topic Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts in Staying well

Saying no to the unhelpful thoughts

Euclid — Tue, 14 May 2024 00:11:51 GMT

Hi all,

I am interested to see what people have to say on this forum about dealing with unhelpful thoughts.

I am sure that I am not alone in having a mind which feeds me unhelpful thoughts. For me personally, failing to properly manage these thoughts can lead to a depressive episode, and has done in the past.

For example - I have recently come to realise that my relationship seems to be exiting the 'honeymoon' period. My mind feeds me counterproductive thoughts, like "you're falling out of love with her" and "you'll separate sooner or later". In days gone by, I would have let these thoughts get the better of me and my mood. These days, I know how to say "thanks for the thought, Mind, but the reality is that our relationship has just entered a new, more mature phase, and that's a good thing".

What other tips and tricks do people have like this? Keeping in mind, of course, that not all methods will work for everyone - but I think it will be helpful to share.

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

romantic_thi3f — Tue, 08 Sep 2015 06:59:16 GMT

Hi Euclid,

Great question.

One of the things that helps me when I have an unhelpful thought is to recognise that it's unhelpful. I was always taught that there were different types of unhelpful thoughts (dramatising, black and white thinking, all or nothing thinking, etc). For me, once I recognise that a thought is unhelpful it already starts to lose it's power - because I know that it's not necessarily true or accurate.

I think it's great that you are getting into the practice of challenging your thoughts. It's certainly not easy, but it is worth it.

Hope this helps,

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

Sparkles183 — Tue, 08 Sep 2015 07:26:28 GMT

Hi Euclid

one of the things that has helped me which I got from a online CBT program is asking my self is them thoughts realistic? An example of that is you might make a mistake at work and then you think you will get fired... Instead of dwelling on that thought ask yourself what is the likely hood of me getting fired.? It might be 5 percent because other people have made the mistake so instead of dwelling on the thought u are going to lose your job say to yourself ok I made a mistake I am going to learn from my mistake and get on with my job because this will make me a better employee.

That just an example I am not am not saying it is the case with anyone I hope it helps someone like it has helped me.

take care sparkles

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

Lilly1 — Tue, 06 Oct 2015 00:22:12 GMT

I have found my mantra of 'self care, balance & boundaries', has really helped in my journey to recover from childhood trauma/abuse and having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and related mental and physical illness.

Self care, is healthy adaptive coping methods, like gardening, yoga, walking. Great for mindfulness, joy, physical health, as well as overall mental health.

Balance, is making sure I balance all the areas of my life. So I work online in mental health advocacy, but balance that with my family, self care and healthy activities.

Boundaries, is making sure I connect with those who support and encourage me, and limiting contact with those who don't. This can be unhealthy family, friends etc. I ensure I don't personalise other people's issues.

This all helps to create a more peaceful and healthy life 🙂

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

Granma_M — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 06:14:52 GMT

Hello Euclid, I think the most important part of your question is acknowledging the role our brain plays in our health, actions and relationships. I have come across a book via my psychologist called "The Divided Mind" The Epidemic of Mindbody Disorders. Written by a Doctor I have long thought that my chronic pains, chronic fatigue, was linked to my panic attacks, anxiety and depression as no real physical disability was found to explain what I was experiencing. Except Fibromyalgia. Big problems for me and I know many others, was that our doctors were inclined to treat me like a hypochondriac unless I presented to them with a cold/flu , a burn or a flesh wound. When I went to see them for help when my children were younger, for tiredness after continued sleeplessness they would want to prescribe sleeping tablets [downers] {like as if you have the luxury of crashing completely when you have children}. If I went in depressed, they would want to prescribe uppers. My life since I was 5 years , has been a series of incidents that seemed to have impacted on my mind more than my physical body. I did suffer some physical damage at times but they healed. The injuries that cannot be seen are the dangerous ones. They ones that do all the damage to our health to our well being and to our relationships. As I was reading this book it was like turning up the dimmer switch to full power. I was understanding that I had to drag out of my subconscious, all the garbage, things--episodes-- small, medium and large that I was hiding so I did not have to deal with them. I was diagnosed as being Bipolar 2 a few months ago Which actually was a relief. I turned 69 this year and my mood swings were getting worse and impacting on more people. I finally accepted that I needed a lot more professional help than I was getting. Hope this has helped and not strayed to far from your question.. I have only just joined beyond blue. I have suffered for so many years and believe if I had of been helped years ago I would not now be Bipolar

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

Guest_9466 — Sun, 18 Oct 2015 00:11:23 GMT

Hi Granma M

I do have an idea or let us say, an awareness and acceptance about how our mind can play tricks on us and how important it is to keep it still through acknowledgment of unhelpful thoughts, how real is it, etc. However, at times I find it difficult to keep it still. An ex-colleague of mine used to describe it as 'chattering' and how he wished he can keep it still.

I am a few years younger than you and so can relate to wishing that I was diagnosed as clinically depressed when I was younger. Once, out of depression, I went to see my, then GP for help. He wrote in the medical certificate that I was suffering from neurotic psychosis or psychotic depression. Well, that was it. I tore off the medical certificate and decided that I was not going to be labelled as such. Eventually, it got worse and worse. Finally, I went to seek treatment from a psychiatrist but she put me on antidepressant and it just made me worse as I was so lethargic and had little energy. So, again, I stopped treatment but I was too stupid to confess me to the side effects of anti depressant. Things got progressively worse until eventually, I thought suicide was the only option left to me. Luckily, I confessed this thought to my psychologist who worked together with my psychiatrist to start CBT and prescribed anti depressant treatment. Eventually, the dark clouds or black dog fade away. It does come back but only momentarily. Sometimes, I grieved for those long lost years but preferring to see the glass half full, it is good to learn to live a 'normal' life.

Now, I just need to stay focus to living in the moment, to combat some unhelpful thoughts and/or this deep fear of poverty. 🙂

beyondblue's clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

V17 — Sat, 29 Oct 2016 13:55:45 GMT

Hi Euclid,

Euclid as in the Greek Mathematician? or our amazing trees here? Had to ask. Cool name, anyways.

My mind was running so bad the other day. I was driving my nephews home and to keep me from 'losing it' all I could do was repeat "One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish". There was no way at that time I was capable to anything else.

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

Doolhof — Sun, 28 May 2017 02:29:36 GMT

Hi All,

I'm going to start this thread up again. There are so many theories out there regarding how to control our thoughts, acknowledge them, expand upon them, let them settle inside of us, fuse with them, defuse them and so on. Am I the only one becoming confused with all of this?

Do we need to find a formula that sits right with us but may not be effective or do we try something new that adds confusion, but may be helpful in the long run?

Another question I have, is grief a feeling, a thought or both? Do you believe grief can be accepted and acknowledged like unhelpful thoughts and be done away with completely?

This whole thinking about thoughts has me confounded right now! Ha. Ha.

Cheers all from Mrs. Dools

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

Cassa — Sun, 24 Sep 2017 03:01:20 GMT

Hi Mrs Drools,

i think treatment for depression is quite complex, it is not one method fits all. It's a bit trial and error. What works for one person may not work for another. It is looking at all your options and find what works for you. I do a combination of CBT, meditation, mindfulness being in the moment when I can, medication and exercise. So when having a relapse prettty busy. Regards Cassa

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

romantic_thi3f — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 01:44:21 GMT

Hi Mrs Dools,

It's great you started this thread up again because it's definately worth talking about.

With the formula, I think it can be a bit of both! Do you have a particular one in mind that you're wondering about? Stuff like CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) encourages us to try and analyse our thoughts to see what's accurate and what's not basically - so even though this is really hard to do, I think it's worth pushing through it.

and grief.. this is a bit long winded but here are my thoughts!

I wouldn't say that grief is a feeling but instead kind of a 'process' - when we go through grief it might include anger, being withdrawn, sadness, ashamed (and those ones are feelings).

I wouldn't say that grief is a thought either but instead maybe "Oh I miss him so much", or "If only this didn't happen" or "Why did this happen" - these are thoughts.

Do I believe grief can be accepted, acknowledged and done away with completely? Not quite. I think we can accept it and acknowledge it but I don't think we can ever be 'done with it'. I think it will always kind of be apart of us; but one day it's a more intense part (like whenever the thing just happens) and then one day it's a less intense part (like when we think about it less and it doesn't consume our everyday).

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

TheIronGiant — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 02:29:16 GMT

Hi all,

This is a really great topic and I don't think there is a one size fits all solution, however I do agree with what romantic_thi3f said earlier about how recognising that the thought is negative or not realistic is such an important first step. If there was to be a solution for everyone's negative thoughts, it's that they need to be recognised first as something that isn't real or helpful, and then that's particular person can tackle the thoughts in their own unique way.

I tend to have a discussion in my own head or with a supportive person about all the thoughts I'm having and as I speak each particular thought I can then ask myself in that moment, is this actually what's going on and should I actually be worried about it? Is it about the past or the future - both things that I cannot currently change? So it's really analysing each thought that helps me.

Cheers,

Bridget

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

Doolhof — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 22:23:55 GMT

Hi Bridget,RT , Cassa and All,

Thanks for your responses. I'm trying to look at CBT again and work through the thought processes. My new psychologist whom I call Jim is helping me with this.

Jim has me writing things down and actually looks at what I have written in the next session, we discuss it and he helps me with the issues I am still struggling with. Jim also tells me the bits I have done well. I have not had this kind of interaction before with a psychologist.

Jim has also explained that POSITIVE thinking, as I had been taught years ago is not always beneficial. The processes you have all mentioned are supposed to be healthier and more obtainable options.

Yesterday I was reading information on the internet about Positive Thinking (PT) Some of what hit home for me:

- Trying to constantly think positively when depressed can be exhausting.

- Believing we need to accomplish PT always can make us feel like failures when we don't achieve this.

- Considering if my thoughts are helpful or unhelpful is a better choice.

Questions to consider:

1) Does the thought or idea make me feel the way I want to feel?

2) Does my usual way of thinking help me to achieve my goals or improve my day?

After all these years of therapy, I am now being told that I can change my thoughts from unhelpful to helpful. Is it really that easy? Is that really any different from "negative and positive" thoughts?

Your ideas and thoughts on this are more than welcome as my poor brain is spinning around right now. Ha. Ha.

Cheers all from Dools

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 04 Oct 2017 00:39:29 GMT

Hey Dools (and all),

Oh I can imagine this would definitely make your brain spin!

These are my thoughts -

Everyone has different interpretations on what positive thinking or being positive might mean. For some it could be smiling going 'everything is great!' and for others it might be 'I'm really grateful for this particular thing'. We're always told to 'think positive' and 'be happy' and as someone with depression personally these comments drive me crazy.

When I think of positive thinking being unhelpful, I tend to think of the 'everything is great' kind of mindset. 'Don't worry!' 'It's fine', 'Life is awesome'. In reality, sometimes worry helps; sometimes everything isn't awesome and sometimes it helps to see the negative or realistic side so we can better plan for things. If we pack a first aid kit in our car, it's allowing ourselves to be realistic that one day things might not be totally awesome and fine and we could need it. I imagine super positive-ness is almost blinded by the fact things sometimes don't work out.

Using that same example though, unhelpful thinking could be 'we can't go on a holiday because someone will get hurt' or 'oh I shouldn't leave the house because I've gained so much weight over the winter'.

Is it easy? Nope! So many of the thoughts we have are automatic - something like 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts a day. We aren't aware of them mostly but every now and then we fuel them. So it takes work to kind of 'unpack' it and find out where the facts are.

Sidenote: I have an app on my phone (iOS) that's called 'Moodnotes'. It's a great (and super subtle) way for me to look at the situation, my thoughts and start to reframe them into more helpful ones.

Hope this helps!

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

Doolhof — Wed, 04 Oct 2017 06:11:45 GMT

Hi RT,

Thanks for that explanation. Sometimes my mind becomes confused considering what are thoughts, emotions, feelings and what is the difference between them all. To me they all intermingle.

Sometimes I think I am being realistic about issues and my husband says I am pessimistic. Some people's positive thoughts may be thought of as negatives to some people, being sarcastic maybe or whatever.

As none of us thinks or acts the same, I don't feel there is a "One size fits all solution".

Maybe we all have to work out what works best for us. One scenario does not fit all situations.

Think I have been out in the sun too long today! Ha. Ha. Not really sure what I am trying to say here!

Cheers from Dools

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

cakeboss — Mon, 09 Oct 2017 19:46:21 GMT

Hi there my anxiety is not fully under control at the moment.Im on medication have been for awhile now .A few months ago i suffered some finacial stress which after 6 months of stress is all good now .I have seen a psycitrist for the first time about a month ago.She said that its going to take around 3 months for my body to unwind from the major anxiety it went through.I see him in a month though .I have had some really good weeks and then out nowhere for no reason its started again anxiety panic attacks and i dont know why.I convince myself there is somthing major health wise and running off to drs.I went to counciling last week and i was given a card that has information about managing irrational thoughts and trying hard to use it .i suffer anxiety when i wake up and nausea and i have to keep telling myself that its the irrational thoughts thinking and they are not real .Does anyone suffer anxiety for no reason so sick of it

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

Doolhof — Mon, 09 Oct 2017 20:37:43 GMT

Hi Cakeboss,

Mental health issues do tend to pounce on us when we least expect them to at times. I experience depression, stress and Borderline Personality Disorder. A lovely little cocktail of crazy mixed up thoughts when they all appear at once!

I've been learning to accept these thoughts as thoughts. Sometimes it is harder than others to get on top of those crazy little rascals though isn't it!

My new psychologist is helping me to think of my thoughts as being helpful or unhelpful. If they are unhelpful, what can I do at that moment to accept or change those thoughts? If I am at home I will grab a book and read, do a Sudoku puzzle, watch T.V. and crotchet or go out in the garden.

While I am in the garden I try to use mindfulness, I listen tot he various noises around me, visually compare the colours in the plants and talk to myself about what I can see.

By doing this, I am distracting my mind from the unhelpful thoughts.

If this happens in a work place or while driving, it may be a little harder to find distractions unless you look hard for them.

I'm learning to accept my thoughts are always with me. I can expand on the negative ones, or think to myself, "okay brain there you go again trying to create chaos, I'm not playing this game today".

Once again I know this may not help when you feel like you have fallen into a pit. Hopefully you can catch your thoughts and emotions before you feel yourself spiralling down. Put the brakes on those thoughts and try to take your thoughts to a better place.

All the best, from Dools

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

Saphron — Wed, 27 Dec 2017 09:29:46 GMT

I think it's really great that you notice the thoughts you're having. Sometimes NATs (negative automatic thoughts) continue without us noticing them. When you notice them try to stay with them for a bit, in other words, rather than thinking to yourself 'I shouldn't be thinking this or why am I thinking that? and why do I self-sabotage?' try to look at them straight on. For instance, the 'I'm falling out of love' thought, perhaps this is a time to actually look at it to ask yourself what exactly are you falling out of love with? What have you noticed that bugs you about her, etc., the more you question the thought, the more likely the thought will feel heard and not feel the need to come up again. The more you try to block it, the more it will appear and you'll start to think that that particular thought has merit. The I'm falling out of love thought may actually be a self-protection thought that indicates, you're reaching a new street with this relationship one that you've not experienced and thus because your system is designed to protect you from anything it doesn't know, it may try to convince you that it means danger rather than simply something new. The more you explore your thoughts (NATs) the more you'll become closer to resolving these. Sometimes NATs are very powerful (emotionally pull us) and thus approach the observation of these and the questioning of these thoughts in a timed manner (set a timer) so that they don't pull you in. As the brain never truly sleeps/rests, thoughts will come and go, some useful (one's you're actually deciding to have) and some others random (ones that pop up out of no where). Sometimes just asking yourself, is this a thought I set out to have? or is this a thought that has come out of nowhere? the out of nowhere thoughts are not truly the ones that give direction to life, yet they're the ones we sometimes pay attention to because of the internal reaction we have to them. Hope this is helpful.

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

Chloe_M — Sat, 14 Apr 2018 04:29:11 GMT

Hello again Dools (hi everyone else),

This is a good topic for a thread. I think everyone has their own ways of dealing with unhelpful thoughts, so I'd be interested to see how everyone copes with these pesky little thoughts!

I'm going to try start this thread up again, it is a very good one and I think it would be valuable to have near the top so that members (both new and old) can share their ideas and help each other.

Chloe

Saying "no" to the unhelpful thoughts

Meg82 — Wed, 24 Oct 2018 03:40:03 GMT

I am not good at all with this I think my ADHD might contribute to me getting very trapped in negative thought patterns and I really don't know what to do about it. The anxiety medication my gp gave me is not mixing well with my ADHD medication she knew I was on medication for ADHD why would she prescribe me something the insert suggests not to take? My life just gets worse and worse I can tell you and staying positive has become impossible!