topic Abuse and depression in PTSD and trauma

Abuse and depression

lilley — Sat, 09 Jul 2016 06:14:07 GMT

Can depression be an excuse for abuse ,I am really confused. What is acceptable ?

Abuse and depression

sydneyharbour17 — Sat, 09 Jul 2016 07:38:00 GMT

Hi there lilley.

Depression is never an excuse to abuse anyone - physically or emotionally. However, it can cause sufferers to act in ways they normally wouldn't otherwise.

Could you please elaborate on your situation?

Abuse and depression

blondguy — Sat, 09 Jul 2016 08:27:22 GMT

Hello Lilley.

sydneyharbour17 has the best advice on your topic so I will be brief. Depression requires treatment and the help of health professionals. If a person refuses to get the help they need, they are in denial of their own illness especially taking it out on you.

There is no acceptable level of abuse Lilley. Okay if a person wants to vent and have a cry and it really upset that is okay. But when it comes to interfering with you and what you stand for any abuse is not acceptable.

Like sydneyharbour17 mentioned if you can let us know what you are going through we can help you more:-)

The forums are rock solid secure for you to post on. You are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish Lilley

My Best

Paulx

Abuse and depression

Apollo_Black — Sat, 09 Jul 2016 11:05:13 GMT

The short answer Lilley is that abuse is never acceptable

Abuse and depression

Ben2 — Sat, 09 Jul 2016 11:28:25 GMT

I to have often wondered this as my depressed partner can be quite abusive. She wasn't always like that

Abuse and depression

blondguy — Sat, 09 Jul 2016 17:47:54 GMT

Hey Lillie

Just popping back in and seeing how you are going. If you can post back that would be great 🙂

you are not alone...we are here for you. Paulx

Abuse and depression

geoff — Sat, 09 Jul 2016 18:26:10 GMT

dear Lilley, I must agree with Paul, Sydneyharbour and Apollo Black, because it's such a valid point and definitely a strong one as well, that no abuse can ever be acceptable in any shape or form and after re-reading your original post what you have said really concerns me.
We are here to help you Lilley, because what you are going through at the moment is of great concern. Geoff. x

Abuse and depression

Carmela — Sat, 09 Jul 2016 20:34:21 GMT

Hi Lilley, ditto to all who have responded. There is no excuse ever.

Please reply back and let us know what is occurring at home. We want to help. You are not alone Lilley.

Carmela x

Abuse and depression

White_Rose — Sun, 10 Jul 2016 05:46:46 GMT

Dear Lilley

Hello and welcome. I have read your previous posts and I am so sad your life is hard. I understand from your posts that your partner is depressed. Is that correct? Also that his depression is showing itself as some abuse of you.

Depression is never an excuse for any kind of abuse, physical, emotional or sexual. A depressed person often feels as though they have lost control of themselves and have become very afraid. This fear can lead to someone doing or saying things they would not usually do, but just because it is unusual does not make it right.

Lilley, your posts show us something is very distressing in your life and we would like to help you. Can you come back and tell us a little more about what's happening? Sometimes writing is easier than talking which is why Beyond Blue have set up this forum. Other people would prefer to talk to someone over the phone. If you would like to do this please contact one of the organisations I have listed. Help is available on most of the phone numbers 24/7.

Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636 24/7

Lifeline 13 11 14 24/7

SANE 1800 18 7263 This is only available weekdays 9:00 am to 5:00 AEST

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 24/7. This help line has mental health counsellors who can offer counselling. It is for those with poor mental health and family members.

Emergency Services 000 24/7

All these services have web pages so you can find further information there. Beyond Blue has lots of information for you to access either by downloading or sending for hard copies. Look under the blue tabs at the top of the page.

I know suggesting you read some information may not feel like much help, but it can help to explain your partner's depression and actions. Also to tell you where you can find help for him. I also suggest you visit your GP and talk about what's happening.

We want to help but we need you to reply. Will you do that please? We are always here.

Mary

Abuse and depression

lilley — Tue, 12 Jul 2016 11:06:40 GMT

Thank you I am okay,I was wondering if anyone else accepted more than they should .Words are harmful and blame is also hard to deal with . Life is hard and I know I am not alone but sometimes it becomes overwhelming.

Abuse and depression

sydneyharbour17 — Wed, 13 Jul 2016 03:59:49 GMT

You are not alone, lilley. My ex-boyfriend lied to me, manipulated me, used me for sex and to solve his problems, stole, used drugs, dealt drugs, put his friends before me, neglected me when I told him I was depressed, blamed his own depression on me, and, ultimately, told me he feels nothing for me.

He has severe depression that I know played a part in all this but it excuses nothing.

I am hurting right now more than ever, and the worst part is that I still do love him and want the best for him.

I'm not sure what advice to give you other than to say that it does get better slowly and that at the end of the day you have to put yourself first.

Abuse and depression

blondguy — Wed, 13 Jul 2016 06:55:53 GMT

Hey Lilley

Being 'overwhelmed' is an awful feeling. You dont have to be a punching bag for anyone...even a person with depression...

sydneyharbour17 has really given some great advice above. Please post back and let us know how you are going when you can.

My Best

Paul

Abuse and depression

White_Rose — Wed, 13 Jul 2016 11:49:06 GMT

Dear Lilley

As Sydney Harbour has said, you are not alone. I left my husband because of his bullying and have not regretted it. It was a huge step to take after 30 years together. I do regret not leaving earlier.

I feel we are trying to help you blindfolded. All we know is that you wonder if abuse is acceptable because the abuser is depressed. Everyone who has answered you has said it is not acceptable. Can we help you in any other way? Would you like to simply talk about life? How do you feel about the replies you have received?

Abuse starts slowly with unkind words and small actions. These are forgiven for whatever reason and the abuser increases the abuse. But it's not much more than before, so we again excuse. The abuse again escalates, and again and again until the victim is exhausted and unsure which way is up. You can't remember what it is like to live an ordinary life without being afraid of the outcome if you say or do the wrong thing. And all the while you want to protect the abuser because you care for that person.

There is also a great deal of shame for allowing someone to abuse you constantly. So you are caught in a trap between not wanting to get help because of shame and yet afraid of staying and allowing the abuse to continue.

Lilley, is this your situation? Please talk a little more and let us know what is happening. We are all concerned about you.

Mary

Abuse and depression

geoff — Thu, 21 Jul 2016 19:28:57 GMT

dear Lilley, you have seen what all of us have said about your question, and what they say is absolutely the whole truth, however it can happen and the person who is doing the abuse think that by having their depression they have every right to verbally and/or physically because they are sick, that's their thinking, but it's still wrong, and depression can never be any excuse for abusing anybody under any circumstances. Geoff. x