topic Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship in PTSD and trauma

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

pinkroses — Thu, 26 Jan 2017 00:15:44 GMT

What next?

Im shaking & scared. Im at my mums & I have told her.

I was brave and told him this morning it isn't okay how he treats e.g. today he is going alone to a girls house to drink. I said that's not okay as he won't tell me where it is and when he will be back. He said I'm a skitzo & other things. I know people that haven't read my past post may think I didn't do the right thing however he does this often. who knows what he does with other people behind my back.

Not too sure what else to write right now. 😕

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

monkey_magic — Thu, 26 Jan 2017 00:40:09 GMT

Hey girl im happy 4 u its what u knew in your heart u needed to do . he sounds disrespectful. Shake it off....ur worth more...if u think of going back just remember how he made u feel....one day u will meet someone better. U sound too mature for him...he needs a mother not a girlfriend lol....

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

Guest_1055 — Thu, 26 Jan 2017 01:18:36 GMT

Dear beautiful pinkroses,

I have read your other thread. I know you are scared, and I am so sorry, as this is not a nice feeling. If you are saying you ended your relationship with this guy. Well you are right you are a brave one. I believe you made the right choice. You are far too precious to be treated in such a manner.

Shell xxx

PS you have also encouraged me by your bravery.

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

pinkroses — Thu, 26 Jan 2017 01:28:28 GMT

Hi Shelley Anne,

Thank you for the kind words, I think the next couple weeks are going to be a big struggle but I'm determined to improve my life & I know I will not go back. I feel strong for the first time in so long.

That is so lovely to say I have encouraged you - you made me blush. I hope you have a great day xoxo

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

Wednesday — Thu, 26 Jan 2017 07:16:53 GMT

Hello Pinkrose,

Congratulations on making an enormous step and a confronting decision. You have done so well to find a way to break the cycle of abuse you found yourself in. Sure it will take a little time, but you know the rewards will be great.

A long time a go I made a similar decision to you and have no regrets, you can do this , stay strong.

I'm so pleased you confided in your mum. I'm sure she will be there to support you through this journey, as we will.

Hugs for being such a strong amazing woman. I heard that, yes you are, it takes a lot to make these sort of decisions. Gold star! xx

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

Paula81 — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 01:51:33 GMT

Good on you for leaving, such a brave thing to do. Us girls cant let these abusive animals get the better of us. Also glad you have the support of your mother and pretty much every one else on this thread, we're here for you! x

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

pinkroses — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 07:14:15 GMT

I am wanting some advice if thats okay - when I ended things, he said he wants the engagement ring back. I said once you give me the $885 bond I leant him he can (about 12 days away). He didn't like this but nayway I changed my number & blocked him however today I recevied an email from him saying "If Im serious about ending the relationship he still wants the ring back"

I rang him - trying to be rationale (no intention of going back) and he wanted to meet up to have a discussion.

I feel comfortable doing so, but I won't be giving him the ring. Can I get him to sign something with me so we both know the date we will be swapping the ring for money? what if he doesn't agree? Can he get the police to come to my house?

i have plenty of proof of texts, voice mails and emails of the abuse he has put me through. I'm worried the police would be on his side if we can't work things out - despite me never raising me voice or swearing at him once in the entire relationship. I haven't done anything wrong but I don't want to be treated unfairly by him when I am being fair. any advice? 😕

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

Wednesday — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 09:17:15 GMT

Hi Pinkroses,

Of course he is going to try every trick he can and this is just one of them.

I don't know the answer but doubt if the police would get involved in such a matter they have bigger things to deal with, after there any ex police on the forum that can comment? Can you imagine the conversation my ex girlfriend wont give me the ring back! The police are used to dealing with odd people he is no different.

Maybe $850 is worth it to get to rid of this man and show him you don't care by giving the ring back anyway. Yes I know that is unfair but it is a small value to put on your safety and sanity?

I'd suggest thinking very carefully about that catch up too. Is this just another manipulation another time to tell you what he thinks? In which case show him who you are and a let hm know you don't care by not meeting with him.

I know this sounds harsh, but break-ups are. You can do this, don't let him sway you, you made a courageous decision, don't let him get under your skin again.

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

Apollo_Black — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 09:23:53 GMT

Why are you meeting him for a discussion? What's to discuss?

Over the phone, you just tell him when he has your money he can have the ring back and leave the ball in his court.

Technically the ring is a gift so he really can't ask for it back, well as far as I'm aware. Good on you for holding onto it. But seriously, why meet with him? He's just going to lay on the BS with gas lighting and DARVO to suck you back in. You've already said what's needed to be said. He just needs to come up with the cash. Stop feeling guilty and take the control over your own life back that you deserve. Don't meet with him.

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

Apollo_Black — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 09:25:50 GMT

Probably best if we can get a moderator to merge or lock your other thread. 2 at once about the same thing is confusing

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

Apollo_Black — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 09:35:03 GMT

I did a quick look via mr google - it's a dicey and tricky thing indeed. There is a possibility depending on the state in which you live, whether or not you lived together and the length of time you lived together which would be taken into account. From the quick look I had - it would seem that morally it's best to hand the ring back, legally he potentially could pursue its return. Personally I don't see a problem asking him to return the money he owes you first. If he's going to be a thorn in your side for any length of time about it - I would tend to agree with Wednesday and cut your losses. It's a lot of money but might be worth it, if it's cutting the grief from your life.....good luck

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

pinkroses — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 12:35:22 GMT

I would give it back to him but my laptop has died, my hard drive ($1500 to repair) & also my car. Which means I'm in debt suddenly.

I don't have energy to write more at the moment.

Mum beyond exhausted. Crying for hours take it out of you you know.

I have to be semi decent off work tomorrow. Il try anyway.

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

Wednesday — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 13:28:20 GMT

The most important thing right now is to take extra good care of yourself. Please don't push yourself at the moment, get lots of sleep and eat well. Maybe mum could hep out a bit on this front. Can you take a few days off work to give you some processing time?

You did so well and made a difficult giant leap. Sometimes all we can do is to make baby steps, but they will get you there in the end. Be kind to yourself, one day you'll look back at this time and be enormously proud of yourself for valuing yourself enough to make and act on decision to move out of this toxic relationship.

Hugs, xx

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

May_M — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 14:22:56 GMT

I just want to say congratulations and you 100% did the right thing. Do not feel even a pang of regret. Mean people should not be tolerated

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

geoff — Fri, 27 Jan 2017 17:32:32 GMT

dear Pinkroses, even though you are very fragile I too am proud of you, it had to be done.
Maybe you could tell him to give the money to the real estate and if you want to you will leave the ring with them as well.
I wouldn't meet up with him, I think that would be too unpredictable plus you will be too nervous.
Maybe you could also get a new pc on 24 months interest free and as soon as you log on with your email address everything on your old pc will be there on the new one, if I am correct, not that I'm an IT expert. Geoff. x

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

Croix — Sat, 28 Jan 2017 01:56:58 GMT

Dear Pinkroses~

First, like all the rest I think you are great - strong and facing up to a horrible situation. Thank heavens you have your mum and can stay with her and talk with her.

Now the following is just my thoughts - YMMV of course

As a policeman from a long time ago I would not have gone near this issue, it's civil at best.

If you have to release the ring for peace and quiet - well I know you need money, however it might be worth it. Why not give it to your mum for the moment?

I would on no account meet with him anywhere, anytime. Apart from the safety issue you may, in an emotional context, weaken. My apologies for saying this, it's just that I'd hate for you to undo all your efforts in a weak moment or as the result of pressure.

He is an expert in manipulation and knows all the buttons to press inside you.

Remember he is a person who does NOT have your well-being at heart and will use every avenue at his disposal to get HIS way - don't go near him.

You are a lovely person and you have my sincere admiration. You deserve a lot better and I expect in time you will find it.

Croix

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

Starwolf — Sat, 28 Jan 2017 04:52:49 GMT

You don't know how relieved and proud of you I am...Kudos to you for starting another thread...a new beginning indeed.

To reply to your last post in your other thread, if helping those struggling with addiction could be done, addiction would no longer exist. It would have gone the way of cholera or bubonic plague. Being helped only possible when/if the addicted person is ready. Before then, there is unfortunately nothing those around them can do.

Please keep in mind that narcissistic people don't like to let go of their prey. They are adept at pushing people's buttons, know exactly what to say/do to bring them back under control. With them it easily becomes an art and unfortunately just another power game. Remember your ex is as dependent on that relationship as you were. He needs to stay in control to feel validated. Unless of course he already has another victim hooked.

I am sorry you are in financial dire straits but right now your biggest debt is to yourself. Him wanting to meet sounds like a typical narcissistic strategy. Please don't fall for it.

You are one brave young woman.

Beware and take care.

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

Guest_1055 — Sat, 28 Jan 2017 06:13:25 GMT

Hi pink roses,

I understand about the crying and crying....it can be real exhausting, just like you say.

You know, if it is physically safe to do so, and get someone you trust to go with you. I believe you should just give the ring back and forget about him giving you back the bond money. Just a simply statement like here is the ring, then leave. Don't look back. The reason I say this is because it sends out a message that you are a person who has dignity. The way I see it dignity is far more valuable then money. So keep that instead.

Today I ended my emotionally abusive relationship

Guest_1055 — Sat, 28 Jan 2017 06:25:47 GMT

It is just me again beautiful pink roses, my last post to you ended very abrupt like. In fact it seem to post itself, even with a blue number 1, how embarrassing......well anyway, may you start to feel better soon.

Shell xx