topic ??? Whats wrong in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

??? Whats wrong

Guest_4593 — Mon, 10 Aug 2020 16:34:58 GMT

Feeling nothing, im stepping out my comfort zone, taking risks. Trying to feel something but nothing i dont feel happy, joy no sense of excitement or fear.. just feel alone and sad and cry alot.

I was asked why i self harmed i said i dont know . And i dont really understand why i do. But thinking now hey its something to feel...
I have to wake up every morning and (GET UP) i have responsibilities like everyone and i have to pretend to everyone that im ok . Work cant have me half there id lose my job.. family annoys me to much for me to have them realise im not ok . So its all fake and pretend all day.. i have about 3 people who i can say im not ok 2 ..but this is been going on so long even i wanna leave and ignore myself. Im uncomfortable talking out loud or to professionals im not sure i will get help but i do think ill lose the 3 people i do have very soon . Maybe just need to pretend with them aswell but im drowning suffocating in myself and this sense of emptiness is so overwhelming i just come undone every night when im alone in my room

??? Whats wrong

Cassie07 — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 02:32:46 GMT

Hi Guest_4593

Firstly, depression is an illness- not a decision, therefore its okay to seek help in curing it.

The first step in treating emotional numbness is to identify and treat the underlying cause. A doctor can help with this, though they may refer you to a therapist or psychiatrist. You’ll be asked what medications you take and what other symptoms you have. I know this may be hard but talking to professionals really help.

You could also make an appointment with a psychiatrist: A psychiatrist can prescribe you some medication. They can also offer coping techniques to help you regain your emotional feeling again. While antidepressants typically take about six weeks to start working, the doctor may prescribe anti-anxiety medication for you to take while the other drug builds in your system.

Reach out to your friends and loved ones, even if you’re having trouble connecting, reach out to the people who love you. They may be able to help you connect, and you may find relief in telling them what you’re experiencing.

Another really helpful activity to do is exercise: When you’re feeling numb, the last thing you may want to do is get up and moving, but it’s one of the best things you can do. Running, swimming, yoga, and cardio activities are all great for stress relief, but even just taking a walk around the neighborhood can help flood your brain with endorphins. To get the best results, you can exercise daily.

Make sure you get loads of sleep, if you can get at least eight hours of good quality sleep every night, it could help improve your mood quickly.

Also try to minimize stress. Stress is a huge contributing factor to emotional numbness and depression. Minimizing the stress you experience or improving how you manage it can reduce stress hormones, and help you regain emotional feeling. Reduce the stressors in your life, and practice soothing techniques like meditation or mindfulness to better manage the stress that you can’t get rid of.

??? Whats wrong

Ggrand — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 06:40:14 GMT

Hello Guest4593,

Im sorry your struggling with feeling numb...and crying a lot....

I can resonate to the feeling of being numb and having no joy or happiness in your life..I have been their and when I get down..I still do..

Depression needs professional help to start healing...I tried for a few years to “fix” myself and just continually got worse....Since I spoke to my GP a couple of years ago I am on my way to wellness...Maybe this is something that you could consider....as you say it’s been going on for so long..please reach out for professional help...or your family..

Talking to your family is something that would hopefully benefit you so much with your depression and numbness...Once they understand how your feeling they could possibly help in small ways...Your family is your sanctuary, your loved one, who care and love you a lot, therefore they would want nothing less for you then you being happy and mentally well...Please guest...again maybe something for you to think about...

At night when I lay down to sleep..I listen to adult sleep stories..They go for 30 to 60 minutes..I mostly fall asleep before it ends...The stories take you on peaceful adventures...

Please keep reaching out here when you’re feeling up to it..We are listening and popping in when we can to talk you through this hard time your going through..

Kind and caring thoughts..

Grandy..

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Guest_4593 — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 10:51:05 GMT

Thank you for ur response, and suggestions i have been experiencing alot of different things over last few months but its been the first time this week someone said the word depression. So do u believe thats whats going on depressing?? I know iv suddenly got anxiety and panic attacks.. but do u really think i could be experiencing depression i do get up ever morning and perform my responsibilities

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smallwolf — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 12:22:42 GMT

I have told this story in a long time...

I knew in myself that something was not right. And somehow I came upon the K10 test at the beyond blue web site which gave me a recommendation of chatting with my GP. I did that and was referred to a psychologist for a 2nd opinion. So I made that appointment and went and had a chat with the psychologist. At the end of the first session I was told to go back and get a mental health plan. I would find out that I had major depression and anxiety. It was a bit of a wakeup call.

But it was also good in the sense that I could put a name to how I was feeling. And this feeling was something that I had felt for about 2+ years before I getting any help. And with a name, there were also ways to deal with it. That part I am still working on.

On the morning routine ... I also get up and do what is needed. That is also me running on auto-pilot. This may sound ODD but part of the reason I do all that is so that I appear normal. And there are days I want to disappear.

It would be worth having a chat with your GP about how you are feeling? If needed you could also print this page and take it with you.

Tim

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Guest_4593 — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 12:43:56 GMT

Thanks grandy, the more stories i hear i realize this never goes away. the start of the year i said ( its all good ill be better when things settle down) now im actually scared, is this permanent.. im hearing words like depression and disorder and illness and on going.. i know iv got to the worse iv ever been but on going.. think iv just had a reality check...

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Guest_4593 — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 17:34:24 GMT

Sorry major s/hmed , and think i broke my wrist. Thnks talk when better

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Ggrand — Tue, 11 Aug 2020 22:53:38 GMT

Hello Guest 4593..

Im so deeply sorry that you s/hed yesterday...Please attend the hospital and get your wrist checked out..

Wanting to let you know Guest that depression in not a life sentence...with professional help it does get better...also anxiety does get better...Please Guest can you try very hard to speak to your Dr..or the hospital Dr when you go to check your wrist out...about what your struggling with..They can help you...

Sitting here with you dear Guest..and listening to you..You matter to us...and we care...please let us know how your feeling when you feel up to it....

Sending you my care and kind thoughts..

Grandy..

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Aaronsis — Wed, 12 Aug 2020 11:23:30 GMT

I am proud of you, proud you are fighting, proud you are trying and proud you are talking.

You matter and we care so much.

We are here.

Sarah

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Guest_4593 — Wed, 12 Aug 2020 13:56:56 GMT

Thank you, kind words and i needed to hear it right now. Today just sucks

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ecomama — Wed, 12 Aug 2020 14:56:52 GMT

Dear Guest_4593

What you're living with right now; the feelings and thoughts and actions can all change with treatment.

Those of us who've suffered from depression or still do, can feel a TON better with treatment.
The treatment is not only what our GP and MH professionals so for us, it's what we also do for ourselves with them helping.

You did the right thing by reaching out here.

You can and WILL get better. No one expects a broken arm to heal without the diagnosis with an xray then casting etc. Imagine trying to do ALL the same things everyday with a broken arm by just saying "I'm ok" and ignoring it?

We can only do this for xxx long. It hurts more. Gets more painful. Just gets worse.

Same with Mental Health.... it can be a long road but you've made the first step. Reaching out here.

The 2nd step is whatever you decide. You can call the BB Helpline anonymously and talk to the Counsellor. This is what it will feel like to talk with your GP and a psych... but better because they SEE you.

We see you too.
We hear you and know the pain you're in right now.

Take the next step and you'll continue to feel better.
EM

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Guest_4593 — Wed, 12 Aug 2020 15:19:55 GMT

Thank you so much for your reply i understand what your saying... im actually scared as yell.. guess we all dread situations intill we get thought them and go (what was i worried about).. but im hoping that people here do understand my hesitations and that there is i think a big issue for me with excepting help and im taking small steps here. And gps and mental health plans and aa is were i need to be but i think its gonna be a longer process than just talking to strangers

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smallwolf — Wed, 12 Aug 2020 21:49:51 GMT

I gave up thinking about how long I would be seeing a psychologist a while ago - I would think about how close or far away I was from the goal line. Thinking about that now, it did help as I when I was down I would think of myself as resetting and never getting any better. Today, when I do feel low I "know" that I will get through it and it is just another step on the journey.

Talking to strangers between sessions is helpful if you mean here as we are all here for each other. And small steps forward are good steps - you are still moving.

??? Whats wrong

Guest_4593 — Fri, 14 Aug 2020 12:17:48 GMT

Im even in a worse head space today than usual. Iv been going out alot this fortnight which is not me ever,,, but even despite my months of being (not me) lately feeling nothing and as a socially awkward person going out with people should be the usual awkward, anxiety and uncomfortable, indecisive me but iv been just saying yes ill go to everyone.. and i feel nothing i go out and its like im not even there.. very hard to explain but going through a lot with anxiety and panic attacks for months yet im putting myself in these situations that have never been me and ( i feel nothing). I even had a sober night last night and today nothing just (nothing) i was blank all day than a small problem at work and i was over the top angry. ( well i was angry but also just wanted to cry) but thats weird to how can i be empty all day then something stupid makes me so angry i wanna just (cry) . Now im sitting here alone trying to find a drinking buddy for the night.. i quess im just looking for something to make me feel alive or happy. ( it just dosen't seem to be working)

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Sophie_M — Fri, 14 Aug 2020 12:47:47 GMT

Hey Guest_4593, thanks for joining us again on the Beyond Blue forums. We're sorry to hear tonight is such a difficult one for you. It sounds like you're experiencing many different and fluctuating emotions, it might be helpful to read through our "the facts" webpage for any information that might help to clarify some of these emotions.

Can we ask, do you have any mental health support? We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially if you don't have a lot of support from family or friends. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport
Please keep checking in to let us know how things progress.

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Guest_4593 — Fri, 14 Aug 2020 13:04:44 GMT

No support. But thanks i will read ur facts page

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Guest_4593 — Fri, 14 Aug 2020 14:31:32 GMT

Actually can i safely say . In this supportive non judgmental place im really not ok. Im really not ok !!

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Sophie_M — Fri, 14 Aug 2020 14:42:07 GMT

Hey Guest_4593, we're sorry to hear that you don't feel okay and are struggling to cope at the moment.

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we are worried about you and would like to offer our support and advice.

Please keep posting here as well to share your thoughts and feelings with us.

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smallwolf — Sat, 15 Aug 2020 01:22:33 GMT

Sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment! Can you tell me what is on your mind at the moment?

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ecomama — Sat, 15 Aug 2020 02:07:35 GMT

Guest_4593 said:Actually can i safely say . In this supportive non judgmental place im really not ok. Im really not ok !!

Thank you for telling us you're not okay!

We are here to listen and be of some support for you in your extremely challenging situation.

PLEASE VENT AWAY.

I've read everything I can find here that you've written.... I hear you. We are WITH you.

Can you start small and NOT put the pre-Covid expectations on yourself?

I am going to start a thread on SELF-CARE .... you know... that 4 letter word x 2 that everyone keeps telling us to do?

I am DEFIANTLY doing some self-care lol... puny efforts but PLEASE JOIN ME in trying to battle this seemingly impossible mountain called self-care!

You and I have SO MUCH in common, I KNOW this already!

Let's be online sisters and do this together.

God Bless You and Your Beautiful Family!

LOVE EM