topic There is Power in Forgiveness in Staying well

There is Power in Forgiveness

Guest_1055 — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 00:22:57 GMT

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to share this with you all. This information was given to me at a support group that I attend. Here it is:

There is Power in Forgiveness

Strategy: Open your eyes to what anger and resentment are doing to you. Take your power back from those who have hurt you.

Hate, anger and resentment are destructive, eating away at the heart and soul of the person who carries them. They are absolutely incompatible with your own peace, joy and relaxation. Ugly emotions change who you are and contaminate every relationship you have. They can also take a physical toll on your body, including sleep disturbance, headaches, back spasms and even heart attacks.

To be continued.......

There is Power in Forgiveness

Starwolf — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 02:47:43 GMT

Hi beautiful lady,

Thank you so much for sharing these thoughts with us. How true it all is ! Anger and resentment may be legitimate and need to be acknowledged but nothing good comes of dwelling on them and allowing them to become entrenched. First of all, they cannot change whatever caused them. Being toxic emotions, they will eventually spread their poison to all areas of our life.

Self-forgiveness is a priority. There's healing in accepting that we are all flawed humans, mostly learning by the mistakes we make. We are thrown in this bewildering world without a user's manual. Whether we admit it or hide it, we all have skeletons in our cupboards, people and situations we could have handled better. The only positive thing we can do is try to figure how to avoid repetition, while keeping in mind that repetition also plays a part in the learning process. Life is a learning curve. Like every learning process, it mostly happens gradually. Setbacks are to be expected but we often regard them as failure. Would it be helpful to scold a child who stumbles while trying to master walking skills ?

But anger and resentment can be useful. They can be an incentive to make a change or improve on something that didn't work out. A traumatic past turned me into an extremely angry person. This rage could be directed against myself, everyone else around and the system too. A whole life can easily be wasted by constant lashing out and/or self-punishment for not coping. It's been a long, often chaotic ride but I gradually learned to catch the feeling as it rises, acknowledge whatever/whoever angers me, accept that the feeling is justified. If another person has caused the anger, I recognize that their actions were motivated by personal issues and how I may or may not have contributed to the situation. I then instantly try to find ways to bring positive results into the situation.

No matter how small and limited these may be at the time, they may have a delayed impact or create a ripple effect. This automatically engages the mind elsewhere and does away with the feeling of helplessness. It begins to set conditions for healing, taking control instead of being controlled. Turning away from negativity and embracing the positive/creativity.

Accepting that nothing can change the past, our past stuff ups or other people's, but changing our attitude towards them can certainly improve our lifestyle...and peace of mind.

There is Power in Forgiveness

Carmela — Tue, 26 Jul 2016 03:05:18 GMT

Absolutely Shelley Anne. I look forward to part 2. xx

There is Power in Forgiveness

Guest_1055 — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 03:19:21 GMT

Hi there dear Star

Yes I agree that one needs to acknowledge how they are feeling whether it be anger, resentment, bitterness etc. Otherwise I think one just stuffs it inside their heart somewhere. And it just stays there. Just like poison like you said. That is what I use to do a lot, just stuff it down. I still do this at times. I am talking about emotions that can cause us harm, harm and hurt to somebody else, tear us down, and sometimes makes us sad, and depressed.

I guess you want to keep all the good emotions inside your heart like love, kindness etc. Oh... I have never quite seen that about good emotions until just now. I am guessing these emotions would work totally opposite to the other toxic ones.

Star, I haven't got a grasp on self forgiveness. That is I don't think I do that. I have plenty of stuff that I would need to forgive myself for. But I think I need to take small steps here in regards to forgiveness. I just get a brain overload or something.:-) I like to fully grasp one thing, understand it well, practice it, then move on to the next thing, or something like that anyway. But I do think self forgiveness properly would help to not feel so bad about oneself??

And are you keeping warmer, where you live now? Hope you are having a good day with all your dogs, and other creatures in the bush.

Love

Shell xx

There is Power in Forgiveness

Guest_1055 — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 03:30:32 GMT

Hi there Carmela

Hope you are OK . I am guessing by your response you have experience with the topic of forgiveness. I will be posting part 2 sometime today.

Love

Shell xx

There is Power in Forgiveness

Guest_1055 — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 04:13:07 GMT

I just read my reply to you Star. It sounds blunt or something. Sorry I do hope it is OK.

There is Power in Forgiveness

Starwolf — Fri, 29 Jul 2016 04:40:52 GMT

Hi Shelle Belle,

I don't find your response "blunt". I can understand where you come from and I agree that taking things slowly is the only way to go, one step, one day at a time.

I also think you got it right re positive feelings. Whether applied to ourselves or spread around, they're an antidote against negativity. Your quiet, loving care is/has been a soothing balm to so many here at BB. You have a gift for empathy and should be proud of yourself for sharing it freely.

I am glad you are bravely persisting with the group sessions. Something else to give yourself credit for. I'm sure all the things you are learning now will have long-term benefits.

Have a great weekend.

There is Power in Forgiveness

Guest_1055 — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 02:21:16 GMT

Hi there dear Star

I am glad you didn't find my response blunt.:-) Hope you are OK there. And thanks heaps for your words in regards to the group support sessions, I felt encouraged. I have been learning some deep stuff, including the power of forgiveness.

Love

Shelle Belle xx

There is Power in Forgiveness

Guest_1055 — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 02:27:30 GMT

Part 2

Forgiveness sets you free from the bonds of hatred, anger and resentment. The only way to rise above the negatives of a relationship in which you were hurt is to take the moral high ground, and forgive the person who hurt you......

There is Power in Forgiveness

Guest_1055 — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 02:37:28 GMT

Part 3

Forgiveness is not about another person who has transgressed against you; it is about you. Forgiveness is about doing whatever it takes to preserve the power to create your own emotional state. It is a gift to yourself and it frees you. You don't have to have the other person's cooperation, and they do not have to be sorry or admit the error of their ways. Do it for yourself.

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There is Power in Forgiveness

Carmela — Mon, 01 Aug 2016 03:31:14 GMT

I feel many people do Shelley.

Part 2 has a flip side for me - it is seeing the beauty in the struggle and forgiveness becomes possible. Every event and situation in my life that has challenged me, has allowed me to grow and learn. I am grateful for and the forgiveness that brings peace.

There is Power in Forgiveness

Guest_1055 — Tue, 02 Aug 2016 08:53:49 GMT

Hi Carmala

I hope you are OK.

I have read your response a few times, but I am unable to understand. Some things take a while to sink in or something. I so much want to comprehend what you are saying, are you able to explain it in any other way? If you don't mind me asking.

Love

Shell xx

There is Power in Forgiveness

Kazzl — Tue, 02 Aug 2016 21:05:44 GMT

Hi Shell, I've just come across this thread and want to thank you. There's something about you my lovely friend that always makes me feel calmer. Your kindness and care for others reaches out beyond the computer screen.

Forgiveness doesn't come easily to me, especially forgiving myself! I have much to learn, and this is helpful. Thank you hun. xxx

There is Power in Forgiveness

Just Sara — Fri, 05 Aug 2016 22:59:14 GMT

Hi Shell;

There are many schools of thought around forgiveness, especially in the religious arena. But the outcome sought is always 'peace'.

Growing up I experienced many trauma's and negative habitual behaviour by my parents. Although we all knew things were wrong, it was overlooked and the word "sorry" was rarely used. Each day was lived by 'surviving' and 'tolerating' those wrong doings, and I've found it extremely difficult to stop these habits. In fact, there have been times I've been confused as to whether people treated me badly or not. It's been so normal to just wear it on the chin.

Each morning we'd get up and the chaos and violence of the previous night was forgotten and 'forgiven'?? No-one spoke of it. My interpretation of forgiveness has had to be unlearned and it hasn't been easy. I have managed to find some peace through acceptance and empathy; that others are flawed and will not change to suit my needs.

Your words are beautiful and depict a softness and nurturing strength at the same time. I wish I could understand the concept in relation to my own life. I suspect forgiveness is a process. Going from fear to acceptance, and walking away never having to look back.

Not quite sure...Dizzy x