topic So lost about 3 months now in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

So lost about 3 months now

Guest_4593 — Thu, 25 Jun 2020 12:33:54 GMT

Felling so..... I don't even know,
had a bad 12 months , the last 3 i have had panic attacks i self-harm i get completely drunk every night i feel worse everyday now things that I thought were the only things keeping me going, the things that got me up every morning, i am finding them annoying and hard to deal with and just cant be bothered with anything anymore even the things I thought throughout the last few months despite my mood would never change but they have, what do I have left.
Don't wanna hear anymore ur not urself go to a gp we all have problems

So lost about 3 months now

Sophie_M — Thu, 25 Jun 2020 12:54:44 GMT

Hey Nic1233,

Welcome to our friendly online community. We are so grateful that you have reached out here tonight as we know how tough it can be to do this for the first time. We're so sorry to hear how difficult the past year has been for you, and that it has been even more difficult to cope with in the past 3 months. We understand that these thoughts and feelings must be so difficult and overwhelming, but please know that you're not alone, and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

Can we ask if you are you currently receiving mental health support, or have you in the past? If not, we really would urge that you do seek professional support to help you work through these urges that you're experiencing. If you are not sure of how to access mental health support, please contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of the friendly counsellors will be able to offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way.

In addition to this, there are always counsellors available to talk to, and who can help you during your most difficult moments. Some of these 24/7 services include:

Lifeline - 13 11 14 (online chat available 7pm-12am)
Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467 (online chat available 24/7)

And if you find yourself in a situation where you become an immediate danger to yourself, this is an emergency and you should call 000 (triple zero). Many of our members will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.

So lost about 3 months now

Just Sara — Thu, 25 Jun 2020 14:50:02 GMT

Hi and welcome Nic 🙂

It sounds like life has hit the skids hun; I'm sorry things seem dim atm. Kudos for reaching out though as it takes guts, so well done!

I'm not going to say "...we all have problems" because that's condescending. Everyone experiences life individually so there's no point 'comparing' notes. Though I wish I had 10 bucks for every time someone said to me; "You think that's bad, what about what happened to me?!" Meh...whadda ya do?

When confusion, lack of support, overwhelming situations and low self worth come crashing together, 'what's the bloody point' comes to mind.

Yeah?

I so get where you're at. If you want to rant or purge yourself of built up crap swirling around your head, you're welcome to get it all out here. You'll be heard, acknowledged and validated by peers who understand what it's like to feel trapped in your own mind and the four walls that hold you.

Take care and come back to us; you're important and a necessary component of your own life.

Kind thoughts;

Sez (hug)

So lost about 3 months now

Guest_4593 — Fri, 26 Jun 2020 10:40:04 GMT

Thanks guys it actually feels good to just write these feelings down as i dont talk about them out loud. In my family we never talked about our feelings probably explains why there are so many addicts in the family..
So I haven't slept in about 38 hours now, weird that im actually getting use to not sleeping besides from feeling drained all day im quiet at work people have noticed, thing that annoys me is that iv been down for months and it was only a few weeks ago a colleague of mine someone i trust (There isn't many) said to me do you think we dont see the signs get some help because I don't wanna get told you were found dead in a gutter somewhere, so for months iv been drowning ,suffocating in my own body feeling so alone and the whole time everyone could see but I wasn't worth the effort to try have a conversation with i mean i know iv got a big keep out sign on my forehead, but I can't imagine seeing a friend in pain and just ignoring it...
I know I need help i know to do that I have to go to a gp but the thought of sitting infront of someone I don't know, who sees 100 patients a week and just trying to explain what is going on with me just makes me so uncomfortable i just don't know if i have it in me

So lost about 3 months now

Sophie_M — Fri, 26 Jun 2020 12:01:01 GMT

Hi Nic,

Thank you so much for keeping us updated on how you're going. We can hear how much pain you're in, but please know that you don't have to keep these feelings bottled up inside. We understand that it can be really intimidating to open up to a GP about these kinds of feelings, however you have already shown so much courage and strength in opening up and expressing how you're feeling here in these forums.

If you feel up to it, we'd really encourage you to reach out to our Support Service (1300 22 4636), who may be able to give you some help and advice in how to start this coversation with your GP. The lovely counsellors will also be able to offer you some short-term support to help you in getting some rest and a good night's sleep.

You might also find some helpful advice at our page "Talk about it": https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/have-the-conversation/talk-about-it

You are never alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're feeling whenever you feel ready.

So lost about 3 months now

Guest_4593 — Fri, 26 Jun 2020 13:20:11 GMT

Owww 1 step forward 2 back,
bad night my unwanted house guests got into a massive physical fight. i was mellowed out after few to many drinks.The fight was 1 of many over the 9 month they been here. The fights are always scary i dont like it at all but i manage to calm down after a while ( long after it takes for them to calm down) but tonight was different not sure if its my current state of mind but there was a moment were they took the fight outside she was trying to leave in the car and i had like a flash back to the very same seen when i was a kid the very same situation played out between my parents and that was it, i was crippled with fear, flooded with memories, momentarily paralyzed it got hard to breathe the minute my fingers started tingling i knew i was about to have a panic attack i quickly got myself back to my room turned on my music so noone could here me and i just lost it i was in a full panic attack couldn't breathe just trying to pace my very small room trying to calm myself down guzzling down more alchohol trying to stop what was happening took a bit but i stopped but then i was left shaking sitting in the corner of my room just numb for almost a hour, like panic attacks at work weren't bad enough they can pass within a few minutes to half hour when bad, but the shaking for a hour is recently new and there is no way i have found to make that stop no breathing techniques for that 1.. someone said its something to do with adrenaline, i think that side effects is worse than the actual panic.. im so over this all im fed up of being scared and worried i fed up of how this experience has completely changed my life and changed my work life 5 years of working at my job everybodys impressions of me was strong hard working little ocd im the grunt employee but everyone calls me boss it was just my personality i stood up took charge and bossed the bosses around. Now in 3 months im a weak lazy dont care about anything mentally challenged employee that people look at differently and have to explain sorry just having a panic attack. Say i do get help get better 3 months has destroyed my life

So lost about 3 months now

smallwolf — Fri, 26 Jun 2020 13:34:46 GMT

Hi. There are two things I hope to respond to... the first is about the person who suggested to you about getting help and the the other is the GP. My own experience is that not many people know what to look for in another to recognise things might not be right. Unless that other person (in my case) has had some sort of lived experience. And perhaps on the other side, not many people want to invest themselves in others issues. I would say (and putting choice of words aside) this person has started a conversation with you and might allow or look for open conversations with you. Just a possibility?

On chatting with a GP... you could always take print the posts from this page and show them? It might save some talking. I did not know what to expect from my GP when I had that first chat with her. Admittedly I was sent to a psychologist for a 2nd opinion, but I now also have a mental health plan and others to help me. It can be hard and challenging to take this step. You also have the support of this community with you.

Hope you had a good day

Tim

So lost about 3 months now

Guest_4593 — Fri, 26 Jun 2020 17:50:27 GMT

Need help now . I can't do this anymore

So lost about 3 months now

Sophie_M — Fri, 26 Jun 2020 18:03:13 GMT

Dear Nic1233,

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear everything you have going on at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming . We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you.

Our Support Service is trying to reach out to you via email as we're worried about you.
We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it.

So lost about 3 months now

Guest_4593 — Fri, 26 Jun 2020 18:08:18 GMT

I just tryed helpline i could even speak

So lost about 3 months now

Guest_4593 — Fri, 26 Jun 2020 20:09:59 GMT

My apologies for the comment 2 hours ago, i did try to call lifeline and i was just not able to speak to a ( voice on the phone ) really makes me doubt that i will make that gp appointment for help . Thanks for just allowing me the opportunity to just speak i appreciate that , unfortunately sometimes help is not for everyone

So lost about 3 months now

Sophie_M — Sat, 27 Jun 2020 01:35:36 GMT

Hi Nic1233,

We think you are so strong for calling Lifeline, even if you weren't able to speak. We understand that you are feeling overwhelmed at this time and reaching out is very difficult. Please know that with the right treatment and support, things can always improve. We can hear that you're in a dark place.

We would strongly recommend that you get in touch with Kids Helpline. It might help to talk it out whenever you're feeling this way. We know you found it difficult to speak to Lifeline, so maybe it would help to webchat on the internet, this way you only have to type. Kids Helpline counsellors can be contacted 24/7 by young people 25 and under - https://kidshelpline.com.au/
Headspace is another organisation we would recommend, they are specifically for young people aged 12-25 and they offer a wide range of services including counselling and group programs. They also have a group chat on their webpage - https://headspace.org.au/

Many of our members have experienced panic attacks and will understand and may be able to help. If you would like to post further, please tell us more about what's on your mind and how we can best help support you.

So lost about 3 months now

Just Sara — Sat, 27 Jun 2020 01:47:19 GMT

Hi again Nic;

When my life hit the skids I lived alone so I only had myself to assess how bad things were and what to do. Not a great place to be when you're bloody clueless.

I ended up suffering psychosis due to sleep deprivation. Our brains need quality rest to function properly otherwise we end up not thinking straight, making bad choices and increasing symptoms, which seems to be the case with you. I'm concerned for your well-being my friend.

If you had a broken leg would you get help? Of course. Your brain is your most vital organ. What you described re the trigger experience is an important clue; your brain is telling you it's sick. Please don't do what I did and ignore the opportunity to ask for help.

Inside of you is a wounded and very scared child still experiencing the past as if it were happening in the present as your brain isn't differentiating between then and now. Not sleeping, drinking and hiding in your room while you go through a panic attack are directly contributing to the problem. I plead with you to ask for help from your GP Nic.

All you need to say to your Dr is; "I need help". They'll take it from there I can assure you. He/she will ask questions and it's fine to answer in short sentences or just yes/no responses. They've seen it all before and have helped many people get their lives back through mental health treatment plans, especially with something to help sleep. This in itself provides a huge support for daily life by lowering symptoms.

Writing on this forum is really great to vent and find peers who understand, but it's not therapy or medication to treat an unwell brain. That takes expertise from the medical community.

I don't know of anyone who wouldn't go back in time and change the way they responded to a mental breakdown, me included. Please bite the bullet and seek help Nic so you have no regrets. You're worth it!

Kind thoughts;

Sez

So lost about 3 months now

smallwolf — Sat, 27 Jun 2020 11:57:43 GMT

Hi. I hope you might come back to chat some more. When things went bad for me the first person I spoke to was my mother. I would retell the story to my GP and after that my psychologist. I wont repeat the words here but as "Just Sarah" said, you don't have to say much. You are worth so much. It was only after I spoke to some other people about what happened to me that others would also retell some of what they had gone through. I can see from your post is very difficult for you to open up. I am unsure of what might be stopping you from talking and depending who you choose to tell or not to tell, there is no shame or judgement. And that you were able to call support took courage which is a positive.

Peace and comforting thoughts to you,

Tim

So lost about 3 months now

Guest_4593 — Sat, 27 Jun 2020 13:04:00 GMT

Thank you tim im not feeling very worth it right now to be honest today im was actually feeling worse i didn't even go to work today which is very unlike me spend the whole day in bed avoiding everyone and everything. I just have a very stong feeling of just giving up, accepting my life sucks and there's no hope for me and right now i feel pretty calm about it

So lost about 3 months now

Sophie_M — Sat, 27 Jun 2020 13:30:20 GMT

Hi Nic1233,

We are so glad that you have reached out here tonight to let us know how you've been feeling. We're sorry to hear that you're feeling worse and feeling like giving up, but please know that you are valuable and important, and the community is here to support you through this. We are also currently getting in touch with you through email to check in with you.

You're never alone in this, and we would really urge you to try reaching out again and talking through these feelings. As we mentioned earlier, Kids Helpline are available 24/7 through phone (1800 55 1800) and webchat at: https://kidshelpline.com.au/
In addition to this, the lovely counsellors at Suicide Call Back Service are also available 24/7 through phone (1300 659 467) and online chat: https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

We hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort and help you to feel a little less alone. Please feel free to keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it.

So lost about 3 months now

smallwolf — Sat, 27 Jun 2020 13:56:49 GMT

Hi again. I did not expect such as fast reply from you 🙂

Do you want to tell me about your day? I am sure you would have done something other than lying in bed. For example did you get some food? Watch TV? Listen to music? Read?

One positive is that you posted here to tell a little what you did and sharing a little of your life. (My psychologist suggested to me once to find the positives in the smallest of things, or what might otherwise be taken for granted.)

Also, I have been collecting inspirational quote that speak or say something to me. There is a thread on the forum here that I also post to...

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/quotes-that-i-like/page/25

Your previous call is a step on a new journey.

So lost about 3 months now

Guest_4593 — Sun, 28 Jun 2020 10:06:37 GMT

I hate to disagree with people trying to be supportive but i am alone, obvious im not physically alone, but iam completely alone i have a family not 1of them care im just used and expected everything from I dont even have friends i have a few colleagues who i just get along with more than others we dont socialise outside work i dont know how i call them friends. i will share a recent experience i was feeling low down whatever i reached out online trying to get i don't know a confidential ear ,10 minutes later i had the cops at my door they came in i got defensive and angry because it was confronting and stressful and embarrassing. I just wanted them out.. they called a ambulance i got more scared which means i got more aggressive and then so did the cops, a house guest called all my family over to watch the show , some may think ur family just cares, they left before the cops and ambos, except 1 who i needed to say i would go with to keep me safe ( i didn't go with them) i also when everyone left was feeling bad i messaged 3 of my "work friends " no 1 got back to me and the kicker is NOONE has mentioned it once. This was the first experience of a public whatever and not a single mention of it .. yeah people care. reached out for helps i got cops not caring and compassionate. I was left feeling like a total loser felt and treated like a criminal like i did something wrong by speaking out. Yes my attitude at the time wouldn't of helped matters but they were there for a safety cheak not a crime

So lost about 3 months now

Sophie_M — Sun, 28 Jun 2020 10:58:52 GMT

Hey Nic1233, thanks for joining us again tonight and sharing a bit more of your story. We're so sorry to hear you had to go through this. We can imagine this would've been a really traumatic experience and would've left you feeling worse than you did before.

We recognise that this must be an overwhelming situation for you, so we just wanted to let you know that if you find yourself feeling particularly overwhelmed before receiving further mental health support, please know that there is help available to you.

The Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14 are available to provide support and advice 24/7. Please do feel free to use these services to talk through what's on your mind when it's feeling like too much to cope with.

Please also feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it - we hope that you find this to be a safe and non-judgemental space.

So lost about 3 months now

Guest_4593 — Sun, 28 Jun 2020 12:41:20 GMT

I seem to find away to sabotage everyone at the moment do something nice for me look out , try to help look out, be honest look out.