the two of them finding stones and slowly building a single roomed house. The monk who had decided to enter contemplation would build the final wall from the inside, blocking off his exit completely, leaving no way to ever leave and only a narrow slit for his partner to slide in one bowl of rice once a day. For water he would be forced to lick condensation off the walls and from the moss that would eventually grow there.

And I remember thinking, Yes. There is some part of me that hears that story and finally unwinds, until I feel a deep sense of peace and relaxation. It feels *right*.

I doubt I'll ever do it. Certainly not until I am very old and my children don't need me. But I hold it in my mind as a different way life could be lived, and it keeps me calm and steady when everything around me is screaming about the need for possessions and success. I find capitalism very hard to keep up with.

Want to be a hermit?

Guest_9809 — Fri, 03 Feb 2017 11:14:33 GMT

Yes please ......... I want to become a hermit again. Life would then be so easy, so uncomplicated. The real world is just too hard and too distressing, to navigate on a day to day basis.

Want to be a hermit?

white knight — Fri, 03 Feb 2017 11:54:27 GMT

Hi vorbis, welcome

Thankyou for your story. I found it hits the spot of the depth one can go emotionally.

I often talk about a man who inspires me like that. Please google these

Maharaji sunset

Maharaji the perfect instrument

taurus it seems you have been a hermit before. what I'm suggesting here is that being a hermit is not ideal. It places too many pressures on us like...shelter, warmth, health, food, all those basic things that cause more problems than the reverse.

I'm saying there is a "sweet spot" for people to work at for them, as everyone is different. Aim for midrange like for me it ended up a town of 200 people, large enough for a shop, small enough not to be hounded by many. 13 minutes from a larger town with all services, train to the city, medical, supermarket...

Of course you'd need a car/motorbike/scooter. Income for rent/mortgage/board. (You need income whete ever you go really).So registering for benefits etc places one in obligation for seeking work etc. Suddenly this concept is far away from being a hermit.

However l suggest regardless of these basic obligations (which can be complex and problematic compared to hermitation) it could be a preferred choice for some that flip flop from one extreme to the other...21st century stress to total rejection living under a tarp in the bush.

What do you think?

Tony WK

Want to be a hermit?

Guest_9809 — Sat, 04 Feb 2017 09:50:15 GMT

Yes Tony, I have lived a part of my life being somewhat of a hermit. I retreated to there after my trauma some years ago, so maybe you could call it a bit of a sabattical? But I long to be there again.

To me it is almost the ideal situation. No pressure, no unrealistic expectations, no conflict, no people ... perfect! Admittedly I have the benefit of having free access to a very remote family owned wooden hut in the middle of never never. I was actually born and raised there. But now its somewhere nobody ever goes, with no road access, no electricity for many miles, no telephone, no mobile reception, no hot water, cooking over an open fire and in camp ovens. Surviving on trapped rabbits, yabbies from the dams, fruit from the orchid, and a cupboard full of tinned food when other food was not available. I didnt need any govt benefits. To me this is bliss, just me and my dog - a team.

Taurus x

Want to be a hermit?

white knight — Sat, 04 Feb 2017 10:32:26 GMT

Hi Taurus

I do understand.

My two attempts in the 1970's to reject society didnt work out. But l tried. I realised for me, l went too extreme.

This thread like others I've written has a mental illness wellbeing intent. For yourself you have "been there done that", you know how to survive such an existence. And it sounds good.

There are others however, that in deep desperate emotional state try to escape. For them a half way point might be more ideal. I think.

Tony WK

Want to be a hermit?

margaro — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 02:12:14 GMT

my 32 yr old son lives with his grandmother has depression & PTSD. He is struggling with holding a job. He has anger issues.... he is on his "best behaviour" at first when he starts a new job but after a while you see the real thing a frustrated intolerant agitated person. He falls out with his work mates and always blames someone else. He comes home and hides in his room. He shuts down and won't talk to anyone. If you try to talk to him he starts yelling and storms out of the house and drives off in his car. This has been going on for months. He refuses to get help. Every day is torture !! The family is at their wits end. We sense he's at risk of losing his job even though this is his "dream job". He won't communicate with us or anyone .

Want to be a hermit?

white knight — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 11:51:56 GMT

Hi margaro,

Thankyou, for replying.

You are indeed limited as to what you can do fir people that wont get help.

As frustrating as it is, you and those around him must remain calm, supportive and loving.

getting a diagnosis, treatment like meds and ongoing professional medical care is a long haul that needs his commitment which might come down the track when his issues peak.

You can google these that might help even if you just read the first post of each

Topic: can you force people?- beyondblue

Topic: does stubborness have a place?- beyondblue

Topic: is there room for stubborness?- beyondblue

Topic: talking to men, some tips- beyondblue

I hope you are ok. It isnt easy. He is in no state to be able to feel your pain.

We are hete for you and him is he cares to read and post.

Tony WK

Want to be a hermit?

blondguy — Mon, 13 Mar 2017 12:16:46 GMT

Hi TonyWK

Your thread reminded me of the 1980's when I tried to get work in regional Vic without success after my initial diagnosis of chronic anxiety. (to escape the anxiety inducing hustle & bustle)

I did try to look around to relocate into the bush but it just never panned out and now the anxiety attacks have gone way its no longer a priority

I still have a look around regional areas out of interest and found a house (beaten up weatherboard on 1 acre) in Stawell Tasmania for $29,950 asking. Unbelievable 🙂

Paul

Want to be a hermit?

Nomies — Wed, 26 Apr 2017 20:49:14 GMT

Hi White Knight

OMG! This is exactly how I have been feeling for so long, I am desperate to drop out of society but keep telling myelf how selfish that would be. I have a good job that I do enjoy but I constantly feel depressed because of the pressure to just get myself there regularly let alone trying to meet the demands put on me while I'm there. People just don't understand it, all they see is a physically capable person that is "lucky" to have such a good job, I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life feeling so miserable. I'm hoping to take 12 months off unpaid just to see if I can survive, my sister thinks I would no longer have any "purpose" if I'm not working but if having a job was enough purpose I don't think I would be feeling so constantly depressed.

Naomi

Want to be a hermit?

white knight — Thu, 27 Apr 2017 14:02:02 GMT

Hi Naomi,

Thankyou for replying.

People with our issues would have various levels of rejection of society to find their own comfort zone. There is another thread relating to this

Topic: fortress of survival- beyondblue (use google)

The very important thing is to not over react to put emotion aside when calculating/investigating where your comfort zone is.

What I'm eluding to with that post is that an urge to reject society is an act of desperation that can end up not only a place of more difficulty than remaining in society but also having new challenges like hygiene, loneliness, more severe depression due to hunger, sleeping locations etc etc.

Invariably that can lead to a need to return to the life one had prior to escaping.

Having tried similar moves with that return senario I found it more sensible to remain in society with adjustments to find that comfort zone and that once tweaked can result in a happy productive life without hurting our loved ones.

With minimal contact with the types that can hurt us fragile souls.

Does that make sense.?

Tony WK

Want to be a hermit?

Nomies — Fri, 28 Apr 2017 01:04:19 GMT

Makes total sense. I haven't been able to find my balance yet because I've spent my whole life worrying about what other people need and what they will say if I follow my heart. I'm in that spot right now, needing time off from work to get my depression under control but I'm constantly told that if I don't go to work I'll have no purpose and I won't be able to survive financially. Right now my sould is crying out for some relief from the world.

Want to be a hermit?

white knight — Fri, 28 Apr 2017 09:55:42 GMT

Ok nomies, google the thread above and this one

Topic: worry worry worry- beyondblue

Want to be a hermit?

Debzmite — Fri, 28 Apr 2017 10:08:59 GMT

Love this post! So often I dream of winning lotto and becoming a hermit.

Although as much as I withdraw from society I still want to go to football matches, movies, musicals and group therapy.

I wish I could get a job but I struggle with such feelings of worthlessness that I've been unemployed for so long I don't know how to get work and it scares me.

I seem to want to do short courses and take trips etc but struggle to do something productive. I'm on a DSP.

Thank you for making me realise that although I don't work it's ok because just getting through each day is hard enough.