topic I am a person of worth because... in Staying well

I am a person of worth because...

Guest_1055 — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 01:03:28 GMT

From reading other peoples posts, so many of us feel or thing we are worthless myself included.. To tell you the truth, I am sick of believing that lie. That sneaky little lie, that causes great crippling within us.

And I am thinking that most of us believe or base our worth on:

- what people say about us, like people that say we are worthless

-what the media, tv, and movies may portray

-whether we have lots of money or not

- the type of work we do or do not do

- whether we are highly educated or not

- what we physically look like

- whether we are ignored, neglected. ( yeah this one fits me)

- whether we are married or not

-whether we have friends, or we don't have friends

And there is most likely more reasons that we are trying to get our worth from. And I don't think we have to actually try, it sort of sink into us. This sneaky lie.

I think, and I would be interested to know other people's thoughts. We have to base our worth on something that never changes. That is always there. So here is some things to thing about.

I am a person of worth because:

I AM RARE

There is only one of me in the whole population on this earth, this fact never changes. A rare thing is very valuable, priceless. Do you agree? So we must be of some worth if we are so priceless.

Anyway that's it

With love xxx

I am a person of worth because...

Lookingforpeace — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 06:15:24 GMT

Hi Shelley

Interesting post and so true. For me I would add that I also base my worth on the mistakes I have made.

BUT I am a person of worth because I am kind.

Thanks for sharing with us.

I am a person of worth because...

the_motorcycle_boy — Sun, 20 Dec 2015 06:01:51 GMT

Hi Shelley anne,

I found your post, "I am a person of worth because..." to be very interesting and important. I think it matters a lot what and how we think about ourselves, especially as our culture and society places much emphasis on status and other people's opinions (as you have already mentioned). All external stuff but just how can one ever make the grade?! when one's worth is being continuously judged and compared, to, and by, others?

"We have to base our worth on something that never changes. That is always there." I agree with you. I am RARE means I am unique, priceless and valuable! How very true but also, what I have come to believe is that a person has worth because he or she EXISTS! Simple as that...and that each of us has one unit of worth, no greater or less than anyone else. And this worth is "unchangeable".

Thinking in this way benefits me because I automatically believe/know I have value, the same as for anyone else. I also have more control over my self worth and a healthy way of protecting it. As well it helps me when battling negativity caused by my depression.

I hope these few remarks are of interest to you. Thanks for a very thought provoking topic.

TMB

I am a person of worth because...

Guest_1055 — Sun, 20 Dec 2015 11:14:31 GMT

Hey TMB

Oh thanks for your reply, I do feel you understand me. And that you are speaking my language.

But I do have a question for you if that is OK? Even if we believe with our minds that we are someone of worth and we know we have value, why do I and many others still feel that we are not valuable? I understand thinking is different to a feeling or emotion. But how do you get your feelings to match up to the pure truth and fact that we are priceless. How do we get the feeling matched to our thinking?

Please feel free but I would value your thoughts here, and I am keenly interested to hear them.

Hugs to you

Shelley xx

I am a person of worth because...

the_motorcycle_boy — Sun, 20 Dec 2015 13:42:59 GMT

Hi Shelley,

Wow, what a good question. I'll try to answer as best I can.

I think depression can play a big part in making us feel bad even though we know better. There's a chemical imbalance that exaggerates negative feelings like sadness and dejection. These are so strong that they can't be "thought" away. Hence a depressed person may not feel very valuable even while knowing they are in theory.

Also, I think that with a thought one needs to repeat it often enough to make it real. I mean saying to yourself once or twice that you are a good person isn't really going to affect you. But if you repeat it over and over and over it becomes a belief and the subsequent feeling should then arise. For e.g. If you regard yourself as rare and priceless, if you really believe it and say it to yourself many times over then you would probably feel better about yourself (That is if you're not depressed). I hope I am explaining myself properly.

Finally, each of us has a critic in our minds, that little (or big) voice that belts you up when you make a mistake etc.or calls you names when it suits. The critic can be very active at times and powerful. Some can be more caustic than others and can wreak havoc with one's self worth. This can be a reason why some people are not feeling terribly valuable.

I hope this helps to answer your question. If you have any more questions please feel free to ask.

Looking forward to your reply

All the best

TMB

I am a person of worth because...

Guest_1055 — Mon, 21 Dec 2015 21:47:37 GMT

Thankyou TMB

Much appreciate your thoughts there.

So what you are saying is, when we are in a depressed state, then the feelings are overwhelming, we really can't see the actually truth.

The times I feel worthless, I think I am believing that critic that you mentioned. I think I do indeed base my worth on the behaviour of others towards me. But I want to be free of that. And only rely on the truth. So no matter how people treat me or no matter what life throws at me, I just want to be secure and stable.

I think you have a valid point there about repeating the fact that we are indeed worthwhile and valuable. And that the feelings will follow. Because the opposite would also be true, if some unkind person tells you enough that you are nothing, you are worthless then you would start to feel that way. Especially if you are a little child. So I am now guessing if we have children, we need to keep reminding them of the fact that they are so precious and valuable, so that there belief system is so firmly grounded in this.

Anyway thank you so much TMB, and I'll say it to you, you are priceless.

Shelley xx

I am a person of worth because...

Durras — Mon, 21 Dec 2015 22:11:27 GMT

Hi Shelly Anne and TMB,

thankyou for these posts, I don't really know what to say in response right now as I am a person who needs to re read things over and over again to really gain the full insight but I know from reading it now it is very valuable to us all for our recovery so for that reason alone I want to say thank you to both of you.

What I would like to say is you are both right we are all very much valuable, rare, precious, beautiful within and worthy of life full of happiness but yes our critical voice within limits us to see all we truly are and worthy off.

I think I should leave it there else I will ramble on and get lost in my words, thoughts and not make sense.

But thank you both for these wonderful posts, I will re-read them and try to understand them more, I'm a slower under stander and my vocabulary with words are limited too.

Big Hugs to both of you

Durras x

I am a person of worth because...

the_motorcycle_boy — Thu, 24 Dec 2015 02:41:45 GMT

Hi Shelley,

I just wanted to make a few comments on your post and thank you for your very nice compliment. Much appreciated.

Yes, I'm saying that when depression is of a certain depth, our mood is chemically affected and we don't necessarily believe the truth, that we have great value...

I think I understand your yearning for security and stability. When younger I longed for this too. For a healthy way to handle the difficulties of life. My strategies at the time weren't really working at all. Then I came across a self-esteem book that changed everything. To be free of toxic thinking and have beliefs based on truths led to a remarkable improvement. You can deal with what life throws at you, in a healthy, positive way. You become more independent, stronger, more aware, free-er and more compassionate!

If someone did criticize your worth repeatedly you may be affected in a negative way BUT if you have a healthy, strong self-esteem you are able to repair the damage much more quickly (or repel attacks completely). If you have a poor self-esteem and therefore little proper awareness you haven't much to fight back with and restore your balance. Typically, you end up feeling a lot of pain.

I know little about self worth regarding children but I totally agree with what you're saying regards teaching kids about their preciousness and value. What I do notice is that you have great insight into this subject and other related ones e.g. your post on forgiveness. My Self-esteem thinking says it is best to be TUF (tolerant, understanding and forgiving). This leads to compassion for others and most importantly, compassion for oneself.

Hi Durras,

Thank you very much for your kind words. You are right about the critical voice limiting us. It can be very toxic but the good news is that it can be almost fully disarmed which can make a world of difference to one's self worth. I think it is an excellent trait that you have, to take time to understand things fully. And I can see that you express yourself very well.

I am a person of worth because...

the_motorcycle_boy — Thu, 24 Dec 2015 02:53:42 GMT

To Shelley and Durras,

This is the book on self-esteem which I chanced upon some years ago. If you are interested, here are it's details...

The whole title is, Self-Esteem (Third Edition) A proven program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem by Matthew McKay & Patrick Fanning.

Publisher - New Harbinger Publications

ISBN: 1572241985

Don't let the long title scare you. The book is chock full of easy to access information to help improve and maintain your self-esteem. I can't recommend it highly enough.

Hugs to you both, you are both wonderfully caring, compassionate people.

May your self worth fill you full of love for yourselves and others.

Have a Merry Xmas!
TMB

I am a person of worth because...

Durras — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 04:05:16 GMT

Hi TMB

Sooo sorry I just seen this post from you and thank you deeply for your thoughts and sharing the information with me and for others to see.

I will definitely try to find it and get it, I have also ordered a book called Managing depression with mindfulness just waiting for it now.

I had a lovely xmas and hope you had one too, also wishing you a wonderful new year.

Again thank you so much

Hugs to you

Durras

I am a person of worth because...

the_motorcycle_boy — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 10:59:25 GMT

Hi Durras,

Thanks for your reply. I'm very pleased you found my post and decided to get the book I recommended. The one you mentioned sounds good too. I wish you the very best with them both and I hope 2016 is a great year for you.

Hugs to you too!

TMB

I am a person of worth because...

Scotchfinger — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 11:18:25 GMT

I come from a family culture of self-deprecation and modesty. Irish/Anglo. Don't blow your own trumpet mate! kind of stuff. Aussie culture is still like this too really.

I think this affects our feeling of self-worth. So even I feel valuable, I'd better not broadcast it to the world. Ok here goes, but believe me, I feel like a real fraud.

I am a person of worth to my partner and dog. I think they would miss me if they were gone. I know I'd miss them.

I'd like to think I have some intellectual prowess but in fact amongst academics I look like a dunce. I have some artistic flair but I haven't really followed that through, nor developed it.

I have made little or no impact. I have some kind of spiritual worth that is immeasurable. I can feel it but can't explain it. This keeps me going I guess.

Low self-esteem has been a core issue for me all my life.

I am a person of worth because...

Durras — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 18:44:54 GMT

Hi SF,

I hear where your coming from.

My background is coming from parents who are Dutch thou I was born in NZ. My parents had a very successful furniture business, they retired from it some years ago. For me I feel like I wasn't given an opportunity to learn or grow within the business nor while I was at school. To me it was like their business was there baby and we were left with nannies. I can't remember any close family times, I never had my parents come to my school for anything and they were never there to help with my schooling work or home work. They were never there always working. Thou as I mentioned in previous posts they often looked at me as unsuccessful saying I will never be able to do that or I will end up in the gutter or jail so I guess I grew up believing it.

Now I have such low self-esteem I feel like I just don't fit anywhere, trying to find my place somewhere and this especially with work. I have done lots of hospitality work thou I get nervous serving people trying to have conversations with people and found the bar was my barrier or my protection from them, but inside I was feeling very fragile, so I left.

As my mentioned to you previously I have struggled with finding new work but I woke this morning with a light bulb feeling go of in my head it is something I have been struggling with in my mind for a while. I'm really feeling now that I will focus on getting back into nursing with aged care because then as maybe this could be with you, reading your posts I have the feeling it is (even thou we have low self-esteem we are very much caring people) so I think getting into nursing would fit me as I am then giving to others who are fragile and needing so much love and support. I think this could be my fit and a position I would be happy to go into each day and a job that may give me the balance I am so much needing in my life. As I care for them I am also leaving work with a happy heart for doing what I am doing. Well this is the bulb that went of in my mind and I visualized it and yeah woke feeling good with the decision.

The low self-esteem is paralysing my life in so many areas and ways I hope now this decision may help me. Maybe it is just about finding our right fit and place where we can feel stronger but also that may help us heal at the same time. Hope this all makes sense and yeah I know it was a lot to read will try to keep it short in next post.

Durras

I am a person of worth because...

Scotchfinger — Wed, 06 Jan 2016 22:01:04 GMT

Durras

Your posts always cheer me up. I think your light bulb is right. Aged Care is calling you. Go for it. I might even do the same.

I am a person of worth because...

oohtacos — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 06:19:02 GMT

Hi! ^__^

I also come from a family and culture that places emphasis on self-deprecation and (often false) modesty and all my life I'd felt really, really guilty whenever I was proud of myself or felt that I was a pretty damn awesome person. I'd grown up accustomed to always being reminded that I wasn't as good as everyone else, that my cousins were smarter than me, more ambitious than me, more responsible than me…and even when I felt that I was quite worthy of some praise or encouragement, my parents never gave it to me. I'm not blaming them, I love them and we have a great relationship and they are so supportive…but their methods of parenting were mostly saying 'eh you could do better' or 'you're a talented child but you are SO lazy' or just basically a lack of compliments/encouragement/stuff like 'hey congratulations on your improvement' but always, ALWAYS 'you could do better, not good enough, don't get a big head'. This was just what they felt was best. This was what they had been raised to believe was the best method of parenting. But it really hurts many of the kids who grow up like this. I not only felt worthless but I felt like I WAS MEANT TO FEEL WORTHLESS! That feeling like you were worth something was an awful sin.

But eventually I learned to think for myself. I am ALWAYS worth something. We are ALL worth something. We try so hard to achieve the big victories that we forget that sometimes, especially if you have a mental illness, just getting out of bed is super hard. It is these small victories that we need to congratulate ourselves on. I am worth something because I am alive and that means I have the potential to accomplish both small victories or win battles against ourselves, or achieve great things that impact the world…I have the potential to inspire, to spread love, to educate. I am worth something and so is everyone else.

I am a person of worth because...

Scotchfinger — Fri, 15 Jan 2016 05:48:11 GMT

"Don't get a big head Scotch, you might think you're better than us".

That was my family culture. At school too. I remember in high school one guy said of another "oh look at him, doesn't he love himself!" This was an attempt at ridicule for someone being apparently egotistical.

Ironically, these days, we are encouraged to "love ourselves" if we stay in healing and mental health/spiritual circles.

I am a person of worth because...

Moonstruck — Fri, 15 Jan 2016 06:45:59 GMT

Perhaps this was a common trait among my parents' generation....what a shame! And here I go, quoting again...."But then, Australia is a country that honours "ordinariness"....(the movie, Hotel Sorrento)

My mother instilled into us "not to draw attention to ourselves, not to stand out in any way, or be noticed, not to strive for goals, better ourselves, be a high achiever...mediocre was preferred".....how did she get that way..why? e.g. I excelled at school, teachers were encouraging further study, uni, a degree etc...."No way" said my mother who simply couldn't believe a child of hers could be outstanding...nor did she want me to be. She was obviously motivated by fear.....some terrible fear.

She died when I was a teenager....and curiously enough, the life I embarked upon, had me by its very nature "centre stage, looked at, listened to, singled out, photographed"...the lot!! What must she have thought, wherever she was/is now. I seem to have "broken the chain" quite unintentionally, of striving for invisibility....as by coincidence, both my sons are in positions (albeit very different fields) where they are also....."in front of people, looked at, listened to and drawing attention to themselves"......Funny how life turns out isn't it?......

I am a person of worth because...

Scotchfinger — Sat, 16 Jan 2016 01:25:16 GMT

photographed Moonstruck?

visions of gorgeous model types flood Scotch's caffeine soaked brain.

If I compare my family's culture with Australia's in general, there are similarities. Memories of Norman Gunston's awkward interviews, remind me of my own lack of tact, lack of social skills. When Sydney seemed like some far off mecca, that country bumpkins dreamed of living in one day. When Countdown and Molly Meldrum were cool. When we couldn't decide which Abba girl was hotter. When Cricket and rugby league seemed the only decent sports worth playing or watching. When Gough Whitlam was a hero to all, even though he wasted a lot of taxpayers money. When unions were strong and surfers lived on the dole together in a house of 4 or 5. Australia in the seventies was still naïve and lacking confidence to steal the limelight from other countries.

Re limelight: I think deep down I want to be in the limelight. I want to be the star, the one who has the audience in the palm of his hands. But I've had these sarcastic voices in my head who still keep saying: "Scotch, you don't have what it takes. Just quit while you're ahead, OK?"

I am a person of worth because...

Guest_1055 — Sat, 16 Jan 2016 03:26:22 GMT

Hey Scotchfinger

I have just read some of your posts here, and I am wondering if you really are OK deep down? Maybe searching for something, but not really know actually what you are looking for.

I am only just learning about self worth, so I am no expert. But being a person of worth, I think has more to do with the fact that we are unique, rare, priceless, precious and valuable. For me, I don't think it has anything at all do to with being in the limelight, being popular, being a celebrity, having money, getting better grades at school, having a job , being admired by others for whatever reason. Because what happens if you are a person that has no job, have no friends, are not educated, you are not popular, does that mean you are a person that is of no value, that you are not unique . Anyway I don't even understand all this fully. And my mind is getting confused. But Mr Scotchfinger, I want to tell you that you are a person of worth, and you are rare because there is only one of you that was created ever.

Hugs to you

Shelley xx

I am a person of worth because...

Scotchfinger — Sat, 16 Jan 2016 04:11:04 GMT

Because what happens if you are a person that has no job, have no friends, are not educated, you are not popular (shelley anne)

That describes me now except for the education part. But thanks Shelley. It is hard not to use the same measurement of worth for oneself as society uses.