topic Visiting the place where it happened in PTSD and trauma

Visiting the place where it happened

Bobbie1982 — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 02:14:51 GMT

Hi,

I was sexually abused throughout my childhood and have worked through a lot of stuff, but still have some “stuck points” where flashbacks run rampant every day.

My therapisthas recently suggested maybe one day going back to my childhood home where it all started could somehow help me...

I am wondering if anyone has done something like this - returned to the place where the trauma happened, and if so, did it help?

Ive sometimes thought about it, going back there, but the thought of it made me feel really anxious. But I think I’m in a much better state since having worked through a lot of it...

Visiting the place where it happened

Just Sara — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 04:28:16 GMT

Hi and welcome to our caring community Bobbie;

It's great you've plucked the courage to post on BB forum as it can be a bit overwhelming to do so for the first time, so well done!

Childhood sexual abuse (CSA) is surely the most difficult abuses of power to survive and recover from. I'm not surprised at all you're feeling anxious about visiting your family home.

What you've described is a form of Exposure Therapy; it can be a make or break situation so should be considered seriously before attempting. Please don't do this by yourself if you decide to go. Having a trusted friend with you to fall on is absolutely necessary for your safety and well being.

Creating a Safety Response Plan beforehand will help you feel at ease with the process. In my own case, some friends and I went to the city for a weekend lark and unexpectedly drove thru the town where a previous trauma of mine occurred. It tore me to pieces as I suffered in silence pressed up against the car window like a little girl.

Obviously I had no control over this situation, so in your case, planning is everything. Having PRN med's included in your plan is a biggie in case you fall to pieces. Sit with your friend and write out what, how and when this could take place and have plenty of debriefing time in a calm environment afterwards to talk it thru. If it happens to be an empowering experience, then great!

I'm here most days Bobbie, so please, vent or just shoot the breeze if you need to ok. It's a non judgemental space to be yourself and talk with like minded people who have 'lived experience'. Take care...

Kind thoughts;

Sez (Good luck!)

Visiting the place where it happened

Bobbie1982 — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 04:42:46 GMT

Thanks Sez,

i wouldn’t go on my own if I did. Either my psych or GP would come with me. I haven’t ever told any of my friends about the abuse I experienced. I’m not sure how I would feel if I was to go...or whether I’d even feel anything..just thinking about it.

Bobbie

Visiting the place where it happened

Doolhof — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 07:04:15 GMT

Hi Bobbie,

I too welcome you to the community here. I agree with what Sez has written, we do not know how we are going to react to something until we actually put ourselves in that position. Sez has suggested some wonderful ways of coping and dealing with any issues that may arise.

Just thinking about this situation is one step. Have you discussed your thoughts with your Dr and counsellor? How have they advised you to go with this?

Do you know much about Exposure Therapy and how it works?

If you do go through with this, I wish you all the very best. If you decide not to, then I hope you are able to accept that decision as well.

Wishing you all the best, from Dools

Visiting the place where it happened

Bobbie1982 — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 08:36:24 GMT

Thanks Dools,

yeh, I’ve been chatting about it with both my GP and psych and have had a lot of experience with exposure therapy in the past - just not like this.

I was hoping that there might be someone on here who has planned to visit the place where their trauma occurred, and went...and how they felt, whether it helped with their recovery, etc.

I’m very lucky in that I have an extremely supportive GP and Psych, and I wouldn’t do anything without their support/guidance. I’ve been in some pretty messed up spaces in my head in the past and wouldn’t want anything to happen that would risk me going back there, if you know what I mean?!

Visiting the place where it happened

Bobbie1982 — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 08:38:08 GMT

...at this stage it’s just a thought, nothing actually planned as I’m not sure how I would feel about it or whether it would be worth doing...

Visiting the place where it happened

Elizabeth CP — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 09:21:55 GMT

My situation is very different to yours so I can't guarantee that my experience will relate to you. I have PTSD due to a natural disaster as a child. I had it under control for many years but Black Saturday stirred it up badly even though I wasn't directly impacted apart from needing to evacuate for safety. Subsequently I found myself unable to cope driving near any of the affected areas without extreme distress lasting for days. Part of my therapy was to visit the affected area. It was uncomfortable but I went with my husband who had attended a couple of sessions with my psych so he was able to support me. Previously my husband's attitude was unhelpful as he had no understanding of how I felt. Re visiting the places has helped me because I know I can cope whereas before I was avoiding more & more places & getting worse.

I think the key is having someone who really understands you and is aware of the signs that you are being triggered so they can support you appropriately. Perhaps spend time prior to the visit with your psych discussing possible reactions & what may help you to cope. Good luck

Visiting the place where it happened

Bobbie1982 — Sun, 22 Jul 2018 11:32:51 GMT

Thanks Elizabeth 🙂

Visiting the place where it happened

Doolhof — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 04:17:40 GMT

Hi Bobbie,

Elizabeth has given you a great example of how exposure therapy can help. I do realise the situations are different, but the effect that has on you mind can be similar.

I guess you need to work out if this will be beneficial, if it will help you to move on and deal with issues. I can well imagine the process may be horrible until it gets better. Having the help of your Dr and psych is invaluable.

Wishing you well no matter what path you decide to take.

Cheers from Dools

Visiting the place where it happened

Lici — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 05:02:08 GMT

Hi Bobbie,

Welcome to the forums 😊

I haven't actually been to the place where my trauma happened because it was a rental property I lived in at the time, but I have driven down the street a few times now. I used to get panic attacks just driving past the street or in the same suburb, but my partner has driven me down the street a few times now until I am now at the point where it doesn't bother me. I plan on working up to maybe walking up the driveway or something, maybe walking past the house and pausing in front of it. Hopefully with time the house won't be a source of anxiety for me.

Have you thought about maybe starting off like that? Just driving past and working your way up to being able to go to the house? I've found this a little easier to handle than trying to go to the house itself.

Sorry I couldn't offer you exactly what you were after. I hope things go well for you no matter what you decide.

Kind regards,

Lici

Visiting the place where it happened

Bobbie1982 — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 10:51:47 GMT

Thanks Lici,

it wont be possible for me to go into the house. The idea is to just see it from the outside...be in the street. Strangers live there now as my family moved out years ago.

i think I’m leaning towards doing it. The more I think about it, the more I feel like it might help. Things look different when we’re adults, so maybe that will help me to get the adult perspective...?

years ago, I confronted my grandfather (the perpetrator). When I was a child, he was a big, scary, powerful man; when I confronted him, he was a tiny, frail, pathetically weak person - not the scary monster from my memories. He died a few months after my visit. That experience for me was so powerful and it broke a strong pattern on fear and anxiety...I guess because I saw him through my adult eyes. He lost a lot of his power over me that day...that’s one of the reasons I’ve been considering going to where it happened - in hope that might have a similar impact...but I also realise that it may not...we’ll see...

Visiting the place where it happened

Lici — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 11:13:52 GMT

Hi Bobbie,

It sounds like it would be the same sort of situation as me then, I can't go into the house either so I just keep driving past it in the hope that one day I'll be able to stop and get out of the car and stand in front of the house on the driveway and let the memories come without being afraid.

My trauma isn't from childhood (although there was plenty there too) mine was in my 20s, but our memory twist places and people into these giant objects of fear and terror and they become larger than life. The only way to shut that down is to face it and realise that the trauma is in the past and it's not going to happen again. We're safe and a house can't hurt us. It's easy to rationally think about it and say that though, quite another to put it in practice!

It's great that you confronted your grandfather, that's such a huge step and it's awesome to read that he lost that power over you. I unblocked the "friend" who instigated beating me up with other "friends" and as soon as I saw her picture I fell to pieces. I hope that one day I can do the same as you and confront her and have that power over me be gone too.

I really do think that visiting the house will be closure for you. You've already taken the bigger step and confronted the person, the house is just the last bit of closure I'd imagine.

Let me know if/ when you do, I'd really like to read how it goes for you and will be here to listen either way 😊

Kind regards,

Lici

Visiting the place where it happened

Just Sara — Mon, 23 Jul 2018 13:47:15 GMT

Hi Bobbie and Lici;

I'm so very proud of you both, and somewhat envious of your courage. Confronting people and places from our past is surely one of the hardest situations to face. For most it never occurs. So congratulations and well done! 🙂

I hope you (both) don't mind me following your conversation as I'm learning too. It's never too late...

Thankyou and warm thoughts;

Sez

Visiting the place where it happened

Bobbie1982 — Wed, 25 Jul 2018 06:10:22 GMT

I don’t mind that at all Sez!

and Lici - I will keep you updated 🙂

this is the first thread I’ve ever posted and I haven’t visited this site until the past week - I am amazed at how encouraging and supportive people are here!! It’s great!! So thank you 🙂

Visiting the place where it happened

Just Sara — Wed, 25 Jul 2018 07:46:09 GMT

That's great! I'm smiling because it's always nice to read feedback.

Sez