topic The thoughts are strong in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

The thoughts are strong

Kitty88 — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 07:30:18 GMT

When is it ok to say you've tried enough? When is it ok to cave in? The thoughts don't ease up lately they just get stronger. I feel so torn on what to do anymore. I'm so worn out but my heart is torn. When is enough, enough? I don't know what to do anymore

The thoughts are strong

Saree_p — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 07:42:29 GMT

Hi Kitty.

The road can be very tough... no one can deny that, and that is ok.

Do you truely think you have had enough or are you looking for other options? I hope the later...

what is going on for you that may lead you to thinking enough is enough? if you don't mind me asking?

Saree

The thoughts are strong

Sophie_M — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 07:47:35 GMT

Hi Kitty88,
We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling exhausted from fighting unhelpful thoughts. We can hear that you're feeling really low at the moment and we understand that this must be overwhelming. Please know that we are all here to support you.

We're sorry to hear that you feel your heart is torn. Have you been able to see your mental health supports recently? It sounds like it would be worth checking in with your supports to let them know how you are feeling lately.

Please remember to reach out when you're feeling overwhelmed and needing to talk it through. You're never alone. In these moments when you're feeling that enough is enough and you need help finding the strength to get through the day, you can get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

And if you find yourself in a situation where you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you should call 000 (triple zero).

You might also be interested in taking a look at some of our pages for ideas:

"Feeling suicidal" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal
"Staying well" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well

Many of our members have also been through a lot in their lives and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.

The thoughts are strong

Ggrand — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 08:40:35 GMT

Hello Kitty,

Im sorry your struggling so much with your mh...

I can hear in your words just how exhausted and overwhelmed you feel...

Please try hard not to give up....Please keep trying...I know your tired and probably think that giving up is easier then the constant fight to stay afloat....

kitty..honey the contacts our lovely Sophie gave you are really important for you to ring if your to overwhelmed...please try to ring them if you need to...

I don’t think it’s ever time to cave in, or give up...May I ask you if something happened recently to feel this way?..Its okay if you don’t feel up to sharing..

Do you have a GP or mental health professionals looking after you?...Depression, anxiety etc is so hard to manage without any help..Is talking to your GP something that you might consider...It took me a while before I reached out for help with my GP...Which I am so pleased I did and I haven’t looked back since then...

Sitting with you dear Kitty...please talk here anytime you feel up to it..We are here for you..your not alone Kitty..we will try to support you through these hards times you’re going through as much as we can....

Sending my kindest thoughts with care..

Grandy..

The thoughts are strong

Kitty88 — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 08:53:22 GMT

I'm just done, I've had enough. Nothing ever seems to get better. I'm worn out, I'm done hurting I just want it to stop

I'm just done at this point. My health is really crap at the moment, eventually it will kill me. My mental health is gotten so bad. I've tried fighting so much but I'm just at a dead ends ive tried so much. I'm sorry but I don't know what else to do

The thoughts are strong

Sophie_M — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 09:03:01 GMT

Hi Kitty88,

That sounds really concerning - we're reaching out to you privately to check in.

We're sorry to hear that you're feeling so worn out tonight. We can hear that you've been fighting really hard and we understand it's really tough. Remember that if you're in immediate danger that you need to call 000 (triple zero) as this is an emergency.

We're all here to listen if you want to tell us more about what you're going through and how we can support you at the moment.

The thoughts are strong

therising — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 09:36:42 GMT

Hi Kitty88

The depths of depression is such an incredibly torturous place to find yourself in. It can be hard for people to truly relate unless they've been there. I'm wondering whether you're thinking 'Nothing and no one can make a difference'.

I'm wondering if you can find the difference here, even if it is small to begin with, even if it is tiny. Besides raising yourself out of depression, what are some of the differences you're looking to make? I'm actually wondering whether a book called 'Becoming Supernatural' by Joe Dispenza will make some difference to you. It's a fascinating book that ties body, mind and spirit or natural self together in the most incredible ways. Another way of viewing this unique triad is - Chemistry or biology, thoughts or beliefs and energy. I imagine your looking to make a difference in all of these areas. Seeing you've reached this point you're at, it is easy to imagine you are feeling so incredibly exhausted, in so many ways. I remember the depths of depression well. It feels like you've just got no energy left for battle. Energy would perhaps be a major factor for you when it comes to feeling a difference.

I hope you revisit. I hope we can offer that difference you're looking for. Sometimes, simply being encouraged to vent is enough to raise us just that little bit, especially when most people around us have been insisting we keep things to our self. Vent your upset and intolerance if that's what makes some difference. Feel free to be your self. One of the greatest aspects of coming here involves meeting people who deeply care yet do not care to judge.

🙂

The thoughts are strong

TheBigBlue — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 10:16:57 GMT

Hi Kitty,

I really hope you can find the strength to hold on a bit longer. I was recently in a similar position, so very, very close to taking an action that would never have been the right decision.

Dont be critical of yourself. This stuff happens. It’s absolute sh*t but if you can ride it, then ride it out. I f fealty so alone, no one ever reached out to me, so I had to do the reaching out which was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

I won’t lie, getting through stuff like this is really, really hard. If you want to stay in bed for a week, then stay in bed for a week. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself through.

if you eventually feel up to it, you could speak to your GP. I was terrified to take that step, but she suggested 3 different psychologists & I had a look I them & asked for a referral for one. It was both the hardest & best thing I have ever done in my life.

if beyond blue have reached out to you, then you have the option to email or call them. The choice is 100% yours. But as someone who has struggled through the tough times, I found it a huge help for my wellbeing.

i really, really hope you pull through. I hope things get better. You aren’t alone, we are here to listen & share our stories too.

Hopefully we shall see more posts from you & know you are still fighting

The thoughts are strong

Kitty88 — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 10:17:07 GMT

Thank you for reaching out, I appreciate it but im so exhausted at the moment I just give up.

Thank.you for trying but at the moment I've really just had enough

The thoughts are strong

TheBigBlue — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 10:33:13 GMT

It makes me sad to imagine the pain you are going through 😢

The thoughts are strong

therising — Sat, 17 Oct 2020 20:36:58 GMT

Hi Kitty88

I've been wondering all morning what to say to you that would make some difference. I thought maybe if I could relate better to where you are, maybe that could be it.

Just want to let you know that I can understand what depression can do to you over time. Looking back, I believe I was headed into a depression around 16. Came to really feel it around 20. At around 28 or so I hit my lowest point. I can recall sitting there on my own thinking 'I just can't do this anymore'. This life was not what I signed up for. I resigned myself to the idea that it was time to call it a day. It is a deeply deeply heartbreaking moment when this happens. I remember sobbing uncontrollably for hours until I was thoroughly exhausted and took action. It was not long before regret sunk in. It was in this moment where I realised that it's not that I wanted to go, it's just the fact that I couldn't stay (doing this life), if that makes sense. I called a friend who took me to hospital. When I came out, I knew I had to find an anchor to keep me here. I chose my nephew, who would be the most devastated to lose me. I would stay for him. After having 2 kids of my own over time, my 2nd led me to attend PND group therapy, which led to the most mind altering experience I've ever had. At 35, I suddenly found myself out of depression. I've been raising myself ever since. I'm 50 now. It has been a long and somewhat deeply depressing journey to get here.

The reason I tell you this is because, with all my heart, I want you to stay and come to know your natural self, who you really are, outside of depression. I want you to know all the sensitivities responsible for having got you to where you are. And I want you to come to know the actual up side of being a highly sensitive person. It may sound selfish but I desperately want you to stay.

Looking back, it is now easy for me to recognise what and who led me into my depression, what and who led me to stay in it for so long. I believe, when we are basically raised and basically loved, basically is sometimes just not enough, especially for those who are sensitive to the need for more than just the basics.

I believe, possibly the hardest thing to do in this world is raise our self, even under the best of circumstances. Under the worst, it can feel impossible, I know. The very depths, the lowest point of depression is as bad as it gets, where the pain is excruciating. I want you to know there is more than one way out.

I hope you return here

The thoughts are strong

Kitty88 — Sat, 06 Feb 2021 11:20:48 GMT

For a while now things have been tough, my depression has been bad and just won't seem to get better. My health has been bad as well and my ED has worsened and has been stressing me out alot and causing issues with my health now too, plus so much more. I have reached out to numerous services for help and support but seem to be let down everytime, it really feels like noone wants to help me. And as far as social support my only friend I had left due to a dv relationship stopped talking to me just before Christmas because I was admitted to a mental health facility and my family aren't really supportive either.

Lately, I just feel fed up with being let down all the time and having to deal with everything on my own. I'm sick of noone caring about me at all and feeling so lonely and depressed all the time, I don't want to be hurting anymore. My head has been wandering a lot with negative thoughts lately, contemplating it all, it's just so hard I feel so torn. I'm just worn out, I need a break but it just never seems to come

The thoughts are strong

therising — Sat, 06 Feb 2021 20:38:19 GMT

Hi Kitty88

It's heartbreaking to hear that you're surrounded by people who are not committed enough to raising you. I can relate to how truly horrible this can feel. It can be such a depressing feeling. I think what triggers me the most when this happens can involve the fact that people don't believe they're doing anything wrong. What I mean is they may see nothing wrong with comments such as 'You should just toughen up, you're too sensitive' or 'You need to just get on with life and stop analysing everything'. There can be a whole list of comments which are in fact pretty thoughtless and insensitive. Even simple comments made by people who mean well can have a negative impact, such as 'If you just smile more often, you'll be happier'. The amount of times I heard this during my years in depression is countless. How we absorb all the little comments can have a significant impact on us.

For me, managing to stay out of depression involves a lot of strategy. One of the many ways I manage is through observing others. With the temptation at times to ask or state 'What's wrong with me?!', I try to remain conscious of the need to ask the question 'What's wrong with that person? How and why are they leading me to feel down?' Family members are good to test this on, as they're often the people we're around the most (opportunity for greater observation). Who's the family member that triggers you the most, in the way of mental health? Chances are you have the opposite nature to them. Example

You are thoughtful or analytical/they are thoughtless
You are sensitive/they are insensitive
You are more natural/they are somewhat materialistic
You are more so an inspiring person at times (raising people)/they are more so a judgemental or critical person (bringing or putting people down)

So, in summary, you can be a thoughtful, sensitive (important trait if you want to feel your way through life), natural and inspiring person. That family member can be thoughtless, insensitive, unnatural and degrading.

I feel, one of the greatest challenges in life involves managing people. How are you managing the people around you? Are you up for the challenge of managing them? I warn you, when you begin managing people, it does tend to trigger them, to either anger or greater consciousness. When others are not accountable for their words and actions or inaction, it is often us who can feel the pain. If we're sensitive to the faults in others, we can feel the impact of these faults.

🙂

The thoughts are strong

Guest_4643 — Sun, 07 Feb 2021 02:25:03 GMT

Hi Kitty88, I know you posted this a few years ago but it came up in new threads, so I thought I'd pop in and say hi.

Are you ok, are you safe?

The thoughts are strong

Kitty88 — Sun, 07 Feb 2021 07:57:52 GMT

Hi, the original post was made last year but I commented on it again last night which is probably why it's popped back up again.

Things have been really hard still, I swear I can just never catch a break. I have been trying so hard to fight and get help, get support, to just get out of this rut but it's like no matter what I do I seem to remain here and continuing to do it on my own. It's lonely, very lonely and the last few weeks alone have been very challenging with alot of health issues, some that were quite scary and having noone there to even talk to about it has been hard and makes me wonder why I bother. Everything is just so complicated and I don't know what do

The thoughts are strong

Sophie_M — Sun, 07 Feb 2021 08:31:00 GMT

Dear Kitty88,

We are so sorry to hear how difficult things are for you at the moment and how lonely you are feeling. We are glad that you have taken the time to share how you are feeling with our community. We want to let you know that you have come to a safe, non-judgemental space and that our community are here to offer you as much support and conversation as you need. Please feel free to post here when you are feeling lonely.

If you feel it may be helpful, we recommend reaching out to our support service who are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat from 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. It might be helpful to join a support group to try and build a social network in your area. You can also find information on support groups is available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/.

In overwhelming moments, services like Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) may be of use.

Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

The thoughts are strong

Sophie_M — Sun, 07 Feb 2021 08:31:06 GMT

The thoughts are strong

Kitty88 — Sat, 27 Feb 2021 04:34:02 GMT

Far out, I've had enough it just never ends, I'm so worn out. I'm over being physically sick and in pain all the time, I'm over being depressed everyday, I'm over being let down repeatedly, I'm over the loneliness and the feeling of not having a purpose in this world, that I'm basically just existing for the benefit of others now. I have tried hard but I am tired, I don't know how much longer I can endure this for...

The thoughts are strong

Sophie_M — Sat, 27 Feb 2021 04:50:35 GMT

Dear Kitty88,

We are so sorry to hear how physically sick, worn out, let-down, lonely and depressed you are feeling. It sounds like everything has been really tough for a while now, and you're feeling quite over it all and don't know where you're place or purpose in the world lies right now. I imagine all of those thoughts and feelings would be really challenging and incredibly overwhelming to deal with. We're glad you've reached out to us to express yourself, and we hope that doing so has at least helped you feel slightly better. Please know that you are not alone and that we are here for you.

If at any time, these thoughts and feelings become too overwhelming for you, please remember that there is help out there:

Our friends at Lifeline are also available anytime on 13 11 14 or you can visit https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat for online chat.
Suicide Call Back Service are also available 24/7 on 1300 659 467 or you can visit their website for online chat: https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/phone-and-online-counselling/.
If things are seeming too overwhelming and you’re at unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

Please continue to share how you're feeling with our community when you feel up to it.

The thoughts are strong

therising — Sat, 27 Feb 2021 22:15:07 GMT

Hi Kitty88

It's an absolutely torturous feeling, to reach complete and utter intolerance. Others can be so cruel in the way they lead us to feel this on such an incredibly deep level. It can make you want to slap people and scream at them 'WAKE UP! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THIS IS DOING TO ME?!!!!!'

May sound a little simple minded but I believe our purpose in life is to come to know our self better. From my experience, this cannot be done 'inside the square', so to speak. Inside the square can be depressing and soul destroying a lot of the time, filled with mental and social conditioning. Inside the square is where conventional medicine is these days, where people vibe at some basic level and where the world looks hopeless and uncaring. Tolerating things inside the square can be heartbreaking. Gradually dying of a broken heart is such an extraordinarily painful experience.

So, what does outside the square look like? Have you ever considered venturing there? When I say 'Outside the square', what comes to mind for you in the way of greater mental, physical and natural well being? Doesn't matter how 'out there' it sounds by the way.

🙂