topic Ending the abuse... and starting to heal in Staying well

Ending the abuse... and starting to heal

Blackwood23 — Tue, 14 Oct 2014 07:25:25 GMT

Who’s the worst kind of abuser? A person who sexually abuses a child over a number of years? A person who is physically violent over a period of 4 years?

Or someone who victimises a person over 25 years.. Bullies them. Shatters their self esteem with cruel taunts that you’re useless and un-loveable. Someone who also tells you that you’re fat and physically repulsive for years and years - relentlessly. Someone who sabotages your happiness and your relationships with taunts of “They don’t love you, they’ll just hurt you too, you can’t trust them, they’ll find out all about you and they won’t want you anymore, you don’t deserve love”. Someone who tells you to stay in abusive relationships because that’s what you deserve. Someone who makes you binge eat because they tell you that you deserve to be fat and then makes you feel so ashamed for bingeing that they then force you to vomit until you’re heaving nothing but bile. Someone who sucks your energy with all of this abuse so much that sometimes you just don’t want to get out of bed. Sometimes you just don’t want to open your eyes. Sometimes you wish your eyes had never opened to begin with.

The first person was a relative. The second person was an ex-partner. The third and by far the worst was me.

I would like to put an end to being a victim of my own abuse. I couldn't control some things that have happened to me, but I believe I can start to control how I treat myself. I am going through counselling and now publicly (even if it is anonymous) speaking out for the first time, this is the beginning of my journey to end the abuse. Other people may have left me with wounds but it’s been me that won’t allow them to heal. I don’t want to rob my days of joy any more.

Ending the abuse... and starting to heal

HA1 — Wed, 15 Oct 2014 10:41:56 GMT

Hi Blackwood

Wow! Such a strong post, albeit with a sad story behind it.

Congratulations on taking these steps to healing - on seeking counselling and on posting here on the BB forum. Massive steps.

I just wanted to make this brief reply to welcome you and to encourage you to join the discussions. Please get back to us as often as you like to let us know how you are going, or if you need any support, or even just to vent.

take care

Ending the abuse... and starting to heal

white knight — Wed, 15 Oct 2014 10:47:58 GMT

Wow also. Just wanted to Ditto AOK's post in all respects. We are here.

Ending the abuse... and starting to heal

Blackwood23 — Wed, 15 Oct 2014 10:53:51 GMT

Thank you for your reply 🙂 It was quite cathartic to write it. It was also shocking listing all the ways in which I have held myself back and continued the cycle of abuse on myself. None of this behaviour and harmful self talk makes sense to me when I'm in a good head space and thinking rationally. Unfortunately whilst in the grips of depression and anxiety, thinking rationally isn't often my default setting.

It would be nice to have a place to vent anonymously, even nicer if through the venting I can help others too.