topic Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion in Staying well

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

white knight — Mon, 11 Nov 2024 15:01:07 GMT

As part of your "staying well" program, accepting yourself for being YOU is crucial, almost a fundamental need if you want to move forward with your life and put your illness behind you in terms of the worry. Your goal should be to get on with life with your illness as part of you, your meds taken as part of a nightly ritual barely entering your mind.

Those that don't know about the "frog and the scorpion" story briefly it goes like this.

A scorpion eager to get to the other side of the river asked a frog to transport him there in his back. The frog refused telling the scorpion that he'd sting him once he got there and he'd die. The scorpion insisted he wouldn't kill him so the frog took him to the other side. Almost at the bank the scorpion sung the frog and before dying the frog asked the scorpion (that was drowning)why he did that as he pledged he wouldn't....the scorpion replied "because its in my nature"....then both died

The story has an almost daily place in my thoughts because all day everyday there are behaviours and actions, thoughts and fears that are there due to our "nature". We are who we are,..to an extent. That doesn't mean that if we rob a bank and get caught we say to ourselves "well that's me, I'm a bank robber and so be it, I wont change". It means that some of our characteristics, our responses, our humour our judgements and so on are essentially how we individually operate often like no other person on this planet. Every person has their right to individuality, there is no other like you (twins and triplets excluded) and there never will be.

We should, as part of "staying well" value that, cradle it, nurture it and ...promote it within you and to everyone around you.

How do we carry out this? Baby steps is essential. I notice this uniqueness among many. Jess Rowe a channel 10 celebrity (and BB ambassador) has a loud snort when she laughs. It's her, it is not intentional and some might find it unsavoury. She has mentioned it at times, that "it's me". It indeed is and I find that snort hilarious. I don't see it as a reason to dislike her...but some would.

We live in a judgemental world and some will never accept us for being ourselves. We need that to sink in. We cannot "save the world" by wanting a blanket acceptance.

So should we be the frog or the scorpion? Well the scorpion survives right! But we are not scorpions, we the ones on these pages are frogs that need to develop a little more wisdom wary of who you oblige.

Tony WK

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

Guest_2350 — Fri, 29 Jan 2016 19:51:25 GMT

Thank you Tony.

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

Guest_1055 — Sat, 30 Jan 2016 01:40:30 GMT

Hey Tony

I understand we are all unique and rare. And that there is absolutely no one on this whole earth that is exactly the same as us. Like no one soul is the same. But my question is how does one accept oneself, when you don't even know who you are?

Hugs

Shelley xx

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

white knight — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 04:38:20 GMT

Hi Shelley Anne,

You don't know who you are?. ok. If you are a frog you would look like a frog. This is not futile or silly statements. This is making it clear, clarifying things to you.

Shelly Anne, a person I've never met would look like a woman with colour of hair, a hair style, a face and so on, all different than others walking down a street. That is a beginning, a start to realise and accept that you are you...on the outside.

On the inside its a totally different thing. There are many reasons someone feels they have no identity, uniqueness, character or personal flair. I'm guessing their childhood has a lot to do with it, at some point they remained mentally as a bland character and once grown up feel that they never developed a personality....or at least one that they saw as being unique or lovable. And as long as that feeling exists the days and years flow on and its kind of wasted, because they are not rejoicing as an individual for loving yourself and being your own unique character that you embrace, is one of the most rewarding feelings on earth. If you don't have this Shelley Anne, then it should be your person quest to find it. How? I'll list them as order of importance

1/ Being positive about EVERYTHING!! Some people think they are positive but when you are a positive person you find good sides in everything. And, if so you will see clearly those that are negative.

2/ Rejecting unproductive criticism and bullying. Acknowledge that a good percentage of people are jealous, angry, aggressive and want to hurt you for frivolous reasons. Stand clear of them. Don't waste your time trying to change the bad apples into good oranges.

3/ Identifying what is unique about yourself. Nobody can tell me they aren't unique and beautiful people. You are Shelly Anne, you just have to find what people like me see in you. Being on BB is one unique thing you do that others around you don't!!

4/ Praising yourself and loving yourself. It works. After my first marriage breakdown I lived in a 10 foot caravan and daily looked into it and said aloud "you are a good man regardless of what she says and deserve a good partner". I'm happily married again.

You ask "How do I do that if I don't know myself"? you use tenacity, fight, gritting your teeth and pursue it and never give up. This is what determined humans do when they need to.

And it has to come from YOU! and you can do it.

Tony WK

Surrounding yourself with wonderful people

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

JessF — Mon, 01 Feb 2016 04:48:24 GMT

Thank you for this, Tony. It's very hard to make these things into a habit, but we have to persevere at it. The mind is like a garden, we can't just plant seeds and expect it to flourish forever without having to tend. Just because there are weeds, doesn't make the garden bad, or worthless. It's just a part of life.

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

Guest_1055 — Tue, 02 Feb 2016 10:24:56 GMT

Hello Tony

Thankyou for all your time you gave to me, in replying to my post. I really appreciate it and you.

I have read your reply to me several times now. But I have to be truthful I can only understand bits of it. I have no idea why my brain just can't comprehend deep logical things. If it was an emotionally issue, yep I would probably understand that much more clearly.

So I will try hard to pull your words apart bit by bit.

I am pretty sure I understand about the outside of a person. That is we all look different, our physical features. Different colour hair, different shaped arms, different looking face. And I understand that the human body is like a vessel really. It carries around our soul, or 'who we were' created to be, the person us......... So is my understanding correct regarding your second paragraph Tony?

Ok the next paragraph....Yes I understand that 'who we are' or our soul is different to the physical body or vessel.

I can't pull apart much more now, Tony. Please be reassured I want to understand. And will try again later. So I hope that is OK

With much appreciation to you

Shelley xx

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

white knight — Tue, 02 Feb 2016 11:04:48 GMT

Hi Shelley Anne,

Yes, you are sort of on the right track. You indicate that emotionally you could understand more.

What is it about your emotions that has dictated your life?. What has been your diagnosis? For example- I am extremely sensitive, emotionally I get so low I write highly emotional poetry. I waver, low mood high mood, sad then happy. This is now limited due to the correct medication for me.

So who are you? Why do you think you don't know who you are? As a result of this lack of identity do you feel worthless. valueless i.e. do you feel others don't value you? And why wouldn't they value you?

Tony WK

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

Guest_1055 — Tue, 02 Feb 2016 12:40:48 GMT

Hey Tony

My brain is just not comprehending much now. I will read your words again though tomorrow . Maybe I will see things clearer then. But I do know one thing. That is, I have come across a few members in the BB forums, that say they don't know" who they are ". So maybe it is a common issues some of us face?

Hugs

Shelley xx

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

white knight — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 02:11:09 GMT

Hi Shelley Anne,

Oh, yes. I'm really interested in this "lack of identity" thing. I have as a child been seen as "bland" without much character and never popular. I dreamed of being the guy in the middle of a pack walking home from school. Every day "Richard" would be in the middle and 3 or 4 guys on each side, they never had him on the outside. Everything he said, did, was wonderful in their eyes.

But as time went on I began to realise that this behaviour of idolisation wasn't necessarily ok. In those days and maybe now to, if you acted "cool" you were special. But at 17yo I joined the Air Force and within 12 months (unfortunately with the aid of liquor) I became the village clown. That behaviour too wasn't ok and it cost me my career. So I realised that the truth, the ideal, was somewhere in the middle and began to study myself and take the advice of older people. One friend asked me how many drinks it took for me to feel relaxed and mildly jolly. I answered "3". He said - "that's the ideal amount for you." And I never forgot that..

By the time I was 40yo I had realised I had an identity. But it took a lot of self promotion in my mind and a lot of discounting of others attitudes and criticisms.

Some things in life take short term, some medium term and some long term. Identity seeking is more likely long term and it takes daily commitment. Even before you sleep, try some muscle tensioning exercises and while doing so think about the things you love about yourself. That routine takes 20 minutes nightly and that is the right amount of time to think about positive things about yourself.

20 minutes daily. That's all it takes.

Tony WK

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

Guest_1055 — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 06:26:40 GMT

Hey Tony

I am still finding this issue of knowing who I am, or as you say "lack of identity" quite confusing. It was even going around and around in my head last night.

Some thoughts did come to my mind though. These were my thoughts.......I began to think of one of my siblings. I believe I know them quite a bit. There identity I am thinking. Then I thought what it was that I knew about them. This is a list

-I am aware of the favourite hobbies and what they like to work on.

-I know whether they are quite, noisy, reserved.

-I know their favourite chocolate, birthday gift etc

-I am aware of some of there dreams and goals in their life.

-I know how they best express love others.

-I am aware of the stand on some issues

- I know of some of their beliefs and values

- I see some strengths and weaknesses in them

- I noticed there natural gifts that shine out from within them

Well I thought this might be their identity or "who they are".

To know my sibling this way, I had to spend time with them over many years. And I see things new in them too sometimes, that I hadn't noticed before.

Anyway these are my thoughts on" one's identity" at present.

I have taken note of your 20 minute routine about thinking things positive about yourself. I shall have a go at that, as I haven't done anything like that before. So thankyou for your tip there.

With appreciation to you

Shelley

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

Simona — Wed, 03 Feb 2016 12:03:14 GMT

this is a top value thread. as always i'm striving to stay well. i accept myself and have no issues with who i am. my diet is very zen as i mainly eat raw nuts and berries except for 1 cooked meal day but today i just ate sushi. i feel this is very complimentary to remaining stable.

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

Elizabeth CP — Fri, 05 Feb 2016 00:20:38 GMT

Hi
I just read this thread and it struck a chord with me. There are some great points

I read a book on perfectionism a while ago. One of the thing discussed was how in our society we tend to think we need to be some sort of ideal person. Obviously that person has the perfect body- beautiful or handsome, they can do everything perfectly and get on well with everyone. The problem is that ideal'' person doesn't exist. As you mentioned everyone is unique and according to the book we each have a unique purpose in this life. This fits with what Tony said in that by accepting our own characteristics we are able to use them to be the
person we are meant to be thus benefitting ourselves and society. The confident extroverted people make great salespeople or leaders etc whereas the quiet person who has had a difficult life develops empathy and is able to help others. Like Shelley I have difficulty knowing who I am & accepting myself. In my case I have spent so much time caring for my children, my mother and now my husband that I don't really know who I am outside this role and more troubling what do I like doing when I am not with the people I care for.

The important message to me from this thread is that I need to accept myself as I am rather than worrying about not being like other people. I used to wish I was like my sister. She always had lots of friends and was good at the practical things I was bad at like sports, sewing and craft things and just making things look good whether this was in choosing clothes to put together or arranging things in a room. She was always generous and knew what to do to make people happy. I need to accept that I will never be like my sister but own skills and talents are just as worthwhile. That process of acceptance is ongoing

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

white knight — Fri, 05 Feb 2016 09:48:55 GMT

Hi,

A common thread for some seems to be the swaying towards idolising others. This could be for so many reasons like: lack of confidence, the belief of what popularity is, others perceived as being stronger/more confident and perhaps the others idolised are favourites with others like parents.

Many years ago I developed a sense of value...well a principle of value. Let me explain. Lets compare some people-

Captain Cook when alive he made significant world discoveries.

At the same time a soup kitchen volunteer in London cut up vegetables and cooked them for the homeless

And in North England a sheep farmer with only a small flock of sheep and his sheep dog herded 3 into a coral to take to market to sell.

Which of the 3 were more important? Important to whom? Lets say- to society....

Most would say Cook was. But I would say all are. See, the sheep farmer wasn't intelligent enough to do anything else than farm. That isn't his fault. He wasn't born with the adventure in his blood. So he did his best to earn a living and contribute towards society. The soup kitchen volunteer saw an organisation that needed her two hands and little else but her kindness. She did her best to contribute towards society. Her efforts were valuable.

Cook, was able to utilise his qualities to discover new lands so England could spread out. But in my mind he is no more valuable than the other two. Being born with the family means to be educated or have opportunities not gifted to the other two is good luck for Cook. But some in the world work 10 times harder and are 100 times worse off. In the human world unlike the animal world, the strongest don't necessarily survive better.

This leads me to my point. If you have what seems, a shallow identity, one that we have been referring to, and you make effort in society and try hard, then you have good reason to value yourself as much as others are valued that are more prominent in society. You can idolise your sister for her qualities. She might become a doctor and you a cleaner...but if the cleaner does their job well and with pride then the people are safeguarded against disease and that is just as important.

Society is one word to describe a whole range of people. Take one occupation or one small group of people out of it and it is unstable and will wobble until man stabilises it once more with changes.

Value your role in society by valuing your input as much as other people. Idolise yourself.

Tony WK

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

Elizabeth CP — Fri, 05 Feb 2016 10:15:05 GMT

I agree with you except I'm going to stick up for the sheep farmer. He was very intelligent. He had been taught how to rear sheep from a young age and had learnt the value of hard work and responsibility from his parents. As a result he provided well for his family through his hard work and taught his children the same sso over time his teachings were passed down to his descendants who were all good members of society working hard and bringing up their children well and these descendents have had a positive effect on many people they have interacted with. So don't underestimate the impact each of us can have in our society no matter what our position in life.

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

white knight — Fri, 05 Feb 2016 10:24:53 GMT

Yes, agree Elizabeth. My words didn't come out too well.

Intelligence in the form of higher education was what I meant but you are right, university education isn't a gauge of intelligence but more an ability to pass the educational tests.

So we agree, that the farmer is just as important as Cook.

Tony WK

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

JessF — Sun, 07 Feb 2016 07:00:09 GMT

I think another important thing to note is that acceptance of self is a life long thing that can ebb and flow, because we change as people. I can think of several times in my life where I have struggled with the "who am I" identity crisis. As life circumstances change, people come and go, jobs come and go, our surroundings change, we adapt along the way, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse.

Sometimes just as we feel we are sure of our place in the world, something will come along to rock those foundations and send us on that inner quest again. Going through this process is difficult and challenging in itself, and we should try not to make it worse by feeling that we are a failure for having to ask ourselves these questions more than once as the years go by.

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

white knight — Sat, 15 Jul 2017 19:55:02 GMT

Accepting myself has certainly arrived. It has taken a long long time.

Perseverance isnt easy for some, the word itself presumes a long term commitment. So how do we perservere? If we unravel that secret we can be productive in getting to accept ourselves.

There ideally should be short, medium and long term goals in your life plans. Accepting yourself is a long term change. It wont happen overnight.

But it will come with focus and determination

Tony WK

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

Guest_128 — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 07:48:33 GMT

Never trust any dog with a child!😳

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

white knight — Thu, 31 Aug 2017 09:18:01 GMT

Hilarious

Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

Ggrand — Mon, 18 Dec 2017 07:27:40 GMT

Hi WhiteKnight,

just tagging this thread WK. will read later. Not up to it atm. I can't accept who I am atm, I want to get better, before I can accept me. Is that possible, I'm a little worried if I accept me now. I will stay how I am. Does this make sense? Or with acceptance now, (once I learn how to), will that make for a better me.

hoping I made sense.

Kindness only

GG.