topic Feeling ok and the tide has turned in Staying well

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Airies — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 08:00:46 GMT

A year ago I was a mess and for 8 months I was in a dark dark place. Numerous hospital visits, medications, supportive family and lifestyle choices and I'm feeling ok.Being bipolar type 1 I tend to do things to extremes. I'm starting to string a number of good days together... I'm starting DBT in a few weeks which will test me somewhat. I'm putting one foot in front of another, not making any huge decisions and part of me is thinking I could be lulling myself into a false sense of security...I'm expecting a fall... I don't want to go where I was.. I don't know whether I could survive another bad episode.. It was scary and I was over it. I continue to have nightmares at night.. I sleep in some sort f medicated bliss but I have my moments.

cheers Len

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

white knight — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 09:05:32 GMT

Hi Len

Its great to see you on the flip side but as a co- bipolarite I have a lot if empathy for you.

Its likely thus feeling if walking on thin ice will linger. I have never really been wjtjiut it. It can be a feeling of insecurity.

It us all.ist, in my view, a waste of time trying to explain to many what it's like and how low you can go. I don't know about you but I can over react and be very sensitive which clouds my true self. I tend to detest some aspects of peoples actions.

So our oddities can lead to difficulties in blending into groups. I no longer want others to understand. Best to just mingle with those that at least try.

I don't know about you but I find there is a "sweet spot" in how much I emerse myself into society. But I get it wrong often as kindness causes me to extend myself beyond my capacity.. If you find that spot you'll maximise your contentment and stability.

Then if all else fail you're best to somehow remember how healthy you are now in comparison. Write how well you feel now and stick it on a wall. Because we tend yo be so absorbed with the struggle we don't think well survive.

But you will. Judging on your positive and inclusive approach on this forum ...you'll be OK. Beyondblue is here.

Tony WK

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Fairywings — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 10:02:56 GMT

Hi len venessa here xx yes bipolar disorder will do that to u. I'm proud that u r able to feel an episode coming about now it's the way we manage this fall xx I know exactly what you are experiencing bc i am bipolar as well have been for more than 20 yrs xx i used to have episodes multiple times a day now with the help of my medication i have one a month xx i need u to stay positive and talk away the negative thoughts u may be having during the onset of ur episode xx if i remember correctly you have been thru so much and please don't be too hard on urself u have all of us here to help u and if you need reach out to us don't try and deal with it on ur own u don't deserve to feel the need to think ur needing to deal with this alone bc i do agree with you the episodes can be very scary but the trick is to control this little monster before it tries to control us xx nice to have spoken with you len please take care of your self and just know that we are all here for you xx Venessa

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

blondguy — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 10:16:07 GMT

Hi Len

Just the way you have phrased something that I have have learned from and if I can quote you...

"I'm putting one foot in front of another, not making any huge decisions"

Thankyou for the great and therapeutic reminder...My Best...Paul

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Airies — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 12:03:37 GMT

Thanks Vanessa,Tony and Paul,

i feel almost guilty in a way feeling like I do, but I'm taking a reality check as well.Ive removed a lot of stresses in my life..So in a way it's a false hope...I like the rest of us want to find that sweet spot and stay there. If I have a massive fall it will be like going into an abyss.

ive been through a bit, we all have. Great network of supportive, genuine people here. I tend to wear my heart on a sleeve and blurt it all out.. That's me. Hoping I can support others here and it's gratifying.Just listening to my sons voice on the phone took me back to my darkest place briefly. If it wasn't for his timely intervention and a series of events taking place I wouldn't be here. A reminder of how much hurt,pain and misery I almost caused.

i limit everything I do. Moderation is one of the keys.Paul I couldn't make a decision to save myself -my wife does all the financial stuff. I just float around in my own little world.

thanks for being here

big long hugs to all of you

cheers Len

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Fairywings — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 12:11:20 GMT

Thanks len and likewise to you. Ur input is very important and value to the beautiful souls we help here so keep up the great job venessa

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

blondguy — Wed, 31 Aug 2016 14:18:45 GMT

Len...having the guts/courage to write what you have makes you a strong person....When I joined BB I was terrified and didnt have the strength you have now

If I can thankyou for the super kind compliments you wrote about the forums....and the people on them...Its not often we get compliments, so thanks BIG time...always a huge bonus to get a pat on the back Len

My kind thoughts to you (and your family of course) Len...

I really hope you can stick around

My Best

Paul

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

white knight — Thu, 01 Sep 2016 09:25:43 GMT

Hi Len,

I'm pleased you have comfort here.

Great to see some committed members in blondeguy and fairywings reply...these guys have been there, they like I know there is that "sweet spot" and the effort needed to get there whether it's bipolar or anxiety...there is peace to find.

Many of us also share our separation of our children. My youngest now 24yo walked up my driveway early this year and said those magic words "hi dad" and later "I want to be in your life". That followed eleven years absence due to a brain washing mother.

Now my life after countless tears has become full again and that sweet spot is there with the occasional waver. My sensitivity, over reactions, anger and ease of hurt are all still there but I can through the best dosage of medicine, lead a better life.

I join with Paul to acknowledge your guts in pointing yourself in the right direction. Like a warrior there comes a time when you face your demons. BB are there beside you.

Tony WK

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Kazzl — Thu, 01 Sep 2016 10:32:56 GMT

Hi Len - just adding my love and support too. You are a wonderful contributor here and you've helped me a lot. I'm so glad things are improving for you mate. And happy Spring! We'll be out digging in our gardens in no time. 😄

Hi Venessa - I didn't realise you're bipolar - wow, what a damn fine bunch we are! Hugs to you sweetie.

Cheers

Kaz

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Fairywings — Thu, 01 Sep 2016 10:59:54 GMT

hi gorgeous lady yes i am bipolar, BPD and body dysmorphic disorder as well as depression nice combination 🙂 hugs to you too sweet one Venessa xx

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Kazzl — Fri, 02 Sep 2016 22:46:31 GMT

Thanks hun xxx

Hiya Len - how are you today mate? No gardening here today - it's been raining like you wouldn't believe. Think I'll need an ark soon.

Cheers

Kaz

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Evan_John — Sat, 03 Sep 2016 01:31:08 GMT

Len, it sounds like the growth that you've made sounds is in the form of wisdom and knowing yourself. You have your strategies and are more familiar with how to work with what you are going through. No one can take those gems from you. Keep growing, my friend.

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Airies — Sun, 04 Sep 2016 02:08:24 GMT

Thanks folks,

glad that I can be of help. The journey continues ,the long slog. One foot in front of another. Goes back to my Marathon running days I guess. Just enjoying Father's Day .having my 2 boys around me. So completely different. I love them to bits they and my wife are my world...,

they surprisd me by visiting me yesterday. Blessed to have an early Father's Day present when they pulled up in the driveway. Was taken aback and quite moved by this loving gesture. The same morning I gazed at the photos of my family and realised how lucky I was to have them in my life and for a fleeing moment realised the dark times when I almost threw it all away...

The day before I tentatively stepped out and arranged a visit to see a lifelong friend whose friendship I had severed last year.

Bad mistake. Toxic, lesson learnt, never again.Friendship over. Time to move on. Better deserving and genuine people here.

Planted a rose yesterday and potted around the garden. Monty my mini foxy helped.My body can't do what it used to do.Taking painkillers left knee feels like bone on bone.Need to loose weight, get back on bike, lifestyle changes... Tiny Tiny steps.Working on staying in that sweet spot...Better sleep, no work nightmares....

Might try backing off meds a bit..

Plsn to stick around here ... Say my 2 bobs worth. BB is like my second family,

hugs allround 🙂

cheers Len

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Kazzl — Sun, 04 Sep 2016 05:30:57 GMT

Hugs back to you Len - and happy father's day mate.

Kaz

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Airies — Mon, 05 Sep 2016 05:57:49 GMT

Thanks Kaz,

another week start DBT orientation and start following Monday so no doubt that will upset the apple,cart. Some of these meds give me horrific nightmares.,Have my full wack and it's a gamble nightmares and tense sleep... Have less pills then agitated, anxious, gritting teeth.bad thoughts and the cycle continues.Still winning though 🙂

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Kazzl — Tue, 06 Sep 2016 02:45:52 GMT

Still winning ... I love that Len. 😄

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Airies — Tue, 06 Sep 2016 09:10:39 GMT

Losing today:( realysing the fine line between pleasure and pain..What set me off.. Planned to pump my tyres up, charge up my lights, heart rate monitor. It's been 12 months plus since I pedalled in anger. I couldn't do it today chickened out. Then helping wife with NBN. Rattled just trying to follow instructions. 2 hour nap... Not the best day and felt useless. I hate that sinking feeling. It scares me and it's come out of the blue.That sickening feeling, realysing in reality the fragile exstance I live in. Guess have been lulling myself into false sense of security in my own little protective bubble, lots of self back slapping and then that feeling of dispair...Deep breaths, ride it out and take a few steps back

cheers Len

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Fairywings — Tue, 06 Sep 2016 09:40:27 GMT

Hey xx yes ur right these days like to pop thru on us its important as u said we keep pushing forward xx two steps back one step forward proud of u xx Venessa

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Airies — Tue, 06 Sep 2016 10:27:01 GMT

Thanks Vanessa you are the bees knees!just did some retail Theraphy on Ebay. Didn't break the bank. Hopefully the other better half won't jump up and down. Got the dog next to me for company. Tomorrow is another day, another hurdle...Have a good one 😉

cheers Len xx

Feeling ok and the tide has turned

Fairywings — Tue, 06 Sep 2016 11:57:11 GMT

Ha ha yes love a bit of eBay retail therapy xx i too enjoyed the company of my little mini foxy today tummy pats in the sunshine it was a glorious day in my neck of the woods today Tom even better 25i think xx have respite Tom for my little boy who has autism gonna get some well deserved mumma time haven't had one in about 10yrs time for a massage 😊 one day a time xx Venessa