topic Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone. in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

hellohi — Mon, 13 Apr 2020 04:08:37 GMT

Hi,

I feel very alone and I feel nobody wants to hear me. I try to talk to my parents as much as I can about everything stupid to important, but they don’t understand or respect my opinion. They always taunt me and they are never satisfied with whatever I do. I can't talk to them about how I feel. They would never show me their affection, they never hug me, or give me a proper response for my special moments or properly spend time with me. They avoid me. I don't have a strong relationship with anyone.

I know I am very overweight and extremely ugly, I have to put up with it myself every day of my life. I hate the way I walk, talk and I am dumb in everything I do. So many times I have known the answer or have an idea, but I cannot say it out loud in class. I am fine with sharing things with my friends and sometimes other students in my class, but even with them I feel ignored and alone, as I cannot keep up with things going on in their lives, they all have social media and I don’t and they go all travelling and I have never been out the house except to go to school. Or they simply don’t want to talk to me because of my ugly looks and lack of popularity. There are students in my class who everyone respects because they are good-looking not caring how rude they can be, everyone tells me being beautiful in the inside is more important, but no one cares about being kind. I feel so out of place.

I try my hardest to look skinny, I wear clothes that I think will help me do that, I try to keep my things clean and tidy and I try to be nice as much as I can. Nothing works, I always feel the same; alone and stupid. I don’t want any of my friends and family to know about how I feel. But with my parents, my younger brother and my friends ignoring me and making me feel alone, make me think about suicide and I can't sleep during the night or wake up early in the morning.

I don’t feel loved, happy or accepted in the people I am surrounded with.

I feel weak, alone, misunderstood, ugly, sad, confused and a burden on everyone. I feel confused as I got no idea where I want to work. I feel stupid and sad because my grandma has breast cancer and I haven’t seen her, all I have done is make her miserable, I want to talk to her which I can’t do it through a phone call, because at that moment I don’t want to say and I don't know if she wants to talk to me.

Maybe I am overreacting because so many other people go through worse things than me, but this is how I feel

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

Sophie_M — Mon, 13 Apr 2020 04:21:11 GMT

Welcome to the forums, hello, hi

We understand how difficult it can be to reach out for support, but we are so glad that you've done so here today. It sounds like these thoughts and feelings have been so overwhelming for you, both at home and at school, we are sorry that you’re in such a tough space right now. But please know that you’re not alone in this and that our community is here to work through this difficult time with you.

As you’ve mentioned that you’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts, we are currently contacting you through email with support.

We hope that you continue to check back in with our community and let us know how you're going when you feel up to it.

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

white knight — Mon, 13 Apr 2020 04:57:24 GMT

Hi hello hi

I too feel like reaching out. Please let me do this.

Accepting yourself for who you are is very important but in s school environment or among friends your age that isn’t always possible because you are among immature people. Once you have left school that behaviour almost vanished among adults. Those adults that still taunt you then you can eliminate them from your life.

It is a shame your parents don’t show affection. I still hug my 31yo daughter! But we are all different. Perhaps mentally drift away from them eg give them space, and they might miss you somewhat. When you see them tell them “I love you”. Giving love often results to receiving it.

google

beyondblue topic the good samaritan

beyondblue topic the frog and the scorpion

that last one is about your nature, please try to learn that you are unique and beautiful no matter what others think. Humans can be very cruel so remember you are living in a harsh world.

Find your place in the world be thinking about what career you’d like. My wife and I live animals so that is the career we could have chosen if younger but I was a dog ranger once. Animals won’t hurt you emotionally, they will live you unconditionally

google

beyondblue topic bullies

beyondblue topic so what are their mental illnesses.

Have a read if those, just the first post.

So glad you wrote in, reply anytime and we’ll work through this

TonyWK

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

Aaronsis — Mon, 13 Apr 2020 06:29:56 GMT

Hello hello, hi

It is so great that you have been able to express here how you are feeling and how your feelings about your family, school and life in general is impacting you. It is a really hard time being a young person, I cannot echo loud enough what Tony WK has said with regards to the maturity level of your current peers, it seems to me like kids at school are climbing so fiercely up a pole, climbing over the tops of others, grabbing, clutching, so desperate to get to the top of the pole, for once you reach the top no one picks on you or is mean to you....that while they are being mean or rude to you it takes the focus off them for one moment and ensures them some peace from being attacked...it is so sad but I remember from my time at school I was one of those girls...and it is a horrible pain that I have to live with but..I can tell you that the people I picked on actually had nothing to do with them, or who they were or what they looked like, it was about my feeling the need for attention and to feel power and to get this at someone else's expense...and as I mentioned before ..to take the opportunity away for anyone to be mean to me.

You be true to you, you be kind, you be authentically who you are, this in life will get you so far, being pretty or thin or tanned or whatever is superficial and as you move into adulthood only then is this knowledge known...unfortunately.

Your feelings are your feelings and you are not overreacting, if you are feeling bad, you are just as valid as any other person to reach out and receive support. You matter and you are so very much needed here, see i have learnt only recently and I have learnt it here on the forums that people who struggle with suicide and thoughts of taking their lives can go on to live happy and successful lives, that with help and support there is a brighter tomorrow and things do improve. I am wondering how you would feel about chatting to one of the amazing people at Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800, they are so wonderful to chat to and can give you some great support tips too.

I am sorry you are not getting the love and support you need from your family, I know it is no consolation but we are here for you to get through this time and to see how wonderful you are.

I hear what you are saying about your grandma, can you perhaps write her a card and express your love for her? I am sure she would love to receive a card from you.

Hope to chat to you some more hello, hi

Huge hugs to you

Sarah xxx

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

hellohi — Mon, 13 Apr 2020 06:44:07 GMT

How do I accept myself, if myself isn't good enough?

It's really hard when you see people in your class following the people who brag and can be rude at times, getting all that respect from other students and teachers.

If you saw me in person, you would call me ugly too.

But your reply made me feel that there are people that will listen to me and give me advice. Thanks White Knight

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

hellohi — Mon, 13 Apr 2020 07:00:51 GMT

Before BeyondBlue, I did try kids helpline but I didn't really feel it helped me.

My grandmother lives in a different country and I don't want to ask my parents for her address and money to post the letter. Because my mum doesn't have a strong relationship with her and she would get mad at me.

I wanted to thank you because you made feel that there are other people that may not be blood-related or know you super-well that can provide support and kindness more than the people that are blood-related or know you very well.

I really appreciate you for that. 🙂

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

Aaronsis — Mon, 13 Apr 2020 07:29:50 GMT

Great to hear from you Hello, hi

I understand about your grandma and being able to send her a card is tricky, what about if you still could write her that letter and let her know how you feel, although you are not able to post it you will have gotten those feelings out and who knows, one day you just might be able to get it to her, non the less you have shared your feelings, even if it is just with some paper. I have found writing to be the most powerful healer. When I was full of grief I wrote, I purged it all out onto some paper and let it all out, some was mean and horrible and raw and honest and I just wrote and wrote, some made no sense but it was for on one to read, just for me, and to this day I haven't re read it. But it feels wonderful to have it out.

You have felt the magic of this forum hello, hi, the beauty in humanity and that there are people who care, who want to know you, who want to help, who know you are going through a rough time and want to sit with you, even though not physically but we are all here together, to put a virtual arm around another and say "I hear you and I am here with you".

I just wanted to say something about what you mentioned to Tony WK, that if "you saw me in person you would call me ugly too"..I have only learnt this of late...however I have found it to be very true...WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU IS NOT YOUR CONCERN. That is hard to get your head around at first, it is alot to digest, but if we worried all the time about what others thought, felt or how they saw us we would not be living our true lives, we would be consumed with the opinions of others, and how do we even know they right, why are we right...there is just a whole lot of worry worry worry there that does not concern you. Now, in saying that I know it is human nature to compare, to measure our successes and failures against what others are doing. However, if you are doing what your heart says, that you are being a kind and loving person, that you are considerate and you give to others I think this is the making of a divine human.

Can you tell me if the most "attractive people are the most valuable in this life"? I would suggest that they are not. Infact beauty can make some people very mean..as you well know.

I am not here to lecture you so sorry if I am coming across all lecture like, I just want you to know you are beautiful, you are beautiful, you are beautiful. School is a moment in time. You will grow into an amazing adult.

Hugs

Sarah

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

hellohi — Mon, 13 Apr 2020 07:50:46 GMT

I think I am going to write down my thoughts, it's better than crying in my room alone.

And your reply was not at all a lecture.

Maybe I won't be able to change my looks, so I should try to make myself a kinder person, so I won't have two things I hate about myself.

You have made me feel a bit lighter. Thanks, Ms Sarah.

Hugs 🙂

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

Aaronsis — Mon, 13 Apr 2020 09:05:48 GMT

Hey hello, hi

I am so happy to hear that you got what I was trying to say and didn't feel like a lecture as that is not my intention.

I think writing is so wonderful and I hope you get the same feeling of release, lightness and like your worries are gone after a really good purge on the paper...as I mentioned, I was so raw and did blame and said horrible things that I would never be able to do in real life, it was so liberating and felt wonderful.

I am sorry to hear that you are crying in your room, while crying is pretty good, for a short time, to get the pain and sadness out, I just hope you can get it out and feel the pain leave and then do something that makes you feel good. It is ok to get it out but just not to live in that space of pain and sadness for too long.

I am so happy to hear that you do feel lighter from being here, sharing and talking and getting out the thoughts but also getting some hope and some comfort and just to know that there are people who care.

I dont think you have to try much harder to be a kind person, the fact you want to write to your grandma, the care and love you have for her is what I am hearing is coming from a wonderfully caring person.

Hugs

Sarah xx

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

white knight — Mon, 13 Apr 2020 11:33:59 GMT

Hi again,

oh wow, my friend Aaronsis was spot on about everything.

As a guy, I have certain views of what attractiveness is. Most women think slim girls are more attractive. I’ve lived with slim girls as partners and now I live with my second wife that is obese like me. It’s teally amusing that she can make her own jewellery and put on a top and is amazingly attractive. Her love of animals is amazing. When a baby seal is abandoned by its mother in Antartica she burst into tears- how beautiful is that?

I noticed with us tonight that you were thankful and showed you have empathy, that is wonderful. I wished I could show you what beauty is!

Famous actor and comedian on Kath and Kim- Magda Subanski is obese yet she overshadows her appearance with an amazing attitude, she discounts the homophobes (she is gay) and embraces kindness. I’d much rather her as a friend than many of the people I’ve met in my life.

Thankyou for listening

TonyWK

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

hellohi — Tue, 14 Apr 2020 02:17:05 GMT

Thanks White knight, you have given me some hope and I don't feel as lonely as I did before posting.

I want to thank you for spending your time and providing so much support and detail in your replies.

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

white knight — Tue, 14 Apr 2020 03:58:20 GMT

You are welcome

Something in life take time. Time in itself is annoying- we want it now!...we want confidence, money, acceptance etc but, alas, it takes time.

In 1996 after 11 years of emotional abuse, I attempted suicide, thankfully I survived. I have two daughter then aged 7 and 4.

I left my wife and my eldest came to live with me at 12yo. The reason?- she was abused also. When she reached 26yo she married, walking her down the aisle she said “thanks for making it dad”.

I knew what she meant. Who would have replaced me if I’d succeeded?

Do why am I telling you this? Because in life to succeed we have to develop many things personal

A fighting spirit
A judgement on those people that do not deserve your company
An appreciation for who you are
A ongoing development of appreciation for life

So in closing there is a man that is called Maharaji, real name Prem Rawat. He doesn’t peddle religion but promotes well being. He has heaps of YouTube videos

google

Maharaji Prem Rawat YouTube sunset

mahar Prem Rawat YouTube the perfect instrument

and many more. Listen to one per day.

Loving yourself could be your greatest achievement, defending yourself the second,,,

TonyWK

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

hellohi — Tue, 14 Apr 2020 04:32:44 GMT

I will definitely listen to it.

I will definitely listen to Maharaji Prem Rawat YouTube sunset.

I read frog and the scorpion and the good Samaritan, they were inspirational and wonderful posts, I loved reading them.

I really appreciate your help. Thank you so much. Your daughters are very lucky to have you as their father.

Thanks again. 🙂

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

hellohi — Thu, 16 Apr 2020 04:58:25 GMT

I wanted to ask what I should do to be accepted by people and not feel alone.

I don't have any close friends and everyone I talk to seems to hate me because I am so useless, stupid and don't know how to keep a conversation going. They just ask me for answers and then leave, and follow leaders who can be rude at times but because they are good-looking, they swear and talk a lot and don't care about school, everyone respects them, including teachers.

Each day turning into a week to a month to a year, life is going away so quickly. I'm already 14, haven't had any good memories and I haven't done anything in life that I could be proud of. I always stay at home and have never gone on a proper holiday with my family. No one wants to talk to me because I am such a boring person.

I'm scared, what if my parents' divorce. I don't know who to choose as I don't have a strong relationship with my mum or dad, what if both of them don't want me? And my other family members live in a different country, so I don't have a strong relationship with as I don't feel comfortable talking on the phone.

I am so stupid and dumb and it is still hard to accept the way I look as I have many things wrong with me

Many nights I can't sleep, these questions and thoughts make it hard to concentrate. I don't like to the things I used to love, everything feels like an effort.

I feel like I'm being surrounded by this thick dark cloud.

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

white knight — Thu, 16 Apr 2020 10:09:31 GMT

Hi,

You will always be what you say you are. If you believe you are dumb, stupid, boring etc then why would others doubt it?

Firstly, you really need to keep looking for compatible friends. Someone that also feels they are denied friendships with popular kids. Keep a lookout.

In respect to your parents it isn’t a good idea to worry about “possibles”

google

beyondblue topic worry worry worry

Most people have an interest, hobby, sport, ability. This could be as simple as being good at jigsaw puzzles, sewing, drawing etc eg my niece is an expert in Harry Potter and is reknown worldwide on forums for her knowledge. She has read the Harry Potter books 10 times.

What is your interests?

TonyWK

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

hellohi — Thu, 16 Apr 2020 10:37:47 GMT

I know that my parents are going to have a divorce. They are waiting until I'm a bit older and they want me to choose one of them. I really don't know, who to choose.

I don't want to be friends with the 'popular kids' and there is hardly anyone else who doesn't want to be part of their group. There was this person who became my best friend, but I was absent was a week and then she started treating me differently and became part of the group. Now, we hardly ever talk and she uses me for answers as well. The people who are kind of my friends, make me feel bad at times. They brag about their family relationships, their weight and the places they have been.

I used to like to draw and play basketball, but I don't know why I don't feel like doing those things anymore. I don't know what I'm interested in, to be honest.

I wanted to thank you for talking to me, you have made me feel lighter.

Thank you,

Neerja

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

white knight — Thu, 16 Apr 2020 12:20:32 GMT

And Thankyou Neerja

becsuse you are trying, persisting and you have the decency to reply.

On this forum we get a lot of posters that never reply to us. So you do have good qualities in your personality.

In terms of your parents, they must love you if they are delaying their divorce until you are older. You see, I don’t mean to upset you but for many possible reasons you have developed with a mind that is negative. I was like that also, until 26yo when I attended a motivation lecture

google

Beyondblue topic 30 minutes can change your life

from that day on my whole life changed. I saw the beauty of life, of saving orphaned baby animals, helping people like you or building my defences against hurtful people- which is taking action with my problems

beyondblue topic fortress of survival

beyondblue topic fortress of survival part 2

Neerja- you are a good person and one day in the next couple of years you will mature more and maybe reflect in our chat here when it will dawn on you that you yourself can carve your own path to happiness with a list of things to act on

Worry doesn’t solve anything
action can solve most things
discount nasty people as possible friends - there is many as teenagers
seek a hobby or choose a footy team to follow
think positive and never give up
other people have problems but often hide them (eg your parents)
that people put you down, don’t join them,
concentrate on your school work, it will repay you
life can be incredible and it’s there for you to grab and run with it into the sunlight

beyondblie topic only the strongest survive- make it YOU!

beyondblue topic the best praise you’ll ever get

ps Thankyou for telling me my daughters are lucky to have me as their dad. You have empathy...a gift

TonyWK

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

hellohi — Fri, 17 Apr 2020 00:09:09 GMT

If you see my parents, they hardly ever talk to me and when they do they just yell. Sometimes they have made me feel so bad about myself, at times they have made fun about my weight, they never support me in special events in my life: whenever I tell something good has happened in my life they don't even give me a proper response but they compare me with other teenagers.

But, you are right, they do have their own problems, they have arguments with each other, they are stuck in an arranged marriage. But I really want to spend time with them, I have dreams about us spending time because I know it won't happen in reality.

They are waiting because one time they had an argument, and I had to go to the hospital with chest pain. So since then, they decided to wait until me and my younger brother are older. But, I think you are right, they do care about me as they are staying together for me and my brother.

The reason why I want a good friend is that I can share stuff with them and hear their stuff, so I have someone to spend time with me, to feel supported and I can stay away from my family, it will give me and my family someplace.

I want to change, I want to live in a family where I feel supported, I don't care about the things they buy me, I appreciate that they spend their money on me, but I really want to feel that emotional connection with my family. I want to look different which will help me accept myself and be accepted by others.

Neerja

I really appreciate your replies, thank you TonyWK 🙂

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

Aaronsis — Fri, 17 Apr 2020 01:15:33 GMT

Hello Neerja, I hope you don't mind me using your name, it is lovely to know it though.

Tony WK has given you some really wonderful and useful tips here on how to try to turn your thinking around and to try to form a happy relationship with you, I agree so very much of what he has said in that what we tell ourselves is what we believe, even if you start off not believing it, some time to do some positive talk to yourself is so helpful, as in time you might actually start to see that it is possible and that you are a wonderful person.

You are trying and you are taking on board the suggestions that we are putting to you, considering that there could be another way of thinking, this is a really positive step forward.

I just wanted to say something about your parents divorcing, as an ex wife and mother, also a child of divorced parents. Role playing how the day/event will go is only a new avenue to worry and cause you unnecessary pain and anxiety. I totally understand that it is really hard not to overthink this event however, in my experience, the days did not go how I played them out in my head. I actually have a better relationship with my ex than when were married, which makes us both happier, which makes him the best version of him as a father, and me the best version of me as a mother. That my children are actually happier now than when we were together. I understand that every one's situation is different but I promise you that you will not be forgotten in this separation, your parents love you. Try not to think about "who am I going to live with?" the decision might be made for you and all this worry will have been for nothing, I know it is hard and a really sad time, but sometimes it is a happy time too...I know that sounds weird but really, good things can come from difficult situations.

I am sorry you are going through such a hard time but we are here for you.

We care about you and I can see what a beautiful person you are Neeja.

Chat soon

Sarah xxx

Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

hellohi — Fri, 17 Apr 2020 01:51:50 GMT

Thanks, Sarah, for your reply.

I will try my hardest not to overthink about my parent divorcing, but it is hard because they argue with each other, then they don't talk to each other for days and then they ask me to choose one, to choose who is right. It's hard. I can't talk to anyone of them, as I don't have a strong relationship with them, they don't understand nor support me. I feel alone, so these thoughts just pop up in my mind, which are really hard to stop.

Thanks, Sarah/Aaronsis and Tony/WhiteKnight for being there for me and giving me your time, support, kindness and advice. it means a lot for me.