topic Re: Questioning living after toxic relationship in PTSD and trauma

Questioning living after toxic relationship

Josoro — Mon, 23 Mar 2026 03:54:54 GMT

I'm 29f, have a history of childhood abuse and neglect. I lost both my biological parents at ages 10 and 12, raised from then by my alcoholic step-dad so I have some CPTSD. I'm also trans and I was recently diagnosed as neurodivergent. It's all so overwhelming and I don't know if I want to continue living much longer, though I'm trying to look for reasons to keep going.

My ex-partner, let's call them Mia, recently cut me off after four years. Mia was the most important person I'd ever met. I have the most memories of joy and laughter with them out of anyone and we had planned marriage and a life together. Mia is also neurodivergent and CPTSD and our relationship grew very unhealthy in the end due to stress on us both. Mia finally snapped and accused me of "classic abuse" and then wrote a text saying we needed to separate, saying maybe in the future we could reconnect after long term healing and acknowledging both of our parts.

I thought we would separate quietly at this point, so I agreed to separate and to take accountability for my part, but then Mia went on Instagram liking reels about abusers and horrible men every day for weeks (and sending them to their sister who also liked them publicly) and went on Reddit saying I was a covert abuser. I found this Reddit and realised it was filled with things Mia had never been open about it in our relationship, which seemed like misrepresentations of me with some outright lies I found. However, due to my really poor memory because of my conditions, I found it hard to be sure what the truth was (in our relationship I always deferred to Mia's memory).

For months I questioned if I was an abuser and went to intensive relationship therapy, read books on personality disorders and abuse, called abuse hotlines, wrote long checklists of my behaviours and compared them to diagnostic criteria, asked for honest feedback on forums and told everyone close to me that I might have abused the person I loved. Everyone just seemed sad that I would take this accusation to heart when they heard the story. Eventually I started to remember all the harmful things my ex had said or done toward the end of our relationship and that it really was a two-way street, though nothing for either of us to be remotely proud of.

But 8 months later I still can't get rid of the shame of the character attacks, misgendering as a man and criminal allegation Mia made in public while abruptly cutting me off without discussion. I also can't get rid of the shame of participating in such a harmful relationship with the person I loved most, who I always tried to cherish. I've stopped hoping for the future, feeling deserving of love or caring for my health anymore. I've stopped trusting my close friends and have begun to push them away. I feel that the people close to me will abandon me one way or another, either by quietly pulling away or by some kind of conflict. I can't hold down a job or even participate in my part-time vocational course right now because I feel so hopeless, unmotivated and afraid of human beings.

I just want to be loved. I want to belong. But I don't feel like there is a seat for me at any table.

How do I convince myself to stay in a world in which I don't really fit in and have so many griefs that weigh down on me?

Re: Questioning living after toxic relationship

Picture — Mon, 23 Mar 2026 07:40:48 GMT

Hi Josoro - I am sorry to hear of all you have been through.

One thing to consider is to see a GP as soon as possible to see if medication could help your mood and sleep, and also attain a mental health plan to access a psychologist (at a lesser fee). Both of these things can help a lot. You may also wish to contact QLife, Lifeline or Beyond Blue’s support lines if you feel overwhelmed. In emergencies you can call 000.

I can understand you feeling hopeless at this moment, but this will lessen over time with the right support. Be kind to yourself and just take it a bit at a time. If you can do one thing you enjoy each day this can help, as can being in nature. Distraction helped me when I was feeling down (eg watching a comedy series).

It sounds like your confidence has been shaken and you are unsure about your judgement. This is normal after traumatic events. You are not defined by your worst moment. As your confidence returns you will find your place. It could be worth thinking of the type of person you would like to make connections with and where you are likely to meet them, or alternatively think of activities you would like to be part of.

Thinking of you and wishing you the best.

Re: Questioning living after toxic relationship

Picture — Mon, 23 Mar 2026 12:01:28 GMT

Hi Joroso - I am sorry to hear of everything you are going through.

One suggestion could be to see a GP to discuss if any medication could help with your mood and sleep. Also, it could be useful to ask for a mental health plan to access more affordable support through a psychologist. If you are feeling overwhelmed, the QLife, Lifeline or Beyond Blue support lines could be helpful. If you are in danger of harming yourself, please call 000.

It sounds like you are feeling very down on yourself and have lost your confidence. This situation is not permanent and can improve with the right support (as hard as it may be to see this now). You are not defined by the worst situation you have been in. You will find hope again.

Try to be kind and compassionate to yourself. In terms of finding where you fit in, one idea could be thinking of groups you would like to be part of and going to activities involving those groups - when you feel up to it. Online groups can also be a support in hard times. It sounds like some self care doing something you enjoy could be a positive.

Wishing you all the best.