I hope that I don’t wake up.

Ashii — Mon, 03 Oct 2022 14:27:03 GMT

Honestly, I don’t plan on doing anything. There are lots of things I want to do and things I’m grateful for. But I’m burnt out, depressed and I’ve experienced multiple triggers in the last week and over the last year. I’m a full time carer to my sibling. I’m in education at full time equivalent and despite working, I’m still mostly reliant on Centrelink Austudy. My study and work have been a great distraction, but it’s no longer working. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I get these thoughts when I go to sleep, when I wake, when I drive and when I’m supporting my sibling. But honestly, I think I just need a really long break from my family and supporting my sibling. I’m never going to get that, though. Not while I’m still alive.

Re: I hope that I don’t wake up.

white knight — Tue, 04 Oct 2022 04:33:38 GMT

Hi, welcome

Well, you are a jewel, caring for your sibling. I honestly dont know how you juggle it all and maybe that's part of the burnout reason?

Have you tried to obtain respite? I know you can get it for aged care. So, I'd try local council, NDIS even your GP.

The balancing scale of - obligation, routine, study, responsibilities is heavier than - fun, laughter, social contact etc. When this occurs some people with low tolerance fall in a heap to a point when they have intrusive thoughts as you are having now. One important thing- you are likely NOT to have these thoughts once that balancing scale is righted. I know this from experience, life can turn around so easily with a couple of changes. Such changes, whatever they have to include, are worth such alteration to your life.

So - who cares for the carer? Your GP for a start- best to have regular visits (yes, expensive now) or just one visit. Discuss everything.

I dont know your siblings disability but seek out organisations that come under his/her umbrella. Ask them how you can get a break.

Last year we have my MIL with us. She was elderly, had Parkinsons and was in aged care the last few weeks. Sadly she passed away but I dont mind saying that we were both exhausted caring for her as much as we loved her.

Who cares for you the carer- you. There's no one else. Care for yourself, make sure your diet is good, exercise and be proactive. You are worth it.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/depression-and-the-timing-of-motivation/m-p/149724/highlight/true#M23340

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/meditation-words-of-wisdom-it-helped-me-for-25-years/td-p/89818

TonyWK

topic I hope that I don’t wake up. in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

I hope that I don’t wake up.

Re: I hope that I don’t wake up.