topic Turning negatives into positives in Staying well

Turning negatives into positives

MarkJT — Tue, 28 Feb 2017 09:06:27 GMT

I have always tried to turn a negative into a positive. Negatives are never nice to go through so i think it is really important that you get something out of it, for me that is anything that is positive.

Say for instance, i was hospitalised in Feb 2013 with PTSD, depression and anxiety. Whilst sitting in hospital with my life in tatters, I made a promise to myself that I am going to use my experience which at the time, was completely crap to help others. At that stage I didn't know how i was going to achieve this but in any event, it was something i promised.

I have since worked out how to do that and being part of this forum is one of them. I really enjoy help guide people who are at the start or in the middle of their journeys.

So i am just wondering, how do other people turn the negatives into positives?

When do you try and do this? i.e. at the start of the negative? In the middle? at the end?

I wonder if some people just cannot do that? I guess there would be.

Keen to hear your thoughts.

Cheers

Mark.

Turning negatives into positives

blondguy — Tue, 28 Feb 2017 09:43:05 GMT

Hi Mark

What a great post!

If I can quote a part of your post please

Mark said: "I made a promise to myself that I am going to use my experience which at the time, was completely crap to help others"

That is Gold Mark.

My big brother committed suicide after battling schizophrenia in 1982. Combined with the onset of my anxiety (no such specie as GAD then) I have been on a mission to help others where the medical professionals continually succeeded in ongoing failure

Beyond Blue has provided me with the avenue I have been searching for to assist people in pain. The beyond Blue forums are a wonderful and therapeutic place to be involved in.

Re Negatives.......The word 'hate' doesnt get used in my home in any shape or form. Hating anything consumes a ton of precious mental energy." 'Disliking' has a lot less drain on our well being.

Turning negatives into positives: I guess I use my autopilot as much as possible not to wallow in my own past crapulence

Crackerjack thread topic Mark and thanks

Paul

Turning negatives into positives

Croix — Tue, 28 Feb 2017 09:54:59 GMT

Dear Mark~

This is a pretty good idea for a thread, I hope you get tons of replies.

I'll start off with one from right here. About 2-3 years ago I joined bb and started to look at the Forum. At the time I knew little of bb and less of the Forum. For a long time I just looked, occasionally picking up a hint here or there to help me cope with PTSD, depression and anxiety.

On day I saw a post from someone who had been in the forces and had PTSD. He seemed reasonably new to the illness and was confused and unsure, blaming himself, despairing and asking for help.

He described exactly the same things that had happened to me. For some reason I started to post, telling him about my experiences and what happen, and about treatment and how my wife and I dealt with the whole thing. What they could expect. I tried to give ideas on how to cope with some of it.

It seemed to work, with lots of people posting and the original poster eventually stopping after gaining a significant improvement. I only had a very small part in that improvement but I like to think my very negative experience was put to use and did some good.

As you can see I've been posting ever since, using what has happened to me to assist me in understanding others and hopefully help some of them on their journey towards recovery.

Croix

Turning negatives into positives

Elizabeth CP — Tue, 28 Feb 2017 10:00:43 GMT

As a child & teenager we had little money because of a number of circumstances including losing everything in a bushfire, then both my parents developing ongoing illnesses before medicare. The positives were I learnt from a young age to manage money effectively & learning to many practical skills such as sewing & home maintenance tenable me to make my money go further. This has helped me throughout my life.

Turning negatives into positives

CMF — Tue, 28 Feb 2017 12:03:34 GMT

Great one Mark,

You posted on my thread recently about turning a negative into a positive and it does have me thinking. I do think at times it is difficult to see/find a positive about a situation, however everything teaches us something so if nothing else, we can try to see the lesson which in turn helps us grow.

I get anxious about my mortgage but at the end of the day i have equity in my home if i decide to sell.

My son is changing schools and as his Dad does not approve he is not contributing to any expenses. It is a big outlay to start with as i need to purchase a laptop. This is causing some stress for me at the moment, however, in the long run the move will hopefully be for the better. Plus i can go to sleep at night knowing i have always supported my kids as best i can unlike him (not that i think he cares). Sometimes the positive is not immediate but part of a bigger picture. I do also believe that God is there for me and I do pray. Over the school holidays i was to buy my son some new school uniform items but I didn't. I just thought i would wait, something stopped me. Looking back i am so happy i did hesitate as now that he is changing schools, they would have been a big waste. Sometimes the positive is in reverse in this case.

As you also know my local coffee shop has changed owners as of this week. I was devastated when they told me they were selling and felt quite insecure as it is my 'go to' place and I'm scared it will really change. I have made friends there and catch up with the locals. If it does change and i don't feel comfortable anymore i do have another place i would like to try, and i have told other locals, we are considering all moving if necessary. I realised today that moving is not that bad, who knows, i might meet some new locals, you just never know.

Baby Steps x

Turning negatives into positives

gld — Tue, 28 Feb 2017 12:13:38 GMT

Hi,

Negatives build up walls and by taking it down brick by brick you become more positive. I feel it is a growth thing by finding ways to use the bricks you take from the wall and build a path that leads to somewhere you want to go.

Setting a goal that is achievable, gives a feeling of success which then in turn gives you the power to change direction of a negative towards a positive direction.

Living in the negative is like groundhog day the same stuff keeps on happening throw some change in there and it breaks the cycle moving in a more desirable path.

Gen

Turning negatives into positives

white knight — Tue, 28 Feb 2017 15:45:37 GMT

Hi Mark

A very successful thread already.

I think one of the biggest problems is people are unawzre they are negative thinkers. I was unaware until 1982. Overnight it all changed. That is covered in the thread (google) Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

With depression however, falling in a heap will still occur, so its important to utilise your positive abilities when your cycle is improving.

You'll bounce back much easier with a positive frame of mind.

Great thread m8

Tony WK

Turning negatives into positives

MarkJT — Tue, 28 Feb 2017 21:44:36 GMT

Paul: It is impossible to put a number on, but gee i would love to know how many people are walking this big chunk on rock we live on because you so do what you do. To be touched so closely by suicide and use that as the fuel to burn your desire to help others, nothing but respect.

I love how you don't use the word hate and replace it with dislike. That will be something i will be implementing at home that is for sure.

Cannot agree with you more about the BB forums. Such an awesome supportive, caring and stigma free zone where we are all in our respective journeys together.

Croix: How good is it when the penny drops, so to speak and you realise that by helping yourself, you are helping others. Particularly in our line of business where there are so many walking around without the knowledge of how to recognise PTSD symptoms and not knowing what really to do.

Elizabeth: Money management is such and under rated skill that is just so critically important to our overall health. Sounds as pretty much you learnt survival skills and have kept them going through your life. Would have been so easy to sit there and throw it all in but you elected to do something about it. Huge! Love it.

Baby_Steps: Yep you are certainly moving forward now and through your posts I can see that turning things around is something that you are doing. That is just so pleasing to see. Remember though, if something doesn't turn around straight away, that is okay, keep working on it.

Gen, what a brilliant brilliant choice of words. I really love that analogy that you have used. Such a positive brilliant outlook. Thinking i might steal that one (with appropriate thanks to you attached!!). You are spot on. Thank you.

Tony: Yes absolutely falling in a heap will still occur. It is very similar to when you are recovering, if you have a bad day, then so be it, it does not mean you are relapsing, you are just having a bad day. If you are having a negative moment, so be it, as you say, use the skills you have learnt and flip it around.

Great awesome answers all - so much knowledge and so much wisdom from you all.

Thanks

Mark.

Turning negatives into positives

CMF — Thu, 02 Mar 2017 04:55:13 GMT

I guess if anyone wants to share stories on turning negative into positive we can keep this thread going. I find it inspiring to hear such stories. If anyone is keen i'll start.

My son has changed schools and i need to pay out the term for his old school, an expense i knew about but they will not waive it. Today i received an email to say the laptop he returned had damage that was not covered under the insurance and i am required to pay the excess. Another expense i did not need. Upon ringing the school to organise payment i asked again if they would waive the term's notice for me, which they will not, however the accounts manager did mention that they have a new Business Manager who has waived fees such as building Levy's and fees for a subject my son did not do so even with the expense of computer repair the final payment is the same as what i originally expected so I am no worse off.

Turning negatives into positives

MarkJT — Thu, 02 Mar 2017 07:13:27 GMT

BS, great to hear that you had a good outcome with that.

I used the time i had off work at the start of the recovery period and then into the returning to work process to train for a complete a few marathons. Bucket list ticking off.

Mark.

Turning negatives into positives

gld — Thu, 02 Mar 2017 21:15:40 GMT

Hello Everyone,

Just read this this morning over a cuppa and i feel it could help us on this subject.

http://bit.ly/2mkrx2N

Have an awesome day with new experiences.

Gen

Turning negatives into positives

blondguy — Fri, 03 Mar 2017 22:48:13 GMT

Hey Mark

If a person is struggling with mental illness they can make their life more positive by discarding negative or overly critical people.

This can be difficult but even changing from a toxic work environment to a more positive one can enhance the positives thus the healing process.

Paul

Turning negatives into positives

Starwolf — Sat, 04 Mar 2017 04:42:19 GMT

Thank you Mark for starting this inspiring thread.

Being able to see the seed of light that exists within the darkest situation is a gift. It often takes a fair bit of hindsight...

I feel blessed and relieved that my disastrous past has gradually been recycled along more positive lines. For example, my childhood was all about helplessness and utter isolation. There was nowhere, no one to turn to. No wonder it turned me into a social misfit and outcast.

BUT it also taught me that some measure of self-sufficiency is a terrific asset. I have tried many things I wouldn't have if I had been able to delegate tasks. Whatever I became successful at gave me much needed self-esteem and confidence. Those I failed at taught me that it was possible to do without countless things that most people find necessary. Being able to live a simple life simplifies it. Then it is possible to focus on and hone survival skills. I became resourceful out of necessity. Having no one to lean on or blame forced me to dig deep within myself to find unsuspected inner resources.

AND having to rely on/put up with my own company has been a ruthless motivation to eliminate/change a lot of crap within me I could no longer bear to live with. There was a time when looking in a mirror without smashing it was difficult. These days, I can smile at my reflection and even say a few kind words to it. Yes, talking to oneself (aloud or silently) comes with the lonesome territory but it has also helped me turn dissociation into reintegration. Only discussion could have those split, obnoxious facets learn to work together instead of being at war with each other.

A peaceful day to all.

Turning negatives into positives

MarkJT — Sun, 05 Mar 2017 07:31:23 GMT

Paul, you are absolutely spot on with the work situation. It is really difficult to flip around a negative into a positive but i think the important thing is to just gain a small positive for starters. Yes there will be some negativity there, but if one thing, just one thing only comes out of it as a positive, then happy days....well sort of!

I like how you have mentioned overly critical people. I think for a lot of the times, those people have their own difficulties going on but instead of helping, they become critical. Don't know why though as if they just got a little taste of the support out there, they could come good.

Mark.

Turning negatives into positives

MarkJT — Sun, 05 Mar 2017 07:52:25 GMT

Starwolf, brilliant post. You could so well have easily curled up into a ball and forgot about life but you did the opposite, despite so much going against you, you still bat up each and every day.

Perhaps the most important you have learnt to do is look into your mirror and smile. That is one exceedingly difficult thing to do when at one stage you did not like doing that.

Well done - such a great story!!

Mark.

Turning negatives into positives

Starwolf — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 00:34:58 GMT

Thank you Mark.

Starting the journey towards healing PTSD with a promise to yourself was a brave and wise move. You established a strong foundation on which to build up and you did it without having a clue how it could be done. I admire your self-confidence.

Success always begins with resolve, doesn't it ? For those of us who have been used, abused and thrown away, there is unfortunately not much of a sense of self left. But even un-glamorous defiance and anger can be used (I'm not going to let those so and so win this !). What better proof that there IS a seed of light within darkness ?

The task ahead is daunting but persistent chipping will gradually wear down the biggest monolith. After some time, momentum sets in and hard work become easier.

Turning negatives into positives

MarkJT — Mon, 06 Mar 2017 09:55:47 GMT

Starwolf, yes losing your own sense of self worth, in fact losing your self worth is the worst feeling i have ever had. I had this feeling in my chest that i cannot explain just how bad it was and i equate to the loss of my self worth.

One thing I did to start getting it back was to get out old photos of my travels and all the good times I had. This would remind me that i was capable of being happy even though i was far from it.

The momentum you talk about it absolutely spot on. I reached a point where i got over a hump and my recovery accelerated. Such an awesome feeling. Still have bad days (like today) but the bad days these days used to be my best days so i can handle them.

Keep chipping away, that is the way to go.

Mark.

Turning negatives into positives

Steph2017 — Fri, 10 Mar 2017 01:52:41 GMT

I get anxious about my health esp mental health as im about to have a new baby (got postpartum psychosis last time). And the nurse said having a toddler too could complicate things. And my parents make it hard because of their mental health.

I am thankful that ive been healthy most of my life, that ive been drugfree in pregnancy so far, theres a 50% chance of it not happening again (that was the chance last time) but even less chance, i think almost zero, as i will be on medicine that works straight away to prevent anything from happening, i have rest time before baby (first came the day i finished work), the hospital wont let me have a 30+ hour labour again, i will be practicing mindfulness, i have a much more supportive community network now-friends and neighbours, i have a good gp and hospital, i have access to a car this time, i am competent with toddlers having worked with them all my life, the weather will be better to be able to walk outside, i have youtube internet to exercise if the weather is bad, i am closer to the hospital to get to appointments, husband has holiday leave, husband is more acclimatised to australian culture, husband knows now that i need sleep, and im not a first time mum now.

Turning negatives into positives

Ailie — Fri, 10 Mar 2017 03:49:53 GMT

Hi Mark

I would say at the end. For me personally I just kind of accept that negatives are a part of life, and we can't truly appreciate the positives around us if we don't occasionally experience negatives. They also generally pass, which is my main thought, "this sucks, but it too shall pass" kind of thing.

Turning negatives into positives

CMF — Sun, 12 Mar 2017 01:43:36 GMT

I have a really simple negative to positive.

If i didn't have anxiety/depression i would not have met all the beautiful people here at BB. For this I am grateful.