topic Re: Someone to talk to. in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Someone to talk to.

tete — Thu, 29 Sep 2022 09:35:06 GMT

Hi. I’m new to this and thought I would get on here to see if I could talk to others in my place. I don’t know what to say or how to say it exactly but I will try. It is very hard living with constant thoughts of wanting to end my life. Constantly hoping that there’s an easy way. It’s constant day in day out continuously having to live life and do the things that you have to do but in the back of your mind knowing what you really want to happen. It’s so hard living missrable knowing you have tried everything to change that mind set and it still not working. It’s getting worse as each day goes by.
I am constantly telling myself to snap out of it, constantly trying my best to do what I have to do but knowing exactly what I want. I hear people writing you really don’t want to die. Oh but I do and I’m comfortable with it and I don’t think it’s fair that I am forced to have to live with this crap on my mind. There’s a lot more backstory but basically I’m tired of it all and thought I’d express myself on here. Im sorry if it’s all over the place because I think a lot and there’s to much to go over but that’s basically it.Missrable and not fair that it has to be that way. Thank you.

Dear tete Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums tete, we ar...

Sophie_M — Thu, 29 Sep 2022 09:41:19 GMT

Dear tete

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums tete, we are so glad that you have made you way here and had the bravery to post and will be reaching out to you privately to offer you some additional support this evening.

It's important to reach out as much as you can to those around you too, including any health professionals you might already be engaged with, it takes courage which is demonstrated by you reaching out for support this evening, so please give yourself credit for this and continue to take care of yourself.

In the meantime tete, we would love for you to give one of our fully trained counsellors a call for some counselling support, we are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or via our WebChat. In addition, our lovely friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are always there for you whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.

Thank you again for reaching out, we will leave you in the hands of our lovely community members who will be here on your thread soon. They’re a really amazing community, and will have understanding, advice and kind words for you. Thanks again for sharing. It’s a powerful and brave first step towards feeling better.

Regards

Sophie M

Re: Someone to talk to.

Bob_22 — Fri, 30 Sep 2022 04:45:14 GMT

Hi tete,

Welcome to the forums and thank you so much for sharing your experience. I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling with suicidal thoughts and also feeling isolated. As Sophie M, mentioned please be sure to visit any of listed crisis lines if you ever need to talk to someone at anytime.

You are absolutely right in saying that it is not right that you have to live with suicidal thoughts everyday. This shouldn't be the norm for anyone and please don't feel its something you need to be comfortable with. You sound like a strong individual who has been fighting for a very long time and I commend you for that. But please know, that you don't have to live like this and things CAN get better. It is simply a matter of finding the right help and appropriate treatment.

Can I ask if you're currently seeing either a GP, psychologist or psychiatrist? It may be that you need some professional support with what you're experiencing and assistance in identifying what it is exactly. For example, when I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder after experiencing suicidal thoughts, I was given appropriate treatment of psychological and medical therapy which made a world of difference.

Please keep us updated and remember you're not alone. TC 💙

Bob

Re: Someone to talk to.

Centaured — Sat, 01 Oct 2022 08:18:03 GMT

Hey tete I relate a lot to this. You aren't alone and as the others said there are ways through this. I don't have the answers but can offer that person to talk to who gets it. I live each day with thoughts of wanting to die too,

Re: Someone to talk to.

tete — Sun, 02 Oct 2022 02:16:50 GMT

Hi Centaured.

thank you for replying. It would be nice to have you to talk to so thank you for the offer. I don’t even have feelings towards it anymore because it’s so deep within and I’ve accepted it as it is. Also thanks for replying also Bob I have tried everything that you mentioned for years I have put myself in inpatient care to try figure it out a few times to try teach myself different ways and nothing has worked. Meds all different kinds of theropies even natural forms but I. Any shake anything off. It’s so draining. If I’m honest I somewhat believe due to the extensive situation and the amount of effort for years I’ve tried to help myself that I just wish they had some form of assisting to end the pain. I know it might sound silly to some people but if you don’t go through it you won’t understand only people that go through it know. Every min of every day from the time I wake up. Why did I have to wake up. Go to bed, please don’t let me wake up. Yet again sorry if my thoughts are all over the place I am writing my thoughts as I’m going. There’s a lot but sometimes I don’t see the point writing them when there’s one goal I would like. That’s peace from my own mind that makes my life missrable. Tks.

Re: Someone to talk to.

Bob_22 — Sun, 02 Oct 2022 06:24:48 GMT

Hi tete,

Thank you for your update. It is great to hear that you've tried professional help (even though it hasn't been successful) as this shows your commitment to wellness. I'm sorry to hear that even after years you haven't found relief. I can't imagine how difficult that is and how resilient you must be.

It's also great to hear that you think it is nice to have someone to talk to here on the forums. Yes please keep us updated and informed here. If you need to get anything off your chest or touch base feel free to post to this thread or any others you connect to. Also remember, if you ever need to chat to a counsellor one on one you can contact the Beyond blue team at any time by clicking on the "immediate support" button at the top right hand corner of the page.

I myself have struggled with negative thoughts in the past and, similar to you, thought they would never end. Please don't give up on treatment. I know nothing has worked so far but that doesn't mean you shouldn't necessarily stop looking or stop receiving support. My psychiatrist always tells me, that no matter how many therapies you have tried that there always proven treatment options available. Unfortunately it is sometimes just a matter of patience and hope.

Hope that helps 💙

Bob

Re: Someone to talk to.

Centaured — Sun, 02 Oct 2022 09:21:28 GMT

Hey tete how was your day today.

I understand how constant and draining these thoughts are. I have thought of that option of assistance for the end of life with mental health issues too, but the philosophy behind such a thing wrecks my brain too.

I also have the occasional good days and they give me hope that maybe this pain isn't as permanent or ingrained as I have thought it is. For example I have managed to board a flight on an interstate holiday today because I wanted to give myself good to persue amongst my constant hospital visits and attempts at my life. I have managed to get here of which I am proud and shows me sometimes good things can happen.

I don't know if my little story about my holiday will help, but like bob had said the therapies and hard work eventually means it's not all shit and that gives me a glimmer of hope that it can change and I may find a will to live.

Re: Someone to talk to.

tete — Tue, 04 Oct 2022 12:09:48 GMT

Hi Centa.
Day was crap as usual. Meh to another fffff day. I’m glad to hear that you have decided to take yourself on a holiday. I hope that you are trying to enjoy yourself as much as you can. Did you get up to much today? Anything interesting happen? I’ve actually tried that a couple times myself. Found it a waste of money cause I ended up staying in the hotel in bed watching crap on tv and feeling the same just in a different area. Mmmm

Re: Someone to talk to.

tete — Tue, 04 Oct 2022 12:20:36 GMT

Thanks for replying Bob.
i find it very hard to think that I’m going to have to spend the rest of whatever life I have to live fighting to stay alive trying to find alittle peace in it. Im very much a loner I don’t really have anyone that i talk to or that’s why I came on here. Plus who wants to keep listening to the depressed guy that can’t seem to get himself together. People tire of it. As I said a couple of times already there is much much more to it all and I I’m over it all. I find it very hard to even reply on here because I don’t know what to say when I know Wgat I feel and what I want the outcome to be. Anyway. Hope alls well.

Re: Someone to talk to.

Bob_22 — Wed, 05 Oct 2022 01:55:06 GMT

Hi tete,

Thanks for the update and I'm sorry you had a bad day yesterday. Please don't feel people will get tired to hear about your story. Here on the forums we welcome it. Please feel free to share as little or as much as you feel comfortable sharing. There doesn't have to be an outcome to you sharing on here other than simply getting things off your chest. That's what we're here for! 🙂💙

Bob

Re: Someone to talk to.

tete — Fri, 07 Oct 2022 21:42:31 GMT

Hi Bob

i have had really bad couple days. I’m struggling I’m trying hard to keep it together but it’s very hard. My mind won’t stop. I don’t know how to manage it. The pressure is very high. I have to keep it together atm due to circumstances I’m in. I knew it was going to be difficult but not as much as it has. I’ve tried to tell myself constantly stop it get over yourself it’s not as bad as u think it is it’s fine. Any suggestions on how to stop thinking so much and calm myself down.

Re: Someone to talk to.

therising — Sat, 08 Oct 2022 07:20:09 GMT

Hi tete

I feel so deeply for you as you face the absolute brutal nature of depression. At it's worst depression is soul destroying, leaving one with far more questions than answers. Of course those typical questions become 'What's the point? Why do I have to suffer so much? Why can't anyone help me? Why can't I find the difference I need? Why does everyone else seem able to do life far more easily than me? What's wrong with me?' and the list goes on and on and on.

I've found, on the quest toward greater self understanding and a greater understanding of life, depression is the darkest part of the quest. I'm a gal who's fortunate to be able to move in and out of depression. I say 'fortunate' based on my long term experience with depression in the past which lasted for a straight 15 years or so. I found the breaks are what makes the depressions easier to deal with. Endurance and distance are the most taxing factors. The longer you go the more convincing it is that the path ahead will hold more of the same, with no light in sight. Long term depression truly wears a person down, that's for sure.

I refer to a 'quest' for on any significant quest there are a poop load of questions, such as all the ones I mentioned earlier. From the perspective of depression, such questions are typical. From a philosophical perspective, they are perfectly fair and highly logical questions. What is the point to life? What purpose does my sufferance hold? Why do so many around me lack the ability to raise me? What are they lacking which would make all the difference to me? Why do I experience great dis-ease the way I do, when others don't experience it the same way? What is it that's not right? What is missing?

I believe if you were to bring a group of depressed people together, you would be developing a group of philosophers who are prepared to ask the deeper questions, like no other. Together many answers would be pondered upon. A single philosopher alone, in search of answers, is prone to incredible sufferance.

Re: Someone to talk to.

Bob_22 — Sun, 09 Oct 2022 01:06:25 GMT

Hi tete,

Thank you for the update and I'm sorry you've had a bad couple of days. It's great that you're brainstorming ways on how to stay well during this stressful time for you. For me personally, I find breathing techniques helpful as well as speaking with any friends who will listen. I used to use a phone app with guided music and instructions on breathing exercises during panic attacks. But there are plenty available online and on this website. You can find them here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/relaxation-exercises

Hope that helps 💙

Bob

Re: Someone to talk to.

tete — Sun, 30 Oct 2022 12:04:00 GMT

Thank you for your support. I haven’t been online for a while because I don’t know what to say anymore. Sometimes there’s nothing to say.

Re: Someone to talk to.

tete — Sun, 30 Oct 2022 12:04:23 GMT

Hi bob hope all is well

Re: Someone to talk to.

Bob_22 — Thu, 03 Nov 2022 02:12:36 GMT

Hi tete,

That's okay. Sometimes there is nothing to say which is okay. Simply touching base or staying connected is still very important to our mental health. Im doing okay. I've recently been struggling with job applications and being rejected a lot. It is not a nice feeling to be rejected especially when you are so close to the finish line. But I will recover and learn from where I did well and went wrong. It is just a matter of time and getting over this feeling of rejection and disappointment/regret. Thanks 💙

Bob