topic What is the meaning of Life? in Staying well

What is the meaning of Life?

Sean1 — Fri, 18 Nov 2016 23:42:52 GMT

This question is something ive pondered often over the last 12 mths. I have just joined this site in trying to seek the answers im looking for. I used to think life was about acquiring material possessions and thus at a young age i strived to succeed and make my mark on the world. I clearly remember my first job over 100 k a yr...i was 19 yrs old and it was alot of money 15yrs ago. To say i was ecstatic was an understatement. As time went on i strived for more 100 k become 150 then 200 then 250k and yet i still wanted more. It was envitable that i would run and manage my own company and i have never been one afraid to take risks, albeit calculated risks. When i first went out on my own it was exciting times...i thought if i can make 10 000 dollars a week ill be happy but that figure came and long since went. Fast forward to now, i have a very successful multinational company and my own profit dividends are over $100 000 a week and yet i am truly lost. Somehow i can still run this company but what most people dont know is that im an alcoholic with a highlevel cocaine habit. In the last yr its cost me my wife and much more. I have the very expensive cars, the houses the boats, theres nothing i cant really buy and yet i feel so very empty. Nothing seems to matter much anymore, i have no goals, nothing to drive me. Im more miserable now then i have ever been and yet i have so much compared to most. I see the young children in 3rd world countries who have nothing and yet theres a smile on their face and i feel ashamed that i have so much and im so ungrateful. Along the way i became ruthless and greedy and when i look in the mirror i despise the man ive become. I often now contemplate what the meaning of life is...because i feel i no longer want to be part of it. We are born, we live and inevitably one day we die. What is the grand plan for us? Knowing what i know now i would trade all i have to be truly happy and live a meagre existence. I feel i have lost the motivation and the will to live and im not afraid of that, though i know i should be. How can i find the strength to endure and maybe truly understand the true meaning of life, because despite what lots of people may think money does not bring happiness. It gives you choices and that is all.

What is the meaning of Life?

Starwolf — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 03:43:11 GMT

Hi Sean,

Well done for finding the courage to share those thoughts with us. And hats off to you for acknowledging your dependency on "self-medication".

Life crises always shift us into an unusual head space... often an uncomfortable one as they tend to pull the carpet from under the feet. The good news is that they throw us back onto ourselves and make us question and consider what we once took for granted. They can set the groundwork and motivation for necessary change.

We're all different so Life means different things to different people. A simple answer is that it is there to be lived in a way that allows us to realize our potential and makes us happy. Finding out what this entails may take time...and a few upheavals along the way. You have already become aware that material success may be part of the answer but not all.

Writing down your thoughts, concerns, feelings and expectations will help you clarify them to yourself. What is lacking in your life right now ? What would improve your lifestyle, return harmony and peace of mind ? What has caused the loss of what was precious/important to you ? What needs to be eliminated ? What could YOUR grand plan be ? etc...etc...Just let it rip in all honesty, no censure at all. Results are often surprising.

Lack of motivation can be a sign of depression. I'd suggest you click on the Depression/Anxiety checklist found at the bottom of this page (in The Facts section). Sometimes we all need to talk in depth about our issues to help us make sense of them. A GP appointment could give you a referral and access to counseling. No need to struggle alone.

Please be kind to yourself. We are all thrown into Life without a user's manual. We all take wrong turns, make questionable decisions. But at the time, it was the best we could do. Besides, we all need different things at different times. What can be done now is more important and constructive than what could have been done in the past. There's no going back...but there's still a lot of forward space to explore. Being a good businessman requires plenty talents and qualities. Those are still at your disposal to be channeled into a life suited to your present needs. On top of those, you now have more insight and awareness. They often come at a price...which makes all the more valuable.

It is a pleasure to welcome you on board.

What is the meaning of Life?

SubduedBlues — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 03:46:19 GMT

Hi Sean

Welcome to the BB forums. I must say that your post makes me think of the "High Cost of Living" song by Jamey Johnson; (you can find it on youtube). I have often used his lyrics to teach my kids about drugs: "The high cost of livin' ... ain't nothing like the cost of livin' high."

But there is a lot more to the story outlined in the lyrics. Have a listen, I think it might hit home for you. Getting back to your question: the meaning of life. Unfortunately there is no single answer to that question. Life is different things to different people. Some of us want to own things, some of us what to build things, some want to leave a legacy to their family and others to their community.

If you're looking for a goal, how about a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade free from the control of alcohol and drugs. This may not seem like much, but for those friends I have that used to be addicted to this, that or the other, every day is an achievement. Some days are struggles, but every day further helps them feel that much better about themselves. And being free of the addiction enables them to be more productive towards achieving peace and happiness within themselves.

For me, when I cannot make myself happy, I go and make other people happy. Sometimes it's family, sometimes friends, but what I really enjoy is making strangers happy. And somewhere, somehow, some days/weeks down the road, I feel happy for doing just that.

It is never how much or how little you have. It is not about how you contribute, or how you help or how you give. It is about how happy they are (whoever they may be) to have met you, to have known you, and/or to have been touched by you.

True happiness is found in the hearts of others.

What is the meaning of Life?

V17 — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 04:00:20 GMT

Hi Sean,

Your honesty is a testament to your character, so hey - well done!

I was heading out the door when I came across your post and it stopped me in my tracks. What is the meaning of life?
I understand addiction. I had a drinking problem and was addicted to pain killers - I used them to self medicate and try and 'cover' the emptiness I felt. I hit a lowest low in my life and walked through the doors of a local AA Group; broken and ashamed - I managed to gain clarity, self respect and a strong desire to help those in need, for nearly 5 years. The bonds of friendship I have built on in those rooms will be taken to the grave. There is also the drug equivalent; NA - perhaps look into it Sean? They also have a helpline which helped me considerably, particularly in the early days.

I can see in your post here a man who has been humbled. Perhaps use your humility towards giving those in need. I'm not talking about money here, I'm talking about giving of 'you'. Does that make sense? You see, when I became humbled after I walked in the doors of the AA room, I began to understand that by my kindness towards helping others in need; it gave my life meaning. I felt like I was worthy. For example, at the suggestion of my sponsor, I wanted to help as many people as I could in a single day. It was the simple things of turning away from ME focusing on my woes, my life, my job me me ME; to start to focus on others. I discovered the people struggling with their shopping; the people who looked sad and giving them a smile; the people who were waiting to reverse their car and stopping to allow them to come out - those simple things. Whilst they were not major in the scheme of things, they allowed me to see that by giving of myself instead of being the one who was the road rager who couldn't care less is someone was having a bad day because, hey, I'm having a bad one too - that person; my actions became meaningful.
I imagine you have quite a significant amount of people working for you who may or may not be struggling in one form or another. Perhaps the next time you walk down the corridor, or the car park - where ever it is - start to look around and see if there are people in need and what you could give to them to help? A smiles costs nothing but means the world to those who need one. It really worked for me and so many others I know.

We are a great bunch of non judgmental, supportive souls here, Sean, we would like to help anyway we can.
Hope you keep in touch.
V.

What is the meaning of Life?

Cornstarch — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 04:16:44 GMT

Try and not shame yourself Sean, I know it's easy to sit here and preach that when it's you that has to do the hard yards on the inside.

You're hardly alone in being indoctrinated with the mantra that more, more, more money will only increase you're happiness. We have all been brainwashed by the same sentiments since we were children. Our parents role modelled the same sentiments no doubt.

It would take a lot to shock doctors and health professionals so whatever you've done it's safe to tell one of them and I'd recommend you do, that's when we turn corners because it lifts the shame and humiliation.

Illicit drugs huge right now in certain circles, including in some of my own relatives and associates through friends. I've never touched it, but I'm not too proud or stuck up to admit that I had an intense 6 month period in my wayward mid-twenties where I partied too hard. I was furious at myself down the track, but at the time I hated myself, I hated my life, I hated my parents I hated the world and I wanted to forget who I was. I was angry, lost, depressed and afraid that I would be miserable for the rest of my life.

I felt like 'happiness' was for those people that live there up on the hill over looking the beach. Little did I know until later that heaps of them were absolutely miserable as well, if not more. As for alcohol, it's cheap, readily accessible and socially acceptable. It is everywhere!

What I've observed in others and in myself, is that happiness is dependent upon the quality of the relationships I have in my life. The people on the hill that were happy had satisfying relationships, and the people on the hill that were miserable were miserable in their relationships. I'm not only referring to romantic relationships, but all connections. I also believe that our society'd loss of community has had an enormous detrimental effect on our collective mental health.

Take care mate, and reach out to some docs, some of them are awesome and undoubtedly would have tried the sorts of things you've tried or at least have family that have/do.

What is the meaning of Life?

White_Rose — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 04:53:46 GMT

Dear Sean

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. The acquisition of this world's goods is seen as the best way to run your life. So sad. First I suggest you read this thread. Depression/Is that it, is survival the only thing/ by Sharny. It seems this contributor is asking the same question as you. Why not read this thread and contribute? You may find you can help each other.

You are correct about how you appear. Until you mentioned drugs and alcohol I wondered what had happened in your life. SB and Starwolf have suggested some great ideas. I agree with them. When I was searching for the meaning in my life I found making life easier for others so rewarding. SB says why not make getting alcohol and drug free your first goal. Regardless of any other activity, this will make you feel better.

Here is the link to a BB publication on alcohol, drugs and depression. http://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/0058 Also try this thread on BB. Forums/Depression/ How can I stop abusing drugs. This is the link https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/depression/how-can-i-stop-abusing-drugs#qk405XHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A Also look at Forums/ Long term support over the journey/Battling the booze

The folk writing here have something to say about their own journeys and struggles. You may find it helpful to read these posts and possibly contribute. I suggest this not because it will solve all your problems, sigh, but in offering help and support you can feel the satisfaction of giving to others. It gives me great joy when someone says my words have helped. Without wanting to sound like a cliché, helping others helps ourselves.

These are just the first steps. You know you will be battling all your life to stay clean and dry, but it does get easier I'm told. I will ask a couple of other people to write in here. Your drive and determination will be needed here, but you have demonstrated your strength. Harness this to your get well program, but be very sure this is what you want. No one gives up an addiction before they want to. It may not sound as huge as you difficulties, but being over weight is, for me, horrible. I have tried for a long time and to lose weight. Now I am understanding myself more I am getting on with the job. All addictions are hard to break.

Not a great deal of information for you. Read the suggested posts and see if any of it rings a bell for you. Come back and talk about it.

Mary

What is the meaning of Life?

Sean1 — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 05:23:54 GMT

Thankyou for your helpful reply. Just so your aware ive been to the best psychiatrists money can buy but i feel like they are very clinical and textbook style in their response. The reason for being here is to experience real people with real problems who have actually been through the lows themselves not some overeducated specialist charging me hundreds of dollars an hr. Thankyou for your words of wisdom

What is the meaning of Life?

Sean1 — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 05:29:07 GMT

Thanks so very much for taking the time to write me a reply. I just listened to the song and can definitely relate to it. It started ohh so innocent but unfortuntely with money there comes the ability to live a certain lifestyle most people will never experience. Looking back i actually rue the day i went out on my own but i cant live in the past. My whole life was spent worrying about ME ME ME and it would be safe to say im known as being arrogant and obnoxious and extremely self centred. I will try to use what you have advised to live a more fulfilling life built on relationships not money. Thankyou for your time

What is the meaning of Life?

white knight — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 05:29:26 GMT

Hi Sean, welcome

After a long working life as an employee in 2000 I started my own investigation company.

All was OK although I'd drive 90,000 km a year in the regional areas and then wham! I fell in a heap and had a couple of mental episodes.

I retired at 57yo 3 years ago. Now that I've slowed down I'm amazed how hard I worked. I had a lot of momentum going, very early mornings dodging roos etc.

Now I watch wildlife from our rear verandah in a small country town. Our treats might include coffee at another town driving our vintage convertible car or a day in the vegie patch. We at in the slow lane.

Please Google the following

Topic: meditation, words of wisdom, he helped me for 25 years- beyondblue

Topic: the balance of your life- beyondblue

Topic: need there done that syndrome- beyondblue

Thanks for posting

Tony WK

What is the meaning of Life?

Sean1 — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 05:33:31 GMT

Thankyou very much V. Out of all the replies i have read yours has truly touched me. Im definitely a man that has been humbled. Money does strange things to people and i feel it poisoned me and turned into an extremely arrogant, obnoxious and selfcentred person who felt no emotion towards others. However over the last yr this has changed, i have softened, im kinder, for the first time in my life im empathetic. Deep down im a good person but i believe i allowed myself to be corrupted into a certain lifestyle. I certaintly will look closer at my staff and be more generous of my time and money.

Many thanks V

What is the meaning of Life?

Sean1 — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 05:36:12 GMT

Thankyou for your kind words Mary. I appreciate you adding those links and i will make sure to read them today. Thanks again

What is the meaning of Life?

Sean1 — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 05:49:08 GMT

Thanks Tony i appreciate and am thankful for giving me an insight into your own experiences. I am considering retiring myself albeit at 34 yrs of age. I have a great ceo as well as cfo and i handpicked the board of directors so i know i would be safe stepping away. Im not burnt out but i am unhappy but i still also hold on dear to things i promised myself. Many years ago i promised myself i would make a billion dollars and cement myself as one of the richest men in Australia. Somehow i feel like a failure if i give up now...ive achieved the impossible by this age and im in the middle of 2 jvs and an acquisiton at the moment. My pride is my biggest enemy. Picturing you sitting on the back verandah watching birds brought a smile to my face and i dont smile often. Thankyou for your help tony

What is the meaning of Life?

Cornstarch — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 05:52:37 GMT

Hey Sean,

I replied earlier, it may not get through due to disclosing my younger years shenanigans.

I know some grotesquely wealthy people, that are in the same place as you, and the variance in how to go about tackling it is as diverse as life itself. Some people have tried cold turkey, some people have tried gradual cut back, everyone seems to be different it seems.

There is an assumption that there is a sad story behind all addiction while ironically the people I know that have struggled the most are trust fund children, with parents I used to cry and dream about would come down and save me from my miserable bed. In lots of ways this only increases their shame and embarrassment today, because in their heart of hearts they know that they are lucky compared to some. They feel like brats with no excuse and it increases their disgust and emptiness.

Psychiatrists will be very clinical unfortunately. Maybe in a weird kind of way you could consider it comforting to know that they are not shocked, they've seen it all, what you're struggling with is universal and not personal.

I suppose it is not practical to disappear for a month to a luxurious rehab centre without raising eye brows. Could you tell a little porkie to your staff and make up some weird health condition to give yourself time to go, and just be. Just be sad, and lost?

What is the meaning of Life?

Sean1 — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 06:03:01 GMT

No trust fund baby here. All self made...i come from a poor family and upringing...and thats why i always wanted more. I love my parents but i could never imagine not having money, if you have brains and drive the impossible is achievable..

What is the meaning of Life?

MarkJT — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 06:04:03 GMT

Sean1, you story is one that resonates with me as i have been very fortunate to see Hugh Van Cuylenberg a couple of times. He started "The Resilience Project" and by seeing this and adhering to the lessons learnt, I have rewired my brain to scan for the positives in the world, rather than the negatives.

I believe that you have found yourself in that dangerous situation where you were never really satisfied with what you have. You are obviously a high achiever and extremely driven to accomplish what you have in your life but when is it enough? This is one of the points that Hugh points out.

Long story short, he was in India and met a local lad who had no family and no house yet he was the happiest kid he ever met. He stayed there for a while then came back, studied resilience and worked out that this little Indian lad did three things every day - practiced mindfulness, showed gratitude and empathy.

So: I would advise to start practicing mindfulness. There are some great apps out there to help guide you through the learning process. I use smiling mind daily. It is about living in the now and not worrying about the future nor thinking of the past.

Empathy: You would have so many resources available to you. Is there something you can do to help out someone. Sponsor some meals for the homeless, sponsor some clothing for those that need it, help out at a hospital, something, anything that you will not get anything in return but you are helping other people. I am not saying that you have to spend 10s of 1,000's of dollars here but if you helped feed just one person a decent meal, you will have impacted so much on that person.

Gratitude: What i do is email someone who has been influential in my past. Someone that helped shape who i am today. I do this once every 3-4 weeks. I thank them for what they did for me, took the time to show me the way in a certain aspect of my life. Could be something small or could be something big. I genuinely do not expect anything in return, i am just saying thanks for what they did for me. It is a great feeling. You achieving what you have, I would think there would be a fair few people who have influenced you in a positive way.

I practice mindfulness daily, email those that influenced me and help others where i can. I once didn't have any resilience. I now have it back thanks to this. It is very rewarding.

The meaning of like to me is being happy and helping others be happy.

Well done for posting. Takes courage.

Mark

What is the meaning of Life?

Cornstarch — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 06:17:53 GMT

Someone had to be the original maker of a trust fund and they also came from nothing mate.

Good luck

What is the meaning of Life?

MarkJT — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 06:20:32 GMT

Just to add some more and to clarify, the little Indian lads don't email as there is no electricity and no running water. They are just so grateful for what they have got. The help each other out without expectations and they live in the moment.

After living by these standards for a while, this is when my brain changed and started being super positive. I am now living in such a place where i have not been this calm and content for at least a decade.

By background, I was hospitalised in 2013 with PTSD, depression and anxiety from an incident i attended as a police officer in 2003. I was a shell of my former self.

I just think that due to you being such a high achiever, you could make a substantial difference in so many peoples lives, it would be awesome. Yes you could donate money but once that is done, what do you do next? This is why i reckon if you have the ability to continually help people out, you get to see the changes and the smiles on faces that you created, no one else, you did that.

I loved your post - so much courage to do that and also i find it completely fascinating as i have not ever read a post like it.

I certainly hope that you continue on the beyondblue forums and letting us know how you are travelling and what you are up to. We are all here to support you through this period of time and you will never be judged, only supported.

Cheers

Mark.

What is the meaning of Life?

geoff — Sat, 19 Nov 2016 19:46:51 GMT

hi Sean, I had just typed a reply but I didn't copy and paste it, so will have to start again, is that 'the meaning of life'. Geoff.

What is the meaning of Life?

White_Rose — Sun, 20 Nov 2016 21:12:12 GMT

Hello Sean

Coincidentally I received this extract this morning. You may find this book useful. Had to take out half of the quote - too long.

‘Who am I?’ is a question we are faced with at different times in our life, especially when life suddenly dramatically changes for us. This is especially poignant when our sense of self has been dependent on one aspect only, which was important in our assessment of who we are and what value we have. Being made redundant, retiring or the children leaving home, can then have a devastating effect. Losing what we considered our role in life feels like being unmasked with nothing real underneath. Abrupt change then can cause bewilderment and depression.

We have forgotten who we truly are at heart. Who do you think you are? We don’t really know who we are. We have based our identity on superficial and external factors only. We are like Nasrudin in the Sufi story who went into a bank to cash a cheque. When he was asked to identify himself, he took out a mirror and peered into it and said: ‘Yes, that’s me alright.’

Just like the influence of our early environment on who we think we are, cultural conditioning and its associated images are equally influential. We look for a sense of identity in everything that surrounds us: reactions of other people, our cultural environment, our relationships, our thoughts, emotions, and the roles we play in life. All this gives us a clear sense of who we are. This clearly defined self-image makes us feel in control and gives us a
sense of permanence and security. As far as the cultural influence is concerned, only when we leave the culture and society we were raised in and meet with different ones, do we become aware of their all-pervasive influence
on our thoughts and behaviour. They determine what we find praiseworthy or blameworthy. Even the meaning we attribute to our life is often culturally shaped. Freud called constraints imposed by the conditioning in the family and in society the ‘super-ego’. To break this hold over our mind and be open to other interpretations is helped by a regular meditation practice, where from the stillness and silence at our centre we hear the voice of our true ‘self’, which gives us insight and the energy to question these prejudices and assumptions.

Kim Nataraja "Dancing with My Shadow"

What is the meaning of Life?

geoff — Tue, 22 Nov 2016 21:28:12 GMT

hi Sean, just wondering if you are still checking your post. Thanks. Geoff.