topic Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me in PTSD and trauma

Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

Lanzy — Wed, 15 Jul 2026 05:00:57 GMT

Starting a new job is bringing up memories of my previous breakdown

Hi everyone,

I’m in my mid-40s and have recently started working again after being unemployed for about four years. The job itself has been okay so far, and part of me is pleased to be working again. However, starting this job has brought up a lot of difficult thoughts and emotions that I wasn’t expecting.

The last time I worked in customer service, I experienced a major breakdown. I gradually lost the ability to work full-time, could no longer afford my mortgage, and eventually lost my house. I think returning to the same type of work may be reminding me of that period, even though nothing particularly bad has happened in the new workplace.

I have also been looking back at the amount of difficult material I have carried throughout my life.

I was born with severe eyesight problems and two rare genetic conditions. One prevents my body from producing testosterone properly, which affected puberty and led to years of bullying and shame about my body. The other causes repeated basal cell carcinomas. I have had roughly 20 to 30 removed, many from my face.

I have experienced sexual boundary violations, domestic violence, serious relationship difficulties, and years of feeling ashamed about my body and sexual functioning.

My first romantic partner was experienced schizophrenia, it was undiagnosed and at the time I did not understand that what she believed was caused by psychosis. I thought it was really happening. It was a lot to process. We broke up after 3 years..

My sister also developed schizophrenia during this time from possible trauma and drug use while overseas and struggled with it for many years. She died in a car accident during a relapse a few years ago.

I have experienced several other major losses in my family. My stepfather died suddenly from cancer in 2002. My biological father died in 2006 after my sister found him critically unwell at his house. He had apparently suffered a massive heart attack and later died in hospital from severe sepsis or septicaemia. Alcohol abuse had also badly affected his health, although the exact sequence of what happened was never completely clear to u

My brother-in-law is now seriously ill and may be dying from a severe form of non-tuberculous mycobacterial disease. I am worried about him, the effect on the family, and what the future may look like for the younger family members, particularly my nephews. This is an ongoing source of stress rather than something that is safely in the past.

I was also badly assaulted while trying to protect my mother from an abusive partner. I had recently undergone facial surgery, and the assault reopened my stitches and left me with a permanent scar.

Later, the breakdown that affected my work happened around the end of a long-distance relationship. I had saved for years to visit the person overseas, but the relationship ended painfully soon afterwards. It felt as though my relationship, career, financial stability and home all disappeared around the same period.

For most of my life, I have dealt with difficult experiences by being pragmatic. I have told myself that other people have it worse and that I should simply endure things and keep moving. I was also raised to believe that I needed to be tough. I am beginning to wonder whether I have minimised the effect all of this has had on me.

I am not asking anyone to diagnose me. I am trying to understand why starting work again has caused so many old memories and emotions to surface, particularly when the new job itself has not been bad. I suspect that returning to customer service is reminding me of the period when I previously broke down, while the current situation with my brother-in-law is adding another layer of grief and uncertainty.

Has anyone else found that returning to work, or returning to a similar type of workplace, brought back feelings associated with a previous breakdown? How did you separate understandable anxiety and old memories from signs that you were genuinely becoming unwell again? I would also appreciate hearing how others learned to acknowledge what they had been through without either minimising it or becoming overwhelmed by it.

Thank you for reading.

Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

indigo22 — Thu, 16 Jul 2026 04:27:03 GMT

Hi Lanzy,

Welcome to the forums, I am so glad you found your way here.

Reading your post brought many similarities to mind. There is no doubt in my mind that you have minimised what you have been through, each trauma builds on the previous one and because we refuse to see it as trauma and process/resolve it, we eventually become overwhelmed by it all.

If you haven't already done so, please look into counselling to start working through your past traumas, facing them and processing them is the way to healing yourself. I think you are right about the work bringing back memories of when you became overwhelmed previously, that's what causes a breakdown, reaching the point of longer being able to manage the emotional baggage that has yet to be healed.

I would like to suggest looking into some kind of somatic therapy to help you at the moment. This type of therapy helps to move the energy that has become stuck from past trauma out of the body. For this type of therapy, you would need to do a search for a 'Soul Centered or Soul Based Psychotherapist'. They combine the talk therapy with the somatic work. Some do EFT (tapping), EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprogramming), Somatic Experiencing etc. Traumas will keep resurfacing until they are healed.

It took me years to say that I had been through trauma, when we are taught to push our emotions down and get on with things, we do suffer later, and more than we would have if we had been able to process those emotions at the time they happened.

No more telling yourself 'others have is worse', we all have our own set of traumas to deal with and it is important to allow yourself to look at them and heal them with the help of a therapist. You have been through so much, don't let the rest of your life be taken over by your past when you have the ability to heal.

I will be here to support you so please feel free to continue the conversation whenever you wish.

You are as important as everyone else, try to remind yourself of that fact often.

Thinking of you with care,

indigo 💜

Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

Lanzy — Sat, 18 Jul 2026 23:35:40 GMT

Thanks Indigo.

I am looking into therapy.

What feustrates me at times is that when I've made open confessions about this to others online, I find that the responses I get are sometimes lackluster or non-existent. Whereas person A who's dealing with an issue gets showered with comments of support, because I guess what they say is relatable, wheras being born into the world with two genetic disorders nobody's hurt about that make my life hell, with having family and partners who struggled with psychosis, violence, narcissistic abuse... 'well, I guess that's too much to deal with, I don't know what to say to that, so I'll just say nothing.'

And so I'm met with silence.

And it reinforces that minimisation. 'What you lived with is I just too f'ed up for anyone to want to deal with you, so just grin and bear it because nobody wants to deal with you and your pile of trauma and genetic mutations that just make them feel uncomfortable'.

I know this isn't t what most people think. But I do find the silence at times deafening. And I get angry and sad.

Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

Lanzy — Sat, 18 Jul 2026 23:49:02 GMT

(cont)

The other minimisation I do is the old, unhealthy, 'harden up Princess' line: Look at people X in war-torn country Y who are starving and suffering, you have your health and a life of luxury compared to them'.

I understand these methods aren't healthy in the long term for dealing with my past. It's just the toolkit I built for myself.

Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

indigo22 — Sun, 19 Jul 2026 03:28:54 GMT

Hi again Lanzy,

I hear you. I have been through a lot too, not the same traumas as yourself, but traumas non the less.

Some of us are more compassionate than others because of what we have been through. I imagine you have a great deal of compassion for others due to your past experiences, the thing is, you need to shower some of that compassion on yourself as well. You don't have to do this alone, that is a choice but you can choose differently. Comparing yourself with others is pointless because each of us has our own journey which is unlike that of anyone else even when there are similarities.

From another perspective, the challenges and experiences we go through are meant to teach us something about ourselves and the world around us. There is a lesson for us in everything that happens but it's up to us to look for the deeper meaning.

I would like you to know more of who you are communicating with so you know that I can be of support to you. The following links will give you some idea.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/welcome-and-orientation/new-to-the-forums/td-p/566648

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/the-true-meaning-of-self-love/td-p/613554

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/treatments-health-professionals/what-to-do-when-a-diagnosis-turns-your-world-upside-down/td-p/622770

If you would like to talk further about your experiences, I would be honored to listen and support you.

indigo 💜

Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

Lanzy — Tue, 28 Jul 2026 10:20:21 GMT

Hi Indigo.

Thanks for the links. It help me get a better perspective. I'm sorry to hear about your cancer.

My brother-in-law has advanced cancer as well his extremely aggressive. Is non tuberculosis microbacteria looks like the least of his problems.

I guess it's not the situation he's in so I'm finding so hard to deal with it's trying to juggle the fact that I've started in a new job I never really did much to help myself during the four years I was out of work after my emotional breakdown.

I'm struggling through red tape dancing with general practitioners one who recommended mindspot which can offer telehealth and video health but I prefer to speak to people before I do telehealth but they can only do face-to-face from 9 to 5 and obviously I can't rush off and do that when I've just started a brand new job after being unemployed for four years.

I guess the only option is just to take the original option A see a therapist immediate as soon as I can who I is available my area that would just mean I have to pay the gap.

They might at least be able to give me some quick term solutions if I tell them what the current situation that might help me. The brother-in-law doesn't have long but what I'm more concerned about is a lot of that emotional baggage I'm carrying around will surface again once my work takes off and become stressful

I'm just so very very tired of trying to play the nice guy and perform for everybody while carrying all this crap around that I've never had a chance to talk to anybody about. I'm tired of having to go to a GP surgeon every 12 months and get my face cut open. I'm tired of having to spend my entire life on hormone replacement therapy. I'm tired of dealing with my social skills problem and that both of my personal relationships were toxic and it's devalued the feeling about myself. I'm so very tired of carrying around all the grief I've had from other family members I've lost and they devaluation I've had about how horrible I feel about myself because of all the bullying I had as a child and the physical crap I dealt with. It's exhausting.

All I did the last 4 years was just turned turtle and hide from the world and my family. I think since I started eating more healthier and doing some exercise it gave me the spark I needed to realize that I need to work on these things which I want to do I just think it's going to be very hard with my brother-in-law going and worried about the nephews as to how to handle this all while I'm carrying all this baggage around.

They're always Lifeline and beyond blue but most of those are crisis helplines who are more designed to give immediate care they don't quite feel like the sort of compassion that I need.

Thanks for listening to my posts most of this is just been wanting to get stuff off my chest I guess.

Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

indigo22 — Tue, 28 Jul 2026 12:56:50 GMT

Hi Lanzy,

How right you are, it is exhausting carrying all the baggage around year after year. I have been dealing with fatigue since the last of my family died. It was debilitating depression for a long time and it is near impossible to think clearly enough to help yourself under those conditions. I then thought it was just deficiencies when my blood tests showed iron and zinc deficiencies, but it never occurred to me I might be dealing with something as serious as advanced cancer. I have recently said to a friend "I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired" and I am sure you can relate to that too.

I will make some suggestions for some other options you may not have looked into as yet. Give me a day or so to get back to you on that.

You are doing so well to be able to make the decision to eat better, get some exercise and now be working again. Be proud of yourself, those are not small achievements.

I understand your concern for your nephews, but if you want to be able to help them, you must help yourself first. Start putting your needs first for possibly the first time in your life. You are dealing with a lot and you deserve to start to heal the past that has been causing you so much anguish.

I will get back to you as soon as I am able, sending you a cyber hug which I am sure you need right now.

indigo 💜

Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

Lanzy — Wed, 29 Jul 2026 04:15:56 GMT

Thank you Indigo. Sorry to hear about your family and about your physical health. I still have mine which is a blessing every day which is why I'm trying to text steps to look after my body now.

My brother-in-law passed away this morning. Just feeling very ropable and angry mostly at the situation. 'Why now?!' is the main one. I guess it's frustration like you were talking about.

I'm seeing my therapist on Tuesday. I think for the first session I'll keep it basic, just ask for techniques that I can start with to help me through this time.

I hope your treatments are helping you through your body's struggles. I'll check out your info when you reply. for now I'm just trying to keep calm and taking each moment as it comes so I can spend this day with family. but I'm also wanting to stick to routine and probably will try go back to work tomorrow I feel routine will help me as well and I'm enjoying the new job.

Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

Croix — Wed, 29 Jul 2026 22:32:43 GMT

Dear Lanzy~

I hope you don't mind if I join in. Indigo is a warm and capable person and I'm very glad you have met her and been in contact.

Life has handed you such a series of hard roads a lesser person would be completely overwhelmed. You on the other hand have coped, admittedly I'm sure with great difficulty, but have ended up doing so nevertheless. Your posts are sensible, balanced and you display concern for others both in real life, and also here on the forum. A pleasure to talk with you.

There are too many things that affect you to address in just one response, so I'll stick to just one for now.

You asked about returning to work, and even in a supportive environment have thoughts about you past breakdown and also are thinking about all else that has happened to you. You wonder "How did you separate understandable anxiety and old memories from signs that you were genuinely becoming unwell?", which I'd find to be a frightening concept.

I'm not sure there is any 'cut off' point at which one 'becomes unwell' under those circumstances, more at any stage taking action to give yourself the satisfying life you need without waiting for some specific marker to indicate illness.

Going to a psychologist would be a logical and hopefully productive thing to do. You are right that Lifeline and others are crisis lines, and even if there is no crisis they will answer, however it is just the one talk, with no ongoing relationship.

Indigo had mentioned the MensLine, I would suggest the Mens Table as well if there is one nearby.

This consists of regular meetings over a meal to discuss matters that concern you despite normally being embarrassed - coupled with ordinary chat in a friendly restrained manner with regulars you get to know. It is not meant to be a brief intervention, but an ongoing mutual support over considerable time, a commitment by all.

OK, I tried to return to work, three times. I had been invalided out of my career with suicidal thoughts, PTSD, depression and anxiety. Each time I tried to return to paid employment (even though in other fields) I found I was heading back to the state from before. I had no confidence I could do the tasks, was lacking in strength and quite quickly found I could not go on. Scenes from my past had become frequent, uncontrollable and very unpleasant. These plus constant anxiety and fear of the suicidal thoughts drove me away and I stopped. Eventually I did achieve success and now work with satisfaction and confidence. Matters that trigger me are no longer job-related.

Why am I recounting all this? Firstly so you are aware you are not alone in the mind dredging up undesirable issues that are best put to one side, and secondly to say from all you have written I'd be certain you will have more success than me and stay in employment and be able to strike a balance between your present life and being plagued about the past.

I don't know how much help this post has been however I'm more than happy to join you and Indigo and talk about whatever you like

Croix

Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

indigo22 — Thu, 30 Jul 2026 06:05:30 GMT

Hi Lanzy,

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your brother in law, I imagine you are feeling even more weight in addition to what you were already carrying. Just being there as someone your nephews can talk openly with is enough for the time being, they need time to process losing their father.

I am glad you have an appointment set up for Tuesday, I hope you get what you need from the session. Please let us know how things went when you have an opportunity.

As far as suggestions -

In case you have not looked into this as yet, the link will take you to their website to see if what they offer feels helpful to you - MensLine

Possibly a grief support group in your local area could be helpful, these are often offered free of charge through charitable organisations.

Also Croix's suggestion of Mens Table sounds like it could be worthwhile trying.

Thank you for your thoughtful words, it is not an easy time at present but I am determined not to allow cancer to rule my life. Supporting others like yourself is helpful as it takes me away from it for a while.

There is still a lot we can expand on over time, so if there is something particular you would like to discuss please feel free to do so. Having this as an outlet between therapy sessions will help bring the anxiety down and you can talk to me (and Croix) about whatever you like, nothing is too much to deal with from our perspective.

I hope you are ok,

indigo 💜

Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

indigo22 — Fri, 14 Aug 2026 04:35:00 GMT

Hi Lanzy,

Just wanted to check in with you to see how you are going. No pressure to respond if you are not up to it at present.

indigo💜

Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

Lanzy — Tue, 08 Sep 2026 08:50:24 GMT

Hi Indigo.

I'm doing okay. Trying therapy but it's been hard juggling that with work. Just focusing on each day for now.

Re: Starting a New JOB & My (Traumatic) Life is Catching Up With Me

indigo22 — Wed, 09 Sep 2026 07:07:05 GMT

Hi Lanzy,

I'm glad to hear from you. It sounds like you are at least a little better which is good to hear.

Please remember we are here for you whenever you need some support, you are always welcome.

Sometimes one day at a time is the best we can do when life gives us the big challenges. It has taken me years to understand the phrase "It is not what happens to you that is important, it is your reaction to what happens to you that is more important". We can fall victim to our circumstances or we can find a way to get through our circumstances, nothing stays the same forever.

It is my wish that you feel a little better with each passing week,

indigo 💜