topic Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused in PTSD and trauma

Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused

Brauche_Hilfe — Mon, 12 Dec 2016 19:58:12 GMT

Hello,
my partner & I of 5 yrs are having relationship issues
our relationship was perfect we would text constantly never miss a call
My partner & I do not fight

her 1st marriage she was physically abuse
Her 2nd marriage mentally abused and still is during our relationship not only by her ex but also by her kids
I have never been accepted by her kids
I have never gotten involved with her affairs. Was always told to remain neutral
Aft about 1yr in her ex and kids started applying enormous abusive pressure on her
the law has done nothing VRO's are not worth the paper written on
i have watched her be mentally abused to the point that in February this year she all but left me!!!

she moved back to her ex's place where he doesn't actually live but keeps the kids there and dissappears which forces her to go back to them
here's the kicker her kids are 17 21 & 24 yet he won't let anyone leave
so since feb she had basically moved back to protect her kids
then went to a woman's retreat in Singapore for six weeks came back one of her kids did self harm and she ended up sitting by a hospital bed for 4 weeks
she then moved to another place by herself and has not given me the address and still won't
in the mean time
I have seen her four times since Feb totalling about 6 hours her communication with me has been reduced to text messages
Calls go unanswered and will only call when suites
my SMS are sometimes answered
some days she tells me we are all good and will be together and she will see me
but she doesn't show

I don't know if I am in a relationship anymore
i have been patient long suffering and have supported her

5 days ago she just took of to the woman's retreat again didn't say a word just gone
she called twice sent a few SMS more than what I have had in the past month
she sounded happy says she loved me and was going to come back and sort things out
She arrived back tonight
all I have received is one message
saying "I am home"
she is meant to come to see me today but im worried she won't show

I love her with all my heart
I am scared to lose her because I know who she really is and this isn't her

but what ever action I take I cannot seem to find a way in

but I also feel Im being punished because of others

I feel lost in life
alone in my relationship
i am anxious
i keep exercising everyday
but I have with withdrawn myself from everyone else

this my friends is only partial

but enough room for full story

Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused

pipsy — Tue, 13 Dec 2016 06:37:05 GMT

Hi Brauche Hilfe. Your friend has been informed staying in a refuge, means no-one can know where she is. She is obviously petrified and probably feels extremely vulnerable and scared. Contacting you may be against the rules of the retreat she stayed in. I understand your worry and I'm sure she knows how worried you are. I would say she contacts you if and when she can and possibly she is being told by whoever runs the retreat what she's allowed to say. There maybe a possibility her ex could be watching to see if she returns to the matrimonial home, or there also could be a concern that constantly contacting you could mean danger for you. I realize it's hard not knowing, but till she feels safe, or her ex is caught, seeing you might not be an option. Try to keep yourself occupied, wait for her to contact you, when she can. As soon as she knows she is safe, I'm sure she will contact and come to see you. It sounds as though she is protecting you by keeping contact to a minimum. It's also possible her ex has been asking the kids questions about her. It's likely her hubby has been raised believing he has the right to treat her this way, so she will need protecting. She knows where you are, so as soon as she knows she is safe, you will reconnect.

Lynda

Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused

Quiettall — Tue, 13 Dec 2016 07:23:17 GMT

This is a hugely difficult situation for both of you. For her, it sounds traumatic. For you, it is draining and making you feel very uncertain. Maybe it is time you focus on strnegthening yourself and let her contact you when she feels comfortable, but dont expect any miracles in the short term. This sounds like it will take lots of work, and you must be clear whether you are strong enough or have enough supports around to be there for here.

Chin up and keep up the great work

Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused

Janey123 — Tue, 13 Dec 2016 07:54:45 GMT

Hi Brauche,

Sorry to read about what you are going through.

While all of this is unfolding if you are exhibiting signs of anxiety or depression, please take good care of yourself and talk to a doctor. You may get a referral to talk to a professional about how this horrid situation is making you feel. They may be able to help you cope with the uncertainty you're feeling.

Lastly, your unconditional support through this ordeal may be helping her more than you could imagine.

I hope you get to see her today.

Janey

Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused

Brauche_Hilfe — Tue, 13 Dec 2016 08:11:09 GMT

Oh my

yiu have no idea of the help that you all have just given me

little did I think she may be still be protecting me

although the thought of her still being abused Distresses me greatly. To no end in fact

im some small way it has helped me see that I have allowed myself to be drawn into the Frey and allowed it to affect me

my goodness how could I have been so blind and sekfish thinking of my needs before her

yes I agree I still need to get myself back on track

hence me joining here

i have also done my health care plan and trying to get an appointment to help manage that

I understand the rules at the refuge and that I accept

one other thing I failed to mention is she has a heart condition and a tumour in her chest that is pressing against her aorta

so not know where she currently lives locally is also distressing

but I have a new outlook thanks to your support I can try to give her the space she needs and lay in wait for her to contact me

as hard as it is and as draining

my heart tells me not to give up

and I should be building my strength to continue the fight

although sad to say I have not yet seen her today and as the day draws to a close

I have reserved myself to the fact it may not happen

thank you so much

hugs to you all

It has given

Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused

Brauche_Hilfe — Tue, 13 Dec 2016 08:13:24 GMT

Btw

if your wondering

Brauche Hilfe

German for need help

😊😥💔

Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused

Brauche_Hilfe — Tue, 13 Dec 2016 08:18:24 GMT

Thankyou for your reply I had to right a thank you to you all in a reply to post as I wabted to cover everyone

Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused

Brauche_Hilfe — Tue, 13 Dec 2016 08:18:56 GMT

Thankyou for your reply I had to right a thank you to you all in a reply to post as I wabted to cover everyone

Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused

pipsy — Tue, 13 Dec 2016 08:21:22 GMT

Hi matey. Could I refer to you as that. I thought your chosen name was German. You may have to consider changing it to something about 'getting help'. We try to help and support as much as possible. So glad we were here for you. If, when your gf contacts you and she needs support, we're here for her too. I would like to add that as far as her medical condition goes, heart etc, no doubt she will have been given the attention that is needed. The refuges are pretty much on the ball when it comes to caring for the women in care.

Lynda

Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused

Brauche_Hilfe — Tue, 13 Dec 2016 08:28:53 GMT

Hi Lynda

unfortunatly I can't change my member name

matey is good although

Rob will no just fine

thank you again

Should I stay or should I go or am I being mentally abused

Janey123 — Wed, 14 Dec 2016 11:42:48 GMT

So glad that you are feeling more hopeful about your situation and it is great that you are seeking help. It isn't selfish to put your needs first, you need to take care of you if you want to be a support to others.

Janey