topic Tierd of fighting in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

Tierd of fighting

Aimee_S — Sun, 03 Oct 2021 07:29:55 GMT

So, I have been self harming for 8 years after my sister took her own life. I was harming myself almost daily and have recently gone 7 months and then 4 months without. I have been working so hard to use alternative strategies, becoming more aware of my triggers etc. I am also actively in a DBT group. In May I needed surgery due to my self-harm. I am in the same situation after my relapse last Monday. I am so tired of fighting the plastics dr's don't want to operate on me because I did it too myself again. They don't see the intense effort I am putting into my recovery and how disappointed I am in myself for relapsing and to the extent I did. Has anyone else had similar experiences? How did you deal with this and keep going when it feels like those who are supposed to help don't?

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white knight — Sun, 03 Oct 2021 08:21:03 GMT

Hi Aimee.S

I'm so happy you posted. This topic of suicidal thoughts, self harm etc is a very important one and we should feel free to discuss it.

My brother suicided in 1979 aged 26. I tried once in 1996 aged 39 and my sister has tried. So, I have some idea. Yes, I've self harmed too some years ago. For me it was due to my life not working out, disappointment after disappointment. But I fought on and one day I realised that I'd made it. That day was when my youngest daughter turned 18 and I was at the end of 14 years of child support to quite a narcissist ex wife.

How else did I stop self harming? Well I thought of my loved ones and the trauma that they went through. Yes, I know that these thoughts are away from you when you go through it, but at least its a start. Frankly you writing in has shown me that you are determined and a kind person, we all are! This forum is where we all flock together to share our inner most issues.

I'm going to close now and see who else chips in with comments as it is indeed very interesting.

All my care

TonyWK

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Sophia16 — Sun, 03 Oct 2021 11:29:42 GMT

Hi Aimee,

It seems that you are feeling angry and disappointed in yourself and that you need surgery for your self-harm. I am truly sorry about that. You seem like such a strong and amazing person.

Our negative experiences can help us become better people. Relapsing is a normal thing, it takes a lot of motivation and determination to stop. It may take time, but you will get there.

Have you considered seeing a professional? They are trained to help and give strategies to cope and become your best self.

If you need to speak to someone live, Beyond Blue has a 24/7 phone service 1300 22 4636.

Please stay safe and i am here to chat if you need me.

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Coach Craig — Sun, 03 Oct 2021 23:39:21 GMT

Hi Aimee S.

Thanks for reaching out - It seems you are going through some pretty rough times at the moment.

Have you tried using some alternative ways such as using Ice or something less damaging to you. Glad to see you are doing DBT.

You could use your "What and How" skills of being in "Wise mind", you may want to use your STOPP or TIPP skills when the impulse to self harm arises. As for the plastic surgery have a chat with your mental health / DBT therapist and GP how you can move forward with this. If you need someone to talk to you can contact our support service on 13002244636 or our webchat on https://online.beyondblue.org.au/#/chat/start

Keep going you seem to be doing an amazing job

Coach Craig

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Aimee_S — Mon, 04 Oct 2021 01:42:45 GMT

Thanks Sophia, I see a psychologist regularly and have been able to practice a lot of my skills. Due to a few triggers all around the same time I became overwhelmed and lost my ability to reason and choose the safest option.

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Aimee_S — Mon, 04 Oct 2021 01:46:08 GMT

Thankyou. I have only just started my DBT journey so I haven't covered any of those yet. But I am starting distress tolerance in two weeks so hopefully I will be able to learn some of these techniques.

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Sophia16 — Mon, 04 Oct 2021 03:24:34 GMT

I completely understand. Therapy takes time and won't work straight away. See your psychologist even more regularly, it may help.

If not, calling Beyond blue or Lifeline 13 11 14 during the times you want to harm yourself is a good way to help you cope.

What skills have you learnt?

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Positive_vibes89 — Mon, 04 Oct 2021 04:59:28 GMT

Hi aimee,

Have you considered self admitting into a psyche hospital. I recently did some work experience (nursing student) in a psyche hospital the work they do is simply amazing. If you feel as if you cannot cope because you have relapsed, admitting yourself into hospital to get some professional support might be a good option. 24 hour support from nurses, psychologists and doctors.

If you need to speak to someone live, Beyond Blue has a 24/7 phone service 1300 22 4636.

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Aimee_S — Mon, 04 Oct 2021 05:03:26 GMT

I have learnt grounding exercises, I find using scent such as a hand cream is good.

I also really take notice of my dog, the way his fur feels, his weight on my lap, his smell.

Orienting myself to time and place

Focusing on my breathing, distracting myself with gardening, arts & crafts, going for a walk, reading a book if I can concentrate

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Positive_vibes89 — Mon, 04 Oct 2021 05:19:23 GMT

They are excellent coping mechanisums amiee, if they work for you keep using them. How are you feeling today?

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romantic_thi3f — Mon, 04 Oct 2021 23:27:57 GMT

Hi Aimee.S,

Thank you for sharing your story with us, and I'm sorry to hear about your sister. It sounds like you've been offered so much support and advice here which is wonderful.

I don't think anyone has said this yet but a big kudos to you for going 7 months and 4 months. What an incredible streak! I totally get why you would feel that way with the surgeon. The sense of someone wanting to help you, and you wanting help but the timing not being right. It's so upsetting when you know this is what you want,

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romantic_thi3f — Mon, 04 Oct 2021 23:34:15 GMT

part two! (sorry about that)

Relapses happen. Sometimes all the coping skills we know go out the window. That's okay. You're not back to square one. You've still learned so much, you've still made it so long without self harming. You still have all of those skills with you despite that relapse.

The grounding exercises are sooo good. Have you ever thought of making a self soothe kit? It's like a box with things to help keep you safe, whether it's a safety plan, creams, photos, perfumes/smells, something to eat/drink.. Especially anything that feels sensory (sight, smell, touch, sound, taste).

I hope this helps a little. Keep going, you've got this.

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white knight — Tue, 05 Oct 2021 02:02:16 GMT

Just popped back in to see your progress Aimee.S. I see you have a lot of support already. And we are so grateful you are replying.

Your dog sounds like a great pet to love and cherish. We have a mini foxy 9yo and she is our baby. We adore her and she repays our affection 10 fold. I'm happy you have a dog that loves you that much.

TonyWK

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Sophia16 — Sat, 09 Oct 2021 11:24:10 GMT

Amazing! I am very proud of you. If you keep using those mechanisms regularly, they will start to feel normal to you. I know you can do this.