topic Re: My son beat me. And then bit me. in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

My son beat me. And then bit me.

Papan — Sat, 08 Feb 2025 00:22:17 GMT

Everyday. I cannot see any purpose for me in my life. I am a punchbag, bite-sponge, and a scratchmat. My blood is of no value. I wake up and care for him all day, cooking for him, feeding him, taking him for drives, cleaning him, cuddling him. Then he sits on me and watches ipad. And then he beats me, bites me, scratches me. He has severe autism, now 17. I am Male age 50. I can't take it anymore. Why do I even wake up ? To repeat the same all over again ?

Re: My son beat me. And then bit me.

white knight — Sat, 08 Feb 2025 06:36:56 GMT

Hi, welcome

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Sometimes someone comes along to state the obvious or suggest the remedy for "the elephant in the room" but not many do. I'll suggest that it could be time your son is cared for out of your home. There: I've said it.

The reasons seem harsh, maybe selfish, but they are valid- when a dependant with severe difficulties affects your life so much that you are feeling like you are- its time for action.

I have no other advice but if you have a road block to this suggestion thats fair enough. Your call.

I hope you are ok.

TonyWK

Re: My son beat me. And then bit me.

therising — Sat, 08 Feb 2025 09:40:08 GMT

Hi Papan

It's heartbreaking, facing what you are. It's heartbreaking in a number of ways: To hear how you're reaching or have reached breaking point, to hear how stressful, depressing and mind altering things have become for you, to imagine the pressure you've been putting on yourself under when it comes to continuing trying to achieve what sounds impossible. What sounds impossible is to keep managing through complete and utter mental and physical exhaustion. I wish I was able to say something that could offer you instant relief, so at least you could feel what relief feels like in your body. Something different from feeling dread each day.

Addressing something Tony mentions, I worked in residential care some years back which was a home to 6 male adults with varying degrees of intellectual challenge. Some of the guys entered care when they became young adults, based on the physical strength they'd developed and the types of assaults their parents faced from them on an almost daily basis. When we think of domestic violence, the imagination typically goes straight to spousal abuse or abuse from a parent towards a child. Then we feel deep compassion for the spouse or child who is on the receiving end. You deserve the same level of compassion, the same guidance and support, the same relief and the same care. While you face unique circumstances regarding domestic violence (violence in the home) you also face the need for a unique kind of care. Wondering whether you've ever considered caring for yourself by looking into respite care, if not full care for your son. You need a break before you break.❤️

Re: My son beat me. And then bit me.

smallwolf — Sun, 09 Feb 2025 11:22:36 GMT

hello and welcome.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. This does sounds like it is a very challenging and I don't have any answers, except to listen to you. In your writing I can see you sound exhausted, frustrated and in pain .. all valid.

What you do every day takes immense strength, but no one should have to endure this without support.

I do wonder what support is available? And perhaps there is some you can reach out to? Maybe a support group, or a professional who can help. You deserve care too.