topic Re: Post therapy session struggles in PTSD and trauma

Post therapy session struggles

Supermum — Fri, 28 Oct 2022 07:12:29 GMT

I’ve been in therapy over 18 months after falling in a heap 4 years ago. My psychologist has been doing schema therapy with me and we have been doing chair work etc . The sessions can be very overwhelming and triggering and I struggle enormously with the after effects of these sessions. My psychologist is aware and helping to find ways to work through my difficulties but my time with him is coming to a close as it’s with the public health system so I have to find a new psychologist which is daunting and anxiety provoking and I just feel like I just cannot manage all this on top of the constant reel of traumatic memories and invasive thoughts mixed with the guilt and the punishment thoughts it’s just a bit much . Any other experiences like this and ways to deal with the after effects of therapy etc would be helpful

Re: Post therapy session struggles

ecomama — Fri, 28 Oct 2022 11:51:20 GMT

YES!

I do!

I've been through similar and yah it can be tough 100%.

SELF-CARE, not just the run of the mill self-care, RADICAL SELF-CARE. Tons and tons and TONS of it.

Need some ideas? We have a Self-care thread over there >>

ALSO GRATITUDE JOURNAL.

5 things every day.

Lastly for now, just to stop this wound oozing, guided Meditations as you're waking up, some time throughout the day and at night time.
Once you start this, and get cranky that nothing's happening, surrender to the process, keep going.
I've found beautiful Meditations on YouTube. My faves are with Dr Joe Dispenza & Abraham Hicks.

These are proven by research to support EVERYONE in their healing.
Yep you too, it works.
Just keep pouring that stuff IN.

We can talk about the memories of the past next time if you want to?

Love and many Blessings EM xxxx

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Supermum — Fri, 28 Oct 2022 23:45:42 GMT

Thank you for your reply and suggestions. I will have a look at the meditation videos on you tube, I struggle a lot with meditation and get distracted by my invasive thoughts but keep trying to master it hopefully these videos might help that mastery. Self care I try to accomplish also but I always end up feeling guilty … silly I know which leads to the critic in my head giving me grief. However I will try the radical self care as you put it and I will read the self care thread as I can see there are lots on the forum. I journal but it tends to be all the thoughts in my head so turns into a self hate, self defamation journal to be honest . So instead I will take your advice and write down only 5 things I am grateful for .

With regards to talking about past memories, this line in your response made feel instantly anxious, nauseous and panicked! Just the thought of it which is what I struggle with in therapy . It’s been buried, hidden and cemented over for years, 35 years to be exact . Something that I had forgotten and didn’t know affected me until I fell apart when life got difficult and stressful. Then when the psychologist was digging around it came up. So this is what we are working on.

So what my psychologist does is ask direct questions and to an extent ignores my deflection tactics of my protectors that have been my go to for all these years .
So what memories would you wish me to talk about ?

thankyou again for your suggestions

L 🙂

Re: Post therapy session struggles

ecomama — Sat, 29 Oct 2022 04:29:10 GMT

Dear Supermum, I read your reply and want to reach out into the ethernet and give you THE BIGGEST LONGEST HUG! And you'd have to let go first.

You are SAFE.
Those memories from the past are just that, my dear wonderful friend, in the past.
"they" cannot hurt you now. You only need to visit the past for x long, then when you've had enough? stop.
YOU ARE STEERING this Ship. No one else.

Feeling EMPOWERED is the result of healthy therapy.

Do you know what I asked my trauma Psych to be one of my goals in therapy?
TO be able to FILE those memories from my past, be able to RECALL them whenever I chose to share them with others to HELP them, without the emotional charge attached to them.

You can have that goal too! I'm a good sharer lol.

We don't need to talk about ANY specific memories. It's actually not necessary.
Just about "memories" - that whole bundle of effed up stuff that needs to be filed, available for recall when WE choose and we can remember them with pure whimsy.
That's where I am!

I only had 1 other goal. To be able to go anywhere freely without triggers.
IT WORKED!
Lol even today I saw a PERSON who was a major trigger from my past and I just chuckled.
I thought one more thing, not emotionally charged. Just "omg you STILL work here and think you're "all that" lol".

Points for now:

1. "there's no such thing as a bad meditation, even 10minutes is GREAT!" lol, Dr Joe there, we're not aiming for mastery, we're simply meditating.
2. "It's not the Critic that Counts" by Teddy Roosevelt. Read it, absorb it. This is on our loo wall! :-))

3. Do self-care anyway. Not only will this aide to HEAL YOU! It will also model self-care to ALL those around you, healing them too by osmosis.
You are worthy.

I AM SO WORTHY of HEALING, LOVE, BEAUTY, HAPPINESS and all of the things.

Love EMxxxx

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Supermum — Sat, 29 Oct 2022 05:36:18 GMT

This is what would be wonderful , being able to recall those memories without all the drama, emotions etc that come flooding like a tsunami at the moment . It feels like such a slow journey, one that is fraught with challenges/ danger and obstacles that I will never get to the end of … ever . How long were you in trauma therapy before you are where you are now? Ready to face the world ?

Therapy is frustrating and challenging and I have to move onto someone new whom I have to learn to trust …. It took me so bloody long to trust Daniel that I can move forward not backward sideways !!!! Anyway but forward .

Regarding the memories , they bring about the same outcome … shame , me wanting to punish myself because of guilt .. overwhelming disgust, no self worth abc tired of having 2 sides to me . Hiding always .

L x

PS still hugging 🤗..

Re: Post therapy session struggles

ecomama — Sat, 29 Oct 2022 08:15:22 GMT

Hey L, I haven't let go yet! lol. You are such a precious soul.

Perhaps you've felt like you're like a 'victim of your therapy sessions'?
rather than I AM THE DRIVER.
I WILL GET WHAT I WANT from this.
??

Our INTENTIONS from therapy need to be very explicitly stated to our therapist AND stay clear and forefront in our own minds.
Take that goal of ours (Yours & mine) and communicate this to your psych.

I want to add "I need to FEEL more empowered by our sessions together not like a pile of crap afterwards thanks very much", or something stated more politely lol. He can be thankful I am not his patient.

CLARITY of purpose for this therapy.

L, it wasn't the sessions I had with my trauma psych alone, not by a LONG looong shot. No!
I have a few Psych friends & a daughter doing her Psych Honours meaning I GET FEEDBACK lol.

We share thoughts about therapy a LOT.
There are some pitfalls.

I've had the same Counsellor for c7 years, this is ongoing.

Living a whole hearted life was my overall goal.

I step this UP on the regular! lol.
On the journey towards this, I took responsibility for my own healing. (As opposed to thinking our psych will fix us, because they literally can't, only WE can with support. 99% is on us).

I saw (past tense because now I'm in maintenance mode) my healing as a jigsaw puzzle.
Trauma therapy for 4 sessions was one small piece of it, to learn how to heal "this part". She used Exposure therapy & taught me how to do it on my own.
MANY pieces in the puzzle for the duration of healing those wounds.
Definitely making self-care, gratitude & mindfulness HABITS.

I measured my growth & healing along the way.
Love EMxxxx

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Eagle Ray — Sat, 29 Oct 2022 12:46:00 GMT

Hi L,

I just thought I’d add in my experience that fits with EM’s comments above - that finding clarity about what we want from therapy and communicating this to the therapist is a valuable part of the process.

I’ve spent much of my life feeling like things happen to me and I don’t have much control of it. This stems from early childhood experiences. I’m now learning that the therapy process itself can be a training ground for saying what my needs are and directing the process. I can sense and feel what I need and then work with the therapist on that. But I’ve had to learn to do this as I’ve spent a life focused on others’ needs and not my own.

If the therapy is activating difficult emotions (and I get this because I’ve experienced it) you could ask the therapist to spend the last 5 minutes or so on something that helps you feel calm and empowered before leaving, or perhaps on some tools that can help you once you leave.

I had some not great experiences with therapists in the past but have found a good one now who works collaboratively. I ended up doing a lot of my own research before I went to her. I’m processing complex trauma via an approach called somatic experiencing which really appealed to me based on the books I’d read about it. I then searched and found the right therapist to work with using this method (she uses other approaches too). I did try schema therapy with another psych and it didn’t work well with me, but that can also be how it’s delivered. Most importantly you want to be able to trust and feel safe with a therapist, but also trust yourself and do your own research to find what may work for you which will give you more clarity about what you might need from therapy sessions.

Take care and big hug 🤗

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Supermum — Tue, 01 Nov 2022 01:05:15 GMT

Thank you for your reply Em

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Supermum — Tue, 01 Nov 2022 01:06:49 GMT

Thankyou for your reply , there’s so much info out there and I really don’t know what therapy is the best to what to try . I just rely on the experts . But I will

look up somatic therapy

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Eagle Ray — Tue, 01 Nov 2022 06:38:28 GMT

Hi L

It’s a therapy that I’ve found helpful but from what I’ve read apparently the most important thing is the therapeutic relationship itself, even above the therapeutic modality. So schema therapy might work well for you. It was just the way it was delivered in my case that didn’t work so well for me.

The somatic experiencing method was developed by Peter Levine. It’s in part based on how animals naturally recover in the wild from trauma, which appealed to me being such a nature person. It’s about gently, in a gradual way, releasing the charged components of trauma from the nervous system in a held, safe environment. There is a kind of pendulation between tapping into trauma sensations to release them while having islands of safety (safe feelings) to return to at any time. A therapist can help you resource those feelings of safety within yourself based on what works for you. It’s obviously important to have someone you feel safe with to do this work.

One simple technique Peter Levine has come up with for when we get in an activated/traumatised state, is to chant a deep “voooo” sound, feeling it in our gut. The reason is that directly calms the vagus nerve that connects our gut and other visceral organs all the way to our brain, bringing the autonomic nervous system out of a fight-flight-freeze response into a rest-and-digest (parasympathetic) response. It’s such a simple thing but it’s actually really helped regulate my nervous system when experiencing difficult emotions.

For me I’ve had to approach things from the body first. The somatic experiencing approach does this prior to bringing cognitive stuff online, realising that cognition opens up and works best once the autonomic nervous system is brought out of dysregulation. I’ve found I’ve had to approach early childhood trauma this way, but later trauma as well, because the later stuff often mirrors the same responses learned in childhood.

Another thing that might be calming between therapy sessions, if you’re starting to feel stressed, is just resting your hand on your heart and taking some restful breaths.

I’m learning to try caring for myself in the same way I care for other people and animals too. It’s like directing the same kindness you give to others towards yourself xx

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Supermum — Fri, 04 Nov 2022 11:08:29 GMT

Hi eagle ray ,

My psychologist have a good relationship that I feel kind of safe to explore past trauma . We have done this once and boy was it difficult , emotional and triggering . I struggled for days after … was not in a good head space , wanted to self harm , self punish etc etc .

I attempted to self care and give myself the compassion I needed but it’s not something that comes easily . I just wish I had someone to work through these moments with . Alas it’s just me

Re: Post therapy session struggles

ecomama — Fri, 04 Nov 2022 11:35:21 GMT

Hey Supermum, what are we? Pork chops? hahaha.

You can always work through things with us and or TAKE A BREAK to centre yourself.

I was told to do "Radical Self-care" by a Pscyh on a Helpline and we had to Google it together for me to GET what she meant. I was already having oppositional thoughts to self-care lol.

But I did what she said. Better than religiously lol. DAILY. More than daily.

Quite often us humans WILL have trauma responses IF we are not supported post trauma.

When I read that soldiers returning from combat duties with PTSD recovered BETTER if they did self-care... I thought ugh I have to do it lol.
In fact research shows the soldiers with the best healing were doing self-care before the tours AND after.

We have a Thread on Self-care. It helps keep ourselves accountable AND blissfully shares what people are doing for self-care.
And can include chocolate lol.

Gratitude dispels fear and all sorts.

We have a Thread on that topic too!

I'm about to visit both of them now.

Love EM

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Supermum — Fri, 04 Nov 2022 12:14:21 GMT

Hi Em !

Ive looked for the thread of self care .. there’s a few !! And have taken more of the radical OTT self care .. this is work in progress!
Takes practice when you’re not used to such things and self care isn’t something that’s encouraged.

Im listening and learning however

L x

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Eagle Ray — Fri, 04 Nov 2022 12:42:18 GMT

I know Supermum, I hear you. I struggle with those moments too. Stuff can come up in the therapy session and then you find you are still reliving it after. I’m finding it helps to remember that that reliving is the past and it is just temporarily reverberating through us, but not the present, even though it can feel like it. It’s actually our body memory that carries these unconscious processes but as we become more conscious of those memories they have less power to unconsciously drive us. We can release stored trauma.

As EM suggests, self-care can be really helpful and you can build up a toolbox of resources for yourself you can draw on when you are in those tough moments. It can be unique to you, whatever might be most helpful. For me it is often spending time in nature, especially a favourite spot by the ocean. Also, listening to favourite songs that inspire me. Last night I even picked up my guitar that I’ve hardly played in ages. I also love photography. I have a couple of good cameras, but lately it’s been using just my phone when out on walks and capturing things that interest me.

If you get stuck in a not good head space you can always call a helpline just to chat to someone or chat here. It really helps to be gentle on yourself. I’m still learning this myself. I’m glad you’ve got a good relationship with your psychologist and you feel safe with them. You are doing really well to work through things!

Re: Post therapy session struggles

ecomama — Fri, 04 Nov 2022 14:09:55 GMT

Hi Supermum! Waves to Eagle Ray! We're on abbreviated terms now we're such good friends, so Eagle Ray lets me call her ER! I'm cutting to the chase and calling you SM now Supermum. Hope that's okay?

Hey lovelies, you don't have to set major high goals at all... just the next best step is AWESOME!
It's how Oprah did it, so there's a great role model.

HAVE FUN WITH IT! Soon you will find your bliss returning OR growing within you for the very first time.

It's noticing the self-care we already DO do that is fan fairy tastic lol.
Each person's next best step is different and that's A OK. In fact it's excellent.

Noticing:
~ we got out of bed this morning YIPPEE! Hahaha
~ we actually brushed our teeth - what a CHAMPION!
~ walking to the letterbox and getting the mail out - not a biggie for you? Well it was a huge biggie for me way back lol. Don't even think about it now.

Self-care doesn't have to be a week long retreat or spa day lol.

It doesn't even have to be WORK.
It can actually be FUN!
Here's a few more:
~ saying YES to an invitation from a friend for coffee
~ saying NO to an invitation from a friend for coffee.... see where I'm going with this?

Placing you at the centre and working OUTWARDS from there.
Notice, notice, notice.

You've SO GOT THIS CAPER! In fact we're all over it.
Love EMxxxx

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Supermum — Wed, 16 Nov 2022 11:40:39 GMT

Hi , sorry I’ve been MIA . Today I had a psychologist session. Every time we move to things / discussions or specific work on issues that are emotionally challenging I either start to have a panic attack or dissociate or generally my defensive protectors jump into action . I asked my psychologist how I stop doing the things I do as it seems to be an automatic response that I just can’t seem to get past .
I just feel like I’m stagnant and unable to move fast this … I feel low and detached and very overwhelmed and it’s reaching a point where intrusive thoughts are rampant …. I just feel so bloody stuck and in a place I really don’t like at all . How the he’ll do I allow myself to move forward , to trust the process without the anxiety 😥

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Eagle Ray — Wed, 16 Nov 2022 14:00:52 GMT

Hi Supermum

This is just an idea, but I’m wondering if you could spend a whole session with the psych on creating feelings of safety. So not going into any traumatic material at all, but building an inner safe place to help you feel more at ease and grounded. It’s like a way of resourcing yourself so that you have this safe place to return to within yourself if you find yourself becoming overwhelmed or dissociating in later sessions (or outside of sessions).

There are a few things that could help, but the best things for you will be unique to you. For me there are certain places in nature I love and feel safe in and I can visit them in my mind and feel some calm and connection there. Sometimes I lose touch with these things and get overwhelmed as you’ve been experiencing, but even as I write now I’m thinking of a place by a lake that’s always been calming for me. There’s lots of different water birds, I can feel the warmth of the sunshine and the water is quite still.

So it’s like a way of helping your body to feel safe. Another thing I sometimes do is think of a kind person I know who feels non-threatening and has a gentle, comforting presence. Then just breathe gently into the safety of their presence. Even just looking at a photo of a kind person might help. Or even into the eyes of a pet. Sometimes animals feel safe for us even when people don’t.

So it’s like feeling safe in the body first before even trying to deal with trauma stuff. Automatic stress responses may still come up, but it’s gradually getting the body used to knowing feelings of safety.

I get that this can be challenging. I’ve been in a very difficult place for about 3 weeks because of trauma stuff that’s come up for me and I’m trying to ease my way out of it.

Are you able to identify a few things that feel safe for you and have positive associations?

I’m wondering if there is a way to move slower too so you are not feeling under pressure. Try to think of yourself as the captain of your own ship. You get to decide how quickly you travel and which direction you go in. So an inner healer part of you gets to navigate the journey, if that makes sense?

Sending you love and support xx

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Supermum — Wed, 07 Dec 2022 11:10:22 GMT

Ok , how the hell do I move on from my public health psychologist whom I trust wholeheartedly and still struggle to open up and move move forward onto a private psychologist who is lovely but I just feel it’s starting all over again . I feel like it’s a relationship ending. I feel rejected, alone and as though I am exposed vulnerable and unwanted. I can’t do this , this is horrendous and I am stressed panicked alone and frightened . This is not ok …..

I have googled what I do during therapy and I dissociate ? I think , I panic and switch off , start getting feelings of panic and can’t concentrate on what is being said . My psychologist says it’s the defensive protector stepping in and I agree but I struggle to switch this off and finish up in panic mode trunk to be calm and feeling detached ? How am I supposed to terminate my relationship with a trusted psychologist and then start up with someone new and be able to restart all this crap ? How ?

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Eagle Ray — Fri, 09 Dec 2022 12:21:21 GMT

Hi Supermum

I have been to a few different psychologists and yes it is challenging having to re-explain things and work on establishing trust again. I think a key aspect is finding ways to comfort and support your inner child. It’s finding a parent part of you who can take care of the part that feels frightened and overwhelmed. But I know this can be really hard at times.

One thing you could try focussing on is thinking about what will best help the psychologist help you. Are you able to explain to them that you feel vulnerable starting a new psychotherapeutic relationship?

If you are in defensive protector mode and detached it may not be easy to connect with your feelings and communicate them. But you can let the psychologist know that and then you can work together on how you might approach dealing with that. Think of it as a collaboration with someone who is trying to help and support you.

Re: Post therapy session struggles

Supermum — Fri, 09 Dec 2022 23:46:57 GMT

Thank you for your reply eagle ray . I have tried to tell him how I feel but I just start to get emotional and therefore switch off and start to panic . I just struggle to be vulnerable or to show weakness so my protectors step in , happy to assist in keeping those emotions in check . I want to say how frightened I am , that this is probably the only time in my life I’ve felt safe, validated, accepted and supported . That I don’t want this to finish that I crave the feelings of being heard and cared about and being able to be open so much that I don’t want to trust someone else . That the feelings of being abandoned is all too raw and relatable that the sheer thought of it is so overwhelming and my soul aches with sadness .

it just feels like I’ve felt my whole life, alone , empty, unlovable and unwanted.