topic Re: Trauma in PTSD and trauma

Trauma

Joy_M_Pryde — Thu, 23 Feb 2023 11:28:21 GMT

Hi there, I am finding it hard to settle into this strange thing called "life".

I suffer from trauma, Bipolar I and OCD.

I oftentimes feel out of place with the world. I don't get why other people can make friends easily and even have relationships.

I had years of bullying, emotional and physical abuse from peers, my family and my cousin's.

I have lost my sense of identity and feel numb. It feels like I burn people out and, myself too. Am I too sensitive? Am I too much? I am non binary and I am too shy to face the wider LGBTQIA+ community for fear of rejection. I have low self esteem and I can't accept any compliments because it makes me feel like a fraud.

I'm in my late 30s and feel lost for a sense of self and identity. The trauma I've sustained gives me the impression history always repeats.

Re: Trauma

Eagle Ray — Thu, 23 Feb 2023 12:36:30 GMT

Hi Joy M Pryde

It’s really tough when you’ve experienced significant bullying from multiple sources early in life. I really feel for you and can relate to the feelings of numbness and lost identity. I also relate to the difficulty receiving compliments which I think is common for people who’ve experienced emotional abuse and bullying.

While I think trauma can give that impression history always repeats (and I’ve felt that too), it’s somehow seeking and finding the right supports that I think can gradually start shifting that perception. I was wondering if you have the support of a good counsellor or therapist? Sometimes that can be a starting point for establishing a sense of safety, and to begin to explore and develop your own identity. Sometimes you have to try a few therapists to find the right one for you.

I don’t think you are too sensitive. Often sensitive people have special qualities in terms of empathy, interpersonal insight and creativity. With the challenges you’ve had, it’s really understandable you would be sensitive to the world around you.

I’m wondering if there is a way to approach the LGBTQIA+ community that may feel easier to start with, such as via online forums, where you might find people who feel similarly to you. There is a gender identity and sexuality section here on the BB forum too which you may have seen already.

I hope you can feel welcome and supported here.

Best wishes and kind thoughts,

Re: Trauma

therising — Sun, 26 Feb 2023 00:01:05 GMT

Hi Joy

I've found people who feel they don't fit in are amazing in many ways. A few common ways - they're sensitive enough to be able to feel more easily and more deeply than others, they're driven to wonder about themself and the world around them and they're often misunderstood by those who assume to know them. Often, they're labelled as 'The black sheep of the family' or 'The odd one out'. Given the highly questionable nature of some families or groups, being the odd one out can be something to be proud of 😊

Makes more sense to say to a person 'You're highly sensitive; you need to master your ability to sense so easily and so clearly', instead of spouting poop like 'You're too sensitive, you need to toughen up'. Can be a challenge, being able to feel something from each person you meet. For example, if you start the day in neutral and the 1st person you meet is degrading, you'll be able to feel what degradation feels like (such a depressing feel to it). 2nd may be a highly stressed person. You may be able to feel their stress. 3rd may be thoughtless and heartbreaking. You'll feel their thoughtlessness through your heartbreak. 4th may be super hyper and you can feel that hyperactivity as anxiety inducing. 5th person may be thoroughly soulful, leading you to feel some sense of relief and peace. While you may have been emotionally swung all over the place one day, while feeling the nature of others and the impact they've had on you, you may also be unfairly labelled as having erratic and 'unexplainable' mood swings. This helps explain why sensitive people can be highly selective with friends. They may only pick other 'sensitives' who can relate to such challenges.

Wondering if you're someone who sees beyond status, gender, age, appearance etc? Do you say 'Beyond gender, I'm simply me'? Do you see people from a deeper perspective?

No matter the community which you seek to know yourself better through, maintain trust in your ability to gain a sense of those who wish only the best for you.

Re: Trauma

sbella02 — Sun, 26 Feb 2023 12:48:39 GMT

Joy_M_Pryde,

Thank you for seeking support with us, we're glad to have you on the forums. I'm reading through some brilliant advice that Eagle Ray and therising have offered, and I'm here to echo this and contribute my own.

I'm so sorry to hear about the years of bullying and trauma that you have endured. Your feelings make sense. Your feelings are valid. There are ways of managing and mitigating that little voice in your head that can make you feel like you're being too sensitive, or that you're not good at making connections with people. Just know that it can take some time to heal, but it is certainly possible.

It is important to treat yourself with kindness and respect. If receiving compliments feels foreign, one thing that you can try is complimenting yourself more. These positive affirmations, as strange as it may sound, can do wonders for your self-esteem. Saying positive phrases like "I am worthy" or "I am enough" over time can be so impactful.

I'm also LGBTQIA+. As a whole, the community prides itself on being accepting and embracing different identities. Online spaces such as Reddit and Discord, provided you're being safe and cautious, can be great for building online friendships with people who have similar identities and experiences to you. Organisations like ReachOut Australia offer LGBTQIA+ specific support services and resources for you to explore and navigate too.

I used to struggle in high school with making friendships and other connections. There are several reasons why making connections may be challenging, and mental health/low self-esteem can play a big role. Traumatic experiences with previous friendships or relationships can also taint your experience, as I've learnt.

Would you feel comfortable opening up to a GP, therapist, or psychologist about your experiences? They may be able to offer some professional advice to help you out, particularly when it comes to processing and managing traumatic experiences.

Genuinely wishing you all the best, and please continue chatting with us if you wish.

Take care, SB

Re: Trauma

Jessksch — Fri, 03 Mar 2023 08:28:13 GMT

Hey,

I'm not part of the LGBTQIA+ community but I do hope that I can help in some way with the feeling of not belonging.

I was like you, trying very hard maybe to belong somewhere. The pressure to belong really leads into a spiraling depression.

I hope you are seeing someone to talk to professionally, that seems to help me and has helped my self-esteem greatly.

I would be kinder to myself if I were you, give yourself compliments and pretend that you are your best friend and have inner dialogues that are complimentary.

Try not to pressure yourself to belong, first find out who you really are. Start something you always wanted to learn, a hobby of some sort that makes you get to know you.

I think you are like me how I used to be, you overthink everything, if you offended someone, talk too much, talk too loud etc... In the end,if I felt unsure, I would take a step back and look at my interactions from a person viewing the interaction. Did you find yourself annoying? if not, then ignore those people who don't want to be around you, you be you!

I hope I somehow helped in some way!