topic Re: Am I alone in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Am I alone

B3kki — Wed, 05 Jul 2023 12:04:39 GMT

I am so fed up and deflated.

My heart is heavy.

I want to cry but nothing comes out.

I lts hard to breathe.

I feel like im screaming under water.

Im tired.

I don't sleep.

I don't want to not be here but I have thoughts of tearing myself apart.

I am the first to always help others no matter what.

I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb.

Where do I start?

Re: Am I alone

smallwolf — Thu, 06 Jul 2023 08:26:18 GMT

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It sounds like you're going through a lot and carrying a heavy burden. I will say here that (starting wise) you have made a good start - it takes courage to write here and not knowing the sort of response you might get.

I don't know what sort of support network you have? Perhaps you could reach out to someone you trust like a friend, family member, or a professional. Starting with a conversation can be a good step towards finding the help and guidance you need.

Take care of yourself, and know that there are people who care about you. Listening to you...

Re: Am I alone

therising — Fri, 07 Jul 2023 07:43:04 GMT

Hi B3kki

What you're going through sounds so absolutely torturous. While the circumstances vary when it comes to what takes us into the depths of a depression, those who have felt the depths have all found the feeling of heartbreak, along with the question 'How do I go on living (under the circumstances)?'. So much torment in that place.

With the challenge of facing the ins and outs of depression, I've come to realise I'm not always aware (at first) of exactly what circumstances have led me there, into the depths. When I come to make sense of the reasons, my thought is always 'No wonder I feel the way I do'. There's always a reason for why we feel the way we do. Some of the reasons you might be able to relate to perhaps, based on some of what you say

The feeling of being the raiser of others yet not being raised in significant ways our self. Who raises the raiser of others?
The feeling of drowning in a sea of pure exhaustion
The feeling of suffocating under too many challenges, which can include an exhausting degree of self analysis (with people leaving us alone to work it all out for our self)
The feeling of not having enough energy with which to really feel life with (aka an actual depressing lack of energy)
Not being able to see the way forward in a way that feels inspirational and energising. Having no one planting relatable visions of the way forward in our imagination, in order for us to see what begins to excite us, can be a major factor at times. If you are a seer for others when it comes to clearly seeing what what ails them or lies at the root of their problems, what leads them to feel most supported and what leads them to feel raised out of where they are, it isn't unusual for a seer to not be able to see for themself at times. Bit of a mouthful but...most seers will seek out a seer to see for them. Hope that makes sense. I have a few of those people in my life.