topic Chronic Pain in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Chronic Pain

Guest_5461 — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 15:23:02 GMT

I don’t actually feel that comfortable posting here. I don’t have any major trauma inducing event or crippling mental disorders as others have described. I can, however, see my future in these forums as our savings and social support dwindle. I have been diagnosed with Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome which currently has no cure. It took a while to get A diagnoses and I have just surfaced with the help of a ludicrous amount of neuropathic pain killers beyond survival mode for the first time in three years.I'm lucky that I had a firm routine of mindfulness and journaling in place prior to this. When I was diagnosed I was immediately referred to pain specialist and a psychologist, but as I live in a regional town and mental help is practically non existent. I haven’t heard anything from the psychologist and as a “urgent” patient the pain specialist in the closest metro area will see me in February. The use of prescription pain killers is not sustainable.
I’m angry that the lack of regional health care means that a delayed diagnoses means I didn’t get appropriate care and I have little chance of recovery. I feel that I have no agency in my own health care, I’ve lost my ability to work full time and am quickly losing mobility. I would move closer to good health care, but I recognise I don’t have the Physical strength atm to make that happen. I fear for my relationship with my husband as he is both primary carer for me and income Provider. It’s not fair to him. I do not see myself willing being a burden on him, I don’t want him to be a carer, I don’t want him to be a frazzled man old before his time, tied to home duties, sick of the baggage that comes with dealing with someone in pain. At the same timeI can’t Imagine life without him. Selfish I know but I also personally don’t want to slowly die in agonising pain with no social support, At the moment I can’t see any alternative other than suicide.

Chronic Pain

Sophie_M — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 15:36:24 GMT

Dear, Guest 5461,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you.

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you.
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it.

Chronic Pain

Centaured — Wed, 09 Dec 2020 07:51:57 GMT

Hey guest 5461

I hear you. Chronic pain is so hard. My pain also has no cure and medication management only goes so far. Being in constant agony is so draining.

I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. We are here and we care.

Chronic Pain

Harpbird — Mon, 18 Jan 2021 04:15:20 GMT

G’day guest, I truely understand where your coming from. I have been suffering chronic pain since I herniated my L5/S1 disc in 1995. I too did the medication for relief. The sciatica down my right leg was cruel. Then 2002 enjoying a day out the beach on my quad doing silly stuff I had an accident and well tore bone off my hip and it took 7 months to heal but that really done my lumber at next two levels, both bulging discs. So stronger pills and patches for pain. Then 2011 I was stopped at traffic lights In a line off traffic when I was rear ended and my poor little car was shoved in under the land cruiser I was parked behind. Though nothing broken I had severe whiplash and three disc levels in my neck We’re bulging. And 4 levels in my thoracic spine. Life now is constant medical appointments, medications and just misery. I was let go from my job as I was a So called worker’s comp high risk. I have been getting treatment from an osteopath. No more migraines. Well not as often. He has me book every 2nd Wednesday indefinitely. He is wonderful and has now ended up a friend and confidant. My husband is the same, cares for me works everyday and our lives arnt the same anymore. My pain can’t be fixed either and only will worsen. My lumber has fused itself and I will end up with my neck fused. I am currently undergoing spine injections to help . My pain is forever. Or until. Will loose my driver’s license and that will be it . I won’t cope with the last bit of my independence gone. I am needing help to get dressed more often and not mentioned to family yet but I am struggling with personal hygiene. Have you tried massage, osteopathy , dry needling works wonders to some. Chin up . Harpy

Chronic Pain

monkey_magic — Tue, 19 Jan 2021 03:15:50 GMT

Oh wow,

I just read your reply Harpbird because I too have pain but it's nothing compared to what you are going through and dealing with.
Kudos to you for being helpful and supportive to Guest, who is really struggling.

I too am struggling with less mobility because I used to be fighting fit but it is what it is and I can't change it.

I suppose you work around it, if possible.

Guest I'm sure your husband loves you very much and is understanding of your plight and wants to help. You don't have to feel like a burden, it's not your choice to have chronic pain.

It just is.

Being self- compassionate, can aid in a valuable life. We still hold value.

Outsiders would see how remarkable we are for continuing....and they will appreciate their lives more, because they don't have the same ailments and challenges.

In saying that it's also traumatic, destabilizing and hard.

But we still have life. I've learnt to appreciate the small things.

Our sacrificed lives do count for something. And we are surviving...still surviving. Be proud. To get through each and every day is a big achievement. Not easy but is being done.

🙏✨💗

Chronic Pain

Harpbird — Tue, 19 Jan 2021 10:40:53 GMT

Hi monkey, yeh chronic pain sure is the pits. I have bad days or worse days when I have flare ups. The only good days I have is that I can be distracted from my pain for short times by my grandkids, the two boys starts school this year . I was caring for them while their mums work. But once they go home I am bed bound. I have a sweet little granddaughter now she is three months old. She has given me some life back , she is a special little girl whom I love so much . I can barely hold her, how the heck am I going to look after her when her mum goes back to work in March ? I am 56 . I was the most active person, love kayaking and fishing, bush walking and bike riding , I learnt how to play the harmonica and had just done my first gig . Now I can’t even play that . I can still do my buttons up So that’s a good thing.
I have tried to get to see a pain psychologist but they haven’t got back to me.
hope your having an ok day. Your pain levels are low.
your good with words and hope Guest replies and keeps chatting. We’re thinking about you guest xx

Chronic Pain

monkey_magic — Tue, 19 Jan 2021 11:05:29 GMT

Hi Harpbird,

I'm glad you have good distractions. They can really help.

I used to run but no longer can, I also can't walk very far.

I get pain in my feet and right hand, I also can't seem to breathe properly so struggle when trying to be active.

I came from a fitness instructing/ personal training background and have been used to being very fit and active.

Oh how all of that changed.

It doesn't just take a physical toll but an emotional one as well.

Reading your post opened my mind outside of my own situation and I realised it could be worse.

I really admire you.

I wouldn't give up with busy professionals. Keep trying. Get all the support and help out there.

If you can carry on so can I.

💗

Chronic Pain

Harpbird — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 02:58:26 GMT

G’day Mark. Your right when your in such pain constantly a little distraction sure goes a long way. What sort of pain do you get in your feet? The way I discribed my pain in my feet was it was as if every bone was broken. I was on crutches for three month in April/May/June last year, the injections I got eased it to some degree that I done need crutches. Can you get any relief even for a moment. I have made myself wheat packs , there constantly in the microwave heating up , I use them almost all day on my body somewhere.
They always says there is someone else worse off, mm I keep telling myself this but sometimes I doubt it lol.
no I won’t give up , I know I really do need help . And will ring them again soon.
Mentally today I am ok, not so sorry for myself.
You seen like a strong person Mark. And are inspiring with your words.
I struggle a lot with breathing in, it’s my thoracic spine, when it locks up oh my word it’s the pits. The pain wraps around my ribs and almost feels like a vice is squeezing me. My osteopath is wonderful at releasing it for a little while.
Do you still work?

keep smiling, harpy

Chronic Pain

Harpbird — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 02:59:31 GMT

Hi guest, hope your doing ok , thinking of you , harpy

Chronic Pain

Harpbird — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 08:13:03 GMT

Hi monkey , sorry I called you mark lol

don’t know how I did that doh 🙄

Chronic Pain

Billiee — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 08:57:42 GMT

Firstly, please dont ever talk down what you are going through, it is just as valid or important as any other struggle. I am sorry to hear that this has been your experience, it truly sounds beyond hard but I want to acknowledge your courage in coming forward. I can understand how in this situation, taking your own life seems like the only means left. What I am hearing is that you are exhausted and feeling as though you have exhausted all your options. The situation with your experience with the mental health system is incredibly frustrating and unfair. Please don't give up. I hear you and I want you to know that someone out there wants to see you get the support you need and that i know is available.

I don't know if you know or have sought these avenues, but potentially applying for the NDIS would provide you and your partner with the support you sound as though you are seeking. Having NDIS funding will take the burden and pressure off yourself and your partner to organise everything. These services are available in all areas. The NDIA has a good hotline you can call and speak to someone to see your options. It gives you access to all health professionals who can provide F2F as well as telehealth options, funding for Support Workers, transport etc.

Change is hard, its a process of grief because you are slowly losing yourself and what you were previously capable of. I cant even begin to imagine your situation, but what you are going through and how you are feeling to me is a completely valid response to the amount of stress and pain both physically and mentally you are experiencing. The fact that you are reaching out and hearing everything you have tried up until now speaks to your strength.

Chronic Pain

monkey_magic — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 12:48:30 GMT

Hi Harpy,

Oh wow. Your story tugs at my emotions. Honestly I was feeling really bad about my situation and then after reading your story I realised others do infact have it harder.
Oh definitely some have it worse off than you. My mum works in disability support looking after people that were born with intellectual and physical disabilities, there are those that die young, get abused daily, in jail. Sorry this all sounds terrible and there really is no comparisons, but I think someone always is worse off. And I'm not discounting what you face everyday. At all. It sounds extremely unfair.

A little about me, you're right I'm no Mark, lol...I'm a 38 yr old female and yes I work casually.

My pain is what feels like nerve pain. It flares up when I walk. I used to put heat cream on it but now I just don't walk as much and honestly it rattles me. I'm a couch potato, or a sedentary office worker. It's so hard because my brain says one thing, body says another. I just want to be active like I used to but can't. This has also led to extreme weight gain, which I'm now trying to get off primarily through diet.

Sometimes the only choice you have is to be strong. You can crumble, or live for the things you still do have.

Sometimes it's a matter of simplifying life and being satisfied with the small things you have and can still do. It takes a lot to get there though.

Chronic Pain

Harpbird — Thu, 28 Jan 2021 05:15:46 GMT

Hi monkey, oh yes I definitely know there are many worse off.
I worked in a nursing home before being “ let go”. I loved that job and made many new friends with the residents and their families. My friend works with disabilities. She loves it too.
nerve pain sure is the pits, if it’s not stabbing , searing, burning ect ect ya go numb with pins and needles.

I too have become a couch spud, I have gained weight also . My youngest daughter brought me a fit bit for Xmas before last. And I have found it so helpful in keeping moving, and if I been sitting more than an hour tells me to grab water and get moving lol sometimes I even tell it to shut up. But even though the pain is bad I get up and walk around my verandah or to the letter box. I try my best to get my 8500, steps a day, dang hard too, at times it’s just not possible to do it.

It is so hard to lose weight when you suffer chronic pain. Sometimes impossible when ya can’t burn any calories. I hope you can win the war with your weight. It’s a constant struggle, just aim for any loss each month, aim small as it’s doesn’t seem as much ,even .200gms is a plus. I have been going to a weight loss group for nearly 27 years now. Every Tuesday Night I weigh in and learn new tips and at the meetings and have made some lovely friends.

your right it is the small things in life , just sitting here looking after my sick grandson is enough to push on.

Chronic Pain

monkey_magic — Sat, 30 Jan 2021 03:50:25 GMT

I'm glad you have reason to push on Harpbird.

My swimming costume finally arrived and yay it fits so I did some laps at the local pools this morning.

My back is feeling a lot better. I've had a back injury for a few years and sometimes I can only rest but I love my good days. Walking can agrivate it but swimming is much better. I also managed a Zumba class at the gym and made sure I did nothing to set off my back.

You're right about how the nerve pain feels. I thank my lucky stars I'm off that medication before it caused even more problems.

Feeling quite optimistic ATM because even though I can't do some things I used to do with ease I've found other things I can do.

With losing weight I find it hard to restrict calories but it's a mind over matter thing.

I like this saying: " I'm in control and not a helpless victim of food cravings or overeating".

I'm very good at giving into cravings and overeating. I'm trying to be more in control so the weight loss does happen.

That's excellent you have a fit bit and get your steps in. Despite everything.
Well done you!

Chronic Pain

Harpbird — Mon, 01 Feb 2021 11:22:55 GMT

Sure is getting harder and harder to push on .
monkey, that’s great news about your swimmers, I bet your chuffed and will wear it more often and so glad to hear your feeling better. I wish I could swim but have been told not to, though I am aloud to tread water lol.

I used to tell my self after eating ,I have had my meal, I have had my fill I don’t need no more . worked a treat lol .

I have been trying to drink more water, it’s so hard but seem to be easier when I buy 24 pack of bottled water, don’t know why but I drink it easier.

i had a good day with my mom today, though pushing her wheel chair around all day and in and out of the car , I am in for a long night .

Chronic Pain

monkey_magic — Wed, 03 Feb 2021 21:27:53 GMT

Hi Harpbird 🐦

Oh that's great you can still tread water. I do that at the end of some of my laps to break it up and for my flabby inner thighs.

Your talking to yourself after having your meal is a perfect strategy. I've been doing that too and it works. I've lost 4 kgs in a month.

Went to the doctor's y'day and he gave me anti- inflammatorys for my back. Walking was really hard y'day with my back injury and nerve pain in my feet. I managed about 30 mins of slow walking but it exasperated injuries. I should just stick to swimming. It made me feel bad then I saw somebody in a wheelchair without legs, which put things into perspective.

I find adding lemon, or lime to my water helps me drink it.

Glad U had a good day with your mum.

I could get injections again into my spine but I really don't like doing this and what if they slip up. Might stick to tablets for now.

I've now figured if I can treat my symptoms I might have a better quality life.

Chronic Pain

Harpbird — Sun, 07 Feb 2021 12:56:24 GMT

Hi monkey,

lol it’s so hard to tread water , so must help, I do doggy paddle as well.

Wow 4 kg is good in a month, well done.

Yeh the walking sets everything off but we got to do it, they say it’s good for us. Mmmm

Glad you got some anti inflammatorys and your getting a little relief.

I agree with the lemon in the water , makes it a little easier to drink and lime juice.

My mom doesn’t like me getting the injections, she said because they help my pain I end up doing too much Of what I couldn’t normally do and make matters worse.
So happy for you finding a way to get some relief, I really hope it lasts for you.
My pain in my feet have been bad today so I have pretty much spent the day on the lounge.
harpbird

Chronic Pain

Harpbird — Mon, 08 Mar 2021 00:16:49 GMT

Hope you all who suffer chronic pain are doing ok and keeping on top of those flare ups.

All the calling I have been doing and finally got the He said , she said answer. My Pain specialist needs a new referral for the year , why beat around the bush, I sent forms to GP , GP has not received, I resend , didn’t receive, oh doing my head in. Got results of my report, got cervicothoracic scoliosis. I have spondylosis In all the levels causing stenosis in neck and lumbar. osteoarthritis in shoulders, , well I knew that. says my feet have a lot of uptake of the tracer but not reason why but hey on the up side knees are fine Whoo hoo. So seeing GP on Wednesday to pick up referral and will drop back into pain specialist to start injections again. Phew