topic Broke? oh that rotten feeling in Staying well

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

white knight — Mon, 01 Sep 2014 07:16:20 GMT

I'm 58yo. When I was between 17 and 37yo I was always broke. Couldnt save a cent. I now know it was likely due to my mania. My impulsiveness saw me searching car yards for the dream car I didnt need and subsequently the better salesman sold me a car and the added loan for it. The loans built up and I had a real problem on my hands.

I was one of those people though that always paid his bills as soon as they arrived, which left me nothing to spend on transport, social outings or sometimes- food. There were many weeks I'd live on 5 kgms of spuds, cooking chips every night or bubble and squeek.

I now look back and see financial management like parenthood. Most of us grow up thinking we know automatically how to manage it. New, young parents, they often dont even read a book about parenthood and they have a child to raise. Thankfully they get support now. Whereas when a 18yo gets a job its purely their upbringing with money management that is their saving grace...or their downfall. Or in some cases like mine, mental incapacity to control impulsiveness.

The modern world especially in the city doesnt help. Often couple purchase a homes and repayments are based on their dual incomes, one income goes so does their home. Banks and leading institutions lend money when they shouldnt. 30 years ago you wouldnt get a loan in many cases, now they sign you up. And we consumers cant resist that jet ski or 4WD.

There are some smart ideas you can adopt. eg buying a new car? if you are going to own the car long term consider a diesel. We have owned our Hyundai i30 diesel hatch for 6 years and travelled 270,000 kms. After 25,000 kms we saved $30 a tank having repaid the $2500 for a diesel. So we are now ahead around $9,000 and the car will last longer than a petrol car. A friend of ours purchased a 4WD and wont ever take it off road. We can travel 3 times further on one tank.

That is one answer. But a financial advisor is the expert we should seek when we slide off the rails. Depression will get much worse when the pressure of debts come home to roost. It is very common. One of my previous professions was debt collection. When the tow truck arrives to tow a car away, the owners can get hostile and upset. I could see that my arrival was the arrival they would always dread.

With depression you have erratic days in terms of health. You cant predict the return of those bad days or worse - hospitalsation. Income becomes effected. Give yourself the best chance. Seek help to sort it out

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

Obsolete — Mon, 01 Sep 2014 12:09:32 GMT

Totally agree with you White Knight. Financial pressure and depression go hand in hand.

Living within your means is neither taught at school, encouraged nor condoned these days. It's all about "buy, buy BUY" - regardless of your financial position. I believe it's called "marketing". Marketing is an entire self-serving industry within itself who's primary purpose is to sell us something we "consumers" neither need, want or can afford.

In today's "must have immediately" society, most of the unnecessary garbage we buy is out of date before we even get it home.

Welcome to "The machine".

Fads come and go, but the repayments last a lifetime. The trick is to stay out of the credit cycle.

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

Jo3 — Thu, 04 Sep 2014 09:36:49 GMT

Hi WK

This is so true - financial stress and depression is terrible. I know what it's like to worry about where the next payment is going to come from.

I have started to destress with our finances by putting our house on the market.

Being depressed my mind thinks of the worse times 1000 and everything seems impossible to fix or work out. But I am slowly slowly working things out one by one and I am dealing with it.

We are also thinking of seeing a financial advisor - just to give us some help and advice.

Great post WK

Take care

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

CMF — Thu, 04 Sep 2014 12:16:28 GMT

I get anxiety if I think about my financial future. I go day by day and don't think Head as I'll end up getting sick. I was going to sell my house like Jo but had a setback which left me depressed. I don't care about the future how ill survive I can't cope with it. All I hVe is my home with a huge mortgage. I was told to sell and buy something cheaper, reduce the mortgage. Easy to say when yiu have 2 properties, no mortgage yet still live at home. It would mean uprooting my kids not having the conveniences we have now. I almost did it. I don't know if I would cope physically or mentally, maybe it's just not the right time to do it.

Financial stress =depression. Absolutely.

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

white knight — Thu, 04 Sep 2014 12:23:10 GMT

Hi Jo and Obsolete

Yeh, marketing so pathetic. We finally ditched our credit card and have a debit card now.

Jo- remember worrying doesnt produce a thing. Do your best and financiers have to be happy with that.

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

CMF — Sat, 20 Sep 2014 12:25:36 GMT

My 11 year old daughter wants to redo her bedroom we went shopping and she bought a new doña cover, bedside lamp and a few other things. She paid with her own money ( they were on sale).

I feel awful I couldn't even afford to get them for her.. She said she felt good because she loves them and got them with her own money.. Still, what sort of mother am I that she had yo use her birthday money?

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

HA1 — Sat, 20 Sep 2014 12:47:11 GMT

Hi CMF!

I know exactly how you must feel. I have experienced it.

You are a good mother - no amount of money changes that fact. You are also teaching your daughter some important life lessons - including, you buy what you can afford to pay for. Don't forget also that your daughter must have received great pleasure from shopping and paying with her own money her own money. I remember when I was young and how immensely proud I was when I had to take my own wallet out and pay for it myself. Did not matter to me that my parents did not have two pennies to rub together.

As a very you boy, I used to go out every day to deliver junk mail to letterboxes (yes they had junk mail those days too!), I did this for years. So often I ended up having more money in the bank than my parents. I was immensely proud going to bank to take out MY money to give to them to help them pay bills and buy food. Did me no harm at all.

You are are a great mother.

Take care

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

white knight — Sat, 20 Sep 2014 12:54:37 GMT

Hi CMF,

I think it was excellent that your daughter used her own money to purchase her bedroom items. It is not a reflection of your motherhood.

On this world of material items that seems like everyone has, the poor or financially strapped are less obvious. I mean how many of us see a poor person? But we recognise a person with material items...jet ski's being towed behind a new 4WD are obvious.

CMF, we all question our parenthood. We all dream of giving our children all what they need. This guilt is common.

Your daughter is proud of herself and so she should be. You are doing a great job.

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

CMF — Sat, 20 Sep 2014 20:58:51 GMT

Thank you aok and wk

my son also saves and buys things ie Xbox games bought himself a scooter he wanted or a bike and his ipad. My daughter bought her own iPad too and some clothes she wanted. he is 12. He complains more that he has to use his own money, his friends seem to get given everything. I tell them it's important to understand when you want something you need to save, or work for it, you don't always get it straight away. Life's not that easy. I do buy them things too when we are out and I can but I can't do everything I guess.

i do hope they learn to appreciate things, not expect everything to just get all they want.

cmf

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

CMF — Mon, 29 Sep 2014 09:30:39 GMT

Well my son went to the movies with some friends today. One of the friends' parents bought him an xbox1 a few days ago. The boy bought himself a tv and he has it set up in his room so the lounge is free. He came home in a great mood, I was so happy he had a good day but then started asking why I cant buy him an xbox1($500). He has an Xbox 360. I explained I dint just have that sort of money lying around. Many of his friends have the latest games and consoles and in their bedrooms.

Do all these kids really just get given everything? I explained I simply can't just go out and buy one tomorrow. He was almost teary and almost begged me for one. I hate that he has to feel like this. He said he lies to his friends And says he has the latest stuff just so he doesn't feel left out.

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

white knight — Mon, 29 Sep 2014 09:59:26 GMT

Hi CMF

It's been many years since my kids were young but they did have a basic computer game and wanted more. I settled for the Lion King and other DVD's like Harry Potter.

I refrained from getting the up to date units. Tough love is the best love. you cant judge one household to another, Different lives, incomes, child raising principles.

One doctor told me in conversation "he's never seen a child die from crying". Keep up with the cuddles but not with the Jones's.

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

Jo3 — Mon, 29 Sep 2014 10:15:12 GMT

Hey CMF

When my husband was on a disability pension (almost 10 yrs ago) our children children kept asking us for all the toys that their friends had. They even said one day - why can't we go to Queensland, all our friends go every school holidays.

I turned around and explained to them that their dad wasn't working and I wasn't working at the time either, so we could not afford to go on holidays. They did understand eventually, I could not do anything else but to explain. And do you know now my 3 children are 22, 21, and 18. They have all gone to work part time at 15 while studying at school and they all saved up enough money to purchase their own cars when they turned 18. There was no way that we could afford to buy a car each for them. They now pay their own phone bill, their own registration, insurance and whatever else they need.

Am I being a terrible and hard mum - no I don't think so. I give them love, support, happiness and a great family life. They all live at home still and I am sure that they know the value of family. They also understand the value of money and I hope they carry this on into their adulthood forever.

So CMF - don't be too hard on yourself, it's okay to not be like the Jones'.

I agree with Neil - tough love is the best love.

Take care

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

HA1 — Mon, 29 Sep 2014 12:27:31 GMT

Hi CMF - its hard on most parents in this society where its all too easy for some children to get all the latest gadgets. I guess you can't blame the parents for wanting to spoil their children, but I don't believe that it does them any good at all.

My view is that demonstrating restraint and explaining to the children why they can't have something, or everything, whenever they ask for it is a far more productive approach in the long term. Life lessons sometimes require a bit of tough love.

I think you are doing the right thing - regardless of whether you can afford things or not.

Take care

Broke? oh that rotten feeling

geoff — Mon, 29 Sep 2014 14:45:53 GMT

dear Tony, another great post, one that has got away from me, but boy oh boy how true this is and all the supporting replies just indicate the truth behind it all.

When my ex then wife had left me I was living in the house by myself, a big house on property, but I was on a pension, so that's when the ******** hit the fan, had the pay the mortgage, car loan, electricity, gas bottles and my grog, so the credit cards built up, paying one off by another (never do this ), so eventually the banks stopped the credit cards only and called in the debt collectors, who constantly rang me everyday, so I was desperate, I needed some help, and I was in deep depression, and had been for a long time.

So I went to Anglicare who were a great help and stopped all the harassment calls, and I paid a small amount to debt collectors until the house was sold which happened so the debt collectors offered me a reduced amount to pay them out.

I have often mentioned Anglicare to people who are in financial trouble, because they were a free service but so helpful.

So the morale to the story is that credit cards are too dangerous when in financial trouble and definitely in depression, because they do go hand in hand. Geoff.