topic Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards in PTSD and trauma

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Elizabeth CP — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 03:39:59 GMT

I am using this thread for my own benefit but would be glad of others input. Last time I saw my psychiatrist & discussing the negative impacts of several traumatic & bad experiences he asked me to come up with positives or things I've learnt from the experience. Following his suggestion I started writing down things each day and this helped me but once I stopped things went downhill so I thought I would try again using this thread. Hopefully it may inspire others to find some positives to help them deal with their own trauma.

My idea is not about making the event itself positive with comments like 'at least you survived' because that doesn't help.

Positives I can think of today are:

By being poor due to losing everything in the bushfire I have learnt to manage money well & can save & go without to get what I really need. This was a benefit when my husband was out of work and now that we are on carers & disability pension

Because of my low self esteem I compensated by working hard at school so I got good marks. Thjis meant I was able to focus on my studies and got a scholarship to study at uni.

I missed having relatives in Australia so I really appreciated my family and went out of my way to stay close to my brother which meant my kids are now really close to their cousins & my brother has helped me a lot when needed.

Please feel free to comment or add your own ideas.

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Guest_2350 — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 20:20:21 GMT

Hi Elizabeth,

thank you so much for sharing this! There is so much truth behind this and you explained it beautifully with your own examples. Are you doing this exercise regularly?

It is also good that you noted, that you do not down play the experience or try to make the event sound positive - I would definitely not be able to make my trauma sound positive, but like you, trauma has shaped my life. And it has also had a positive impact on my life, not only the negatives that I get very caught with lately.

I say when I love someone because I may not get another chance.

I try to live a meaningful life, because I am grateful that I am allowed to live. I struggle with this at the moment as I feel I am wasting my life in my current state of mind.

I am compassionate.

Thank you again for sharing, it is so easy to forget.

Take care, Yggy

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Guest_5218 — Mon, 15 Feb 2016 21:27:31 GMT

Hi Elizabeth. I have mentioned to you in another thread of yours that I have read a very good book about exactly this subject. Finding positives (or growth) from a traumatic experience.

I love how you have been able to embrace this task, and admire you greatly for it.

Unfortunately I am unable to add anything because, try as I might, I fail to find any positives right now for my own experience. Perhaps its because of the way I am feeling right now, and with the anniversary of my trauma so close now? I am currently unable to see past the trauma itself, and all the bad things that have occured as a result. No positives there I'm afraid.

But I will keep trying and maybe, with the help of my psych who I see again next month, I can then start to find some positives. Some evidence of personal growth even? I will be sure to let you know if I do. I know to do so is to help the healing process. And I want that.

Have a good day Elizabeth ( - :

Sherie xx

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Elizabeth CP — Tue, 16 Feb 2016 03:32:28 GMT

Thank you Yggy Your comments were excellent & remind me of the positives in life even when things are bad. Sherie I'm glad you read this post & maybe at some point something will help you find some positive in your journey. One positive for me is being prompted to go on this forum & interact with people like you who have gained so much wisdom through their trials which they impart to me & others. Noone who hasn't been through trauma can understand what it is like so they can't help in the way you can.
i am going to post on this thread daily to help myself because when I stopped doing it on paper I went down hill

Another positive I learnt is that I can overcome real challenges if I want to enough. I remember in cooking class at high school being really embarrassed because I couldn't light the stove due to my fear of fire I didn't want anyone to know how 'stupid'I was so eventually after about 6 months I managed to light the gas stove. I didn't like it but I did it & kept going until I could manage without the intense anxiety. If I could overcome that fear on my own I can overcome anything given enough motivation.

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Elizabeth CP — Wed, 17 Feb 2016 05:51:44 GMT

Today's positive: After the bushfire we were left with nothing except what we were wearing & nowhere to live. The only people we knew in Australia were those living nearby who were also affected by the fires. Strangers offered us somewhere to stay until my parents could buy a new house. Even though it was cramped & less than ideal it was somewhere to live & I really appreciated what was done for us & wanted to repay the favour. Obviously we couldn't repay them direct but decades later some acquaintances were evicted from their house & had nowhere to live. Because of my experience after the fire I was happy to finally repay my 'debt'to society & invite them to stay until they found somewhere to live. As a result we became very good friends & we have helped each other numerous times as well as having fun together.

I guess sometimes through bad experiences you are forced to rely on others & this can lead to positive relationships.

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Paul — Wed, 17 Feb 2016 19:45:04 GMT

Hi Elizabeth!

This is a fantastic idea.

Because I have depression and anxiety, I can relate to and empathise with others who have emotional difficulties at a deeper level. This helps me understand people better.

My road to recovery has taught me to be less judgemental, especially in my self-talk. I now try much harder to understand someone's plight before I form an opinion in my mind.

In exploring the major cause of my depression, my father leaving me at 4 and not caring, I have learnt the true meaning of super hero and the definition of a man. My dad (step father) would step in front of a bus to save me, he took me and my brother in when he met my mum, as his own children and has not once for a moment ever thought we weren't his children. THIS is the definition of a true man and a role model I am proud to have in my life.

I think I'll post more bit by bit.

Thanks so much Elizabeth for this, it is really helpful. I feel a bit sunny inside now and I'll call my Dad today.

Paul

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Elizabeth CP — Wed, 17 Feb 2016 20:39:20 GMT

Thanks for your post. I agree with your definition of a superhero & REAL man. My dad is also a superhero. My mum was never well & he would do anything for her & us. When I was a baby I cried a lot & dad would rock me to sleep whenever he was home from work so mum could rest. As a result I was very close to him.

I think empathy & being less judgemental are often results from difficult times. I certainly believe I am more empathetic as a result of what I meant through.

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Elizabeth CP — Wed, 17 Feb 2016 23:13:23 GMT

Today's positive from my experience is having been bullied as a child I was very aware of how bad it can be for children & teenagers so I watched out for signs of it in my own children. One son was bullied at high school so I pulled him out of school & home schooled him for a year. While @ school he struggled with much social life due to the amount of homework. (he had learning difficulties) Being home schooled allowed him to do the subjects he struggled with when he was freshest so he was more successful & had time in the evenings for scouts, drama classes & time to relax. so my experiences meant I was able to cater for his needs which impacted on his mental health.

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Elizabeth CP — Sat, 20 Feb 2016 04:00:08 GMT

I am struggling at the moment. I am so used to being a carer & catering for others needs I no longer know what I want. I guess today's positive is that I learnt to care for other people at a young age and have been able to pass this on to my children. My oldest son is not much good at emotional support but is always helping others with practical support. My 2 daughters have become health professionals so they can help others.

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Guest_5218 — Sat, 20 Feb 2016 06:24:40 GMT

Oh Elizabeth. You really are an inspiration!

You are struggling so much at present, and yet you are still able to find some positives.

I admire you greatly, and I long to be as strong and positive as you are at times.

Sherie xx

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Elizabeth CP — Sat, 20 Feb 2016 07:13:03 GMT

You are an inspiration to me as you reach out to help people while you struggle with unbelievable traums. Thank you

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Paul — Sat, 20 Feb 2016 07:21:34 GMT

I'm struggling to see a positive today, but I know that I will see a positive soon. My difficulties and journey have taught me to know that no positive today is OK and that tomorrow a positive will likely occur to me.

So I guess this in itself is a positive.

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Elizabeth CP — Sat, 20 Feb 2016 09:50:06 GMT

I made myself do a short walk & thought of a positive I will write while I think of it. As a child we were short of money as we lived in a migrant hostel (where I was bullied badly) while my parents saved for a house. Because it was so bad my parents took us out on weekends to escape & for summer holidays we would head off to explore the country. We had no camping equipment so we slept with our feet in the car boot and ate cold food as we couldn't cook. Nevertheless we enjoyed ourselves & I learnt how to have a holiday even when there is no money. after the bushfire we had no TV & later on had no car. I learnt to walk anywhere I wanted to go which led to a love of bushwalking. Without TV we would listen to mum & dad reminiscing about their adventures when they were young & prompted me to try some of these things. I actually hiked through the Lake District in England from Youth Hostel to hostel because of the memories they shared. This was fun.

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Guest_5218 — Sat, 20 Feb 2016 10:06:37 GMT

Thats lovely Elizabeth. Well done!

Sherie xx

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

romantic_thi3f — Wed, 02 Mar 2016 23:43:15 GMT

Hi Elizabeth,

Gosh this is probably my favourite post today; I am loving your positive spin on things and I agree that it's so important.

My positive spins would be that:

- I struggle a lot with health issues but it's such a great catalyst in learning how to take care of myself, listen to my body and learn to trust it. Prior to being diagnosed, I used to have lots of Red Bull (energy drinks), caffeine tablets and sleeping tablets (I know, the irony). Now, I eat better, have homemade smoothies for breakfast and don't touch any caffeine. Learning how to listen to my body is the hardest and best lesson that I'm learning. My illness has also allowed me to connect with people from all over the world through online forums, which is truly amazing.

- When I was a kid I struggled a lot with abuse. The positive spin that I can put on this is that now I can really appreciate what it's like to not be abused; in the way that I feel so much more free, and that I know that I am safe from being harmed. I'm so grateful to not live in fear everyday.

- I'm not able to work because of my health, and even though this is really hard sometimes, other times I'm really grateful because it means that I can spend time on here helping people, and I get to listen to stories and work on my study and do lots of courses. Back when I was working I'd just get up go to work come home and have tea. My life feels more purposeful now even though it's so much harder.

🙂

Learning to deal with trauma by finding positives in learning or growing afterwards

Elizabeth CP — Thu, 03 Mar 2016 06:08:12 GMT

Hi Romantic. That was an inspiring post whicj prompted me to really think of another positive for myself which is hard but helpful. Because we were short of money & dad had lived through the depression so it was a long term situation for him my parents couldn't go to the shops & buy what they wanted/needed (except basics like food). My father taught himself to do woodwork & gardening & was extremely talented. This meant we ended up with beautiful handmade furniture. I still have bookcases he made which are unlike anything I have seen elsewhere. My jewellry box was made out of an fruit crate but is beautifully built & finished with a carved rose on the top. My coffee table is stronger & more beautiful than anything you can buy & reminds me of my dad, his talent & his love when I see it. If we were richer the incentive to build beautiful items out of scrap wood ior old furniture would be lost so I would have missed out on the beauty & memories.