topic Coming to terms with trauma from the past in PTSD and trauma

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

HamSolo01 — Sat, 28 May 2022 02:11:12 GMT

I have had a rough week

I have had to come to terms with trauma from my teens. I don't think I have come to terms with it just yet. But I feel that I have started to accept it. For a long time I had denied it. I had also been conscious of over medicalising it.
But I don't believe it is medical to call things trauma. It just is what it is. Trauma doesn't need to be medical.

I must not invalidate my own experience. I must be compassionate to myself. I must ground my compassion in the reality of my own experience. I can't lie to myself and I can't cherry pick or manipulate the truth.

Content/trigger warning:

Healing is always always possible. But having an understanding of what the thing is that has caused me grief or trauma in the past is key. I believe I now have.
I have heard it said that we only really come to terms with things from the past at a later stage - for me it looks like almost 10 years.
I've always been a high functioning person but what I haven't been is high performing. I guess I have answer now - the thing holding me back was never clearly articulated. I booked in to see my psych earlier than i had anticipated since last session.
Its a complex beast and I believe the more i work at understanding it the more i will be able to tame it.

The sun still rises and it sets just the same.

Last week working at the election was interesting because everyone i spoke to there was struggling at some level and had put an end to the things that bought them grief or trouble. I was the same.

I must learn to stop comparing myself to those around me now of a similar age or experience level or whatever. We all have our trauma and our history. It's just that some are more capable of hiding it. OR maybe some are fortunate enough to not have it. I mean its life isn't it? It is what it is.

Compare myself to who i was. That is when true growth begins

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

Sophie_M — Sat, 28 May 2022 02:46:14 GMT

Dear HamSolo01,

Thank you so much for coming to the forums and being brave enough to share such a difficult experience. We hope that you feel safe and supported to continue posting on the forums, this is a welcoming and accepting community who offer genuine and honest advice and support.

Regards
Sophie M

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

HamSolo01 — Sat, 28 May 2022 05:17:00 GMT

Thank you Sophie M and all the best

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

On The Road — Wed, 01 Jun 2022 11:59:35 GMT

Hi HamSolo01
Thanks for your sharing 🙂
I agree with you that trauma doesn’t need to be medical. I don’t know, for me, trauma is something hard to be described by an umbrella term, no matter how much I’ve read about trauma, I still couldn’t fully comprehend it. From my personal experience, trauma is like wounds that lie in the heart, a flashback that can be triggered at times hidden in the brain.
People say overcoming adversity makes me stronger, I’m not quite sure about this, it gave me wounds but it didn’t build my muscle up, I learnt the hard way from it, but I didn’t always come out as a stronger person.
These wounds on me have weakened me, I resonate with you pointing out the things that impede your healing was never clear, which needs to be done. I wonder what kind of a good first step for me to start sorting things out, before going to the counsellor?

I myself and some people’s stories I heard have been struggling with these complex issues. People go to trauma counselling for years, they work hard on it and sometimes they learnt something from the therapists or from themselves that they never realised before or they deepdown don’t want to admit it. This takes time.

I'm looking forwards to hearing about your progress. and I also agree with you on stopping comparing to others around us.
Thanks for your insightful post, really got me thinking. Please feel free to share more 🙂

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

HamSolo01 — Thu, 02 Jun 2022 07:04:43 GMT

Good afternoon there On The Road

Many thanks for your well articulated thoughts to what i have said above.

I think trauma and the description of it as a wound is quite a good one.

AS with all wounds there is a period of time where it must heal. Maybe this is the case with trauma and the realization of it having impacted our lives?

When we have a wound it has to heal before the area around it is stronger.

Give things time hey?

vis a vie this - I wonder what kind of a good first step for me to start sorting things out, before going to the counsellor?

I am not too sure my friend. I guess the first thing to establish is what you want from a counsellor in the very first place. And perhaps as well to remember that you won't be able to sort things out perfectly before you see one but maybe just a bit.

I would say give it a go though because you never know do you ?

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

On The Road — Thu, 02 Jun 2022 15:32:42 GMT

Hi HamSolo01,

thanks for replying. 🙂 I think giving time to heal the wounds, some would be recovered while more of them would be soft spots. A soft spot that makes us feel vulnerable, sad and sometimes lost, but it is not that bad I reckon, as long as it doesn't impact us too much, it reminds us of what we've been through and what we've become now. I wonder if there's a thing as "trauma-free" or someone who's trauma free, 100% mental healthy? as you said, some are more capable of hiding and some probably had few and recovered very well.

I think there are some that I can identify and make small goals that I wanna do by working with a counsellor, and others, like underlying issues, like me as a whole, would be a long journey. But yes, maybe just a bit that I can work on myself. 🙂

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

HamSolo01 — Sun, 05 Jun 2022 04:56:39 GMT

The most important thing in recovering and self understanding - non judgement

Just look at things as they are and read no malice into your action. View yourself like a therapist would view you. Be independent and don't read judgement into your actions at that time. Or indeed your thinking.

We are impressionable creatures. We do things without realising. our unconscious mind dictates us and the thing to remember whenever you go through the past or the present looking at yourself - read no judgement. Understand your own truth and dig deep.

Peace

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

HamSolo01 — Mon, 20 Jun 2022 08:46:16 GMT

I have no posted here for awhile and wanted to share this

I feel there is a great deal of life inside me that is burgeoning to come out of me. It's something I've come to understand in the past few weeks,

I am caught between many reallities or worlds. Spefically, I'm tlaking about living out home vs staying where I am and continuing in this healing state. I feel like all I do is develop parasocial relationships with people and I am trying to hide things from the light

However, as this time has gone by I am realising I need to express two things - gratitude and radical self compassion.

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

Mum Chris — Fri, 24 Jun 2022 00:25:12 GMT

Hi hamsolo

The journey through life with CPTSD for me has been fractured and secretive. Yes high functioning no not reaching potential and not highly successful like those I grew up with and know. I had great potential and dreams but not the confidence that is required to complete anything or fight for myself. I’ve been an angry person a submissive person an aggressive person and a scared person. I’ve tried to love and protect those around me I call family and friends but ultimately failed on multiple levels.
Through a recent retraumatising event I lost all hope. Back in therapy and I’m learning more about myself. I never thought I disassociated but I’m remembering times of complete dream state and feelings from my childhood and young adult life. I dragged myself out of that but didn’t get therapy. I knew my life was not normal and my experience as a child was not normal so I left it behind. Put on grown up life and moved on.
This time I’m facing my demons down and making a new life experience for me. It’s rough and I’m shaky but it’s for me. Maybe travel from trauma is in stages for me. Maybe it is for many. I thought I was cured and that therapy I did 15 years ago was my cure.
Hope you are doing well

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

mmMekitty — Fri, 24 Jun 2022 01:23:15 GMT

Hi HanSolo, 😺

Sorry I din't discover this thread earlier. However, we have spoken elsewhere, so I trust you understand, I support your efforts.

I read you weren't sure how to start discussions about the past wounds you want to heal, with your therapist.

When I haven't known where to start, my PDr suggests "whatever is there, anywhere you like" It really doesn't matter, because you will be opening a long & sometimes difficult conversation, or many short conversations, over many sessions. So you can take a moment to see what is there, right near the surface, inthe moment & begin there.

When I started with the first Psychiatrist I chose to see, I couldn't speak about the way I was feeling, or the reasons behind those feelings. I had to spend many sessions barely speaking at all, & when I did I talked of 'trivial' stuff, until I absolutely needed to talk of a more contempory problem. By then I was trusting him to listen & to not be judgemental & critical, allowing me to set the pace, too. I din't realise just how important these things were, not consciously.

You've already been talking to your therapist. There is a relationship between you, which, I am thinking, feels safe, & accepting of you & your thoughts & feelings. Are you feeling sure your therapist will be able to hear & be with you through the most difficult things you might want to speak about? I'm thinking, youdo, or how could you even be considering this now?

Trust yourself. You survived the actual experiences. You are a more grown-up person now, & have support to help you.

I might not be here as much as I would Prefer, but I will be around, HanSolo. Now I have posted to this thread, too, I will see it anythime someone posts, & find you here again. 😺 That's what is so good about the 'My Posts' button.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

Warmly,

mmMekitty

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

HamSolo01 — Mon, 27 Jun 2022 02:19:11 GMT

Many thanks @mmMekitty @Mum Chris

I appreciate your support and help. I wanted to share something from the closing chapter of Gabor Mate's book - When The Body Says No.

Radical self compassion

Acceptance - The willingness to accept things as they are. The courage to permit negative thinking to inform our understanding w/o allowing it to define our approach to the future.
Awareness - Learning what the signs of stress are in our own bodies, how our bodies telegraph us when our minds have missed the cues
Anger - the energy that nature gives us as kids to stand forward on our behalf to say that I matter. This does not invade other's boundaries
Autonomy - The development of the internal centre of control.
Attachment - Connection with the world. Healing requires and implies regaining vulnerability that made us shut down emotionally in the first place. We permit ourselves to honour the universal need for connection.
Assertion - The declaration to ourselves and to the world that we are and that we are who we are
Affirmation - To make a positive statement, to move towards something of value.

I think these are good values to adopt going forward for me and I do hope that you find something beneficial in it.

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

mmMekitty — Mon, 27 Jun 2022 05:00:35 GMT

Thank you, HanSolo, for offering this to me. (& anyone reading?)

I'm not quite in accord with his definitions.

I am reminded how we use many of the same words, but might have meanings & associations in our minds, which are not exactly like what the person we are speaking to might have in their own mind. Often, I think, the differences are small & don't get us into any major misunderstanding. Sometimes the differences might be very great. & I can' imagine how difficult it is to convey clear ideas, thoughts, feelings, etcetera, when the speakers do not have a shared first language.

With this in mind, we owe it to everyone we talk to, to take a moment, maybe even ask, what the other is meaning when they use words that seem a little odd or as if we suspect they haven't understood the meaning of a word - maybe we don't know precisely what their meaning for the word is?

I have a sense I have not quite grasped this idea of 'radical compassion'. For me, it may seem radical because I don't see very much evidence of compassion in our social systems or in interpersonal relationships. Therefore, actively being compassionate is a very unusual thing to do, & that would make it seem radical.

I also think, thinking is neither positive or negative. Sometimes our thoughts & feelings are not helpful, sometimes they are, sometimes they go no further than being something thought or felt for a moment.

Strange to say, I am in many ways, a creature of habit, so do tend to label 'bad' & 'good', but would really like to stop doing that.

Awareness, I think has a wider application, which would (if it is deeply meaningful to you), I would include in one's awareness.

I trust he explores each more fully in the book, so I'll leave it here. Thanks again. I will, as I often do, think about what you & others write. I'm not on board with Gabor Matte, but still, he may have something that is helpful. It may be that in examining how he defines words, & how I do, will clarify my own thoughts.

Warmly,❤️❤️❤️❤️

mmMekitty

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

Mum Chris — Tue, 28 Jun 2022 18:11:45 GMT

Hi hamsolo01

Its good to have a touchstone like those definitions and something to strive to. If you have an analytical brain and can investigate and reimagine and redefine you to what you want to be and live how you want to live. Investigation im finding is key to self. We all need to find positive thoughts and goals to rewrite what has been written into our bodies. For me I physically feel the mental and emotional abuse. I’m learning to take the wounds from there to my reasoning part of my brain so I can process without making myself sick and in pain. Word were often used against me so for me I’m learning to visualise happy safe content places. I have other supports and a mental health safety plan to help me through tough times. Tough times now are usually related to my therapy and deeper realisation and self discovery. I’m a good one for sticking everything in the metaphorical draw and ignoring it and getting on with life. I’m ok is my mantra till I wasn’t.

How often do you get to see your psych.
MC

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

KAZ234 — Sat, 02 Jul 2022 07:09:56 GMT

Some 20yrs ago my husband had the terrible job of give over 100 men termination papers. I feel he really hasn't come to terms with this horrible job. He has suffered ever since with depression & anxiety. Had a medical retirement not long after.

Could this be ptss.

Coming to terms with trauma from the past

mmMekitty — Sat, 02 Jul 2022 10:49:40 GMT

Hello Kaz,

We couldn't say for sure, here. Even if we were qualified, we couldn't make any diagnoses by proxy.

Over the years, has he seen anyone to talk to about how he feels about that time in his life? If not, a good place to start would be the GP.

From what ou have said, it looks possible. Even if it is not actually PTSS or PTSD, he still may be helped with any symptoms of depression or anxiety, as you've mentioned.

Warm regards,

mmMekitty