topic Re: I’m over this. What did I do? in PTSD and trauma

Complex cptsd situation.

Mudcakes — Sat, 13 Dec 2025 02:03:17 GMT

Okay. Basically I’m in a weird situation not many would understand. I grew up with an emotionally, financially and coercive control abusive parent. Who also was a major reason I’m an only child. It put my family into poverty and many times had to be worried where we would sleep at night. The abuser often, used their passion for their favourite sport team as their weapon of choice. If the team lost it was a scary time. Basically me being their daughter meant nothing to them. So this sports team is deeply triggering to me.

The abuser is now fully blown rich now and this team are now having them and their company as a partnership and made a highlight article about how they give back and want to stop poverty and involved with a charity. I feel sick, I have used this charity for support before because of this abuser but no longer can feel safe to .Basically the news of this partnership and how it keeps getting so messed up makes me feel sick, plus we gotta move soon cause our rent is going up, meanwhile the abuser has millions of dollars.

I’m safe. Just had to include that.

Re: Complex cptsd situation.

Croix — Sun, 14 Dec 2025 09:26:18 GMT

Dear Mudcakes~

Welcome -I do like your Lab Tests:)

As you know the world is not always a fair place, and to see the toxic get the rewards is pretty disheartening. All I can say is that there is a sort of balance, I've found many kind people in all walks of life. Maybe the charity workers are kind, depends.

As far as needing that charity is concerned of course it brings back all the horrible memories, is there anyone who can go with you and support you? It could make it possible.

If I remember you had a psychologist at one stage for your CPTSD. Are you till able to go? If you can get any clinical support that would be good, CPTSD is as you say complex and can need assistance for a very long time.

The Blue Knot Foundation tries to help those who have had an abusive childhood, if you have not done so you could give them a call. They do daytime counseling every day, do not be put off by the word "redress", that is only a specialized served, the counceling is on the same number.

You will always be welcome here

Croix

Re: Complex cptsd situation.

Croix — Tue, 16 Dec 2025 05:18:56 GMT

Dear Mudcakes~

I forgot to mention something that might be helpfull. I mentioned if you needed to approach that charity to have a friend or someone else to support you as you visit, maybe even talk on your behalf.

Not being on you own does make a difference and sometimes reliance on charities is unavoidable, as very many Australians are finding out at this time of year.

Now, what I did not say was to plan. You know such a visit would be upsetting, so if there is anyway you can go and do something else straight after that too helps. Anything to distract, a movie perhaps, or a trip to somewhere relaxing - I don't know what your preferences are but please plan on something.

I do this and at the end (in my case) of the movie my mind has shifted gear and the problem is less

Croix

Feeling unsafe after conflict at home – trauma response, not coping well

Mudcakes — Fri, 02 Jan 2026 10:37:46 GMT

Chat gpt wrote this for me, im quite distressed and needed it summarised.

Hi everyone,

I’m posting because I’m really shaken tonight and struggling to ground myself, and I could use some support or perspective.

I live in a very small apartment with my mum, and both of us are currently sick with the flu. Tonight, something that was emotionally important to me broke suddenly and loudly right in front of me while I was already vulnerable and calm for the first time in a while. My body went into shock – shaking, freezing, crying – and I asked for help.

What followed was an argument where things escalated quickly. I asked for space in my room multiple times, but it wasn’t respected, and voices were raised. Because of my past trauma, having my personal space invaded is extremely triggering for me. It sent me straight into a trauma response.

During the conflict, I was called “abusive” because I swore while highly dysregulated. That word has hit me very deeply, as it links directly to past abuse I’ve experienced. I now feel overwhelmed with shame, fear, and confusion, and my nervous system feels completely overloaded.

I want to be very clear: I did not threaten anyone, I did not try to control anyone, and I was trying to get space to feel safe. But right now my brain keeps looping on the accusation, and I’m struggling to calm down or trust myself.

On top of that, the apartment is tiny, neighbours are having a loud party, and I feel trapped with nowhere quiet to regulate. I’m safe physically, but emotionally I feel shattered and on edge.

I guess I’m posting because:

I need reassurance that trauma responses and boundary panic aren’t the same as being an abusive person
I’m struggling with shock and emotional fallout after conflict at home
I feel really alone and flooded right now

If anyone has been through something similar – being triggered by family conflict, being mislabelled during dysregulation, or feeling unsafe in your own space – I’d really appreciate hearing how you got through it or what helped.

Thank you for reading. Even writing this out helps a little.

i even feel bad using ai

Re: Feeling unsafe after conflict at home – trauma response, not coping well

Lei — Fri, 02 Jan 2026 10:59:40 GMT

Hey.

Don't feel bad.

Your response doesn't define who you are. And don't feel bad about using AI.

Your identity is different to your response as a result of past trauma. I believe this can be managed as you work through with either people/counsellors or using an effective therapy.

And if the fight was with your mum, the guilt really hits. Everytime I lash out at my mum, the guilt for doing it becomes unbearable.

You're not alone. You're not alone in feeling this way and every response you've had. Know that there are people out there who understand, know that others are also going through similar things.

Take courage, you're stronger than you think.

Re: Feeling unsafe after conflict at home – trauma response, not coping well

Mudcakes — Fri, 02 Jan 2026 11:06:04 GMT

Thank you💖

Re: Feeling unsafe after conflict at home – trauma response, not coping well

Psychdiaries2 — Sat, 03 Jan 2026 02:54:48 GMT

Hello,

I’m so sorry to hear about the struggle you are going through right now. And don’t feel bad about using AI to write since it helped you express your feelings.

I just want to assure you that in the heat of a moment, unfortunately mean things often get said that aren’t true. As difficult as it is to hear someone call you a name, remember that it doesn’t define you. It sounds to me that you were not respected and that is not your fault.

I think right now you need time to process everything that happened. I know you said you live in a cramped apartment, but perhaps you could get out and go for a walk? If not, try to do some calming activities at home like journaling about your feelings, reading a book, watching a movie, etc. (this is what I usually do when I feel guilty or sad and am trying to move forward).

I hope you don’t beat yourself up too much, you deserve better. Thank you for sharing and I hope things get a bit better for you soon. Never stop reaching out!

Time moves fast but I feel stuck. I cant explain.

Mudcakes — Mon, 12 Jan 2026 23:36:17 GMT

Oh shit. Ever since mum came across my father in the ED in march last year and then seeing on the news his company logo sponsoring his football team, then learning its their charity and involved with a well known charity that runs their program and then them doing how he gives back and highlighting just him and trying to work out what to do about this and how the ivo ends in may this year…. Time has not felt normal. How is it that I havent seen my gp since august last year? Or my other doctor for my sleep meds the consult was from feb last year? Im kinda freaked out. Time has felt frozen for me but I feel like its dragging me along with it. How do I explain this to my gp next time or the other doctor? No wonder around july I stopped doing stuff like going out as much or my board game group. I mean every-time I go outside I automatically scan and imagine him walking up to me or I see him. It’s like purgatory. I hate it. It feels like he’s everywhere. I mean he will contest my application for another IVO(avo in other states) and I cant go through that. I can’t. He is like slenderman that’s what it feels like. Im also like, freaked out by the news and stuff and dont feel safe in my state or country anymore honestly. Mum turns 60 in a few days and it just reminds me how fast time is going and Im not ready or feel stuck. Im 21 and yes I have a learning disability and like a bit developmentally delayed so I’m behind peers my age I guess but I cant get over 2018 was like 7 years ago I think? Like it freaks me out. Anyway. Sorry its so all over the place my post.

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Re: Time moves fast but I feel stuck. I cant explain.

Croix — Tue, 13 Jan 2026 10:03:23 GMT

Dear Mudcakes~

I can understand that you see your father's logo everywhere, and at the same time do not know if you wil come across him like your mum did in ED. So you have kept away in situations where you are less likly to see these reminders of your past.

I doubt it is just one reaction like not going out much, more it takes over all of you and as a result you stop doing things you would otherwise. This is something you need help to master. If you get the chance see your doctor and explain that the trauma you had before is stiff changing the way you live and you are in fear.

It is not so much the number of logos around as your reaction to them that can be made bearable, and that normally means therapy.

I know your mum is 60 ,but apart from the occasional argument is she a good mum -can you talk with her about this and see if she can support you more? Go for walks with you , all the other outside things you did. Encourage you to be in touch with your friends and importantly see your doctors more?

I know you are worried about the end of your IVO, can you get some to be an advocate for you so it is not all on your shoulders -would your mum be good?

I think if I lived in a cramped space with little money I'd get cross and react to being so confined. That is not just down to you, most people would be the same, and when angry words slip out that are not really meant.

Why not try one thing at a time -apart from seeing the doctor that is - and start with that board game?

Croix

Healthy vs not Healthy thoughts or ideas

Mudcakes — Sat, 24 Jan 2026 09:12:50 GMT

Basically I feel sometimes the urge to look up people from my past or places to see how they are going. Like I know its bad but its like a curiosity thing too. I guess Im feeling lonely and since I did a load of like 10 weeks worth of in hospital mental health treatment, I wanna reconnect with people who maybe I misjudged or thought less of but was through the lens's of my anxiety. Issue is I also get ones of people from my past that looking at will distress me. Like damn, I get over thoughts and feelings about this one person and then I randomly just wanna see her damn smile, but she’s hurt me and the way her life has turned out is not what I expected. It’s not what I guess anyone expects wanting to reconnect after therapy to finally have that needed conversation with the girl you confessed your feelings to but never spoke over the phone to find out at 17 she’s expecting a kid. Or to hopefully reconnect with someone else who was special to me years ago to find out he’s basically an incel in the making. But yeah sorry topic changed, point is, is it bad or healthy to think or look people up from my past if its to see if my anxiety messed my view up at the time?

Re: Healthy vs not Healthy thoughts or ideas

Croix — Sat, 24 Jan 2026 11:53:39 GMT

Dear Mudcakes~

Welcome again. I'm saddened yo have to expereince 10 weeks of in-hospital treatment for mental health issues. I hope that you have come out feeling htat it was worth while and your issues were heped or you are more able to cope with them.

After 10 weeks in a hospital environment I think just about anyone would be starved fro company. I know after 2-3 weeks I was.

You talked before about hte way your viewed people in hte past though the lens of anxiety and maybe treated them in a manner you did not wish as a result. I guess it might be a possibility in some cases, I'd not know. I do know I was mistrustful, did not enjoy company or avoided peple for that reason.

Now you are looking though another lens, the one of loneliness and this has prompted you to think in terms of recontacting people from the past. I'm not sure you can have one rule for everyone. If someone has treated you kindly and would enjoy reconnecting then that sounds all good. If it is someone that brings memories of unpleasant interactions to the fore then no, probably not a good idea.

Curiosity is a frail motive for looking, unless you are pretty certain you treated them in a way they did not deserve and importantly they will understand you may simply be in for an unnecessary unpleasant expereince.

It is neither bad nor unhealthy to turn over in your mind who from the past might be contacted, it is unhealthy to jump straight in for all cases without considering each person and your history with them first.

If you can get the chance consider finding new acquaintances though mutual interests or organizations.

You will always be welcome here

Croix

I’m over this. What did I do?

Mudcakes — Fri, 27 Feb 2026 02:27:24 GMT

Um where do I start?

This is a massive year for me, the IVO against my father ends in May. I Found disturbing and quite frankly fucked up things about his life now and who sees him as a hero and it is sickening. That will get worse, articles/blog posts and social media posts, let alone his logo on the news. I have an amazing therapist and was through ndis well they were paying for it. They changed my plan suddenly to agency for stupid reasons and now they wont pay her. I probably need a mental health care plan for 10 sessions and if its fortnightly like normal will end in july just when more court shit will happen cause it will be a new ivo application under my new name and as an adult and he will contest it. Ndis also have not had my disabilities listed at all I found out for 5 years its something I dont even have and got my date of birth wrong. But I get punished at the worst possible time. I’m not okay, im numb and angry I cant form tears. My psychologist knows me and my trauma and I was just starting to feel a bit better, I caught the tram to my appointment after a year. I feel broken. I feel like im being punished.

Re: I’m over this. What did I do?

Doors24 — Fri, 27 Feb 2026 03:25:58 GMT

Dear Mudcakes,

That is a massive amount of stress for you. And I am sorry that you are experiencing that.
Toxic and dysfunctional family dynamics, I can understand and empathise with you about. I would be happy to listen to you more if you need too.

I also can understand about the NDIS aswell. Psychological services (talking therapy)can be very difficult to get funding for, especially if Medicare can provide a service for it. I have had the same experience myself.

With the mental health plan, you could change your appointments from fortnightly, to every three or four weeks to prolong them. I fully understand that you may need the fortnightly timings though. With my psychologist I do have to do once a month or I run out of sessions too quickly.

Another possibility that you could consider is to get your psychologist to work on a application to change your ndis plan. If they can provide supporting documentation for you on your diagnosis and correct information, there is a possibility that something may change. But I would just have healthy expectations there. Sometimes the rules change all the time and sometimes don’t make sense either unfortunately.

I can understand and hear that you need support right now and it was really bad timing for things to happen to you. I feel for you.

Reach out if you need to talk more,

Doors24

Re: I’m over this. What did I do?

Mudcakes — Fri, 27 Feb 2026 03:41:06 GMT

Thank you Doors24. means a lot. I think I’m gonna use helpline webchat services for the next few days and hope it helps my anxiety and stress. Im also waiting on test results from my senior dog this afternoon so hoping she’s okay cause I cant have anything else happen now.

Re: I’m over this. What did I do?

Doors24 — Fri, 27 Feb 2026 04:41:22 GMT

Dear Mudcakes,

I am glad you have a plan for yourself for the next few days.

I really dislike positive affirmations or posters etc. But I found a card today that talked to me while cleaning up some rubbish in my room. “Every problem has a solution.” And I thought to myself, that is true. It might just not be the solution I want it to be. But there is always a solution. And sometimes they don’t have to be permanent. They can be temporary.

So hopefully your web-chat services can tide you over before making your next decision and move.

And believe me, I completely understand about your senior dog. I have been to the vet twice in a fortnight for my senior dog. So I hope you get to hear the results that you want too. Please let me know if you want to talk about it. It can help just to let it out.

Doors24

A few things on my mind

Mudcakes — Sat, 18 Apr 2026 12:13:44 GMT

Where do I start? So early May the IVO(AVO) I have against my father ends, almost finished with the reapplication form but damn its stressful and then going in to the court to submit it. The feeling knowing he will probably contest it. Other shit going on that’s even more messed up. I had one great date with a girl and we keep trying to get a second date but shes a shit texter and bad with forgetting stuff so I feel less than like I always do in interpersonal situations. My support worker is now making mum freaked out or at least making mum cautious. At least my dog had a good 15th birthday this year, as I overthink if there will be a 16th. So yeah.

Re: A few things on my mind

Sophie_M — Thu, 23 Apr 2026 06:21:16 GMT

Hi Mudcakes,

Thank you for your post. It sounds like there is a lot happening for you at the moment and we’re glad this is a space you feel comfortable sharing.

It sounds like there are some mixed feelings at the moment, which is completely understandable given what you’re going through. As early May approaches, how are you feeling? If things are ever feeling overwhelming, you are always welcome to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 anytime, or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support

On the positive side – having a great date and a 15th birthday for your dog is wonderful! Has anything else happened this week that has brough you some joy?

Thank you again for sharing your story. We hope this week has been kind to you.

Kind regards
Sophie M

It’s coming up and im worried

Mudcakes — Thu, 30 Apr 2026 09:36:54 GMT

12 of may the IVO ends. This wednesday just passed I was meant to go and submit the paper work to extend but I ended up in hospital with a bad UTI. Im home now and recovering. As my support worker is only available on the 6th all day thats when we are gonna go but im worried what if im still sick then……… and cant go.

Re: It’s coming up and im worried

Mudcakes — Sun, 10 May 2026 12:09:29 GMT

I just wrote something I hope the magistrate reads tomorrow. I gotta go to sleep soon but im freaking out. Tomorrow i find out if tuesday my father can contact me and use coercive control again. Im shit scared. Did nothing for mothers day because mum and i have been getting stuff ready. Would love a pep talk or some advice please

Re: It’s coming up and im worried

Mudcakes — Sun, 10 May 2026 21:28:14 GMT

Oh god my alarm goes off in 3 minutes. One of the worst nights of sleep ever. It was so awful😭 I dont wanna do this. What a shit day im about to have