topic Suicidal idealation in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Suicidal idealation

AnonymousID — Mon, 30 Nov 2020 11:08:26 GMT

The suicidal thoughts are non stop. I have come close to death several times, which was scary but not scary enough to stop me from doing it again. I self harm because I think that's a better alternative than another attempt. I've been stuck in this pattern for as long as I can remember and don't know how to get out of it.

Suicidal idealation

Sophie_M — Mon, 30 Nov 2020 11:17:56 GMT

Hi AnonymousID,

Welcome to the forums. Our valued online forums community is a safe space for you to share your thoughts, seek and give support. We are very grateful you have done this today. We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling stuck in a pattern of self harm. We want you to know that you're not alone in this and there is support available to you. Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you. Can we ask if you are you currently receiving mental health support? If not, we would urge that you do seek professional support to help you work through these thoughts that you're experiencing. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

We would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

You might also be interested in our page "Self harm and self injury" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-injury

Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.

Suicidal idealation

Guest_2503 — Mon, 30 Nov 2020 11:25:26 GMT

Hi Anonymous,

I know how you feel. I've been there before. Please, please reach out to someone trusted in your life. You're so brave for posting on this forum. And I know that you can be brave enough to ask for help in your life. It doesn't have to be like this. As cliché as this sounds, life does get better, it gets better after you get the help you need and deserve.

Suicidal idealation

smallwolf — Mon, 30 Nov 2020 11:34:57 GMT

hi and welcome to beyond blue.

just to add my 2c to what Sophie_M said... Like yourself I have suicidal ideations - for me, these are more passive and fleeting rater than concrete. For me the ideations are a side-effect of depression and anxiety. I have also been seeing a psychologist for some years to deal with these matters - slow and steady.

Can I ask whether you have spoken about this with anyone? Or do you get any professional help.

I would like to hear more of your story.

Tim

Suicidal idealation

Guest_1643 — Mon, 30 Nov 2020 12:54:09 GMT

Hey Anonymous - sending you strength and care for how you are struggling.
Please take care of yourself.
I've been suicidal myself. and can understand.. the thoughts are upsetting

Tim gave you some great advice as well.
Do you have a safety plan? They can help also to reflect on where you're at and things that work to keep safe.
Mine is a bit dated myself but I'm thinking to go on to Beyond Now (app and webiste) and make one shortly.

Suicidal idealation

AnonymousID — Tue, 01 Dec 2020 04:26:32 GMT

I have been hospitalised after some pretty close calls and undergone treatment as a result. But I just want people to think they are helping and I'm getting better so I fake it. I'm not getting better and it doesn't take much to push me over the edge

Suicidal idealation

Sophie_M — Tue, 01 Dec 2020 04:42:34 GMT

Thank you so much for reaching out and updating the community about how you're doing. We were worried about you.

We're so sorry to hear how much you are struggling right now. Perhaps you could ask your peers in this safe and non-judgmental place how they have coped when experiencing thoughts and feelings like yours? We're here to provide you with as much support, advice, understanding and conversation as you need.

Suicidal idealation

Guest_1643 — Tue, 01 Dec 2020 06:42:37 GMT

Hey Anonymous

I'm so sorry you're in pain and feeling so stuck in that you can't share openly with others because they want you to just be better

That doesn't sound like u feel so good with the people who were helping you, were they professionals in the services you accessed?
Being open and honest is easier said than done. When I had to criticse the staff at hospital (who said some pretty insensitive stuff about my mental health) I had to write down what I would say and practise it. It was hard and not easy. Speaking up like that is a challenge for me too.

It sounds like u are in pain and I feel for you - I hope you can hold on to what keeps you connected - whatever that may be, and find some space here to share.

Like Sophie mentioned there's no judgement here.

Suicidal idealation

AnonymousID — Tue, 01 Dec 2020 18:44:12 GMT

It's good to know that somebody understands. I really need to tell my therapist I don't feel comfortable talking to her and try to see someone else. I'm doing up a mental health care plan with the doctor this afternoon so hopefully that helps

Suicidal idealation

Centaured — Tue, 01 Dec 2020 20:23:36 GMT

Hi anonymousID

I'm sorry you're struggling and to hear about your pain.

I also have si and self harm. It can be so draining sometimes. And I know what it's like to fake it in front of everyone. Do you have anyone you let your guard down with.

I really wish you well the GP, having a good therapist helps a lot. I'm pretty lucky I connect with my current case manager and therapist.

Recovery IS possible. We'll get there, I believe in you. You can do this

Suicidal idealation

Guest_4643 — Wed, 02 Dec 2020 00:07:00 GMT

Hi AnonymousID, welcome.

I'm so sorry you feel this way and deal with this. I also have suicidal thoughts, not self harm but I have attempted to do so. I haven't attempted myself, but there was this time where I was really close to trying.

I just wanted to say that you're loved and cared for, and you're worth it. I'm glad others reached out to you here. I'm glad you're still here.

I know how hard it is but it's nothing to be ashamed of. Please reach out, even to 000 if its an emergency, otherwise one of the helplines. Of course you can come here too.

Please be safe and take care.

Suicidal idealation

AnonymousID — Wed, 02 Dec 2020 02:19:00 GMT

I was sick this morning from drinking too much and couldn't go to work. I really wish I had gone to work cause I am having a lot of trouble being left alone with my thoughts. I have Friday off as well but I might have to go to hospital then. It's just too hard

Suicidal idealation

Centaured — Wed, 02 Dec 2020 03:17:13 GMT

AnonymousID

There is nothing wrong with getting help or going to the hospital. I hope you'll be ok.

We are here to listen if you need us.

Suicidal idealation

Sophie_M — Wed, 02 Dec 2020 03:19:09 GMT

Dear AnonymousID, thanks for sharing. Waking up feeling sick this morning sounds quite unpleasant. It sounds like being left alone with your thoughts is getting to you. We're wondering whether some sort of distraction might be useful. You're always welcome to engage in some of our game-type threads in the BB Social Zone (see here) or anything else that may be a good distraction for you. Please remember that you are always welcome to contact our support service - they are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or from 3 pm-12 am AEST on webchat (see here). We encourage you to continue to post on these forums for support as you see fit. We hope that connecting with others on the forums brings you some comfort.

Suicidal idealation

Guest_4643 — Wed, 02 Dec 2020 06:13:42 GMT

I'm sorry. As Centaured said, it's ok to go to hospital. It's part of life unfortunately. I hope you feel better.

Suicidal idealation

Guest_1643 — Wed, 02 Dec 2020 06:40:11 GMT

Hey AnonymousID -

if your therapist r/ship has you feeling like u have to fake it to keep them happy - it may be that the therapist conveys that expectatin to u, or simplifies things, and just isn't hearing u. im glad your getting a new MHCP

I know going to hospital sounds scary but going to hospital in my mind is a sign of being healthy - knowing you need somewhere to be safe is healthier - in the most unhealthy times I've had I was in denial and thought I could fix everything on my own. Either way you are doing what you need to do and we are here for u

Suicidal idealation

AnonymousID — Thu, 03 Dec 2020 09:36:00 GMT

Thank you everyone. I went to the hospital today but walked out. I am going to try again tomorrow because I don't think I will make it through tomorrow being at home alone. I am having a lot of trouble getting support

Suicidal idealation

Sophie_M — Thu, 03 Dec 2020 10:00:26 GMT

Hey AnonymousID,

You've shown so much strength in going to the hospital today, and we are glad to hear that you are going to try again tomorrow if these thoughts and feelings feel too overwhelming to cope with. You're taking some really big, and important steps to help yourself keep safe and get the support that you need and deserve through this. We'd also really encourage you to reach out to our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) for some extra support tonight to help you through this. The kind and understanding counsellors are there to help you anytime, 24/7, during overwhelming times like this. You never have to go through this alone.

Our Support Service are also currently getting in touch with you through email to check in with you, and can help talk through some supports to help you through this difficult time.

If you feel that you may be in immediate risk of harm, it's really important that you do contact 000 (triple zero), or you can also go to the hospital again yourself if you feel like you are able to stay safe to make the journey. In this situation, a medical professional team will be able to talk through potential next steps, and assess the levels of risk to your safety. Another option might be to get in touch with your local crisis assessment and treatment team for advice.

We hope you can find some comfort in the caring and supportive words from the community- we're all here to help you through this.

Suicidal idealation

Ggrand — Thu, 03 Dec 2020 10:40:29 GMT

Hello Dear Anonymous ID,

I think you are so brave to have gone to the hospital today...that’s okay that you walked away...you’re frightened and that’s okay too....Tomorrow is another day....and you said you will try again...I am very proud of you..

Anonymous,...The Drs. and nurses are really very caring and only want the best for you..I spent nearly 6 weeks in a mh ward...and the care they showed me was so good. I was scared and wanted to run away...but I also knew I didn’t want to be unwell any more...I got good help and came away with more knowledge how to manage my mh....

Please try very hard to put your faith into your therapist, or the Drs at the hospital...it’s hard to open up to them...but it’s really 100x harder not to...Faking your wellness is only making you you go deeper into depression..and I know that you don’t want that to happen...because you’ve reached out for help...and neither do we..

I hope tonight you manage to get some sleep...maybe when you lay down..put a you tube sleep story on, close your eyes and listen to gentle words as it takes you on a calming adventure....Hopefully you will drift of into peaceful sleep...

My kindest and most caring thoughts dear Anonymous..

Grandy..

Suicidal idealation

Guest_1643 — Thu, 03 Dec 2020 11:09:47 GMT

Hello Anonymous ID

I know you were worried about tomorrow because you are not @ work

I think it's great you went to the hopsital without going in - that was what you were up for today. It's hard to get through those doors. So impressed you gave it a go.
Stay strong and we are here for u