topic Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we... in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Living in car

James010405 — Tue, 18 Oct 2022 11:28:26 GMT

Howdy everyone. My partner and I of 7 years broke up at the start of the year and I've got no place to go. My 3 kids don't know that I'm officially classed as homeless and living out of my car for the last 9 months. Both my parents and sister have passed away a while ago now and I don't have any family to turn to for help. 2 mates know all the details and how I'm living and trying to help. I'm still working 2 jobs and can't get a rental to call home either. I had 2 Social workers give up on me trying to find a home, my ex was trying for 3 weeks but gave up and now a mate has offered to help with a bond if I find a place. Finding a place seems like a waste of time because I don't have anything to put in a home. My dog is living with the ex and she won't let me see my 15yo dog either now or even send me a picture of how she is going as well.. this Xmas coming will be the 8th shittiest in a row now and I just can't do it again. I just can't seem to get a break in life or get the hell I need to have a happy life again or share it with someone that loves me. Everything seems pointless or useless to me and all I can think of is just going, disappear or leave without a trace to never come back. I know it will break my 2 sons 18,17 and my 20yo daughter would not care. She refuses to see me, talk to me or even reply in texts and now she won't let me see my 9 month old grandchild that I've seen 1 time for 10 min. I have no where to go, no one to turn to and everyone gives up on me now and I can not see the light at the end of the tunnel and only seems like my hole is getting deeper by the day now. I cry myself to sleep most nights while sleeping in a sleeping bag in my car and pray to the lord to take me in my sleep but it never happens. I'm sick of this missarible life and so exhausted to the point where I can't think of see properly now. I need help and kindness

Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

Sophie_M — Tue, 18 Oct 2022 12:58:19 GMT

Dear James010405

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post. We just want to let you know that we will also be reaching out to you privately to offer you some additional support this evening, so if you could check you mailbox that would be great.

There are no words other than simply to say we are so sorry for all that you have gone through over this past year, for the loss of your parents and sister, and to have had to live through this relationship separation. It sounds like you are doing the very best that you can in a very difficult situation James010405, to have sustained this lifestyle, on top of holding down two jobs is astonishing, how have you managed so far, to overcome these challenges that would have defeated many others?

As much as we want to tell you to remember that it won’t be like this forever, and that to take this day by day, we can also hear just how relentless this is feeling for you too. However please keep doing what you are doing, reaching out for support where you can, and this includes talking to your friends who sound like they have been a good support for youso far as you navigate this difficult situation.

In the meantime, we would love for you to give one of our fully trained counsellors a call for some counselling support, we are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our WebChat. Here, you could provide more information in terms of your circumstances, location and in turn, explore options for possible referrals and practical supports?

Please be kind to yourself and remember you aren’t alone on this journey, even if it feels like you are at times. We will leave you in the hands of our lovely community members who will be here on your thread soon. Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.

Regards

Sophie M

Re: Living in car

geoff — Tue, 18 Oct 2022 18:22:38 GMT

Hello James, being in a situation like this must be terrible for you, if you can copy and paste this in your search browser 'emergency housing australia' I hope you find some help because it's just not right for anyone to be confined to live in a car.

Your two 'friends' who know of this, surely they could house you until you are able to find somewhere or I understand if this is not possible.

I would open up to your sons and let them know, they may know somewhere where you can live, whether it's temporary or a beginning for you.

Please let us know.

Geoff.

Life Member.

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

James010405 — Wed, 19 Oct 2022 08:08:08 GMT

Thank you for the warm welcome hear. I've been working the 2 jobs 6 days a week for the past 11 years now. My work mates think I'm living in a mates caravan in a driveway and don't know the truth. I can't tell anyone because of the shame I feel and the added stress it will add as well.. I was married for 13 years then found out my wife was having an affair then we got divorced when I was 37, then met my last partner which lasted 7 years then she cheated too. Now I'm alone at 45 and no where to go. Life just gets harder by the day it seems now. I get up and go to work everyday because I got nothing else to do and go. Plus I get to use the work kitchen and toilets too. No one seems to understand how expensive it is to be homeless and to purchase food and meals and then somehow live. People seem to think that because homeless people don't do anything and get free stuff isn't correct at all. My 2 sons keep me going and get me out of the car and I think that's the only thing that keeps me alive anymore these days to be honest. Everyday is exhausting and I'm mentally drained and tired to the point I need a afternoon nap to keep me going for a few more hours in the evenings..

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

Guest_1584 — Wed, 19 Oct 2022 11:12:49 GMT

Hi op and so sorry about the situation and especially the betrayals , it doesn't seem to take much these days frankly l don't think they makem like they use to.

But if your doing two jobs 11 yrs surely you can find somewhere and have money saved and what have you, not paying rent and all the costs that come with your own place.

At any rate dk where your work is but often people have bungalows, granny flats, cabins or something , especially in regional areas which can be far cheaper.

You prob know but l know someone got a mths rent and the bond through the Salvos to l think it was if you needed it which would be a great head start.

There's also home grants and all sorts of things on offer when you have the energy l'd really spend a few wks digging into all of it never know, something could get you started.

Best of luck anyway .

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

Guest_1584 — Wed, 19 Oct 2022 11:26:01 GMT

Sorry op forgot to mention sharing also ,you prob have but thought of that or ?

There's prob a lot of single people living alone wouldn't mind some extra money and company.

My daughter was looking 12mths but since found a share house 120pw she's so happy to finally get a start.

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

James010405 — Thu, 20 Oct 2022 08:27:31 GMT

I've been looking for a unit, share house, bungalow, granny flat or anything that's 1 or 2 bedroom place for 9 months mate. There isn't anything around me and what comes up you don't even get to look at it before it's taken off the market or people offer more than what there asking PW. MY Social worker was just finding me places down near the CBD or close to that and then it's 45min to an hour drive to work. It's just too far and not what I need tbh. I had funding for bond and 1st months rent with a agency but they some how lost the paperwork and I had to fill it out 2 times and to leave work an hour early both time with out lay to do it. Now that agency doesn't contact me anymore even when I email the social worker she don't reply back. I had another company get me to fill out paperwork for government housing but never heard anything more from them either. Seems everyone wants to help but no one actually does anything except pass me along to another place that says they don't help homeless men or can't get funding from men. Everything is for women or demstic abuse for women or children these days. If I actually get approval for a place of any kind I don't actually have anything but a fridge, tele, microwave, washing machine and a heap of clothes. So in theory what's the actual point of getting a place to call home?? If your a female you get the world offered to you but because I'm a man I get nothing and plenty of it.

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

Hanna3 — Thu, 20 Oct 2022 09:30:55 GMT

Hi James

I just came by for a moment and saw your post.

I'm really sorry about your housing situation, there are so many people around where I live who are staying in tents or in cars and vans.

The only thing I wanted to let you know is that once you do finally get somewhere to live, the charities like the salvos or vinnies can help you with furniture. A guy near me who got a public housing unit was donated a bed and basic furniture like fridge, couch and television by the charities. So do ask them for assistance.

Lots of people here are camping and get hot meals from a church here or they cook in the park using picnic equipment there. One church here supplies sleeping bags.

It's terrible this is happening in this country but I do hope that you can get assistance soon.

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

Guest_1584 — Fri, 21 Oct 2022 05:43:50 GMT

hI OP and yeah l know it l went through divorce to ha, if only l wore a skirt, l know.

And yeah l fully agree with hanna salvos and the others, incredible, try them for your bond and stuff they were brilliant for a guy l know. And furniture mate you've got a bit then God l've moved in with just a mattress and doona. Op shops are also brilliant my place is full of op shop furniture. last score was a beautiful table still had plastic on top l knew it was worth a lot got it 80bucks. Saw the exact table in a catalogue few mths later 21/2 k. You just find good op shops and just keep browsing every wk or so, mostly old stuff but they also get some real gems, love op shops.

Shame you weren't regional and yeah a unit would be really nice, l mainly meant the others just as a start, a step up from the car at least. But yeah ldk wth is wrong with this country and all this housing stuff it's criminal- that's what we get from 20yrs of libs l think. But even so they cut immigration to almost nothing 2yrs through Covid, there should be more housing than ever.

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

Guest_1584 — Fri, 21 Oct 2022 10:57:15 GMT

Ps , but yeah as hanna said anyway, they may even just supply you with furniture, l didn't know about that.

Good luck anyway.

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

James010405 — Fri, 21 Oct 2022 12:56:44 GMT

Thanks for the input with op shops and salvos. I'll have a look and make a few calls and emails and see what comes up. Where I am air bnb is killed the rental market and there are heaps of people being kicked out so the home owner can cash in on the craze of air bnb. People are sleeping in cars, tents on front lawns and in caravans. I've also looked into staying in a caravan park that's about 30 min from my Monday to Friday job and some places are charging up to 650-700pw. It's just out of control and stupid. Everything is just beyond reach just now with finding a place of any kind for just me. I think I'm just lucky that my 15yo dog is at the ex's house because her kids and she likes my dog and what I have is stored in her leaking and flooding garage when it totally pours down. After work I'm looking everynight on FB, rental apps, flatmate sites and apps and everything goes in minutes or people don't respond back. I've even had a chance to look at just 1 share house with 4 other males and it was full of mould, rotten floors and just a bath no shower and that was 225pw. I'm struggling saving money as all my meals have to be purchased and I can't cook anything at all. But the real killer was about 3 weeks ago my car developed a real bad miss fire and I had to spend the 450 I managed to save over a long time. Had to buy a new coil pack, spark plug leads and plugs to fix the issues. I even had 1 housing company say I can park my car in a house they have people living in but I need to pay to stay in there driveway too. Tbh guys and gals I'm slowly loosing Faith and hope and giving up on my life and and a future for me. Then this morning a friend passed away from cancer in the lungs that spread to his brain. He was 55 and left behind 2 of his own kids 6 and 3 and 3 step kids that are a bit older. What's the point anyway or anymore when no person or place wants to help a middle aged man get back on his feet and get a 2nd chance at life and happiness again. Change my mind

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

Guest_1584 — Fri, 21 Oct 2022 22:22:38 GMT

Hi op.

Sorry about all that my God crazy stuff.

l didn't even realize about air b n b stuff but only a few wks ago my d told me the same, it's mind boggling. She's 21 and looked 12mths.

We came to this area 15yrs ago there's 10 or so smaller towns and one main and cheap rentals everywhere and farm houses out of towns but she says anything now anywhere is snapped in days. A few mths ago she came across a share unit- more a house really, 100pw. He was paying 280 alone which l nearly fell over too but that sounds pretty good now then these days.

That's in one of the towns about an hr over, nice place n town, ex n l are so happy for her.

l own these days but heard my town rents are about 300pw but apparently there aren't any anyway, main towns 25mins. Nice place n beach but d said that's all b n b too now.

Should buy a little cooker mate , 50bucks one burner they run on small gas cans 5pack, they're brilliant l use it going away now but back when that was all l had for 12mths at one stage but it was fantastic. They're small ,no space no gas bottles to lug about, safe and work really well.

l can't believe what's happening in this country .

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

James010405 — Sat, 22 Oct 2022 05:18:47 GMT

When the ex and I were together our rent was 515pw plus bills for a 3 bedroom house with a garage that was down the bottom of a gravel drive way that had a ditch Infront of it so you basically couldn't get a car into it so it just became a storage place. All my stuff basically because the ex didn't like my stuff I had and we used all her stuff in the house. I can't even find or get a bungalow or 1 bedroom flat anywhere close to work. But if I moved down the CBD or close to the city I could find a place for around 300pw for myself and it's cheap and nasty but then the fuel to get to work a week would be a $100 minimum just to get to work and then it off sets cheap for a huge fuel bill so I figure I'd be spending 400-450pw on rent and transportation. That's half my wage and the fact I'm paying $300pw childsuport to my ex wife as well wouldn't leave me eith much left over for bills and food maybe $100 and that's not enough to basically live off. I've questioned childsuport many times over the last few years as to why it's so high and much but there excuse is it's capacity to earn. My ex wife remarried and had 2 more kids but earns $50,000 a year more than I do. She has a nice big 5 bedroom 2 story house and her and hubby both have 2 brand new cars that's maybe 2 years old now. My oldest son is 18 but finishing high school year 12 very soon and works at KFC after school and weekends and also with his step dad during school holidays and my other son is 16 but 17 next month. How can they get everything and rob me of $300pw while the house hold income is like $230,000 per year while I'm struggling $75,000 working 54-58 hours a week 6 days at 2 jobs. The rich get richer while the poor struggle every second of there lives. I'm about to email the salvation army and see if they can help with housing or accommodation even for a few nights. I've heard not good things about men shelters around hear too. See what happens I guess hey

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

Croix — Sat, 22 Oct 2022 11:35:37 GMT

Dear James010405~

Like everyone else who has read your story I'm horrified, but can also easily see how it happens. Those with advantage want more, those with virtually nothing are ignored and that is so cruel.

It sounds like the warm genes from your side have come out in your sons, and that is a tribute ot you, as is the fact you have friends who care enough to help as they can.

In fact your whole account is one of a person coping with extreme poverty in a society that is rich - and that makes it worse.

You have had a couple of suggestions about charitable organizations, and you never know.

Would I be correct in saying you have explored the options in the two places you work for a place to park? I quite understand admitting you are not living in that caravan may seem too big an admission - but is it? You know you bosses and workmates better than us.

The only thing I eventually found when life was very grim 24/7 was to have a small spark each day to look forward to. I'm easily pleased and can look forward all day to reading a chapter in a book I like from an op-shop, or something similar. I'm sure your tastes are very different to mine however do you think there is anything you can do or see that might give you a moment's respite each day?

It will only take one thing to change for the better and it will make a difference to your whole life. The hard bit is hanging on for that change to happen. I have to confess I did not wait for it, but survived anyway and am now in a life I'd not swap for anything.

Croix

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

James010405 — Sat, 22 Oct 2022 12:22:47 GMT

No I can not tell the boss or work mates because it would spread like wild fire through my work, there are a few people there that thrive on juicy gossip about others and I couldn't haithat or the shame from it tbh. I don't normally stay in 1 place more than 2-3 nights incase someone works it out that I'm sleeping there. I've had the police turn up a couple times at a stupid time and hassle me, check my car out, licence check and 1 time search the car for anything they could find but I don't have anything I should not and they couldn't find anything then left for to pack all my clothes, sleeping bag and food back into the car. I'm really thankful for 3 amazing friends that know my true situation I'm in, I can and do trust them 100% that they won't tell or spread gossip about me. 1 is an old gf from when I was 19 that we keep in contact with each other and she has been messaging me at least 3-4 times a week to see how I am, what I'm doing and if any luck getting a place to live.. I never ever te anyone where I'm camped and that's because my ex was the only person or I told where I was and 1 time the police turned up, searched the car and me, put hand cuffs on me, in the back of the police van and taken to the station for questions and Interview. Nothing came of it, no charges or anything. Think either the ex made something up or the police were flexing the muscle? Just seems everything is stacked up against me and it's getting worse as I get older in life. I just want a break, get back to a happy life, have my dog back and be left alone by people that judge me flat out

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

Croix — Sun, 23 Oct 2022 09:36:09 GMT

Dear James100405~

Yes it sounds very much like your ex gave them a call, perhaps from the content of thier questions you might even be able to work out what she said.

It's a pity about the police hassling you other times. I'm sure by now thay are very used to people living in their cars, rents are out of range for so many and there's sometimes no other choice.

it might surprise you to know that some will listen and be considerate of your possessions, does not mean they will stop searching, but may leave things in some sort of order, particularly if it is wet.

Maybe all that shame is misplaced, it is certainly influencing you, what do you think?

Croix

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

James010405 — Sun, 23 Oct 2022 10:19:39 GMT

I just can't tell my work about it. It will add more stree and anxiety to me. It's hard enough talking to a few best mates about what's going on in my life. I just feel so ashamed and worthless for being in my situation now. Like how did it happen so fast to me. I know deep down in my heart I'll still be in my car for Xmas this year. I told my to sons the other day I won't be around for Xmas this year but I'll come see them on the 24th and spend sometime together and give them something for Xmas day to open them I'll go. Just can't deal with knowing that Xmas day I'll be parked somewhere on my own either sleeping the day away or ei g board playing games on my phone. I don't want to ruin my boys Xmas day like so many before like the last 7 years worth now. Just want to say a big thank you to everyone that's had a say and commented on this post I started. My work shuts for 2 weeks over Xmas and I'll be down to minimum wage so I'll have to rely on food packages, food pantries and try to save now for the 2 weeks off in December. Work always gives us a huge hamper with short bread, nuts, chocolate and other Savoy items plus a box of beer but I don't drink.

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

Croix — Mon, 24 Oct 2022 11:35:03 GMT

James101405~

Christmas coming up does give you a lot of extra problems which you don't need, starting wiht the closure and lack of money as a result.

I guess I can sort of understand y why you do not want ot see you kids on Christmas day, particularly if they are living with you ex, I'm not sure I understand about the previous years. Frankly from what you have said I don't see why they should think less of you, but you have to feel comfortable too.

It might help to remember that parenting is not a fixed idea and set of actions, the major thing a parent gives is not money, a house, or all those things, it is simply care and love.

The idea on Chrsitmas day playing games on your phone makes me very sad.

If you would not mind a suggestion wold you consider joining up wiht a charitable organisation like St Vinnies, The Salvos or Anglicare and get involved in helping others on Christmas day - they all have meals they give, need assistants (even washing up:(.

Not only would you get fed, which is a plus, but you would actually be with pleasant people and in a position to help those needing it.

What do you think?

Croix

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

James010405 — Thu, 27 Oct 2022 12:30:19 GMT

To be totally honest with your mate I just want to get away. Not been on a holiday in 4 years now. Too many horrible and traumatic memories for me at Xmas time too. I just need a few days away from my life and this Is my only chance to have a go at it for me. Like I don't have any family for help or support, sister died in 2004 from breast cancer aged 29, then dad 2011 a couple weeks before Xmas aged 70 from cancer too. My own mother left when I was 14 then came back home when I was 16. Now she has disappeared for the last 5 years now, no contact or anything just gone. Life should not be this hard, it should be full of love, support, kindness and trust but in reality it's full of back stabbers, lies, cheating and bitterness from people that are only in it for there own wealth.. tonight I'm sleeping in my car at a park car park and a I assume drug deal just happed about 15 mtrs away from me. I'm beyond exhausted and can't get to sleep but I really want to be sleeping now because my alarm goes off in 5.5 hours time to get me 30 min to get dressed, shoes on and put the sleeping bag away on the back seat and get to work by 5:30am. I often think about taking my own life these days just because the shame of homelessness would end for me and the fact that almost everyone has given up on me as well in the last 10 months now. Just goes to show the people that are super struggling get left out because there too much work but the folk that just need food hampers and church free meal get the hell. I can't carry on like this much longer with ZERO quality of life. How do you keep moving forward when life is the hand that's holding me down??

Re: Dear James010405 Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, we...

Croix — Fri, 28 Oct 2022 08:50:16 GMT

Dear James010405~

Getting away for a few days sounds a pretty good idea, I hope you can manage it.

I guess things are extra hard for you because not only do you have the mental pain caused by so many people in your life, but you have all the woes, aches and pains and tiredness of trying to live in a car.

Put the two together and it is a very hard row to hoe and I"m not surprised you think in terms of taking your life. As I've probably said I did too -and I tried it.

Things do change and not everyone is as toxic or selfish or brutal as those you have had to deal with.

You might be surpried to know I was a cop, and would have been the one who asked you if you preferred being under a streetlight or in the dark and suggested a couple of reasonable places to park -not giving you a hard time. Sure I would have checked you out, but your possessions would have been left in order.

I've had two most excellent loving relationships. After my first wife died very young I've remarried and it has been love there too.

When on a psych ward it has been the particular kindness of one staff member that made the difference (the rest were very ordinary)

I"m not telling you these facts to make you feel worse, I'm trying to say the whole world is bigger than the horrible bit you have been in and there is a good chance you will find better bits as I have. A holiday can be a good start.

Those people wiht money, nice houses, good jobs etc do not get my admiration -after all their lives can be very easy.

I reserve my admiration for those for whom life is pretty terrible - separate from their kids, the jobless, the homeless, those coming out of goal and unfortunately many more. To deal with those circumstances shows grit and strenght (no matter what they think of themselves).

Croix