https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/suicidal-thoughts-and-self-harm/completely-lost/m-p/625555#M51957 <P>I don't really know what I'm supposed to say.&nbsp; My partner and I split after 20 years together.&nbsp; She stopped being affectionate after our 4th child was born nearly 10 years ago.&nbsp; I didn't deal with it well.&nbsp; I tried to ignore it, pretend it would get better. I guess I never wanted to face the reality of the situation.&nbsp; The constant rejection turned me into an angry version of myself I never wanted to be.&nbsp; From then on everything was my fault, because I couldn't control my anger.&nbsp; I was never violent, but I would constantly shout at her at the top of my voice, mostly from pure frustration.&nbsp; I wanted to get help for the both of us, go to counseling.&nbsp; But she wouldn't have it.&nbsp; I'd always have to apologize for my temper, but she never once dealt with the underlying issue of what was driving my frustration.&nbsp; We have 4 wonderful kids.&nbsp; I don't want to be away from them but because we can't live together I had to travel across the country to stay with family till I can sort this out.&nbsp; Unfortunately my Parents are both in aged care now, and my brother who I really needed at this time has his own issues and I cant stay with him either.&nbsp; I've had severe health issues in the last 12 months starting with an aortic dissection, followed by thyroid cancer and just 9 weeks ago had my right kidney removed due to more cancer.&nbsp; I have no license.&nbsp; Can barely walk more than 200m due to my health, no home to live in.&nbsp; I have struggled with mental health issues all my life.&nbsp; When I was 19 I was diagnosed with severe depression.&nbsp; I tried ending it all on 2 different occasions.&nbsp; The only thing I was living for was my partner and kids.&nbsp; Now I don't have that I just feel like a waste of space.&nbsp; I don't know what I'm hoping for writing this all down.&nbsp; I'm on my laptop with virtually no charge, so I'm probably not even going to see a response.&nbsp; I guess my life is so shit I have no one else to talk to.&nbsp; I just dont see any point to being here anymore</P> Thu, 17 Sep 2026 02:50:33 GMT SoloMia 2026-09-17T02:50:33Z https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/suicidal-thoughts-and-self-harm/completely-lost/m-p/625555#M51957 <P>I don't really know what I'm supposed to say.&nbsp; My partner and I split after 20 years together.&nbsp; She stopped being affectionate after our 4th child was born nearly 10 years ago.&nbsp; I didn't deal with it well.&nbsp; I tried to ignore it, pretend it would get better. I guess I never wanted to face the reality of the situation.&nbsp; The constant rejection turned me into an angry version of myself I never wanted to be.&nbsp; From then on everything was my fault, because I couldn't control my anger.&nbsp; I was never violent, but I would constantly shout at her at the top of my voice, mostly from pure frustration.&nbsp; I wanted to get help for the both of us, go to counseling.&nbsp; But she wouldn't have it.&nbsp; I'd always have to apologize for my temper, but she never once dealt with the underlying issue of what was driving my frustration.&nbsp; We have 4 wonderful kids.&nbsp; I don't want to be away from them but because we can't live together I had to travel across the country to stay with family till I can sort this out.&nbsp; Unfortunately my Parents are both in aged care now, and my brother who I really needed at this time has his own issues and I cant stay with him either.&nbsp; I've had severe health issues in the last 12 months starting with an aortic dissection, followed by thyroid cancer and just 9 weeks ago had my right kidney removed due to more cancer.&nbsp; I have no license.&nbsp; Can barely walk more than 200m due to my health, no home to live in.&nbsp; I have struggled with mental health issues all my life.&nbsp; When I was 19 I was diagnosed with severe depression.&nbsp; I tried ending it all on 2 different occasions.&nbsp; The only thing I was living for was my partner and kids.&nbsp; Now I don't have that I just feel like a waste of space.&nbsp; I don't know what I'm hoping for writing this all down.&nbsp; I'm on my laptop with virtually no charge, so I'm probably not even going to see a response.&nbsp; I guess my life is so shit I have no one else to talk to.&nbsp; I just dont see any point to being here anymore</P> Thu, 17 Sep 2026 02:50:33 GMT https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/suicidal-thoughts-and-self-harm/completely-lost/m-p/625555#M51957 SoloMia 2026-09-17T02:50:33Z