topic Hate this. in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Hate this.

Rothman — Tue, 18 Aug 2020 12:06:12 GMT

Hey.. need advice. 28 (nearly 29) yo f.

Been self harming, not eating, depressed for.. damn.. 18years now.

Cant go to gp alone, boyfriend says "go ahead off self if that selfish"

Cant hospital.. ambo/cop (will get family evicted.. already happened twice lol)

Social anxiety, phone phobias, no webcams.. what.. do i.. its everyday now and no one cares?

Hate this.

Sophie_M — Tue, 18 Aug 2020 12:25:46 GMT

Hey Rothman, welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. We know it can be tricky to create the first post so thank you for having the strength to do so. We're so sorry to hear how difficult your journey has been and how unsupportive your partner and family appear to be. We can imagine it would've felt so hurtful to hear your partner say to 'off yourself'. Is there anything that has made you feel happier or calmer in the past? Was going to hospital a positive expereince for you? It sounds as though you are needing some support and we want you to know that there is help available to you.
Please do feel free to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime via our Webchat (no webcam needed) 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way if this is something you feel would be beneficial.

Many in our community have experienced similar feelings and will be able to talk through these feelings with you. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best support you through this.

Hate this.

Rothman — Tue, 18 Aug 2020 12:40:16 GMT

Ive tried beyond blue, lifeline, suicide call back, butterfly.. they all either call cops&ambo(twice. went to hospital. twice. dismissed with a card that i threw out.. couldnt talk in person alone?)

/ask me to go to gp. which isnt an option due to my own anxiety and boyfriend giving up. no friends or family?

not sure.. what to do.. i just.. give up?

Hate this.

Guest_4593 — Tue, 18 Aug 2020 12:53:34 GMT

Similar story except the boyfriend im alone, i don't know what to do either. But whatever advice you get here TRY all of them and let me know if you find something. And stop self harming iv just been looking at myself thinking you look like a anorexic gutted fish ( no one's going to want me ) hang in there and i hope your story turns out better

Hate this.

Rothman — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 11:02:03 GMT

@Guest_4593

DI'd you get any help? I haven't..

Hate this.

Rothman — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 11:21:52 GMT

What do I do I can't alone 😞

Hate this.

Sophie_M — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 11:34:05 GMT

Hi Rothman,

We're sorry to hear that you're struggling to get the treatment and support you need. We can hear that you're feeling unsupported and we understand that this is difficult. Please know that we think you are a strong person and that there is always support available to you. We would urge that you do reach out to one of the supports we recommended when you have the capacity to.

You might also find it useful to take a look at some of our Beyond Blue resources:

Self harm and self injury" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/feeling-suicidal/self-harm-and-self-injury
"Anxiety management strategies" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/treatments-for-anxiety/anxiety-management-strategies
“Social phobia” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety/types-of-anxiety/social-phobia

Or you might be interested in reading about the journey of someone who at one point felt hopeless - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/losing-hope-finding-hope

We hope you feel a bit better since you posted and that you can find something that brings you some peace and comfort tonight. If you would like to post further, please let us know how we can best help you get through this tough period.

Hate this.

smallwolf — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 11:46:31 GMT

Hi, it sounds like you are caught between a rock and a hard place - difficult for you to get help and possible evictions.

Can I ask if your boyfriend does not want you to go to a GP alone? Or he won't with you either?

When I first saw my psychologist she suggested that I get two apps on my phone which have been very helpful to me.

While professional help would be advantageous, perhaps self education, reading and listening to podcasts could give you some ideas. I would also listen to you in this space if you liked. You have started a new journey here and sometime venting and writing here can be helpful. You made a start with the initial post. The people here are supportive and non-judgemental.

Tim

Hate this.

Rothman — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 11:54:39 GMT

I can't go alone I'm scared/lie. Boyfriend says he gives up with me, I gotta be a big girl. He wants me to go alone. But i can't?? Been trying so much by self but lack motivation?

Hate this.

Guest_4593 — Mon, 24 Aug 2020 12:19:56 GMT

I haven't got help, and like u said its really hard to. And i dont think people understand that from our point of view....all advice is go to gp... i know its really frustrating reaching out for help and just being given the 1 advice that you can't do .

Hate this.

Rothman — Mon, 31 Aug 2020 12:44:46 GMT

I still can't get help.. Boyfriend father don't care enough I'm too scared I guess I give up and just..exist.. painfully..

Hate this.

Sophie_M — Mon, 31 Aug 2020 13:13:57 GMT

Hi Rothman,

We're sorry to hear that you're still struggling. We understand it must be exhausting to feel this way. We would urge that you do reach out to one of the supports we recommended when you have the capacity to. GP's are often offering telehealth appointments which may be useful to you.

It might be worth trying to articulate what kind of help you need to help others understand. This guide might give you some ideas - “Talk about it"” - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it

It might help our community to offer you some support if you tell us more about yourself. Is there anything that brings you some relief? Any activities you enjoy?

If you would like to post further, please let us know how we can best help you get through this tough period.

Hate this.

tranzcrybe — Mon, 31 Aug 2020 14:04:39 GMT

Hi Rothman,

Are you able to describe the pain you are suffering - in your head, your heart, and your body?

I don't want you to give up, and you shouldn't have to exist in pain.

Please try.

Hate this.

smallwolf — Mon, 31 Aug 2020 21:36:08 GMT

Hi (Rothman and Guest),

both Sophie_M and tranzcrybe have given some ideas to you that are worth trying.

another one might be to borrow some books from your local library for reading. Not sure if you enjoy reading? I have read a few book about mental illnesses that relate to me - partially to find my story and to see there are others in a similar position. And I may get a few ideas to put into practice. For most of these books I use overdrive which means I do not have to go to the library to borrow them - they are all electronic.

@Guest_4593 - it sounds like you get frustrated when people tell you to go to your GP. Sorry. I know I have made that suggestion a number of times. It is perhaps the one constant assumed to be available as posters do not know what other services might be available to you. Of course there are other reasons as well.

I hope you both have a good day (and you tranzcrybe),

Tim

Hate this.

Rothman — Tue, 01 Sep 2020 12:29:23 GMT

@Guest_4593 hope you're okay sending love xx

@tranzcrybe what? I'm numb?

@Sophie_M reading/art/photography/gaming brings me little joy anymore.. just going through the motions orcan't.. be bothered. Telehealth no go.

@Smallwood I contact multiple places they all say go to gp. Can't alone. No webcam. No phone calls. Where's help for that??? 😞 I own a library I have issue I can't go to gp alone reading won't help?

Hope everyone is safe, well and happy!! Xxx

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tranzcrybe — Tue, 01 Sep 2020 13:07:59 GMT

Hi Rothman,

Okay, Numb.

Sounds like you're fed up with everything (but you are still nice enough to care about us - thank you).

You used to a do lot of interesting things but not any more. Everything gets boring after a while.

Thanks for helping me understand that.

Would like to know more though...

Hate this.

Daria_M — Tue, 01 Sep 2020 18:03:49 GMT

Hey Rothman,

Just saw your post and wanted to say I am feeling you. I know how you are feeling.

Thought I would send some love, I know how nice it feels to have someone's message be here when life feels like it's so bad.

Keep fighting.

Daria

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geoff — Tue, 01 Sep 2020 21:46:20 GMT

Hello Rothman, we really do understand the situation you are facing and in regards to your b/friend not wanting to be involved, may only mean that he has no idea of how he can help you and doesn't want to be involved in your recovery because that means work dealing with how you are feeling on a daily basis.

It's impossible to keep pretending to others because once this happens, unhappiness grows, it easier to tell ourselves that we feel good about something rather than to admit we don’t and please excuse me for saying that after your comments.

We'd really want to keep talking with you, plus Guest4593 and Daria.

Geoff.

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Rothman — Thu, 03 Sep 2020 12:21:39 GMT

@tranzcrybe what more do you want to know? Numb is best I can describe.. heart/head/body.. I just.. feel nothing, towards everyone, everything.. life.. just.. go through the motions waiting for it to end/get better lol

@Daria.M thank you xxx

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tranzcrybe — Thu, 03 Sep 2020 12:47:30 GMT

Hi Rothman,

You know, there is much positivity in what you say, and I am happy that you keep in touch (that's one right there).

You asked what I wanted to know (that's another).

18 years is a long time to go through - you have great strength within you ( - third).

And you relate and empathise with others suffering (number 4).

There's so much within you that defies some things you say (and you can laugh at yourself...5).

So why are you carrying all this for so long? (I know you asked, but you don't have to reply if you don't want to).