topic The nights are the worst. in Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

The nights are the worst.

Pandemica — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 13:27:06 GMT

I find that the hardest time of all are the evenings. I live alone and the house is so quiet. I lay awake each night, not being able to sleep and the darkness outside my bedroom window matches the darkness inside of me.

Its at these times that the sadness feels so powerful and overwhelming. I can feel it sitting inside of my stomach like a heavy rock. I have lived a majority of my life like this and can't see any way to stop feeling like this.

What are some strategies that people might use when both your thoughts and feelings are at their darkest.

The nights are the worst.

Centaured — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 13:56:54 GMT

That hits home, I can relate.

I try to distract myself until I can't stay awake any longer. Like one thing I do is playing on my computer or phone until my eyes start collapsing. Other stuff I do is browse Reddit or insta or other websites as a distraction. BB forums can help too or talking with someone like lifeline so you don't feel alone with that heaviness.

Hope that helps. Just know you aren't alone. We'll find the stars out there.

The nights are the worst.

Pandemica — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 14:23:27 GMT

Thanks Centaurs,

I am doing exactly that at the moment. Reading articles on BB Website, playing games on my phone etc. Its just a bloody horrible feeling.

If I thought that I could leave this world without hurting anyone else, then God, I would have ended it all a long time ago. I feel so trapped because as much as I desperately want to end it all right now, I just can't because I feel so guilty about hurting others in my life. That puts me between a rock and a hard place. Can't end it all, but can't keep going like this either. There has got to be another option.

The nights are the worst.

Sophie_M — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 15:02:32 GMT

Hi Pandemica,

We’re sorry to hear you are still feeling this way. If you need someone to talk to we have our counsellors on our Support Service available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

As Centaured has mentioned, our friends at Lifeline are wonderful and worth contacting on 13 11 14 as they are available to provide support and advice 24/7. Please do feel free to use these services to talk through what's on your mind when it's feeling like too much to cope with.

We hope that you keep checking back in and let us know how you are going when you feel up to it. We're all here for you.

The nights are the worst.

Centaured — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 15:27:07 GMT

It is such a hard place to be in. I hear the pain as you write. Just getting through tonight sounds tough, but there is support to you through it.

If possible can you just switch everything off, go to bed, and know that tomorrow will be different. It might not be better, it might be similarly bad, but there is hope with the sunrise that it's a fresh start and anything is possible.

It sounds pretty cliche. But sleep is very important in managing moods and just knowing the pain will temporary end can be that spark of hope too.

The nights are the worst.

Pandemica — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 15:45:41 GMT

Thanks Centaured,

It really is a tough night. I have been trying not to rely on sleeping pills but I have just given up and taken something to help me sleep.

I don't believe for a second that tomorrow will be a good day but I at least hope it may be a little better than today was.

Hope you get some sleep soon also.

The nights are the worst.

Pandemica — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 15:47:14 GMT

Thankyou Sophie

The nights are the worst.

Centaured — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 22:12:48 GMT

I hope you managed to get some sleep.

The nights are the worst.

Pandemica — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 22:48:17 GMT

Thanks Centaured,

yeah eventually I got a bit. Think I finally got to sleep about 0430. Will try and get a bit more sleep as I need to be at work later this afternoon.

The nights are the worst.

Centaured — Mon, 14 Feb 2022 23:06:29 GMT

Even if today won't be better, I hope it is pleasant enough that you get some rest and your shift goes ok.

The nights are the worst.

Pandemica — Wed, 16 Feb 2022 02:07:01 GMT

Yesterday turned out ok. Often going to work is good for me as it keeps my mind off myself and my own feelings and I can concentrate on caring for others. Its the long hours home alone in the middle of the night that I struggle with the most. They are the worst.

The nights are the worst.

Shay123 — Wed, 16 Feb 2022 06:31:15 GMT

Hey Pandemica,

I'm sorry you've been feeling so low lately!

Now, before I jump into the advice I'd like to give you, I would like to say that this piece of advice may make you feel frustrated. The biggest (and sadly the most annoying in my opinion) piece of advice that I have ever been given is that the fastest way to make the feeling go away, is to sit through the feeling, acknowledge how you feel and to recognize that it's OK to feel that way! It's frustrating because I know that when we feel like this we want nothing more than to get rid of the feeling and unfortunately there's a possibility to turn to unhealthy methods of dealing with how we feel (e.g. drinking, drugs, self harm ect). Behaviours, such as drinking, drugs etc., are all methods of AVOIDING the feeling instead of sitting through it. Now avoiding the feeling only prolongs how long you feel the way you do and it DOES NOT make you feel any better than what you were previously feeling. These kinds of behaviours can lead to the development of negative relationships between emotions and harmful acts which may therefore lead to addiction and substance abuse problems later down the track.

There are definitely healthy ways to cope with how you're feeling though, it's not all bad I just wanted to add that piece in to ensure that you're aware :). Doing things like having a bath, listening to music or reading a book are all healthy ways to cope with emotional distress. However, I understand that when emotions start to boil over that may not be enough to put you at ease so taking up a boxing class (or any form of exercise for example) may also be a good idea because it allows you to release anger, frustration or restlessness (amongst others) in a non-harmful manner and in a controlled environment. Now of course you may not be able to take boxing classes at night however even doing it during the day would definitely help and can add a sense of routine into your life.

Hope this helps! 🙂

The nights are the worst.

Guest_1643 — Wed, 16 Feb 2022 07:11:23 GMT

Well done pandemica, Ur a strong and honest person..,I hope u feel ok and that the shift helped.

The nights are the worst.

Petal22 — Wed, 16 Feb 2022 07:36:05 GMT

Hi Pandemica,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand it’s not a nice feeling having that feeling in your stomach.

I have a lived experience of severe anxiety OCD, I also experienced a uncomfortable feeling my stomach .

Mine was always there I always felt like I was running from something.

I had the sleepless nights aswell.

I seeked professional help for what I was going through and I’ve now recovered. It was a marathon of a journey but now life couldn’t be better.

Things really can get better for you ……

Have you seeked professional help?

I did a group therapy for what I was going through I was given many strategies and tools. One of the skills I learned was meditation, have you ever tried this?

The nights are the worst.

Pandemica — Wed, 16 Feb 2022 20:13:22 GMT

Thanks shay123,

I know that you are right.

I saw my psychologist today and directly afterwards I started drinking in order to numb the feelings that I expected during our session.

Perhaps next time I will try some of the other strategies that you have suggested.

I have an absolutely awesome psychologist but I don't feel that seeing her once a week is enough.

The nights are the worst.

Guest_1643 — Thu, 17 Feb 2022 01:58:10 GMT

Hi pandemica

Not making any assumptions but have u ever tried aa?

I had an addiction problem, I stopped, but I think in a way without someone to talk to about my experience it led me to be bit intense after stopping, I like Aa because u get the peer support

I numb myself in various ways, and I'm trying to replace it with new things, for me also just being alone seems Safe, I am scared of connecting so I turn to addictive ways of coping. It's hard.

The nights are the worst.

Pandemica — Thu, 17 Feb 2022 04:04:23 GMT

Thanks Sleepy21,

Yes I am considering AA. I am just scared to make the first move and go to my first meeting.

I am also considering the option of inpatient rehab for a few weeks. Again, just scared to make the first move.

The nights are the worst.

Guest_1643 — Thu, 17 Feb 2022 04:59:50 GMT

Hi pandemics, I hope I didn't offend u in any way by suggesting it, I absolutely don't know Ur specifics with alcohol but I am a big believer in the aa model.

I believe in ppl who have been through it helping each other

There's a show on netflix Love about love and sex addiction

And a show on Amazon, loudermilk about aa support

I have been to one meeting and never went back.

If u need support or encouragement, just letting u know we will be here for u x

The nights are the worst.

Shay123 — Thu, 17 Feb 2022 05:39:37 GMT

That's ok Pandemica! Unfortunately the right decision isn't always the easiest but in the long run it definitely pays off! Your future self will thank you! It's so much easier said than done so be kind to yourself during this time, everyone makes mistakes. I can also understand how difficult it can be to keep yourself from taking the easy way out (like drinking in this case) because it always seems like a quick fix but you've come this far so I know that you're definitely strong enough to keep going in the right direction! Keep seeking help from your psych, friends, family and safe places like beyond blue and, as impossible as it may seem, your situation WILL get better with time. We're all here standing by you, cheering you on in the right direction so keep going, you're doing so well!

The nights are the worst.

Pandemica — Thu, 17 Feb 2022 07:07:52 GMT

Thankyou all for such kind words i am so happy to have discovered such a supportive community.