topic A somewhat Positive Achievement in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Eclipse0433 — Sun, 31 Jan 2021 16:18:01 GMT

Hi everyone,
I just wanted to share a somewhat important milestone for myself. A few days ago I went to a GP to get a mental health plan done. This was huge for me as I have a fear of doctors and feel like I don't deserve help. While I experienced some of the highest anxiety levels in my life leading up and on the day of my GP visit it went relatively ok. The GP I saw was respectful and understanding of mental health which is rare within the medical field. Also just a random question but has anyone done the dass 21 assessment? How did u find it? I think as a mental health assessment it isn't too bad.

The plan for myself is to start the process to go to a headspace clinic. This is inevitably going to be a long process as the wait times are always long (I have been to headspace before when I was younger). While this is not their fault as they do their best while fighting a difficult battle, it is hard knowing I will have to continue to fight my battle alone for a while longer. I know this sounds selfish as there are people going through worse things. To complicate things where I live we have gone back into lockdown (I am sure u will all figure out which state I am in so hello to my fellow West Aussies). While it is only 5 days and I both understand and respect the need for this lockdown (we have to do our best to protect the vulnerable and each other), it does mean my wait for headspace will be even longer. I know this sounds selfish as there are bigger things going on but I am really struggling.

Anyways enough about me. While I have the energy to write up a post I just want to apologise for not offering more support to everyone in this online community. I find that whenever I go to type a response or offer support it just doesn't sound right. I worry about saying the wrong thing. So while I may not respond, I promise that I see u, I hear u and I support u.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

geoff — Sun, 31 Jan 2021 17:14:39 GMT

Hello Eclipse0433, a warm welcome to the forums.

How people respond to a thread or another comment may not be as they'd hoped for, that doesn't matter, simply because how you word your comment, other people struggling will understand exactly what you're saying.

For example, how do you ask your bank manager for a housing loan, is there a right way or will you mess it up, that's not what they are looking for, it's the current situation you're in and whether or not you're capable of repaying the instalments, in other words, they understand, the same applies to responding to post/comment that you relate with.

Have you tried contacting HeadSpace by 'help@headspace.com',

-headspace.org.au › eheadspace this may or may not help you by an online chat.

Geoff.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Eclipse0433 — Sat, 06 Feb 2021 03:56:30 GMT

I'm done. Overwhelmed. Tired. Exhausted. Beat down. Hope everyone is doing ok.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Eclipse0433 — Sat, 06 Feb 2021 04:16:53 GMT

I am just feeling very exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed right now. Recently I have had to do quite a few things which make me very anxious. It is kind of a long story so I am gonna summarise it really quickly. Basically I finally decided to start the process of going back into therapy. I had to wait 3 weeks to see my GP to get a mental health plan which resulted in me being referred to headspace. I had my initial telephone appointment with headspace about a week later during which I found out the wait time was 3 months (not their fault obviously as they try their best). This along with a few other factors made me realise that headspace was not the right option for me this time. As such with the help of headspace I have researched and explored the different options I have.

I found a service which might be right for me. Only problem is I need a referral from my GP. So I went to book another appointment with them and the earliest appointment is two weeks away. Now I know this doesn't sound that long and it probably isn't within the mental health field. But I just feel so frustrated and overwhelmed. I was ready to get help but the longer this drags out the harder it gets. I am so sick of dealing with my thoughts on my own. Dealing with the anxiety that seems to be the centre of my life right now. I just really want to be able to tell someone that I am not ok. To let my facade fall down.

I am just so tired. Really over it right now. Keep wondering what life would be like had I not encountered these struggles. I am scared. Scared of waiting two more weeks. Scared of the sleepless nights. Sorry this kind of turned out to be a rant but I just really needed to get it out. Especially today as I feel like I am being swallowed by anxiety.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Sophie_M — Sat, 06 Feb 2021 04:27:13 GMT

Hey Eclipse0433,

Thank you for showing your strength in reaching out to the community and sharing how you've been feeling here. We're so sorry to hear how overwhelming things are for you at the moment, but please know that you never have to go through this alone. Our caring community are here to offer as much support, conversation and advice as you need through this difficult time.

It sounds like you've taken such a brave and important step in recognising that you need some extra help and talking to your GP about a mental health care plan to help support you through this. We understand how difficult this process can be, and we think it might also really help to talk these feelings through with the kind counsellors at Kids Helpline. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under, and are available 24/7 on 1800 55 1800 as well as through webchat if you'd feel more comfortable talking online: www.kidshelpline.com.au Our Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636) and our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) are also here for you anytime, night or day, whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with.

Please know that there will be many other members here who can relate to how you're feeling right now, and we are all here for you. If you would like to post further, please feel free to tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Eclipse0433 — Sat, 06 Feb 2021 04:38:18 GMT

Hi thank u so much for replying Sophie_M's. I realise how much of a burden I can be. I tend to rant on these forums when everything is too much as I have nobody I can talk to about these feelings. It has been a while since I have contacted Kidshelpline I just feel like a burden taking up their time. I'm sorry about my huge rant today things are just really overwhelming at the moment and I have work tonight which means I have to pretend that nothing is wrong.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Ggrand — Sat, 06 Feb 2021 04:55:06 GMT

Dear Eclipse...

I am sorry you need to wait 2 weeks until you can see your GP....yes even though 2 weeks isn’t a long time...sometimes it can feel like a few months....You have been so brave so far..starting up therapy again....That’s not easy to do if you have high anxiety.....I have high anxiety and can understand a little of what you’re going through...

While your waiting for your appointment..please keep talking here if you feel up to it...no pressure at all...

Do you have something that you like doing to keep your mind distracted from you up coming visit?...could be anything at all...we can talk about anything at all on here to get you through this hard and difficult time...

Here for you Dear Eclipse....Do you like the galaxy...as your beautiful community name...represents a beautiful part of Mother Nature and the universe....

Looking forward to hearing back from you...when you feel up to it..

My kindest and most caring thoughts...

Grandy..

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Guest_4643 — Sun, 07 Feb 2021 02:31:39 GMT

Hey Eclipse0433, welcome.

I think I've used the DASS 21, but I can't remember. Is it like the K10 test? If yes, then I've used it.

I had a very bad traumatic experience at Headspace, but I hope that they help you.

Best of luck.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Jstar49 — Sun, 07 Feb 2021 02:50:46 GMT

Hi Eclipse,

you ARE being very brave in getting assistance, especially if it makes you anxious just thinking about it. You can reward yourself for putting your health first!

Have you got family who is supportive?

I too get a bit worried about what I say when I post a comment- I worry that I will say the wrong thing, or that someone will take it wrong and not like me or what I’ve said. And then I remind myself that it’s a forum where nobody really knows ME, only what I tell them, and if they don’t relate to my comment, or it’s not right for them at that time, then I hope they understand the loving and caring place it comes from.

everyone on here is so kind and supportive, generally. We all just want to help others, and share this special space of being able to admit when things aren’t so good.
I hope you can continue to be brave and share what’s going on for you.
I’m listening.

hugs

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Eclipse0433 — Fri, 12 Feb 2021 13:18:36 GMT

Hi everyone I am so sorry it has taken me so long to respond. Thank u so much for all your kind messages and support. Things have been a bit overwhelming since I last posted. I finally saw my GP and got referred to a different mental health service (instead of headspace). I had my first session with them today and let's just say it left me frustrated and exhausted. I didn't click at all with the therapist and some things were said that made me realise this definitely wasn't the place for me. It's just so hard trying to find someone who u not only click with but that is willing to take u on. Mental health services are underfunded and it shows. It is easy to feel lonely. Unsupported. Isolated. I feel like I am constantly being told that my symptoms aren't mild enough for some services and not severe enough for others. As such I feel like there is nowhere to go. The wait time at headspace is too long for me to wait. Argh I just feel so lost. Trapped. Like nothing is going to get better.

In response to your message Ggrand I often think that if I was not studying what I currently do that I would be studying astronomy. I find there is such beauty in exploring the vast and exciting unknown which is space. I hope u are all well and please please feel free to share how u are feeling in this thread.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Eclipse0433 — Sat, 13 Feb 2021 00:01:56 GMT

Oh just realised I didn't respond to your question Jstar49. I am pretty lucky in the sense that I have a pretty supportive family. In most aspects of my life they support me and provide me with advice. However, unfortunately my parents don't really understand mental health. It is not their fault , how can u understand something u haven't been through. I don't feel comfortable talking to them about my mental health and they know very little about my current situation. They don't even know that I engage in SH. Which is actually going to prove to be a big problem this week. I would go into more detail if there was a way I could word what was going on without possibly breaking community rules. They don't know that every second of every day at the moment feels like a struggle.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Sophie_M — Sat, 13 Feb 2021 00:30:58 GMT

Hey Eclipse0433,

We're really sorry to hear how much you've been struggling with these intense thoughts and feelings, and understand that it must be incredibly tough to be keeping these feelings bottled up inside, and feeling unable to open up to your family. You've shown so much courage and have been so proactive in seeking help from your GP, and we can hear how disheartenening it must have been when your session yesterday did not go as you'd hoped. Many in our community will also be able to relate and understand how difficult this process can be in finding the right support that works for you, but we'd urge you not to give up. We think it would really help to talk these feelings and experiences through with the kind counsellors at Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or through online chat at: www.kidshelpline.com.au Our Support Service can also be a really great help in assisting you to find other services that may be suitable for you around your area- you can call 24/7 on 1300 22 3636 or reach out through online chat: www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support

It sounds like you have a really stressful week approaching, but please know that support is always available to you whenever things are feeling like too much to cope with. We'd really urge you to reach out to our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) who are always there for you, 24/7, during difficult moments like these.

We're all here to help support you through this Eclipse.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Guest_4643 — Sat, 13 Feb 2021 01:05:21 GMT

Hi Eclipse0433, I'm sorry you're dealing with a lot.

I know how you feel, Headspace treated me horribly. I think some Headspaces may be good, others may be bad.

You're not alone, I'm struggling with finding a Psychologist too, and yes it is underfunded.

Thinking of you.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Eclipse0433 — Mon, 15 Feb 2021 04:14:10 GMT

Hi everyone,
Any advice on how to tell parents u SH??? I have created a situation in which it is nearly impossible to hide my SH and as such I either need to tell them or they will figure it out (at least I think they will). Any advice will be appreciated I am very scared about telling them and I am just really anxious today.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Croix — Mon, 15 Feb 2021 08:37:28 GMT

Dear Eclipse0433~

One of the very best ways to reduce the number of times you self harm is to have someone you can talk to right at the moment it seems you are going to do it and there is nothing to stop you.

That talk can be a very general one about something else -and that will help a bit. The best sort will be where the other person understands the situation and is there to listen, not fix, not offer suggestions, just listen and really care about you.

There's some info for you and your parents in:

https://resources.beyondblue.org.au/prism/file?token=BL/1302

Perhaps one way might be to send them that link -or print it out. It has something for you, and something for them. Hand it over and say/write you are very frightened about how they will react. Give them time, explain what I have just said above, and see what happens.

A second Beyond Blue page is more addressed to you:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-injury

There are other places and groups not mentioned in this thread as yet, They work with you.

However having people that love you help shoulder the load is worth all the worry and something you can do for yourself. I'd not like to have to tell either if I was in your position, mine was suicide and I did not tell until far too late. I was a mess. Now I'm very OK..

Neither of those links above is the answer long term, that comes from finding the right therapist and reducing the feelings that make you need to cope.

Yes, I realise this is not easy too do and you have has some setbacks already, however good help is out there , just a question of finding it.

The difference is I guess you have to keep starting the ball rolling, because it can really help a lot and assist you change your life.

If the telling parents seems impossible, would you like to list out their possible reactions (or just one parent if that is easier) and maybe we can talk about each of those things.

Parents get frightened and overreact, it's only natural, but can overcome their fears if they feel they have some control and not lose a child, - and listening when you are having a crisis is one form of control you can all benefit from.

Please come back after you have had a chance to think on this and maybe include that list.

I hope to talk with you some more.

Croix

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Jstar49 — Mon, 15 Feb 2021 10:12:33 GMT

Hi Eclipse,

Firstly, thanks for answering my qu. re: your family and support.

It sounds like this aspect of your life is really stressing you out. It's hard if you feel you cannot open up to your folks, or if you feel they don't understand. I'm not sure how old they might be but communication is a big part of the difficulty with many parents- lack of ability or experience talking about subjects that used to be taboo- sex, mental health issues, domestic violence. It's the younger generation which is really leading these conversations!

But first and foremost you probably need to protect yourself, to some extent, and only talk to ppl who you can trust, and who can help. If thats not your parents, then it may be necessary to only tell them what you need to, or else you have that difficulty on top of everything else.

As for telling parents about you SH, I don't know if there's a good way, or a bad way. It's up to your parents how they react. Thats not your problem. And if they react badly, maybe you can give them some info and give them some time to consider it, before talking again.

My daughter told me in the car, when I was probably making some comment on how well she was coping with life events. We were nearly home, and when we got home she ran to her bedroom. It took me some time to get my head around the whole thing, and when we made an appt at headspace I had a chance to speak with her counsellor, which really helped me. She put it into perspective for me. My daughter continued with her counsellor, but most of that process I was excluded from, which was hard, but it was her choice.

She is now doing really well, and has a boyfriend, and friends, a stable job, and has just finished studying.

This is your life Eclipse, and I know it's really scary right now, but you can do this. You can get help, and overcome the temptation to hurt yourself and your beautiful body.

Maybe, even tho the appointment with your therapist didn't go very well, maybe there is one positive you can take home from it....? Apart from to find someone else 😉

I'm very glad you popped in to tell us how you're going.

Big hugs,

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Eclipse0433 — Wed, 17 Feb 2021 05:57:32 GMT

Hi thank u so much for responding to my post! Not going to lie it has been rough the past few days as I have continued to SH. I guess I have many worries about telling my parents. But firstly if I was going to tell my parents it would be my mum. I haven't told them yet as I have managed to lie to cover it up the last few days.

I guess these are the following ways I worry my mum will react:

anger- I feel like she may get angry and not understand why I SH. I feel like she may say its stupid and why do u do it when u have life so good.

avoidance- I feel like she might just ignore it and act as though it didn't happen. This would destroy me as I really need help.

Downplaying- I feel like she might not take me seriously and think it is just a phase. Or not grasp the seriousness of it.

Disgust- I feel she might be disgusted by what I am doing.

Sadness- I feel like she might cry and get upset (which is natural) but it will make me feel really guilty.

Panic- I feel like she may panic and not know what to do.

These are just some of the ways I worry she will react.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Sophie_M — Wed, 17 Feb 2021 06:20:53 GMT

Hi Eclipse0433,

We can hear that you're really concerned about opening up to your mum about self harming. It might be worth taking a look at our page for tips on how to broach the subject with your mum -
“Talk about it"

We hear that your plan was to get in touch with Headspace. We would recommend that you do do this if you still can. They also have a group chat on their webpage, and may even have some extra tips on how to open up to your mum.

Thanks for keeping us updated on how you're going here.

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Croix — Fri, 19 Feb 2021 11:51:16 GMT

Dear Eclipse0433~

I liked your last post, it shows you have already decided who would be the most suitable parent -your mum. That's a step.

You put a fair bit of thought into those reactions, and came up with a pretty complete list. You have also had Sophie_M give you a couple of places where you might talk about them.

You did not mention the best though, sensible acceptance, love and care, and finding out the best way for her to support you.

I used to find when doing exams I'd answer the easy ones first, that got them out theway and gave me a bit of confidence when approaching the harder ones.

So my I ask you what you think the easy reactions are and even if you had not been looking forward to them how you would handle them.

Maybe an easy one might be panic. Then you become the guide, soothing fears and helping he wiht knowledge as to waht to do. You already have a couple of references. Panic can only come from love of you, That's a pretty strong motivator to lean the facts and learn to help. Plus a quick call by her to the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) will give her some ideas.

It always helps to remind peple that self-harm is not something done deliberately by choice, it is a physical and mental reaction to something at the time and gets out of control..

You are quite intelligent enough to know what I'm trying to do together with you, look at the fears together and try to reduce them to the level where you act and have as an ally someone when needed - one you do not have to worry about. It is amazing how much difference to life that makes.

It takes patience and courage to keep trying, you have both so I'll ask you to keep playing this 'game' with me. I did the same myself about going to the doctor about feeling suicidal, and actually trying to take my life. My mistake was I left it too late and then it was not up to me any more.

Croix

A somewhat Positive Achievement

Jstar49 — Sat, 20 Feb 2021 12:50:17 GMT

Hi Eclipse,

I'm just wondering how you went with your appointment?

I know you were anxiously waiting to get in, to your GP I think? To get a referral to a service that seemed suitable.

I like the conversation that you are having with Croix- it's a very logical way of addressing the fears you may have about disclosing your SH.

Were you able to find some material online from one of the sources Sophie and Croix have suggested? Perhaps there's something suitable that you can consider printing out for your mum. Often times it's hard to find a good way to express things in the height of emotions.

I understand from what you've said that you're finding it difficult to talk to your mum, but it sounds like you really want to as well.

Speaking as a mum, who loves her own children, I believe that she will want to know. I'm not sure if thats helpful to you or not. And as Croix says, if you can anticipate her possible response, and prepare for it, then it may be a bit easier on both of you. Sure, she may be freaked out (I was, and I thought I was such a bad mum a) to not have known, and b) for my daughter to be so unhappy in the first place) but if she loves you, which I'm sure she does, then she will want to support you.

What would be the best way your mum could support you right now?

Hope your day is good today,