topic Re: 40 male with Childhood trauma PTSD in PTSD and trauma

40 male with Childhood trauma PTSD

Positivityshine — Sat, 10 May 2025 12:42:55 GMT

Good evening everyone. Don’t know if I’m having a mid life crisis or that “thing” hidden in the closet is starting to creep out.

im a 40s yr old male with steady job, lovely family with kids. My wife is brilliant with nurturing kids and looking after me. I am a very lucky man.

couldn’t ask for a better life. However, my only darkest secret is that I’ve be exposed to sexual abuse as a child by family members and mentally physically abused by my step siblings.

Been hopping to guardians one after the other due to parents not being committed. Not pointing any fingers but the shamefulness is real.

On the surface level, I’m a well spoken, family oriented, fatherly figure man but on the inside, lack of self esteem, disengage and shameful

I’m always trying to be positive in front of everyone and to my family. I do not want my children to experience what I have endured as a child.

i’’m addicted to porn (daily basis) and tends to avoid my wife because i feel disgusted by myself. No one knows about my abuse history and addiction.

i don’t have anyone to talk to and don’t have the courage to seek specialist. I’m currently applying ‘self diagnoses” by studying psychology related courses.

I guess this is a head space for me to vent and a place to grasp for some air. Sorry to keep rambling but I’ve already feeling much better.

please join in for discussion. Positivity shines and I believe we are powerfully to overcome our shadowed past. One step at a time.

Re: 40 male with Childhood trauma PTSD

Croix — Mon, 12 May 2025 13:23:40 GMT

Dear Positivityshine~

I'd like to give you a very warm welcome here to the Forum, a place where you may find refreshing perspectives. You sound an intelligent, caring, protective and loving person and I think your family is lucky to have you.

As a person who has undergone repeated trauma, ending with PTSD and other issues I know that there is a lot I did not remember for a long time. In fact it was only in later life some of the incidents came into my memory.

My psychiatrist suggested that was starting to happen becuse my mind was now in a position to cope with them - it had not been before. Perhaps there is a parallel here.

Having a lovely family may have helped you reach that stage, however by the way you say "lack of self esteem, disengage and shameful " together with a porn makes me wonder if you may be stuck having the memories but still feeling the highly injurious effect those experiences had on you.

I've not been able not deal with my past (which was not the same trauma as yours) and eventually things got so bad I had to seek assistance - otherwise I would not be here talking to you now:)

You have taken the first and most difficult step already, by talking of your experiences here. True you are anonymous and are talking to strangers however it is more of a start than you might realise.

Trying to combat shame, lack of self esteem, self-blame and disengagement are big hurdles to overcome, however it is possible as I found out. Even when conscious of my past I left it a very long time before disclosing it to anyone.

In my case it was my wife, who promptly took me for clinical assistance. While I'd strongly encourage you to tell someone who can help I"m not suggesting it has to be your wife, perhaps a GP might be better for you.

Trying to talk to a GP - even in an extended appointment - may seem impossible, partly as a face to face conversation is daunting, and partly becsue there is a strong temptation to leave some things out. One technique was that is a real help is to simply write your past, and how you feel now in point form and hand over the paper.

Taking a couple of days to write this means it comes out logically and in its entirety, nothing left out. I have found using this I've only had to answer questions on what I wrote, not try to explain things from scratch.

You have suffered serious repeated injuries from selfish heartless people and as with any injury it does take assistance for healing to take place properly. For some reason I simply do not understand I blamed myself, and suspect you blame yourself too. A very common human problem - completely undeserved

I think I've said quite enough for one post so will leave it there for now.

You know you are always going to be welcome here.

Croix

Re: 40 male with Childhood trauma PTSD

Positivityshine — Thu, 15 May 2025 06:25:39 GMT

Hello Croix,

thank you for responding and being my first audience.

Your kind words and assurance has provided me the much needed commandment that I’m truly seeking for.

I guess I’m at the phase where I have suddenly came to the realization that I am simply not a boy who can just simply tuck away issues and move on.

I’ve come to the realizations something’s are here to stay and the only option is to face directly being proactive rather than reactive.

it may surprise you but I’ve always considered myself as a young male even though reaching 40s. It’s only as of late I’ve kind of had this moment where I have to face that I’m already a middle aged husband with kids and truly understand the meaning of responsibility, caring and love.

it also maybe because my kids are all starting to grow up and I may have the feeling to lose them in the near future even though they are reluctant to move out.

I am aware what happened to me was not my fault but simply a by product tragedy of negligence parenting. Saying that, my parents never abused me in anyway but simply did not take ownership while I most needed them so I’m not here to blame them but stating the facts.

i am grateful of this forum and i am proud of myself for saying it out loud. My wife and children’s are the world to me and ill do whatever i can to protect them, love them and prevent them from any harm.

I’m truly grateful to the life I have and will cherish it with each and every second of my life.

I know I can beat my addiction and will overcome this. Thank you once again for giving me the opportunity to express my thoughts and feeling situation .

Re: 40 male with Childhood trauma PTSD

Croix — Sun, 18 May 2025 11:41:08 GMT

Dear Positivityshine~

I'm glad that was of some help. trying to face things and maybe change them is pretty daunting, especially by yourself.

Can I suggrst you contact the Blue Knot Foundation, who had always been regarded as experts in the later effects of abuse, violence and neglect

Croix

Re: 40 male with Childhood trauma PTSD

Positivityshine — Mon, 19 May 2025 05:23:06 GMT

Will do mate.
gonna give it ago. On a side topic, day 2 of porn free 😌

Re: 40 male with Childhood trauma PTSD

Croix — Mon, 19 May 2025 12:20:35 GMT

Dear Positivityshine~

That's not a side issue at all, it is pretty good part of the central issue, I hope The Blue Know is a help.

Please don't forget for any coping mechanism that is not good, such as porn in this case, it is easier to handle if you are not alone - even if embarrassing. Anyone you can tell and reach out to as needed?

Croix