topic How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!? in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

Quercus — Fri, 04 Dec 2020 02:33:49 GMT

Hi everyone,

Will try keep it short.

I need ideas from others who manage depression long term about dealing with feeling fobbed off by your doctor when they expect you to be ok.

Perhaps you can share what has worked for you?

I have depression (and thoughts of suicide I refuse to act on) but no matter what I do they just keep on coming back.

People in my life expect me to be ok. My psychiatrist keeps telling me I'm doing ok. He knows I am able to keep myself safe and that I will just keep on trying.

But I'm not alright. My husband can see it too. He says I'm slowly returning to acting how I was when I was at my lowest. He's angry that I keep returning from the doctor without help. He says I perform beautifully in public and that I'm not letting the psych see the truth.

But I'm not hiding it. I've been blunt as with the doc. Gotten angry even.

I've told him at home I just sleep, binge eat and stare off into space then realise it's been hours. That I refuse to act on thoughts until my kids are grown but I keep having them anyway.

It feels like my doc has had enough of me or thinks I'm a hypochondriac. But starting all over again with a new doc is too overwhelming. I know deep down I will not cope starting again.

Any ideas are very much welcome.

Nat

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

white knight — Fri, 04 Dec 2020 04:24:41 GMT

Hi Nat

First lesson I made was to make a double GP appointment. When the GP realises its a double appointment they tend to relax more then listen more.

Second is to choose the right GP. When we first came to this town in January 2020 I asked the reception staff who was best for mental illness and got a goodie.

Third is to delve into your spiritual mind (not religious) to seek calm. You might recall my regular recommendation of listening to Prem Rawat Maharaji.

Google

Youtube Maharaji sunset

Youtube Maharji acceptance

Maharaji the perfect instrument

Listen to one every night before sleeping. Indeed any information that takes you to a calm place.

Have you tried group therapy?

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/you-are-sliding-what-can-you-do

We are here for you Nat. We dont have all the answers. It sound a cliché but I recall a wonderful bright caring lady. She is still there and we'll work on pulling you out of this rut.

TonyWK

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

Quercus — Fri, 04 Dec 2020 06:56:38 GMT

Thanks Tony,

I've been using meditation videos at night and they are helpful on bad nights. I'll add your video to my playlist thanks for the reminder.

The antidepressant he started me on doesn't work and he doesn't want me to go back to my old one even though it works somewhat.

I suppose it's frustrating because my psychiatrist suits me and he's been very helpful. Perhaps hubby is right and I'm just not communicating how I'm doing very well.

Will keep on trying. Thank you. I hope you're doing ok?

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

white knight — Fri, 04 Dec 2020 07:08:52 GMT

I'm doing fine Nat.

I recall 2004 I tried 12 different medication until I found the right one.

It could be you aren't communicating effectively. Being able to talk doesn't mean you are a good communicator.

And you're not on your own with that deficiency

A good idea is write notes before your appointment
TonyWK

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

eight — Fri, 04 Dec 2020 09:56:35 GMT

i'd recommend what i do to strongarm doctors but my attorneys said don't so i have come up with something else. ah. try writing logs if you can no matter how short of how you behave - what you feel, think, what you do. get your husband to corroborate and write here's what ive been noticing in my wife now. show him a k10 since that's the only language they speak, maybe print out this post and give it to him. if you don't want to hurt his feelings think "as opposed to if i don't" and remember you're the person who signs his paychecks

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

blondguy — Fri, 04 Dec 2020 11:27:00 GMT

Hey Nat

since there is no thing as a dumb question on the forums....Have you reached the stage where you have actually cried in front of your doc? Just for myself it took 13 years to do it.....and yes I felt awkward and embarrassed yet a day later a lot of the weight was off my shoulders...ahhhh

Hugs and respect always Nat

Paul

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

therising — Fri, 04 Dec 2020 11:38:23 GMT

Hi Nat

So frustrating when professionals don't seem to be able to hear what you're saying. If only you could do a body swap for a day. Guarantee, the next day they'd be saying to you 'I can't believe you function like this every day. My god woman, you're a legend!'.

You sound like you're seriously out of steam. Staying at home, sleeping and binge eating sounds like your body's doing its best to function, only just. Amazing how the body will lead us to crave any food we can get our hands on just so it can have some fuel. It doesn't care what the fuel is, good or bad.

While I've left my years in depression behind me, there have been occasions since when I've felt myself on the verge of slipping back in based on a variety of energy related factors. A couple involved sleep apnea and a B12 deficiency which really messed me around. The SA I investigated myself because GPs wouldn't give me any constructive input on why I was so tired. Investigation paid off. The B12 deficiency was only picked up because it had become so bad I could barely function. Slept for most of the day and my brain was having trouble registering basic information. I'd spoken to medical people in the lead up to this, insisting something was off but they all fobbed it off.

Do you think the depression could be getting worse as a side effect of a lack of energy. Whether the energy is related to sleep deficiency, chemical/hormonal shifts or a variety of other possibilities that can shift our chemistry, are you starting to put yourself down a bit, calling yourself lazy and hopeless? I hope not. Your mental and physical struggle is highly significant and you're doing your best to work through it, with little help by the sound of it.

Last time I barely had any energy was about a year and a half ago. I could actually feel myself becoming depressed. I recognised the signs and I was truly scared. While my GP is a legend, ordering plenty of tests to get to the bottom of things, nothing was showing up. One day, it hit me, 'What energy are you putting in your body?' The answer...I was consuming little water (hydro power), little healthy high energy foods, little exercise, little vitamin D (solar power) and the list went on. Basically, with little energy input, the chemistry in my brain/body was being impacted.

Lots of things shift our chemistry - our thoughts, energy levels, underlying physical issues, even a lack of inspiration and excitement. How has COVID impacted you?

🙂

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

Quercus — Sat, 05 Dec 2020 10:20:43 GMT

Aww humbled as always to read your replies, thank you.

Eight and Tony you both hit on a way that works for me, writing. I think if my next appointment fails I'll have to resort to that again. It's just that it feels exhausting to have to write (lazy X a billion here).

Paul, thank you for making me smile. I can't stand crying in front of doctors but do it all the time arrgh! For me It's easier to show distress in tears than to speak. Your idea makes sense though... Last session I got angry. He noticed but didn't click that I was angry at him for not listening. Me being angry is like you and tears I guess. Perhaps I need to just tell him... "I am angry".

And as always therising your post has given me so much to consider. I'll have to think a more before I reply, you've hit on a few points that I can relate to. Thank you.

I appreciate all the ideas everyone xo

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

quirkywords — Sat, 05 Dec 2020 10:49:21 GMT

Nat

i am sorry you feel your doctor isn’t listening.

I feel that when I tell people how I really am, they say you are ok, you will be fine.

I think being tired really takes its toll.

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

Smilemore137 — Sat, 05 Dec 2020 12:05:20 GMT

Hi Nat, I'm sorry to hear your having such a hard time getting the support you need from you doctor! your mental health is very important and your doctor has a duty of care to keep you safe and insure they have offered you the best advice and support during this time. They needs to listen to you and organise with your permission some extra support with your mental wellness such as counselling CBT therapy and phycologist. With your permission they have the rights to organise all theses referral for you which would take away a bit of stress and worry of you having to do this. Attending new places with new people can be very overwhelming however you deserve to be able to give it a go Nat for yourself you are worth more then you are feeling right now and have so much beauty to offer this world, seeing your current doctor alone isn't enough support for you. I wish you all the best in life and I know you will be just fine with more professional support around you. sending peace and love Karms x

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

Quercus — Sat, 12 Dec 2020 13:29:30 GMT

Thank God today is the 12th. Only two more days to go till appointment.

Today has been a bad day. I can't shake the worry that hubby is planning to leave and take our kids away from me.

He wants me to go to hospital.

I'm scared if I leave that I might not have a home to return to. Hubby has had enough. I'm feel like a useless waste of a wife and mother.

Quirky I feel your words... I left the bbq early today because I only feel safe at home. I can't imagine how you feel after the fires and losing your sanctuary.

I'm home, not alone even if I feel like it. And here I am safe. Maybe when my doc reads this he'll realise I am asking for his help again.

So sick of being inside my head.

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

Sophie_M — Sat, 12 Dec 2020 14:04:25 GMT

Hi Quercus,

We're so sorry to hear that you've had such a bad day. We understand it can feel really tough when you're inside your head and having unhelpful thoughts. Thank you for letting us know that you are safe at home. It's good to hear that your appointment is coming up soon.

Please remember that if you need someone to chat to tonight, our friends at Lifeline are available 24/7 – 13 11 14 and https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat

We hope you can find some peace and comfort tonight to help ease the bad day you've had.

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

blondguy — Sat, 12 Dec 2020 14:35:01 GMT

Hey Nat

We have known each other for a long time. I am sorry for your pain

Sophie_M has posted the most helpful number available. I have friends that call the number as the counsellors are the best and the most gentle available without referring you anywhere else

Just sending a BearHug to you if thats okay

Paul

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

quirkywords — Sun, 13 Dec 2020 00:17:51 GMT

Quercus

My heart feels for you.

Our brains tell us things that maybe aren’t true.
You love and care for your children and family.

I hope your dr understands what you need.

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

therising — Sun, 13 Dec 2020 13:42:41 GMT

Hi Nat

I'm so sorry to hear your struggle is worsening. I'm often led to experience sorrow when I hear of the pain someone feels within the absolute depths of depression. Unless someone has felt that pain, within the depths, they can never understand the fear associated with going back there. For me, it's that fear which is partly responsible for me looking for what works in managing to stay out. A major mind altering challenge at times.

As Paul touched on, it took him years to gradually alter his mind to recognise it takes courage to vent through tears. Wondering if you're up for the challenge, to freely express your intolerance/anger. It's amazing how that mental program we're conditioned to adhere to, 'Don't upset anyone', can really mess with us. I'd class suppression as an emotion. For me, if I can feel something, it's a 'feeling', therefor an emotion. Suppression's horrible, anxiety inducing at times and angering at other times. While inspiration says 'Go for it, express yourself freely', ego says 'Oh, no, you can't do that. Suppress it, so as to not upset anyone. What would people think of you?'. The mental battle can be exhausting. Inspiration challenges me often, to be myself. It's kinda terrible when you think 'I find it so hard to be myself'. You know there's something wrong when this thought pops up more often than not.

What if your natural self is intolerant of people who make no difference to you. What if your natural self walked into your GP's or therapist's office and said 'Okay dude, I've seriously had enough. I mean it, I've had enough. I just can't do life this way anymore. You gotta make a difference or I'll find someone who can'. Maybe your natural self is seriously sassy. Imagine meeting your natural self at your next appointment. Might even leave you thinking 'Who the heck was that?', after you've let loose. Me, I had no idea I was such a sassy gal, until recently. It's so liberating to finally be myself, to some degree. Still learning. Warning: Being your natural self will trigger people at times. They may need to adjust 🙂

Nat, you're not a failure. I can recall having felt that way myself, as a wife and mum, but I can look back now and say I was an example of great determination and courage, in the long search to find the best in myself, as I faced the sometimes overwhelming challenges of depression. A great sense of pride comes with this realisation.

Our true self is often found through acts of great courage and realisation 🙂

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

Quercus — Sun, 13 Dec 2020 18:49:10 GMT

Thank you all for caring.

Yesterday hubby cancelled his overtime shift and stayed home. He was silent all day until the kids were asleep. Then we talked quietly. No raised voices at last. I think/hope we'll be ok.

He's staying home today and taking me to the doctor. I feel much safer with that. Apparently I can add being paranoid for no reason to my list of concerns.

The rising... love the idea of natural self. I like my natural self but a lot of people close to me really don't. Thankfully hubby accepts this outspoken rude sasspot I seem to be. Yeah I'm sassy too. Arrogant too which surprised me.

I could deal with being rejected by pretty much anyone... Except him. So I'm desperately relieved he is ok with me.

Thank you all. Paul the hug sounds good, I need it. And Quirky I'm worried about you and wish I could give you a huge hug too.

So thankful for this space. Xo

How to get your doctor to actually LISTEN?!?

quirkywords — Mon, 14 Dec 2020 02:23:10 GMT

Quercus

so glad to read your post.

Dont worry I am ok just need to plod on.

I have no idea what natural self is.

I can see it is hard for you to trust but your husband knows and cares for you.