topic Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you in Staying well

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

white knight — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 03:12:08 GMT

How often have we felt those triggers snap us into depression? Down we go. A workplace bully only has to smirk at us. A bit of sad news. A red letter from a bill we've missed. A piece of gossip about us that reaches our ears. For many of us our trigger is unavoidable and I don't think there is much we guilt ridden over sensitive types can do about it. There are some things that medication cant control and psychiatrist session cant solve except a mental bandaid that might make us feel better until the next trigger. So if triggers that cause our emotional drop cant be stopped or lessened what can we do about them? Is there a counter measure? If the negative trigger is on one side of a weighing scale what can we put on the other side to at least try to give a balance?

Well in my view its not unlike positive motivation but in a different sense. What I've tried to do, and in most cases succeeded, is to lock onto quotes. My daughter has anxiety and it peaked last year. She attended a psychologist for one session only, she believed she would need many sessions and extended visits. after her session she rang me and told me she wouldn't be attending anymore. She said that the professional told her that her reactions about elements of her childhood were typical reactions for a child in her circumstance. That at 12yo to leave her mothers home and live with her father (me) and for her mother to disown her for such a move was bound to create many mixed and hurtful feelings. She told me she felt that his comment triggered her in a way that she found the answer to the whole problem. "I'm right now dad" she said.

Similar things have occurred to me over the decades. Once I fought corruption on a small scale at a local council. I was one of their employees. It confused me. I asked my doctor why the mayor acted the way he has, grandstanding and manipulating the facts - "power Tony, its a lust for power". That was the positive trigger I needed. There was no other need to delve into the smaller details. "Power" covered it all.

Reading through some of the threads here has found many more. Posters quote other posters because they "hit the nail on the head" as they say.

Can you, the one that falls mentally down the well of despair, use positive quotes, phrases from others to build a stairway back up?

We have a "quotes" thread here to. Ones that I have found so helpful from the likes of Churchill, Ghandi and so on

Try to focus on these. It might help.

Tony WK

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

JessF — Wed, 17 Feb 2016 05:59:15 GMT

Hello Tony, that sounds a bit like defusion techniques in acceptance and commitment therapy, where you give your triggering thought a name. In your council example, you were able to give all your negative feelings a story name, the "lust for power" story if you like. It was enough to take all of the - pardon the pun - power out of those feelings and for you to re-evaluate that situation. It wasn't personal, it wasn't about you, it was about the mayor's selfish and destructive behaviour.

Sometimes quotes can help, I think, but it's bit like the leading the horse to water, I think you have to discover them for yourself. If you don't connect with it, and try to force yourself to believe it - particularly some of those deliberately upbeat hearts and flowers ones - then it won't work and you'll end up more frustrated that you can't shift your thinking.

I think you can go a long way to defusing feelings like this simply by recognising that you have triggers in the first place, and be able to call them out. That can help you step back, and recognise it as a reflex, like that old test when your doctor hits your knee with a hammer to make your leg move. It's just a mechanism in your brain, nerves firing, impulses going.

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

white knight — Wed, 17 Feb 2016 06:37:10 GMT

Hi JessF,

Oh, I think you are so right.

We can identify our reflexes, our automatic responses and remember them as a positive means of recovery.

Tony WK

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

white knight — Sun, 08 Apr 2018 10:50:33 GMT

Im convinced that everyone that does not have bipolar do not understand/relate, to triggers that bipolar people endure.

I suppose its like several islands of mental illness.

We can have empathy but that doesnt mean others also understand. I suppose thats progress of sorts

Tony WK

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

blondguy — Sun, 08 Apr 2018 11:57:14 GMT

Hi Tony

As usual you are spot on

I empathise with BiPolar sufferers as the 'label' does get bandied around a lot from some health professionals and many people that dont have this illness wouldnt be aware of the true nature and symptoms of this awful illness

Just learning here...very slowly and carefully

Paul

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

white knight — Sun, 08 Apr 2018 14:34:25 GMT

Thankyou Paul.

Unfortunately you are the only reply and it is a hard time for me at the moment. People can say "I'm worried/concerned about you" then they are gone. They don't follow up,. Its only words. Well action speaks louder.

I wrote a thread about "Men isolated" I think in my world women support each other and men, well, what support do they need?, they are strong and robust. They can take on the world. Females can share their ups and downs. Men find It hard. I mean I'm a giver, someone that tries to help others that are down and it isn't reciprocated. Women can support each other, chat away hourly including here on their own threads but we are as I explained in that thread- alone.

Thanks again Paul. Being a "giver" though has its pitfalls.

Tony WK

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

Just Sara — Sun, 08 Apr 2018 16:49:17 GMT

Hi Tony;

I was just triggered on another thread. I took it in my stride and am still here to tell the story. That's progress...

I'm sorry you feel the way you do about support. I don't know much about bipolar as it's a disorder that's very confusing.

I'd like to know more about the gender aspect you've mentioned. I do care about you Tony; please know this. I'm just not sure what you need as a man from me. How do you feel about creating your own (journal style) thread?

Thankyou for yet another thought provoking discussion.

Sincerely;

Sez

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

Ggrand — Sun, 08 Apr 2018 17:51:43 GMT

Hello Tony,

I woke up and am having a cup of tea and just read your post....I am not sure if I can be of any help to you, as you are usually helping me...but I do care a lot about you and I am here if you need to talk. BP2 triggers I can relate to quite easily to, but still do not know how to cope with them.

You are struggling Tony that saddens me a lot, you are another here who has a heart of Gold, and is also vulnerable to downers yet your always ready to give out helpful advice and support, it's time for you to try to relax and take in some love and care from me/others, which you give so freely to others and you so much deserve.

I am in a downer atm, but am still okay so far, I help more when I'm down, I seem to understand people more when I'm struggling, I can feel their pain more, I felt your pain on my thread as well as this thread.

Tony always remember that you are a special person no actually you are an amazing person, your insight and suggestions to others are always spot on, I seek out your posts and read them when I can because of your way of speaking to people and your support and suggestions to them. They help me as well as a lot of others..

You do fantastic work here with not much or sometimes no recognition/ praise at all. I want to tell you, without you watching over me and caring for me from the time I entered this great BB family, I would not know where I would be today. you are a massive part of my life now for 8 months and I hope you continue to do so, when you feel the need to.( no pressure here just saying). No words can /will ever express just how grateful I am to you. Thank you Tony from really deep in my heart/soul.

Now Tony if I can I would like to return to you some support/help. you mean a lot to me Tony and that's the truth.. My advice probably no where up to your standards but sometimes all we need to do is talk, sometimes words may help you,I hope mine will, words can be a powerful tool even when just talking to someone.

Tony please know that I care very deeply for you and have grown to love and respect you a great deal..and want to be here for you..Maybe as Sez has said start up your own thread as both a journal and support. I definitely will be a regular visitor to you, as I am sure a lot of others will be..Tony it's time to look after you first now..you are very important and special person here and you are loved/liked by a lot of people, me included.

Please be gentle and kind to yourself and know I care

Love,

Karen.

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

white knight — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 07:18:58 GMT

Hi Karen and Sez

Well, thankyou for your words and care. It feels good.

I think yesterday was the worst day and today a little improvement especially since adding to the "men isolated" thread. It got a lot out of my system and it gave me purpose.

I would like to demolish any thought from anyone that men are...well...knights in shining armour. There is nothing more upsetting for me to willingly offer support to members and rarely get anything in return. As a friend today said "You do project a figure or resilience wisdom and strength, which I guess works against you some ways." ...well that is true but IMO people should have some insight that men display such resilience but if this is what women perceive as being "he's ok" then we have a problem, a big one.

So, how big? Am I suicidal? I don't know. Not if I keep improving like I did today. . What I do know is that I've been here before many times, roughly once a year the walls of WK castle fall down and I'm frantically trying to rebuild them before anyone sees my feelings exposed.

Some people cant help at all for one of a number of reasons- they don't know how, it isn't in their makeup, they are too busy posting in their own threads hourly to be distracted by my needs, they think I'm strong. I often feel for the young men in our world of which I was one, in that they are alone and young. I survived my youth and at 62yo I made it. I'm lucky but still hurting from solitude with my problems.

My wife is amazing, funny, lovable and caring most times. When she isn't she is hurting from her own depression. We both cant work, I retired 5 years ago. So really my home life is fine. I just get disillusioned. I help others and they (70% women on this forum) mainly congregate amongst themselves.

I ask you all to read the thread "Men Isolated". No obligation as usual to post there but of all of the 250 special threads I've posted in trying to help others this one is my greatest quest...why? Because it WILL save mens lives and in the process will get men the support they need from other men and women.

Thankyou.

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

Just Sara — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 07:52:20 GMT

What a heartfelt post Tony; thankyou..

I don't think I've read anything similar from you. It's confronting but also expressive of deep struggle from a wounded man. I hear you loud and clear..

The feelings of isolation you describe as a man on this forum hits home. I suppose I don't see gender perse'; I see 'people'. Thankyou for saying this as it brings to light a very personal and individual perspective from you; Tony the man.

I'll visit the thread you mentioned and give this more thought ok. Please know I'd say or do anything to support your well-being and ongoing health. Giving back is definitely important, not just to say thankyou, but to acknowledge you as a member in your own right.

You deserve compassion and support just as we all do, it's a given. So I'll apologise for my lack of insight and attention. I'm truly sorry...you deserve better from me.

Take care and please ask for help when you need it...anytime ok.

Sincerely;

Sez xo

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

white knight — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 10:26:17 GMT

Thankyou Sez

Lovely to talk.

I'm the type if guy that, when walking past a mum pushing a pram I'll goo goo at the baby, watch at how awesome that miracle is and tell mum or dad how lucky they are. Often visiting friends with a newborn they immediately pass baby to poppy Tony. I gravitate to them and they fall asleep on me. Love it.

A family emergency- I'm there as fast as I can be. This over, extreme? Reaction is a "saving" mentality. That same mentality is confused by others as an unbreakable person.

Why do I need to save people? A therapist said to me in 1987 "when are going to stop saving the world"? Where it came from is is anxiety. Although over that now (it took 22 years) but the "saving" aspect is the residual.

What I've always admired about you Sez is you sense of right and wrong. Being blatantly honest is a quality I sooo admire and respect you.

Thankyou so much.

Tony WK

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

Ggrand — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 11:44:31 GMT

Hello Tony,

Im pleased that your a little better today and you have released a little of what your feeling and gave you some purpose..I can feel your hurt and struggles in your posts.

I hear you also Tony and understand a little of the hurt your feeling. You put so much of your time to other people here and at times then don't know if they are okay or not. You Tony was one of the first to come to my rescue and that's what you did, you really did make a difference to my life, If WhiteKnights falls, I'll do my best to make a difference to you..But imo you will always be my knight in shine armour.

Tony I have always believed that both men and women have the same emotions as each other as we are all born the same..But from a young age males are told it's not manly to cry , to hurt or even to express the multitude of emotions that they have.. imo they have been conditioned to suppress their emotions.

Tony your post portrays a lot of hurt and I am sorry, I hope I wasn't one who did not show appreciation for your help. I think I do, treat both men and women equally on the forums. Although I will admit that at times I am a little afraid of what to answer you at times, because your so knowledgeable about mh and I'm still learning about my new diagnosis of BP2,

Tony when I read about you goo goo babies and having your friends babies sit with poppy Tony, well that didn't surprise me at all, I kind of figured you out to be a gentle person.

Im sorry if I haven't been much help, but I have a lot of trouble understanding what I read lately, maybe the meds, maybe me.. but I do care and will always try to help, if not help just to be here for you...

Tonight I will sit with you and hold your hands, (if that's okay with Mrs WhiteKnight).

Be gentle with yourself please..You really are a good person and your name is who you are to me.

Love,

Karen.

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

white knight — Mon, 09 Apr 2018 13:08:40 GMT

Hi Karen,

An observation -

Having 70% female to 30% females is an issue. This no doubt is due to men concealing their mental problems maybe thinking its best to not talk about it. Its my mission to change that. I'm hoping men will open up

I am aware of your level of love and care Karen, in fact I havent felt a bad bone in anyone on this forum. But I have felt some female members go missing only to post on a couple of "journal" threads when others are in need.

Im aware of your transition to helping others. You are one of my success stories 🙂

Be rest assured your beliefs that you cant articulate answers as well as others is not a factor. Care and support as explained in my new thread Men Isolated can be and is best practiced by a hand on a forearm and no speech or in cyber land a short post of support. It doesnt need detail.

Thankyou sweety

Tony WK

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

white knight — Tue, 10 Apr 2018 03:45:29 GMT

THE CYCLE OF A MOOD TRIGGERED

It could be a distinctly bipolar mood. Or it could be a Tony WK only mood or it could be a natural bad mood. Either way for me it begins with a trigger. Such a trigger can be ever so small and sometimes I don’t know what that trigger was or if it was a mountain of small triggers over days that tipped me over. Sometimes people have no idea they've triggered me with three words.

EG Over many years I've trailered items, to the tip, carried furniture etc. But I've lost my load twice and that is quite normal. However if I suggest to my wife that we will pick up our lounge in our trailer as opposed to getting it delivered and she answered "you trailer it, oh dear"? That can be garranteed to be a trigger, lack of confidence in her partner. Oddly enough, when we load items she rarely assists and leaves it to me. I don't mind that but being then critical isn't on- the trigger begins.

An injustice is another trigger. Say I paid a bill and was rebilled for it. We all know the drama associated with ringing a bank, Centrelink, a Govt department, the on hold music, the feeling you aren’t trusted etc. Then you get a refund into your account and guess what, it isn’t the full amount. So you go through that process again purely because its someone elses fault, someone you never talk to again.
So you get over several of these life battles in a short space of time only for them to take their toll. Suddenly other road blocks come about because now the trigger is taking a different course and I might be more sensitive during triggered times. It’s gone from a spark to transferring it to anger. Anger for some is expressed and that seems to shorten the whole process of a downer. Because soon after anger comes crying. If crying is delayed (being a male, being held in etc) then crying internally has a far different result than crying literally.
For men crying internally is the most likely event. For me its 50-50. Why the difference? Purely due to mental illness. This means that many men hold off on crying, they compound or corral that action which is still a very serious thing both for them and their partners/friends. It’s also for me with that 50% of the time. My current downer has produced zero tears. My headache today is due to that. The feeling is like a full bucket about to burst but it aint happening.
I know the next step. To distance myself. …but that’s for another time.

Tony WK

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

quirkywords — Tue, 10 Apr 2018 04:25:41 GMT

Tony,

I have only just seen this thread. I find your honesty and vulnerability very touching.

. When my ability as a parent from the past is brought up it is a trigger so I usually do not want to talk about it. When one of my children was doing an assignment about mental health and parenting , I helped although I did not want to. It was very stressful and I did go down quite quickly as there is so much guilt I feel from the past and I cant change the past. Even friends who saw my mothering and reassured me and also told me their children bring up things from their childhood and my friends don't have a mental health label.

Sometimes avoiding a trigger can be seen by others as denial so it can be difficult.

have raved on a bit. Tony, you really know what threads are relevant to me and others.

Thanks

Quirky

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

white knight — Tue, 10 Apr 2018 05:11:45 GMT

Dear Leah

Unfortunately cure for guilt isn't easy, in fact impossible in my view

We can only sooth the effects and cram other extra things in our lives to push the topic away.

As your friends will tell you, you are a beautiful soul and a damn good parent. I know this due to your description of your post and level of care. If ever you trip up as a parent you are doing what we all do as caring parents, we question ourselves.

Low self esteem is similar without the pointing towards our childhood specific hangups caused usually by outside influences like- not by ourselves.

you've probably read - Topic: guilt the tormentor- beyondblue

These triggers are terrible because we don't have harmony, stability and comfort. Our partners don't have it either and we think its all us, in reality some of the conflicts are normal marital conflict and isn't due to our own issue of guilt. It isn't easy separating the two. If we don't and we blame guilt instead of normal living then we compound the problem. So important to be as realistic as we can be with guilt.

A good example of this is you helping your daughter with her homework. With your sensitivity and guilt you might not realise that questioning your parenting past might be only 50% relevant. The other 50% being normal reflection. So if you can say to yourself "it's only half as bad as it seems because reflecting is normal" you might at least convince yourself its only half as bad.

I do this a lot. sometimes it works, sometimes not.

tony WK

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

Birdy77 — Thu, 03 May 2018 10:27:24 GMT

Hello Tony,

Just checking in with you to ask how you are?

How are you feeling?

Are you ok?

🌻birdy

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

white knight — Thu, 03 May 2018 11:07:57 GMT

Hi Birdu,

How sweet. To be remembered for my down period.

Well, no, I'm not ok. I'm struggling a lot and have had an appointment with my care nurse that has organized 10 more visits with a very "soft" Dr.

I always bounce back. We are selling our home and building another soon. We commenced a one week trip today towing our varavan around victoria with our vintage car. So that has lifted me a little. We'll visit our block of land to.

My wife has depression from childhood trauma so I try to protect her from my issues but that isnt easy.

My bipolar is hard to live with. Those depressive downers are too often coming around.

Thankyou for your spirit of care.

I hope you are well. You've made my night.

Tony WK

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

Elizabeth CP — Thu, 03 May 2018 12:07:46 GMT

I'm sorry Tony, You try to reach out to others but you battle a terrible illness. I hope your trip gives you some energy & positive feelings to keep going. Selling, moving & building are enough to try the most resilient person. Good luck with the process & I hope this down period lifts soon. Sorry I haven't been reaching out much I'm struggling with my own issues & trying to keep myself afloat so having to be careful of triggers but wanted you to know I care.

Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

Birdy77 — Thu, 03 May 2018 15:40:23 GMT

Dear Tony,

I really hope your holiday continues to lift you as you go on this week. Victoria in a vintage car and caravan sounds delightful!

I am glad to hear that you have ten visits arranged with the soft Dr, and I really hope that helps to bring you through gently.

It must be so very difficult battling your own issues whilst trying to protect your beloved wife as she struggles. Such loving care, but so hard.

Moving house is incredibly stressful. I hope you remember to take good and gentle care of yourself whilst moving, and take it easy on BB when you need a rest.

Care to you.

🌻birdy