topic Burnt out, ugly and alone. in PTSD and trauma

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

Wartz_n_all — Thu, 08 Oct 2020 08:33:20 GMT

Hello anybody out there. My first post. Reduced story is I am 48 Single mum of 4 for 18 years. Left my kids father for domestic violence, shunned by my family along time ago so I am all my kids have it has been a long journey. I try to be grateful for what I do have. I do believe the universe is on my side as we have been housed clothed and fed with very little drama. The years are telling on my me i have not aged well. I have no friends but strangers seem to sick me dry and when they feel better I am lime a lepper..
I am really struggling with what is it all for....my soul is just so empty.

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

sunnyl20 — Thu, 08 Oct 2020 09:32:56 GMT

I am so sorry to hear you are struggling and feeling burnt out and alone. It sounds like you have been through a lot and I cannot imagine how difficult being a single mum of 4 is, especially when you feel like you don't have much of a support network if at all. Is there anything that brings you joy or that has interested you in the past? It may feel like there is no hope right now, which makes it so hard to find reason or meaning in anything sometimes, and I am really sorry if this feels like where you are right now. But sometimes pushing yourself to try the things that you found helpful in the past or things that you enjoyed in the past can help to find some sort of light to fill the cracks. Please know that you are not alone in your struggles. It is very courageous for you to reach out. I am sorry I cannot be of more help but please know I'm here if you want to talk more.

Take care.

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

tranzcrybe — Thu, 08 Oct 2020 10:46:16 GMT

Hi Wartz_n_all,

Welcome to the BB forums - we are all friends here for you in times of need.

I think you know you have all you need in your 4 beautiful children, and they look to you as their role model and very foundation of all they have (even if they sometimes forget to mention it enough).

You have fought to be where you are now and have accepted and resolved the behaviours of others who are less than encouraging - I see you as a very strong and determined woman. Sadly, your quests for friends may be the fallout of your independence, and your choices have not had positive outcomes to now.

I am wondering if you could join a simple group class or activity, then you can engage socially without feeling a need to make close bonds until you are comfortable? I have found this to be a good way to ease into friendships (and easily escape when they seem unwise!).

Either way, please don't let the actions of others define your own place in this world. Your children will be approaching a maturity with whom you will establish a different kind of relationship - somewhere between parent and friend and friend in need. Welcome this transformation into your life as well.

Regards,

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

Wartz_n_all — Thu, 08 Oct 2020 22:07:57 GMT

I am seriously done with joining getting involved it is a superficial world unfortunately hence the word ugly in my post! I sense some of my downfalls with connections is not really choices I have made in my past or my independence but my looks. If people do get past my looks they discover I am someone they can trust and confide in it is all take. I feel in this situation it is because I am not judgemental.

I seriously just want some people to just do things with...I really don't know anymore

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

tranzcrybe — Thu, 08 Oct 2020 23:43:08 GMT

Hi Wartz_n_all,

I guess you're right - when I first meet someone, the only impression I can get is appearance (face, hair, clothes) and that's why it has become an industry in itself. Through regular interaction, however, the true qualities of them will emerge and override any subjective notion of 'attractiveness' in the shallow sense (how many times have I seen this in the opposite context!)

The wealth of experience we all share and our personality override what we look like and, over time, such superficialities fade into insignificance. Character is everlasting, whereas attractiveness is transient.

As a non-judgmental person yourself, I hope you are not placing your own perception of your appearance between you and those you meet. What people 'take' is only what you are comfortable to give - true friends will expect (and accept) no more.

If you do participate in an activity which is of particular interest to you, what some others think is of no concern - that is their problem. Those you meet and engage with is just that, until you find some who like you for who you are and for whom you enjoy their company in return.

Kind regards,

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

Wartz_n_all — Fri, 09 Oct 2020 01:30:45 GMT

Thank you for imparting your wisdom.

It truly has not helped, but your time and opinion is appreciated none the less.

But I will let my true nature transcend upon everyone I meet before they do not acknowledge me.

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

Wartz_n_all — Fri, 09 Oct 2020 01:42:40 GMT

Very kind Sunny,

Being artistic it does fill in some cracks.

Some cracks I just can't seem to push through such as true friendships.

I have put myself out there and I just feel like it is my size, looks etc that makes it harder hence the word ugly in post.

It is a superficial world being attractive is a juggernaut these days. But it just seems another level out there.

I mean is it? Is it just me really being insecure ?

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

sunnyl20 — Sun, 11 Oct 2020 09:13:38 GMT

It's definitely not just you. I feel the same way in some situations. People unfortunately can be very judgmental and shallow and dismissive and it can really hurt. It might not feel like it right now, but I promise there are people out there who will appreciate you. I'm sorry if it is feeling hopeless right now. Is there anything that interests you that you feel you could pursue to try to meet like-minded people?

Take care.

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

Wartz_n_all — Mon, 12 Oct 2020 04:01:15 GMT

That makes me feel a little less poor bugger me....to know not just in my head....I have attempted to join a few of what little clubs etc there are in my area.

To be honest I would really like to start a movement or something to wake these people up!!!

I am starting to realise I don't think it is me I am down about but the state of my fellow humans....the change in social settings and norms is very abrasive.

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

The Snu — Thu, 22 Oct 2020 12:22:55 GMT

Hi Wartz_n_all,

There’s tons of leeches out there, that’s for sure! Best way to get your strength back is just to be your own best friend. You can definitely trust you to back yourself up. I know it’s lonely but after several years of being alone, it won’t feel as lonely anymore, you’ll find that other people become nuisances in your own private space and you’ll LOVE being alone in your own company because you are finally with someone who you can trust (you).
Focus on being with yourself and just letting it hang loose. Relax, play, have fun, do whatever with less pressure (it is definitely less pressure). Try to be a bit caring or funny or close with your kids, I do with mine and they make my day sometimes as they give it back to me!

Don’t worry about the ageing thing, there is seriously no one more important to impress than you. Many people are temporary at best. A good way to impress yourself is to be the person you wanted to be, usually it harks back to childhood and imagination. For example some days you might be a wise nomad lady or a witch and other days you might be a white witch or an earth mother. Feel those beautiful deep feelings that bring a sense of self and be true to those feelings to discover the you you can depend on, that magical you that makes you believe in yourself.

Hope this helps.

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

SarahZ — Thu, 22 Oct 2020 13:19:54 GMT

Hello Wartz_n_all,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for posting. I just want to first say I'm in awe of your strength and courage in leaving a domestic violence relationship. You are exceptionally strong and should be tremendously proud at what a terrific role model you are to so many people. I'm sure your 4 beautiful children must be really proud of their mother. The advice by @The Snu is really refreshing - love being alone in your own company! That's a really empowering perspective to have, and probably a really important step to achieve before branching out to new people. It's always important to be in love with ourselves and our own company before sharing your magic to others. More than often those people who have the exact energy as you will find themselves naturally gravitating towards you - it's just a matter of time.

Wishing you the very best ~

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

emptyvessel — Fri, 23 Oct 2020 04:25:28 GMT

hi I'm newbie here too I just feel so empty all the time and lonely I left my family back in Ireland and moved to oz with my partner who turned into a monster after few weeks of him being back home ,long story short he nearly killed me raped me left me for dead .but I gradually got over most of that but had massive trust issues ,then married guy at work "groomed" me as my councillor says and he attacked me in my home I fought him off but still can't come to terms with it ,I've let my self get so ugly and I don't go out I don't care bout food outdoors anything I just wish I was as strong as you u should be very proud keeping ur kids going while I can't even look after myself ,Bless you

Burnt out, ugly and alone.

Sophie_M — Fri, 23 Oct 2020 04:50:21 GMT

Welcome emptyvessel,

We are so sorry to hear about what you have been through. We are so glad that you had the courage to reach out here. We can hear that you are quite wounded by these traumatic experiences. It's good to hear that you are seeing a counsellor, and it sounds as though this has been helpful for you. It can be a long journey of recovery after such significant traumas, especially when you are so far from home. Please know that you ARE strong for coping as well as you have.

We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT between counselling appointments when you are feeling overwhelmed and needing to talk. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to support to women who have been through trauma like this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au/

Being so far from home can be really isolating, and this can make it even harder to cope. It might be helpful to join a support group to try and build a social network in your area.You can find information on support groups available on the Black Dog Institute site here - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/support-groups/

If you would like to seek some support from the community, we would recommend that you start a new thread in this section to introduce yourself and share your story. We hope to see you around the forums.