topic Struggling in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Struggling

Senna — Sun, 13 Dec 2020 12:25:56 GMT

new to this but not in a good place and hoping this may help

I’ve always really struggled to talk or ask for help so big step for me to be on this forum and not really sure what to expect or what I may get out of it but hey I’m trying 😏

Fair warning it will probably sound like a pity post but that’s not what I want just hoping putting things down might help me 🤷‍♂️

as usual moods up and down but far more down lately and just so tired of it all

hasn’t helped but new dramas/issues with my son today has left me exhausted and struggling to find reasons to keep going even just trying for one day at a time

just gotta wonder what it’s all about ?? Life I mean..... for me at the moment it’s just trying to get thru another day and try to smile.... trying to manage my chronic pain, no job no money teenage son who is literally doing my head in, PTSD triggers just about every where, very little sleep and spent most of this arvo/night in tears AGAIN and on and on it goes 😔 oh and Xmas around the corner which will prob end up with me in tears again and feeling worthless again if last couple of years are any guide mayb I could just sleep right thru and skip a day 😐😐

have an amazing Phychologist who sadly is on annual leave so no one to talk to doesn’t help. Yes I know call mental health ect ect but talking is definitely not my strongest strength even more so when struggling.
sorry for rambling on 😔

Struggling

Sophie_M — Sun, 13 Dec 2020 12:51:25 GMT

Hi Senna,

Welcome to our friendly online community. We're glad that you had to the courage to reach out here today although it was a big step for you. It sounds like this is a really difficult period that you're going through at the moment. We understand that it must be tough to be experiencing so many PTSD triggers.

We're sorry to hear that calling helplines is not helpful for you. You might be more interested in typing rather than talking through the online chat counselling that many helplines offer, at least while your psychologist is on leave.

Beyond Blue Support Service Webchat 3pm-12am AEDT: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport
Lifeline chat service 7pm-midnight AEST: https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/
Suicide Callback Service online counselling: https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/

If you're feeling that you lack support, it might also be helpful to join a support group to try and build a social network in your area.You can find information on support groups available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

Thanks for reaching out here. Hopefully a few of our community members will be by to welcome you over the next few days. In the meantime, please feel free to look through our existing threads to get to know our other community members.

Struggling

jumpyjellyfish- — Sun, 13 Dec 2020 13:08:21 GMT

Hey Senna,

A warm welcome to this online community, and well done on taking a big step in reaching out, we all have your back and are here for you.

I can completely relate to struggling to open up by talking, even to confidential helplines. I have only once, and it took me ringing and hanging up on the recorded message at the start literally 5 times before I finally went through with it, so I definitely feel for you, and I think reaching out on these forums is a good idea so you can verbalise what you're going through in a more comfortable environment.

That being said, if you ever feel comfortable from my experience the hardest part is picking up the phone, and after a few minutes you will start to feel well and truly comfortable; the counsellors guide you through the conversation and are especially mindful and supportive of if it's your first time calling or if your nervous. Just something to think about 🙂

As Sophie_M said, reaching out to WebChat services is an ideal way which you can connect with counsellors online to get through struggles and manage the PTSD triggers which you mentioned in a less upfront way.

Keep working through this and you'll get there and we'll all be there for you along the way when you need to reach out.

Struggling

Senna — Sun, 13 Dec 2020 13:54:18 GMT

Thank you for replying to my post

I have tried a few times on the phone but got to upset and emotional.
hoping that this forum may help so fingers crossed.
On a positive note if I can say that I got rid of all my meds tonight ( flushed down toilet) as I was getting scared as to how low and the intensity of my self harm thoughts

but this will also create another issue as I get weekly Webster packs and now have nothing for the next week. No idea how that will work out trying to next this weeks meds🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

will look into the couple of online chat rooms that Sophie_M suggested and see how I go with them

Struggling

jumpyjellyfish- — Mon, 14 Dec 2020 00:08:54 GMT

Hey Senna,

All good, sometimes expressing how your feelings in words an be really hard and upsetting, especially when you first start out the call. I'm glad you're willing to look into seeking support from the online chat rooms suggested, I think you'll find them a big help 🙂 and yes these forums can definitely help you by offering support from a relatable and understanding level.

I understand your issue about getting medication and I'm sorry that you've been having intense self-harm thoughts. I agree it might be hard to get the meds that you need (I'm presuming your doctor / pharmacist, even if you explain what's going on will not prescribe you with any more because they have to take extra precautions with that stuff...) and in which case seeking help and support for your mental health in other ways is really important. Nevertheless, I would explain to your doctor that you got rid of them and explain why and find out ways you can work around it.

Keep us updated on how you're going, wishing you all the best 🙂

Struggling

Senna — Mon, 14 Dec 2020 11:08:56 GMT

Hi jumpy jellyfish

I’m a bit better today thankfully.

went to chemist to replace this weeks meds, but they will only dispense once they’ve spoken to my chronic pain Dr but typical me he’s away for 8 weeks 😔 so now hoping they can speak to my GP and get ok to dispense more meds but he only works 2 days a week. I get that they have to b cautious but it’s not really helping my state of mind. Althou she did give me 1 days meds and can go back again tomorrow when hopefully she’s been able to speak to someone.

just trying to go 1 day at a time 🤷‍♂️

Struggling

jumpyjellyfish- — Mon, 14 Dec 2020 14:30:02 GMT

Good to hear you've been feeling a bit better, hopefully today follows suit 🙂

It sounds like its hard to manage when you don't have the support you need to provide you with coping mechanisms for what your enduring, including your doctor being away. Hopefully your GP will be able to help - even if he's not available very often throughout the week, its definitely better then having to wait 8 weeks for something.

Taking it one day at a time often is the best way to go, one step at a time and eventually you're there.

Wishing you well 🙂

Struggling

Senna — Wed, 16 Dec 2020 02:07:53 GMT

Once again so frustrated and unsupported with the so called system 😔😔 that I’m always being told to use when needed 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

my gp won’t authorise my meds without a mental health plan review which I do understand but can’t see him until Thurs. so tried to do the right thing and touch base with my supposed Emergency Mental Health support but only to find out that they closed my case about 8 weeks ago ( go to emergency department was all they offered.... not an easy thing for me to do as I them feel ashamed embarrassed weak ect)

Yet according to my Phychologist before she went on leave,I had the mental health team for support if needed during the Xmas new year period in case I needed extra support as she is in 6 weeks leave 😔

I know if I’m desperate I can msg her but I don’t feel that is an option as I know that will make me feel worse about myself as she deserves uninterrupted family time....

so now I also feel that althou I tried to do the right thing and remove my meds from the temptation when I was really struggling and unable to speak with someone on the phone ect I’m being punished with medications being withheld... doesn’t exactly encourage me to try and do the right thing next time I’m feeling vulnerable🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

so now today day 2 no medication barely any sleep pain just about outta control blah blah pretty much over it all
Once again sorry for the vent whinge ect ect

I know their are people a lot worse than me out there but feeling pretty lost and lonely.

still just trying to do 1 day at a time or should I say hour at a time

Struggling

Sophie_M — Wed, 16 Dec 2020 02:38:48 GMT

Hey Senna, thanks for reaching out to the forums today. We're sorry to hear you're stuggling to access your medication. We acknowledge this must be very frustrating and would lead to further stress and pain. We also acknowledge how daunting the idea of attending the emergency department is. We understand why you might feel guility contacting your psychologist, however, we're certain she would not be bothered by your message. Perhaps she could recommend another psychologist to review your mental health care plan in her absence. You might also like to talk this situation through with one of our counsellors. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals if this is something you feel would be beneficial. We’re available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEDT on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. We'd also recommed looking through our website for advice on coping strategies.

Please keep updating us here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

Struggling

jumpyjellyfish- — Tue, 22 Dec 2020 09:46:27 GMT

Hey Senna,

Sorry I haven't been on here for a bit - I've been in a rough headspace and I haven't always been in the best frame of mind to offer support. Nevertheless, feeling up to it now and happy to offer support 🙂

No need to apologise for feeling lost and lonely - everyone goes through different experiences and no matter what they are everyone here is willing to embrace your feelings and emotions with open arms; the pain everyone goes through is incomparable.

Like Sophie_M said, whilst you may feel guilty about contacting your psychologist, she undoubtedly will be happy to help you, and appreciate that you can take the step to reach out when you need help. Not sure what you've done so far over the past few days but hope everything went well talking to your doctor about your mental health plan, it's great that your endeavour to work through everything step by step is so strong, you'll get through this 🙂

Struggling

Senna — Sat, 26 Dec 2020 19:10:13 GMT

Hi thanks for checking in on me and I hope your doing better. Xmas is never an easy time 😔
Xmas as per normal not easy but actually got thru the day without ending up in tears and locked in my room so that was a win 👏👏

still struggling with the usual roller coaster ride of emotions with small things setting me off which is frustrating.

finally back on my meds with my GP who also has an interest in mental health ( which helps immensely) saying if ever I need to talk ect just call clinic and the girls in reception will try and fit me in to see him so that I have a place to go whilst my Phychologist is on holidays which makes me feel better as now I don’t need to contact her.

major surgery coming up in a few weeks total shoulder replacement but hopefully once thru rehab ect my pain will be a lot more manageable which is one less thing to deal with 🤞🤞

also helped I had my daughter home for a few days over Xmas as she is my best friend, my rock my world really. Not that she knows just how much I’m struggling but just having her company helps fit a bit.

I know they keep saying that i will get thru this eventually and life will become enjoyable again ( I’d settle for slightly interested/enjoying life again)

still Just taking it day by day but as they say one foot in front of the other 😬