topic What I've learnt about dealing with depression in Staying well

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

demonblaster — Thu, 21 May 2015 10:19:13 GMT

I didn't know I had Bipolar until I was 46 yrs and suffered wickedly deep depression ..often.My besty wasn't very supportive. She had a lot going for her and of course with depression and this beast of demons attacking my self worth and my god it's a master at that although I had awesome parents, it wasn't enough to pull me through the extreme Black times of teenage yrs.

I tried suicide 4 times and there was nearly another. I wanted out cause I couldn't see any light in this deep dark tunnel. You hear people say oh they just want attention....some may...but what they don't know is it takes a LOT of courage to go against a natural instinct to survive and try and end your life.

So I decided to take on these demons after being diagnosed with BP and decided it's not going to control my life anymore and I'm starting to learn how to handle and avoid the dark deep downs.
Majority of my lifes had a dull or dark cloud lingering. I'm usually a happy go lucky type but that's always been close by.

IT takes work...hard work but it's worth it. What's better, feeling terrible or being happy and cruisy.

Basically one of the main things I've learnt is not to dwell and not to allow too much self pity, it drags ya down massively.
Try to get sleep and what I've learnt is if I'm down is to try and think hard what exactly it is that's pulling me down and why. Once you know what it's easier to try and work on changing it.

Dad said years ago you need confidence in life...took me years but I realised not that long ago that you do need to like/love yourself. It really does make a dif.

Also it helps thinking and looking for positives too even though it seems there aren't any, ...they're there...just hard to find when we're feeling blaggghhh.

A friend said recently no matter how awful you feel, it doesn't stay that way. It's true. Time thank god does help us through hard stuff.

When I was younger I didn't know to try and help myself or how but it's working out mainly what's wrong and going from there. I try to be completely honest with myself and accept where I go wrong. Not always easy but helps in the process.

Happy to answer any questions and hope this is of some help.

I believe we all have the tools to fight with, it's just finding and learning how to use em.

🙂 Go easy

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

Chris_B — Mon, 25 May 2015 23:35:53 GMT

Hi demonblaster,

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I can definitely relate to looking back at younger years and not knowing what was going on. As you say, the trick is holding on through the tougher times and knowing that you can make it, because you have managed to do so in the past, and trusting in yourself.

Hope to see you posting more on the forums!

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

White_Rose — Tue, 26 May 2015 00:17:58 GMT

Dear Demonblaster

Hello and welcome to the forum. I really enjoyed your post, though perhaps enjoyed is not quite the right word. What you have said and described is so true for most, if not all, of us. It so often is a case of holding on.

The difficulty with depression and other mental illnesses is getting to the point where you realise there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually many of us eventually come to that conclusion. On BB this is one of the messages we give to each other. The difficulty I find is having the right words to say this.

We can say exactly what you have written and the message could not be clearer. But how do you convince someone who is in the dark and cannot see any light. Once someone has coped in the past it does become easier because there is that previous experience to fall back on. How do you 'make' someone believe there is a future.

I am interested in your comments on this.

Regards
Mary

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

demonblaster — Wed, 27 May 2015 02:06:00 GMT

Hey Chris, thanks for reply 🙂

yeah it definitely does help having survived terrible downs and having had extreme good after in life.

Atm I am in mourning for my darling partner and good old Bipolar gave me a dose of extreme low recently and this is hard to explain and could sound a bit kooky but it's how it was.
I was in the pits, and I do mean the pits...there was a presence I guess is the best way to describe this although (not hallucination) I could see it or maybe envisage a very dark Brown (not Black surprisingly) image about the size of our chests and I knew I had to confront this and go through.
I asked myself why am I feeling so down and explored it all and found that I'd gotten through it. The rest of the day was blagghhhh but not as bad as when it had started.

That's helped me now, not that things are easy but I know because I beat that demon, I can do it again as we're saying. I feel much more powerful against it all and a few times since just knowing I beat it has helped me get through toughies.

Your support is valued and appreciated.

Thankyou 🙂

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

demonblaster — Wed, 27 May 2015 02:24:13 GMT

Hi White Rose, (love your name btw 🙂

Yes unfortunately being in the pits is a very very dark horrible place and depression being a master of holding us down makes it so hard to pull back up and one of the problems is it restricts our fight amongst so many other things.

What made it easier for me is I see these and think people may think crazy talk but they're demons and when I was diagnosed with Bipolar (BP, I'm more type 2) I decided during mania which often is when you can get the mind made up, to take this beast by the horns, had enough of it dragging and hanging around like a dull or Black cloud, never too far.

I realise religion can be a touchy subject but everyone has their own thoughts and beliefs and a right to express, so basically I didn't believe in God as such until recently I've started to think maybe there's a Good (God) and Evil (Devil and demons) which both have untold proof of, so two makers. Makes sense.

It's helping me fight demons cause I don't wanna give up anymore. I'm taking control of my life, the bad's not having me anymore to pull down. I did give up cause as most here know we lose fight and desire for pretty much everything. You don't get lower than attempting or contemplating suicide.

The thing is we do have to put in fight though and work at our minds and change our thinking patterns to more positive than allowing the negative stuff in and working on us.

Time is an incredible thing that does pull us out of stuff. It doesn't stop either.

I know what you're saying about how do we convince people, and for me as I said knowing that I'm beating and winning over demons is helping but for someone else I don't know.

We can't give up, that I do know now.
We can't be weak which depression is a master at pulling us down in every possible way but it's up to us with help where we can get it to find light and work toward it.
We can't take the easy (not that it is particularly) way out.

It is hard but not as hard as living in a dark dangerous sad mind.

Don't know if this has helped, hope so.

Love to hear from you again 🙂

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

demonblaster — Sat, 04 Jul 2015 02:08:22 GMT

I"m slowly coming outta about a 4 wk down, and with Bipolar it really takes ya to horrid places.
Also grieving my beautiful partner of 28 yrs so it's all happening.

There were 3 days amongst this time that I still can't put words to, and when I talk about the pits as most would know here, you can't go any lower and I could describe that and even pushed through a dark area to get to other side that made a huge dif.

I knew if I stayed in bed and EVERY part of me wanted to, believe me but I knew it couldn't be an option so I mustered up every fibre in my being and got outta bed. Pfffft, knew I couldn't be alone with this wickedly dark place I was in, and was petrified of going lower which then I would have been contemplating. Couldn't think, well did for a second to ring a place that could have helped but that went outta mind almost straight away, just couldn't do anything.

What I've found does help a little and at times just a little can be enough to pull us through is movement, just going from room to lounge, sounds whacked I know but there's distractions which although we need to think about stuff and work out why we're so low, over these days I was incapable of thought process, still as mentioned can't put where I was into words.

Anyway movement and time helped.

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

demonblaster — Sun, 28 May 2017 10:46:15 GMT

BP (Bipolar) has slammed moreso since the loss of my beautiful loving partner closish to 2 &1/2 yrs ago, I've been a rapid cycler (4 or more cycles/episodes a year, I'm about 8/10 a yr. Wipes ya, but ya get a beautiful dose of pure utter happiness, magic, worth the work. Some poor peeps don't have the highs just the downs, pffffttt

Seriously if I don't work this out how to beat it, made enourmous progress over last few yrs but now I HAVE to work really hard at this else I feel I'll go under and I'm stuffed if I'm gunna let this win, had me all my life, my turn for control.

Jeesh though, rough as day yesterday, very very low, then today had very social time amongst lot of love, family/friends, feeling soooo much better.
It gets frightening how low you go and I fear going under the line, dark & black head space, the pits.

It's not easy but I'm re wiring my thinking, we NEED to have good insight, look deep work out why, then how to fix.

I truly believe we can beat depression, that we all have the tools it's finding and learning to use is the hard part but worth the fight for freedom, peace of mind, happiness, we ALL wanna be happy, and we can.
I'm pretty sure though we need to work on our heads, constructive thinking.

I'm gunna get there, slay the beast, teach others & help.

We can do it, believe it

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

White_Rose — Sun, 28 May 2017 11:08:44 GMT

Hello Demonblaster

Good to hear from you again. Reading this thread again I realised I did not answer your lost post. Sorry about that but I think around that time I was having radiation treatment for breast cancer. All good now and the follow up support is fantastic.

Your comment about rewiring makes me wonder if you know anything about neuroplasticity. If not I think it will explain a lot to you and your efforts. Neuroplasticity is all about rewiring our brains. The old adage of 'You can't teach an old dog new tricks' is wrong. We can learn until the day we die. I find it a a fascinating topic.

I also meditate which is great for keeping on an even keel. Have you tried this? You mentioned in 2015 that your belief in God had changed. Do you still feel this way, two years later? As you said we all have our beliefs and I was wondering how this is helping you.

Love to pick up the conversation again.

Mary

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

demonblaster — Mon, 29 May 2017 00:28:18 GMT

Hi Mary thanks for reply

What a harrowing time for you, great to hear you're better and yes support is great isn't it.
Sorry you had to go through that hell.

I'll look into neuroplascity thanks, yeah agree old dogs can learn new for sure, may just take a bit longer but worth it

Yeah I don't believe in God as such but the more I think about it there's certainly evidence both ways a theory which at the very least is helping me, is that lets say there is a God, (I do believe we're created though & possibly an experiment) that what if we have two creators, God and Devil, there's evidence of good & certainly bad, good people have bad qualities & vice versa. I don't think it's only people with mental issues, in all of us there seems to be a part of our brains that try to pull us down in many ways.
One thing I'm sure of is one of the reasons we're here is to learn.
We can become stronger from the downs.

Thanks
Go easy

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

White_Rose — Mon, 29 May 2017 11:40:07 GMT

I found this verse I suppose you could call it. I have all sorts of songs, poems quotes stuck on my kitchen wall but this one speaks to me about the process of learning. I hope you find it useful.

You Learn
After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn.
And kisses aren't compromises. And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman or a
man not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your loads on today, Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans And futures
have a way of falling down mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you ask too much.
So you plant your own garden And decorate your own soul Instead of waiting for someone to buy you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn.
And you learn. With every experience you learn.
(Anonymous)

I found this to be so true. I hope you do as well.

Not sure we have two creators. For me there is only one. I agree we all have good and bad in us which has nothing to do with mental illness. Sadly the view of mental illness as evil and shameful has come from those times when people who had conditions such as schizophrenia were seen as witches etc. And of course remnants of that still persist though we no longer think of witches. It's still not considered a proper subject for conversation. But we are slowly changing and I have hope the human race will help and support those with MI just as those with physical illnesses are helped.

Mary

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

demonblaster — Mon, 29 May 2017 20:11:04 GMT

Thanks Rose,
Have you heard of desiderata, it doesn't necessarily help with depression or MI but it's kinda my bible, there's sooo much wisdome in it.

The verse I'd need and will read a few more times to fully understand the meanings.
Agree we all do have the strength within us.

A clinical Psychologist while back I was seeing when I said I'm gunna fight this, he held on to a tough piece of rope got me to pull on it while he resisted. WOW how true, but how I see it, there's no choice but to fight, if I don't I know I'll go back under and fear being there. Crying while I'm writing.
I CAN beat this and WILL but it's these times that it's sooo hard
I don't wanna live this way, no one does, not even sure now if it's BP (Bipolar) but what I have learnt recently is it's these times we really have to work harder on getting out of it.
I truly believe we have to work from inside ourselves and that we can beat this.
Though very interesting thread a chook used Alvardeya (Sp: I'll come back with thread name and right name for her fix). Indian origin. She's untold better and was in a bad way. I don't doubt meditation's good and proper diet too.

Thanks for verse and your time 🙂

How are you going

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

demonblaster — Mon, 29 May 2017 20:24:06 GMT

Soz Rose, was re reading posts, didn't answer your q bout meditation, do I.
Yes but not now so much, when my mania was full blast all over the shop and my brain was going faster than superman, there was & is enormous stress involved, a psych had suggested a type of meditation he used which helped and from that I worked out my own one which was imagining a metal rod going down the centre of my torso with branches reaching out towards the outer of my bod, I concentrated on the stress going out through these branches of my body, it helped, it's how I managed over the yrs to pull down the highs, which still are glorious but the minds very ON but not all over the shop when you're trying to sleep.

Trouble has always been for me to concentrate esp in mania, God lol but eventually got there.

Also learnt to try to focus on one or two projects, not 102 all at same time 🙂 Phew, relief there lol.

It's truly amazing what capabilities our brains have, and we're the drivers, just need to find the gears and work em I guess

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

demonblaster — Wed, 21 Jun 2017 16:54:41 GMT

In a way depression, & other conditions we go down with them. it seems the easier way cause It's too hard to try and tackle them, it seems easier to not fight or gain control but ultimatley it's not the easy option cause we're miserable.
It's hard as hell to be there, & hard as hell to fight to get out, but working on our thoughts, why & how to get out is hard too but it's gotta be the better option.

Yrs ago as a teen I had a revelation, said to a brother spontaneously along the lines of it's how we choose to react I guess or process these feelings.
Then on tv show once a nurse was sick as & said she realised it's not what happens in life that counts, it's how we deal with it. Kaboomb, truth.

Down to us how we choose to take it. Thought processes we need to I think change our attitudes, way of thinking and processing. Working on thinking more laterally, often there are choices, so by opening our minds take a while but again, worth the effort to reach our goal of peace content & happiness.

What I've learnt about dealing with depression

demonblaster — Sun, 25 Jun 2017 01:24:13 GMT

Soz repeating, it's recapping, tho I read back sometimes forget & some may just read the last couple of posts. Also reiterating or part of making a point. Maybe just wobbly marbles 🙂

I think often & deeply, have to, to work out how to slay these beasts.

Why: If we know it makes it easier to look for solutions.

Controlling our emotions. Very powerful, they rule us. We need to learn to control them.
Our attitudes, if we think a certain way then our emotional reactions flow from that thinking pattern.
When we're depressed I read we see the world differently, truth, take heart that wasn't necessarily meant that way or we conceive things in a negative way. Hard to see good with depression.

Understanding Depression: We know how it makes us feel. Why? Hard as but if we can figure out what's pulling us down, often multiple reasons, I think if we prioritise, heard of putting stuff into allocated boxes in the head.
Too much to tackle the lot in one go. Work mainly on the biggest downer/s to start. Other stuff yes but less or later on. Need to put energy into the biggies.

Sleep: Imperative. Lack of brings on stress, our bodies trying to lift up, get energy. If it's not adrenalin, something else that gives a boost but if it's not used for it's purposes fight, flight could be a cause of stress due to unused pump.
We're at our weakest when tired, mentally & physically.
Often depression comes with tiredness. Emotions harder to control.

Meditation seems to work for a lot with practice. Putting the mind in a peaceful,non stimulating,calm relaxing place. Distraction from overactive mind.

Excercise tiring oh yeah, great stress release, stimulating, releases endorphines (feel goods) brings on energy, suggest to go in slowly & build up in time. Too tiring otherwise and lose interest.

bbl