Three years and nine months

StephSaid — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 10:55:20 GMT

Hello.

I've never posted on anything like this before, and while part of me thinks that this might help, another part remains a little unconvinced, so sorry in advance if I don't take a huge part in other threads, or conversations.

I've had PTSD for roughly around 3 years now, and haven't always known that I've had it. I was diagnosed with other things like borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression etc. My PTSD has been triggered by a pregnancy termination that ultimately derailed my life, and was in part, caused by my ex boy friends insistance and pressure to do it. I regret what I did, and I broke my own heart by doing it.

I find that I still have nightmares all the time. Sometimes I don't even realise that they're nightmares, but they involve the people who cause distress, and conflicting feelings of love, hatred and desire. When I wake up the next day, I feel like there's an elephant sitting on my chest, and my throat feels constricted and tight. I'm easily irritable and easy to anger. I've made a lot of progress over the past three years, but have recently stopped going to my psychiatrist due to money complications.

I had nightmares last night.

I suppose I'm writing all of this to just see that there are others in my position, and that there is an end in sight. I find that its hard on my family, and sometimes they don't fully comprehend what's going on.

I don't even really know who I am anymore.

I kind of feel like the lyrics from The Beatles I'm Looking Through You are a good representation of how I feel about myself

"I'm looking through you,
Where did you go?
I thought I knew you,
What did I know?
You don't look different, but you have changed.
I'm looking through you, you're not the same."

Three years and nine months

monkey_magic — Sat, 03 Jun 2017 11:30:10 GMT

Hey hey,

I totally get it....I remember the dark rollercoaster I was on afterwards...

Its a traumatic grief and doubled by the impact of your boyfriend.

There is power in forgiveness & letting go. I felt guilty but then I forgave myself so it is possible to grow through things.

I really hope you are OK and know that there's ppl you can find to support you.

You are not alone

topic Three years and nine months in PTSD and trauma

Three years and nine months

Three years and nine months