topic I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way. in PTSD and trauma

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

JimmiD — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 05:42:53 GMT

The title says it all. So hi to everyone.

Yep...I'm in pain. Not Robinson Crusoe there hey. I don't have a 'victim mentality' but I do recognise that I am a victim...a victim of many things. I've always been a fighter but I'm not invincible...tho maybe once I thought I was. I have given everything my best shot...and done well all things considered. I have reached a point...or maybe the point has reached me...where I am not capable of giving it anywhere near what used to be my best shot....but for now its the best I can do. I really don't know if that will be enough. That's why I'm here. I need support. And I will give that too...as much as I am capable of giving. It will never be as much as I used to. But one needs to reserve love and energy for oneself and not deplete it to their own detriment...as I have in the past.

So Hi all and I wish you all the very best

Jimmi

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

Wednesday — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 05:58:26 GMT

Hi Jimmy,

Nice to meet on the forum. Sometimes life is tough this is a great place to come and let it all hang out, no judgements and lots of support. There are many varied people with lots of experiences to help out too.

Do you want to tell us what is happening for you at the moment? It sounds like you have hit rough spot and the past is haunting you. You are right of course as they say on the airplanes put your own mask on first before helping others.

Just in case you haven't noticed there is also the chatline 1300 22 4636 available 24/7.

Take care and come and chat anytime.

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

monkey_magic — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 06:15:21 GMT

Hi jimmiD,

I can relate to what you are saying so thankyou for posting.I'm sure a lot of us have felt like this.

So,it sounds like you're a loving,wounded man,sorry that its come to this but I think you can crawl,walk,run to & out the other side even stronger.

To rebuild I'd suggest getting out in nature,finding hug buddies,swimming, reading,laughing, screaming,meditating... other things you might think will help...

You definitely need to come first now,animals can help heal.

You could write it all down..??

I personally swim in the ocean,walk a lot,gym,read, listen to music.

You could talk to lifeline about it ( free call 13 11 14) or the beyond blue line, or write it here.

Congrats on all that you've done to get to this point,sounds like you've done a lot for others.

Hope lots of others give you the support thay you need as well.

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

JimmiD — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 13:03:42 GMT

Hey Wednesday

Thanks for your kind support.

I used the BB chat line today. It was good.

Ive one or two close people I turn to.

Hit a rough spot! Ah, with all its light and shade, life has been a constant rough spot. But rough isn't so bad. It rounds you like waves washing against a rock. I appreciate it and wouldn't change it if I could.

Life is one fantastic and exciting journey. The ups are as good and as valuable as the downs. Acceptance is a good thing. Contentment is the ultimate good thing to strive for. This is my perspective. I would never have come this far without that mentality.

Yes I have loved and helped a lot of people. Its my nature. Learning to love me has been a difficult journey. Not fully accomplished yet. I'm working on it and have been for a long time.

I love the line in old movie The Wizard of Oz where the wizard gives the Tinman his token heart (he always had one really) and says "the measure of your heart is not how much you love but how much you are loved by others". I think if you score well on that then contentment can't be too far away!

But all that is the hard work of living and loving.

I also like to just 'BE'. I can easily sit on a rock facing the ocean and just be!

What's happening for me at the moment...

I'm living and breathing. That's good
I keep getting up when knocked down
The past has always haunted me. But its the past. The present is tough but its the present and I do what I can...or I don't do. I choose. The future hasn't happened but I still dream and hope.
I live with depression and anxiety. I get professional and personal help. I take medications. I've been alcohol free for one month...Yay!!!
I'm concerned and unsure about my symptoms! An involuntary shroud falls on me stealing my thoughts almost before I think them. I get confused, vague, scrambled thoughts. It comes upon me even when I am totally 'up' and motivated. I feel it as it begins. Im unable to prevent it from happening or worsening to the point where I am totally crippled mentally (not emotionally). Its like someone has plugged a vacuum to my head and is sucking out my brain. I have to fight to catch my thoughts and focus them. I am living with this day after day after day. It wont go away. Of all difficulties I have faced in life I could easily feel this is my nemesis. I need to know what it is so I can beat it.

Ive fought hard and continue to do so!

This took a lot of effort!

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

JimmiD — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 13:23:09 GMT

Hi Steph

Thank you for your support and suggestions.

Your suggestions tick all the boxes for me and are all part of my lifestyle.

Please read my reply to Wednesday for a little more insight to my current dilemma.

I have yet to find out about the monster I am dealing with so I can drag it out of its dank cave into the light of day where I can deal with it.

I have a referral to see a neuropsych...at my request because tho anxiety and depression are obviously involved...much of the time there are no conscious triggers apart from the 'condition' itself. In other words, I don't go around consciously worrying about potential disasters or what could go wrong. I can be in the most positive of moods and totally motivated, with no negative thoughts or worries...and whammo...it hits me and it hits me hard. It stops me from living my life and its hugely frustrating and distressing.

Steph, thank you...of course I will crawl (if that's all I can do) my way 'out to the other side'. Life is for living. I will always do my best at that and never give up!

I don't know the reasons you are here. But I wish you well and I am always able to support as well as accept support.

Take care and thank you 🙂

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

geoff — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 16:58:19 GMT

hi Jimmi, great for you to join the site.
To stop drinking with all of this going on is an enormous achievement, and each day many things will happen, but once you are suffering from any type of depression the ups and downs become excessive and that's why we can never seem to understand what the hell is going on and even if you can feel as though you can maintain your life but then suddenly your defence breaks down and that's why it hits you so hard.
You appear to have a persistent and a determined personality, but this doesn't mean that you won't break down, because it's all too confusing for you to know why, but then does anybody ever know why they get depression or what was the spark that started it to happen.
One good way to learn about this illness is to help and listen to what other people are suffering from, because their journey could be very similar to yours, but they could say something which you had not thought of, that's how we learn and get our experience. Geoff.

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

monkey_magic — Tue, 14 Feb 2017 22:13:27 GMT

Jimmy u asked the reason I'm here well because I didn't want to be here - on this earth.

So I started writing some of my life on these pages.

I went through a lot of things & wanted some support .

I went through emotional abuse & have been feeling numb/lifeless & I cry a lot because of past circumstances.

Been told I suffer from PTSD,depression & stress.

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

JimmiD — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 00:09:36 GMT

Hey Geoff

Thank you.

You just reminded me of resilience. Yeah...I haven't thought of that for a while. I have broken many times. But I have withstood plenty and I am strong. Strength is a huge asset...but true strength lies in being resilient and not so 'strong' that you cant bend in the wind. So being supple and bendable is so much stronger than being rigid and unbendable. That's a good reminder for me. I came across this on Pinterest yesterday.. 'I have mastered the art of bouncing back. Now to master the art of not having to.' Now that is the next step in being resilient and in loving oneself. A good old Zen favourite of mine is.. 'The tighter you squeeze water the quicker it runs through your fingers'. Another good reminder and its the same principle. So I am going to gently cup the water in my hands today and definitely wont be trying to bounce back.

I don't believe that depression, anxiety or any other mental health/health issue is a sentence. I recently witnessed an older man suffering terrible depression and grief over the loss of his lifelong partner turn around his wish to die. He started living again. There is no use 'living at the bottom of a grave' (Jimmi Hendrix) when there is still so much living to do.

Depression and anxiety have been present in my life since childhood. I also witnessed my mother constantly suffering with the same and more. She was taken off to psych wards most of her life. I eventually discovered her body after she died alone in her locked up home. Well I find comfort in knowing that she is in a better place somewhere out there in the universe.

Im still here. I have been resilient. The rigidness and rigorous demands of working in the helping and caring professions has influenced burn out for me numerous times...despite all the self care practices in the world. Fact is...I cared too much!

So caring for me has to be my first priority now. Im learning. And I have always encouraged that in others. Time for more self-practice.

From the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success and the mud of daily living feeds the roots of the spiritual flower. I am reminded of this today. Your comment about breaking was very poignant for me.

Having the totally involuntary feeling of your thoughts being vacuumed out of your head before you can catch them is totally scary and distressing. But its another day. Its now. Yesterday is behind me. The sun shines and the sky is blue.

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

JimmiD — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 00:46:16 GMT

Hey Steph. Thanks again for your reply.

Its not for me to comment on the successes of your journey. That's your domain and you are the best assessor of that. You are here up on your two feet and living. Hey so am I and everyone else who uses this site. So congrats to us all!

Amongst other things I am an artist . .a painter and illustrator. I love the idea that life is my canvass. One of my favourite mediums is black acrylic. There has to be black in my art. It brings so much emphasis to the colours I also apply. And there also has to be pure white. It brings emphasis to the black and the colours. Which one is better. Answer...none...they are all equally valuable in my art and in my life. The beauty of this is that my canvas is a celebration of me and the life Ive lived. Its reflects the black, the white, and the colour. I love texture. Rough and smooth. My canvas has plenty of that. The people, creatures, places, experiences, ups, downs, highs, lows, laughter, tears, struggles, dreams, and so much more that I have encountered in life find expression in the colours and textures of my canvas ..... the me I am. I love my canvas. Its exciting. And I can colour it any time I choose to with any colour I want to splash onto it. I could end up with a totally black canvas at some stage but I would never settle for that. I would have to add just one little circle or square of pure white. Black just doesn't work without that.

I am going to add some colour today. Hmmm...what will it be? I must get the creative juices flowing and see what transpires. Throw some colour on if you like. Our individual artworks are all part of the same larger piece. So paint away. Just tell me what colour or texture you use.

Let me know if you would like a splash or two on yours. I have buckets of paint just waiting to go!

Or...do the painting yourself. Are there any fine lines or details you would like to add? Today is as good a day as any...so go for it!

Steph, humans and all creatures suffer from this or that. We humans make it all far too complex. Our mainstream society does not encourage or value self care all that much. Its individualistic, narcissistic, materialistic and competitive. Who gives!!!

My own little part of the planet...wherever I am standing or sitting or anything else is my nation. It can be as caring and loving as I need it to be. Its mine!

Thanks for the colours you have already thrown my way..SPLASH!!!

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

monkey_magic — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 02:58:15 GMT

Hellooooo there,

I also care too much.

Funny u mention the painting because I'm also an artist.

I believe artistic types r more prone to mental illness.

I think u know how to help people.

Yes we r alive. Alive to better ourselves & our situations even though black can colour some of our lives.

I was just driving past one of those black long vehicles with a casket in it with flowers covering it. Been thinking about an ex of mine that passed away & other relationships that r now "dead" to me...& that's life, we live, we die. We die living, we ultimately end up dead.

Im teary today...therapeutic teary...

We love we lose! I've loved a lot lost a lot died a lot. My colours define me. Other peoples colours define me.

Its sad. Sad that we lose what we love. Sad that meaning loses meaning, love turns into loss of love then death.

But we r here to experience all those colours.

I miss my cats so much...I used to have 3. Had them since they were kittens. So much in my life changes.

As I'm writing this I just saw a girl I used to go to school with. She married a rich man & had children with him. He cheated on her, she left him. She looked "dead". We all have burdons to bear. I think I was meant to see that. I think the lesson is we can all fall from high places. And not everybody's life is consistant or stays the same. There r potholes along the way, bumbs along the way.

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

JimmiD — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 05:03:07 GMT

Hey Steph

I have a fantasy. I kindve like to think it will be real when the time comes. Much later rather than sooner! Its this:

My son is an actor/producer/writer in theatre. I imagine having a play written to be staged upon my death. A kind of satirical comedy! It would present a beautiful juxtaposition of happiness and sadness and everything in between. A plain black rather sad looking coffin on a stand would be centre stage as the story unfolded around it like a living eulogy. It would have people crying at times but also in fits of uncontrollable laughter all the way through. The story would not commiserate my death. It would celebrate my life. The overall theme would promote unconventionality. It would laugh at the crazily naughty things I have done and the wild side of my life that shoves its fingers defiantly up at convention! From an initial sombre beginning, as the story unfolded, the stage would become more colourful. It would eventually and dramatically erupt into a mini festival of colour (as in India). Colour would be thrown around between the players like a kind of modern pie fight! The coffin would be splashed with colour. This would be a rock musical with lots of beautiful moving songs of love, tragedy, and comedy! The end scene would be this out of control party involving the colourful pie fight with crazy funky music...slightly offbeat. The funeral director and everyone on stage would rip off their sombre conventional funeral attire and be dressed in wild funky outfits.Very outlandish! In the midst of all the celebration with smoke and colour and champagne corks popping the lid of the coffin would open. A deathly looking figure (me) would pop up and look around with a half awake expression. He would complain about the party and noise...'call that a party' he would say. Then he would spring up out of the coffin and join the celebration...ramping it up even more! It would finish with a whacky dance routine with all players linked arm in arm with the dancing laughing deceased in the middle. A final song that said goodbye but not forever would be playing raucously. Then in a puff of red smoke the deceased would disappear. The celebration would suddenly stop. A lovely soft goodbye ballad would be sung by a solo performer. It would end with a long pause. Then the music would ramp up again, the colours would fly, and the celebration would continue!

Hey, Ive just written the plot. I think I will now write the play! Ah..my new therapy!

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

JimmiD — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 05:54:05 GMT

How about this Steph . ..

We lose, We love!

Or . .

I lose, I love! (lets bring it right home and own it)

A trip to India is fantastic. I have been. And I am itching to go again. You see all kinds of tragedies happening as you walk along the streets but they happen amidst this overall sense of celebration, resilience, robustness, and celebration. Its a truly wonderful place full of truly wonderful people. Beggars smile and talk to each other whilst squatting on a centuries old step in the morning sun. Death mourned but the departing soul is celebrated with such joy and colour! Wow! They are not poor people but very very rich!

If you ever go (if you haven't already) don't make the great mistake (made by many) of 'feeling sorry for all those poor people' (I've heard it said plenty). The best way to see India is to drop the western façade of being materially prosperous (and therefore successful and rich) and join the celebration. You get down on street level, meet and commune with everyone, kids, beggars, street merchants, men playing cards on the banks of the Ganges. Resist the urge to point your camera and just be!

Oh yeah, its a beautiful place!

Im also a musician and song writer. Radiohead is one of my favourite contemporary bands. I love their music because much of it explores the darker side of human emotion and experience. It almost celebrates it. Lots of minors and offbeat notes. But also lots of highs. Soft and beautiful. Loud and at times ugly! But it has a balance. Its never all downwards. There is always some kind of upward shift.

I don't think depression need keep anyone focussed on the down. The art to living involves making the ups happen too! Just like the canvas...my life is also a song or a symphony! I am the composer of my music. All down...all minors...all offbeat may be....but majors are needed to bring some attention to the ups!

There is no continuous straight line in music or in living.

Getting balanced shifts between highs, lows, minors, majors equals harmony.

Life!

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

Wednesday — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 07:48:20 GMT

Hi Jimmi,

I'm pleased the helpline was useful.

You sound as though you are working so hard to figure all this out, I'm glad you can sit and look at the see too. I know the feeling of not having a workable diagnosis and trying to manage your way through the various systems. My head hurts just thinking about it all. I hope your medical team can help put this in perspective for you.

Anxiety and depression do seem to be close relations, but you suspect something else maybe? What is it that you are thinking maybe happening to you? You're taking meds but they are not doing the trick.I now well the felling of having your brain sucked out, but I can blame the on my pain medications etc. Oh I forgot to mention well done on quitting alcohol that must have been hard to do, you're a star!

You have a lot of clarity on what is happening to you but sometimes that dosen't help does it. I am pleased that you can you use your creativity as an outlet. I like your wise line:

Getting balanced shifts between highs, lows, minors, majors equals harmony.

Take careful care of you. x

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

JimmiD — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 22:06:39 GMT

Hey Steph

I just re-read your reply to mine.

Tell me what your take is on these thoughts of mine:

Humans are consistently inconsistent lol!
Nobody's life is consistently the same.
There are potholes along everybody's path
At the bottom of every pothole there is something to learn
When I learn the lesson and I learn to climb out of the hole I learn how to steer around it! So I don't keep falling into it.
There is always another hole . . lol
Life is a constant process of growth, birth, death, and rebirth.
Every 'death' ushers in change . .new life . .re-birth for me.
Endings provide fantastic opportunities for new beginnings for me.
I lost love. That provided me with an opportunity to find it again. It was the beginning of another great adventure.

Steph. Thanks for sharing your thoughts about colours. 'We are here to experience all those colours' . .hey . .I like that! Do you have a favourite colour?

I have another seemingly 'out of the blue' question for you lol . . .

Do you like birds? 🙂

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

JimmiD — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 23:14:52 GMT

Hi Wednesday

Thanks for your post and comments.

Like us all I am a work in progress. And Ive been working it out since I was a little kid. I always questioned. I remember walking along as an eight year old wondering what was past that funny line way over in the distance. I didn't know what the funny line was called. It was the horizon!

Anxiety and depression. They were with me way back then. I didn't know they were with me. I didn't know what they were. But they were there. I had separation anxiety even when my mum was close by lol! I used to worry constantly that she would die. I would say 'mummy please don't die'. She did one day many many years later. And of all the people to discover her quite dead body...it was me. Guess it had to be . . I was the strongest! She was entombed in her locked home. I broke in. I felt that I set her free. She had experienced a very tormented life plagued with depression, paranoia and other illness. Plagued with worries. Plagued with domestic violence and the infidelity of her husband (my dad). But hey . .despite all that and more . .she was a beautiful person and extremely talented in so many ways. Very very troubled tho! I was her carer and rescuer from quite a young age. I would have terrible physical fights with dad when protecting her. Of course, unbeknownst to me I was being set up for a pattern of behaviour and relating that would plague ME for the rest of my life. I became a rescuer and a carer. I was also a fighter. But I like to quote Michael Jackson these days . .a little tongue in cheek and say hey 'Im a lover not a fighter'. Hasn't always been the case tho. Street life, street gangs, street fights, they were all present through my adolescence into my early adulthood.

Now . . what Ive said is the absolute tip of the iceberg. There is, as one could imagine, so much more!

I have achieved so much despite a everything. Ten year military career. First class honours uni student (mature age). Artist. Writer. Poet. Musician. Professional in human services andwelfare. Parent. etc etc etc.

My battle with alcoholism has been a very long one. Its taken years. I wont drink it again. Im sure of that. I have finally kicked it. Had to. It was killing me. And I had to learn to cope without it. Im now into my second alcohol free month. Cause for great celebration!

Please . . continued next post 🙂

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

JimmiD — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 23:18:11 GMT

I passed my word limit

Hi again

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

JimmiD — Wed, 15 Feb 2017 23:47:32 GMT

I passed the word limit

Hi again

Wednesday, I am not saying this out of machoism, or because I am in denial, or because I don't think I deserve help, advice, or support, but please . .this is not a sob story or a plea for sympathy. I am doing my healing and I am not in a dark hole about all this. I know dark holes. Ive been in plenty of them. I know how to climb out of them. But I am open to support and any insight or knowledge that people are willing to share.

I am well educated. I research. I am very familiar with social sciences, psychology and health literature.

My big problem is burnout! PSTD is in there! Ah!!! No use feeling over burdened by these things. I carry my load! And I tend to march to the beat of my own drum.

I have been hit and kicked so many times (literally) its not funny. Ive also been hit hard by motor vehicles as a pedestrian...once when a boy . .and once as an adult. Ive been in motorcycle accidents. I have been in street fights and almost kicked to death. I was beaten and kicked as a child. Wo!

So apart from depression, anxiety and PTSD which I am dealing with, its the loss of ability to catch my thoughts
and focus my life the way I have always done in the past that is my biggest concern. That is scary. Cos that is how I have survived. So I am seeking understanding. I want to know clearly if possible, what the problem is. Is it cognitive impairment of some kind? Little wonder if it was! But, of course it may only be the symptoms of severe inner trauma and anxiety!

I do have a formal diagnosis of Generalised Anxiety with Depression. I am not sure if that is the whole problem (if at all).

So I am seeing a neuropsych for starters. I have to rule the cognitive impairment possibility out . .or confirm it.

Some years ago I was diagnosed with cardiovascular disease . . Angina (hereditary). A recent MRI brain scan showed evidence of that condition in my brain also. Tho its not a given I am a candidate for vascular dementia some time down the track. I naturally want to rule this out at the present time.

I came on this site as part of my research. I saw the forums and thought hey why not. I am adding
little bits and pieces to various posts . . typically giving a little here and there.

I have lots to live for. Everyone does!

I want to live it.

And I will!

Thank you and the other posters for your comments, suggestions and great support.

JimmiD

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

Wednesday — Thu, 16 Feb 2017 05:25:33 GMT

Hello Jimmi,

Thanks for your reply. Your story will resonate with many here on the forum. My own life shares some similarities, though the female version. I have major depressive illness and chronic physical illness. My partner has Gad. I cannot get well despite some of the meatiest medications around, now I'm told that my physical illness meds are interfering with my AD's. The doctors are having fun but I'm not. I loathe the loss of my brain and other things. I can sympathise with your frustration. I am currently investigating some on the recent findings coming out of the USA on chronic inflammatory syndrome.

You do sound very up in posts. Good luck with your neuro-psych I hope you can find the answer you're looking for.

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

monkey_magic — Fri, 17 Feb 2017 12:29:17 GMT

Hey Jimmydedee,

Appreciate you taking out the time to write all that, rings true. You sound positive so I'm sure you'll get through all that you're dealing with ATM as all good things take time.

Its a matter of self belief, self expression & what goes in must come back out in a healthy way.

We can implode,explode, release, heal.

Im not sure if I'm on the right track with you but a lot of men I know don't cry which can lead to health issues. Do u have solid, good ,healthy cries when u need them? I think crying is a good way to release toxins,built up stuff,life pain....sometimes its what we need the most.

Im brief with my writing.

Hope ur finding all that you seek, releasing what needs to be released,are practicing patience with yourself and slowing overcoming bit by bit.

Yep love birds & other animals & the way they smell haha.

Fav colours blue,white,pink.

Be brave Mr intelligence x

And always laugh out loud.

I'm new here. Call me Jimmi. No expectations. Give what I can recieve what comes my way.

JimmiD — Mon, 20 Feb 2017 11:35:51 GMT

Hi Steph

Im not often brief. Often long. But relevant I hope.

Thanks for your comments and encouragement. I particularly like your suggestion to 'laugh out loud'. Laughter is so good for the soul!

I asked if you like birds because you mentioned how much you miss your cats. I don't have pets. I decided a long time ago that I just don't live the kind of lifestyle that would warrant having them. Some time in the future maybe. So I totally enjoy connecting with other people's pets and I make lots of four legged and one or two feathered friends in that way.

Two years ago I had a massive break down. For months I could only sit out on my back patio and take in the sun. That's it! I was totally incapable of anything else! I have always been a bird lover. I started talking to a couple of Indian Minahs. At fist I thought they were pests. But I decided to stop worrying about their pesky behaviour and just love and accept them. I fed them and talked to them. I started seeing other birds in my back yard so I started doing the same with them. Soon I had so many birds coming into my yard and my life was so much brighter. They were all my very special friends. The thing I loved most was that they were wild and they came and went as free creatures. I had birds coming up to my feet and eating out of my hand.

Being a lover of wild life photography I was motivated to get my camera out and start taking hundreds of shots of my feathered friends. I got more and more creative with this and more and more active as a result. I made a stand out of fallen branches from one of the big trees in my garden so it was natural looking and utilised it as a bird feeder. They loved it. I also started going around the garden with camera and tripod taking shots of lowers, leaves, buds, insects, just everything that was living in the garden.

All this was the beginning of a long road back to recovery.

The birds were there. And they were so easy to befriend. Their company was so enjoyable and they brought light and song back into my life. They were wild and free but always there for my enjoyment. Just wonderful. So, if you love birds, even if you have no pets, you can connect with those beautiful creatures and receive so much from them. All you need to do is take notice of them and give them a reason to trust you . .they will give so much in return.

If you don't have a yard, go to a park, reserve, forest or beach. Birds are so easy to connect with.

Take care Steph